The Visions of the Past
Alpha Greengrass in the Ravenclaw Common Room
Book 7: Crossroads of Fate. Summer before the new school year.
Alpha Greengrass was sitting, lounging in the Ravenclaw Common room. A smile was fixed on his face but it was only a natural part of him. He did not stop smiling, always trying to keep a positive air about him. At that moment though, he was not even aware of the smile. He was fixed on a pack of Tarot Cards he asked Neil to nick from Trelawney's room. He was surprised Neil even managed. Was there nothing that kid could not steal? Stealing was one thing though, he had no idea how to draw these cards. He just found himself staring sightlessly at the cards, not paying attention to their pictures or anything.
His mind wandered when he got to The Lovers card. A man and a woman united under a sun. It made him think of himself and his own craving for companionship. Someone to hold him, to enjoy his company. Someone other than his sister who would clutch his clammy hand as he died. A future like that looked so unlikely now. Ever since he had kissed Lily, girls had been avoiding him and boys laughed at him. In fact, the boys took it a step further and orchestrated a prank to have him trip and fall over Lily. Now even she did not talk to him. His worse fear was being realized. The fear of being alone forever, dying as he lived, in an empty room with no one but himself.
Was a future with anyone even possible? Was he better off making peace with the possibility? Was it better that way? Perhaps he would be happier if he made peace with the real possibility that his only friend in life would be Proxima. Maybe his life was better lived as a loner, working to himself, behind the scenes. Like Seth. Thinking of Seth that way made him want a companion even more though. He was nothing like Seth. Nothing. He was happy. He was alone but he kept his smile up, he made others feel positive when he had nothing to feel positive about. Or was Alpha just flattering himself?
His eyes wandered over to a Daily Prophet article resting, in two pieces, on the floor. He did not usually read the newspaper, especially since the Reservation took over. They tended to print news that made him feel queasy. The headline made him rethink this though.
Mudblood Executed- The Plague Speaks Out
A Mudblood yesterday was executed after refusing to renounce the heritage she held dear. The Mudblood by the name of Elizabeth Mallory was held up before a crowd of Reservation members and their families, queuing to witness the first execution of its kind. It did not come without entertainment though. The Plague spoke out against Reservation rule, defaming and attacking the gift Wizardkind was endowed with, making us superior beings in almost every way. She was killed, of course, in mid-speech once the crowd booed her and one actually fired a Silencing Charm. Inquisitor Selwyn decreed later that the next purge will begin with Silencing Charms to prevent further outbursts of anger.
Outburst of anger was but one problem met with last week. Following his mother's execution, Half-blood Wizard Erich Mallory, believed to be seven years old, had an outburst of magic. In a clear display of why the Reservation believes Mudbloods to be dangerous, Erich proceeded to blow up half the stage and three Reservation members with it. While his trail has gone cold and is widely believed to be working with the Dumbledore's Army, named for a champion of such drivel, Selwyn insists the creed will gain acceptance following the events.
"Fact of the matter is, the Reservation teaches their kids magic from a young age," Selwyn said in a statement last night. "This display of uncontrolled, underage magic is the very reason why the Wizarding world has gone to the dogs. These people are cockroaches, spreading a Plague, championing marriage to Muggles to further taint the original power."
Dismissing reports that perhaps underage magic may become the future of magical power and its harness, Putus Dubium said…
Alpha stopped reading there. The smile had gone from his face as he read, wishing he did not. Rojer again, probably playing both sides, the Reservation and the Ministry, to save himself. He feared his father, he feared the day the Reservation would enter the school alongside Rojer. What would happen to him then? Would Rojer kill him? Or take him away and torture him again? This time, Proxima would not be able to stand beside him if he did. If Alpha was kidnapped, he'd stand alone. And probably die, because he was as worthless as Rojer claimed.
Alpha was not sure how he felt about death. Did he fear it? He feared the manner of death. He feared dying alone. Alpha craved one thing. He craved love, companionship, someone to enjoy his company without caution or fear. Why did he have to make such a stupid mistake with Lily? He should've known kissing someone against their consent was not advisable, so why didn't he? Was he stupid? Was he really just an idiot?
"Hey," a voice said suddenly, snapping him out of his thoughts.
He jumped slightly but his heartbeat did not increase like it used to. It was Alexis Ackerly. He used to have a major crush on her but ever since he met Lily, Alexis was just another girl. A nice girl but a girl nonetheless. "Hi," he said, with his usual good-natured smile.
"What're you doing?"
"Tarot Cards," Alpha said simply. "They're supposed to tell your future."
"You know, Divination legend has it that if the opposite gender tells your future, it's more likely to come true," Alexis noted.
It piqued Alpha's interest certainly and handed her the Tarot Card deck. "Go for it."
"What if your future is bad?" she asked snidely. "Would you want it to come true?"
Alpha stopped, regarding the deck of cards suspiciously. Knowing himself, he had a feeling it would be bad. Dare he take the risk? If he discovered that his future was dark and gloomy, what would he do? He nodded slowly, "Do it."
"Don't worry," Alexis said with a smirk. "I'm kidding. The legend isn't true and even if it was, the future is always up to you. So, be brave."
"Do it!"
Alexis shuffled the deck seven times and tapped her wand on the back of it. Alpha watched as the cards melded and split, changing positions by moving through each other. He never saw that spell before. Divination did not usually need wand waving. The deck was offered to him and he took a card slowly, heart pounding. Did he want to see it? What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, would it? What if the best happened? What if it foretold Lily-
"No," Alexis said suddenly. "The Tarot Cards don't foretell anything specific. So, dream."
He turned it over before he could stop himself. The card was the Lovers. A man and a woman together. It was upside down but it didn't matter. Did it? His face split into a small smile as Alexis asked him what he drew. "The Lovers," Alpha said with a sigh of relief. "Is it good?"
Alexis flipped through the pages of a Tarot Card book, tongue sticking out through her teeth, "Depends, did you draw it right-side up, or upside down?"
"Does it matter?" Alpha asked uncertainly.
"Certainly," Alexis said logically. "Right-side up is exactly what you want. Love, romance, companionship, perception of your own values. Upside down is the opposite. Chaos, an imbalanced mind, possibly a valueless"-
"Never mind," Alpha said glumly, pushing it back in her hand.
"Hold up, we're not done yet," Alexis called back as Alpha made to get up. She shuffled them seven times again and tapped her wand. He was definitely not sure he wanted to know now. Forget the future being uncertain, he could not handle knowing his own mentality. Imbalanced mind? Who would ever love him? He wouldn't even love him. In spite of himself, he took another card. As luck would have it, it was upside down again. A boy petting a lion. He threw it to the ground, definitely not sure he wanted to know the last draw. Alexis tapped her wand again and picked it up herself before handing it to Alpha. Alpha kept his hands to himself.
"No, I don't wanna know," Alpha said miserably.
"Knowledge of possibilities is what being a Ravenclaw means," Alexis told him rationally. "It enables you to think rationally, to think with all endpoints in mind. If you're going to get through life, especially your life, you need this. Take the card, Alpha. It only means as much as you want it to mean. It draws power from your consent. It only has as much power as you give it."
Alexis was very uplifting. That was originally why he had a crush on her. She was positive, she knew the ropes, she knew how to handle things. He did not. As a child, he felt he needed her. Now, as a teenager, he felt more connected to a girl who held herself upright, who valued her own family more than anyone he ever met, and who had everything he wanted. He admired Lily Potter, and he loved her determination. He could tell who she was, just by looking at her, he could tell she was very fierce inside even if she showed the opposite to her friends. Mask her personality as she would, he loved what he saw. With him, she could be herself, she could be as soft or as hard as she wanted, she could be instinctual, she could be rational, and most importantly, she'd have somebody who loved her.
No, she had to go falling in love with her cousin's boyfriend. It would be Scorpius, a boy who barely noticed her. He didn't like her. Why was she chasing him? Like it all happened just to hurt him. Lily was chasing someone who wished she would disappear. He didn't wish that on her. A world with no Lily in it hurt. So, was that it? Would she keep chasing Scorpius like that, never to stop? Would she feel as alone as he always felt? Were they both doomed to just stay apart because Alpha was an idiot and Lily- Lily deserved better than him?
As he took the card from the deck, a wave of realization hit him. What he disliked about the situation, about Lily chasing Scorpius was exactly what Lily disliked him about him. He never left her alone. He kept at it, no stopping, desperate for her attention as she was desperate for Scorpius'. He turned the card over and flinched. It was a picture of a lady with wings, holding a staff. "Temperance."
"Full circle," Alexis said. "You went full circle from an imbalanced mind to a balanced mind."
"Meaning I'm cured?"
"Meaning you have a shred of balance in yourself, a large enough chunk to be acknowledged," she explained. "It means you're fine. So, stop worrying. It means you have purpose in your life and as long as you have purpose, you're fine."
"What's my purpose?" Alpha wondered.
"That's something you have to figure out for yourself," Alexis said sadly, leaving the deck with him before leaving.
Alpha drew the Lovers upside down. He was in chaos, his mind was imbalanced, his values were not in synch. He had craved for true love, and yet ironically, he imposed an unexpected kiss on the girl he loved. Even if she reciprocated, it would be fake. It would not be true or real. And he was stupid for not realizing that. He drew strength because he was weak, and he refused to see that. He had no control over himself. And then he drew Temperance. Just when he realized something important too, which meant he was on the right track. Right?
"Oh, and by the way, Lily gave up on Scorpius," Alexis said suddenly, making Alpha blink, looking up in surprise. She walked away again. Great, just what he needed. Lily grew up and he had yet to. Full circle indeed.
