Here I will express my near irresistible urge to vaporize the minion who one bright day was inspired with the notion it would be 'oh such a wonderful idea' to torture all our society's youth to determine what remains of their poor gray matter - after 12 years of mandatory combusting - via a rather brilliant process - concocted during what I am sure must have been some form of satanic ritual necessitating the sacrifice of a young ones brain - which we all have come to know and love, the all mighty *ominous music required here* SAT!

Constant3: Keep reading.

Writertron, BrothersInArms, and Iceqbz: Thank u, love u veeeeeeeeeeeeeery muchy.

And now staring Ian Somerhalder as Wolf (yes Daemon from Vampire Diaries, erm, if adding a British accent is too much on your imagination then you are excused as I still can't really do it but that 'charming' personality will be needed later soooo….) Tom Hardy (in his Inception persona minus the drinking and gambling habits of course) as Snake Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Fox (YES the guy from Tudors, seriously already) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND David Morse (uh huh the psychopathic creep detective from 'House' season 3, can anyone say WEIRDO) as Zannders. Sorry couldn't decide who should do Eagle, but I'm open to suggestions provided the guy is black (yeah my cast is WAY too white), comedian or at least has a really good cheesy grin, and (hopefully) British. I was considering Aldis Hodge from Leverage but he doesn't meet the last requirement and is kinda older than I always imagined Eagle to be soooo a little help here. The rest of the original movie cast stays the same.

Chapter VII: Well Hello Ta You Too.

"Well, that went well." All heads turned to scowl at the totally unconcerned teenager who still looked like a cat who just pigged out on an ostrich. Wolf opened his mouth but before he could speak he was cut off by a painful choking noise from the floor.

Alex tried to sit up but immediately regretted the decision as the pain from Aeron landing on him combined with his earlier beating to send waves of fire over his back and sides. Someone hurriedly crouched by his side and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Easy there Cub." Snake allowed the worry he felt reflect through his eyes. He couldn't believe they had spent the last god knew how long trying not to give themselves nervous breakdowns over what had happened to the boy only to completely forget him in the commotion that came with his return.

"Oh please tell me their joking."

Everyone scowled at Drake who had her eyes scrunched closed and was rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Don't tell me." She held up a hand. "Scorpia still insists on acting like a spoiled bully that just got its nose rubbed in the metaphorical sandbox."

"Who. The. Hell. Do. You. Think. You. Are?" Wolf, when angered, could do a pretty impressive 'protective Alpha' stance that would generally invoke a similar reaction to that of the real thing. However right now it would appear that big, fire-breathing lizards really do trump toothy canines.

"I," Drake started, accentuating each word with over exaggerated eye and brow motions. "The hell, am the one who's wondering what possessed you, oh great pack leader, to leave your still wet-behind-the-ears runt-of-the-litter sitting outside a school that you're plannin' on blowing to hell when you have had plenty of first hand experience with what he is capable of getting up to when that oh so awesome void, where God originally intended one's common sense to reside, decides to come out and play."

Once more all were reduced to silent gawping as they tried to sort out the meaning of the high speed lecture that had taken seven seconds or less.

"You were at Point Blanc?" Alex's wheezed painfully, being friends with a guy who had to qualify for the position of 'world's fastest speaking teen' enabled him to get the spiel first time.

"You don't seriously think after your little stunt at the museum that Blunt was gonna leave you floating to your own whims. And while I'll admit that girl was a titch, your conduct in handling Fiona Friend was the last straw Mr. Zombie-o needed to convince himself to have you supervised."

"And you were the answer?" Alex's carefully schooled expression of guarded amusement fried with the flames that accompanied the hand Snake slid under his shoulder.

Snake jumped back as if he had been zapped. "Cub! What's wrong?" he once again allowed his concern to show in his eyes and voice as Alex curled on his side. The simple touch was all it had taken to fully reawaken the lake of fire induced by his earlier ordeal.

"Holy…" Eagle started but stopped when words failed him. The back of his younger teammate looked like it had been attacked by some rabid creature with claws dulled to not break skin and enough enthusiasm to put Freddy Krueger to shame.

"What the hell did they do? Fox seethed as he knelt by Alex opposite Snake and, as gently as possible, aided the medic in maneuvering the boy into a sitting position. Alex grit his teeth as the movement aggravated the ribs that had taken the majority of the impact from Aeron squishing him.

"Scorpion's Tail." a venomously low voice hissed. The SAS looked at each other to see who had spoken. Shock dropped back in for a visit when realization pinged them.

"You know what this is?" Snake questioned Drake. The previously hyperactively cheeky girl now looked like winter had taken up residency in human form. Her eyes were riveted on Alex like a targeting laser.

"Yes," Her responding tone made the room comfortably warm by comparison. "It's an old instrument of punishment developed by the ancient Egyptians that Scorpia found to be quite useful in their slave trade thanks to its range of harshity."

"Erm, range of harshity?" Eagle frowned, "that's already pretty harsh." He didn't miss the thin gasps

Alex let slip as Snake and Fox gingerly helped him stand and walk the few paces to the bunk.

"Huh," Drake snorted derisively. "You call that 'harsh'? You don't know the meaning of the word

featherbrain!"

"Alright then, what's your definition of the word?" Wolf growled.

Drake didn't bother her attention with the man's attitude and instead focused on the question.

"Unlike most conventional whips which are made with one or two basic levels of injury and are generally

unwieldy; Scorpion's Tail has several degrees of usefulness in punishment and is made to be as easy to

handle as possible, making it the perfect torture instrument where serious injury is not the intent."

"So you're saying these," Snake waved a hand at the welts on Alex's back that he had been carefully

checking over, "are not serious?"

Drake shrugged. "Unless they soaked the bloody thing in poison first, no."

"Even had it been loaded with enough poison to drop an elephant," she continued hastily upon seeing

the medic's panicked look as this thought took root, "it would have to have broken skin to get in. Judging

by the degree of swelling and placement of the stripes, the one dishing it out is an expert hand at this."

"More like psychotic bastard." Alex snorted and gingerly pushed himself up on one elbow so he could

get a better look at her.

Drake's grimace belied the sardonic chuckle she let out, "With that statement I'll have to agree. You

didn't happen to pick up a name did ya?" At the answer she had to restrained the urge to smack herself

repeatedly whilst employing profanities to give the Devil a heart attack.

"Why oh why ain't I surprised." She exclaimed in exasperation. "Not only do I get to room with the brat they had to dig that pile of…" here she broke off into another language or several, since no one could figure out enough to follow, leaving everyone else to try and comprehend this teenager's rather haywired temperamental jumps.

"This is just barely tickle time what you got." Drake dropped into a light seething mood. "In the hands of an expert like Sawyer the Scorpion's Tail can carve flesh from a man's back or leave the barest kiss mark on soft skin that burns like the venom of the scorpion, hence the name."

"How do you know so much about this?" Snake's momentary lapse in concentration while asking the question bought another whimper from his patient when he unintentionally pushed too hard on the ribs he had moved to check now that the other more obvious injures no longer demanded his attention.

Drake shrugged. "The whips are made from specially treated hippo hide. Well I'm sure you can imagine the outcry that must cause when all these lovely countries couldn't figure out where their precious tubs of flubber were playing extinct to, so naturally they called my guys. I of course just had to get picked for the team going to the Congo where the situation was worst."

"And this was when exactly?" He couldn't be sure but Fox guessed her age to be about twenty, which was generous since he couldn't quite believe there would be more freaks fanatical enough to start recruit underage.

"Two years ago." Drake absent mindedly scratched her chin and ignored the pointed questioning looks she was getting from the others.

"Yeah right!" Eagle

Yassen chuckled lightly. "Gentlemen." Is he actually smiling? Alex thought, Cuz that's just a bit creepy. "Allow me the pleasure of introducing Alex Coydane."

"Drop-jaw, buggy-eyes, silence supremo, what have you been telling these poor boys Yassy?" Drake laughed at the afore described conditions that had made a revisit as the new cell fad.

"Yo…you're Alex Coydane?" Snake finally managed.

"Eeeeeeeeeerm, yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaah, thaaaaaaat'ssssssss..." Drake's reply from K-Unit was predictable, a Krakatoa load of overlapping questions and exclamations generously sprinkled with enough descriptive language to give Black Beard a run for his reputation.

"Llalallalalalala-lalalalalalal-lalalaalalalalllalalla-alalaal-blahblahblah-falalalaalallal-blahbadieblabidi-blaaaaaaaaaah!" The ending of Drake's chant went into high enough octaves to finally get everyone to put a sock in it for an adequate length of time to notice the girl had stuffed her index fingers in and the rest of her hands over her ears.

"Now if you have finished playing 'who can bust everyone else's eardrums first' maybe you could be civil enough to ask them nicely." It must have been the slightly evil Mickey impression that did the trick, because everyone zipped it and backed down.

"O-k for starters, Alex Coydane is an alias not my real name, so for now just call me Drake, that way we," She motioned between Alex and herself, "don't get mixed up. Second, yes I am a girl and I will leave it to you to you chibber monkeys to guess my age 'cause I ain't telling. Third, how did I get my job? It's sort of a family thing. Fourth and final, no we," here she turned to shoot an annoyed glare at the Russian beside her, "are not friends, comrades, or even decent acquaintances of the job so don't get any funny ideas about going all chummy on me bozo."

Yassen smiled, gave a shallow bow and moved back to the corner that had unofficially been dubbed 'his'. Everyone else, including Wolf, started on their second session of practice for 'K Unit's best shark imitations'.

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh, I give up." Drake threw her arms up in exasperation and plopped down in the corner by the bars opposite the rest of her fellow inmates.

"Twenty-one!"

"Nyeh?" Drake pulled out the fingers she had been using to comb her hair and stared questioningly at Eagle who had phased the question.

"Your age, is it twenty-one?" He prodded with a cheerfulness to make Goofy proud.

"Uuuuuuuuuuuh." Drake and all of K unit, minus their Loki double, smacked their aching skulls in hopes of retaining some scrap of sanity.

"No." Drake drew out in a sigh.

"Twenty-three, not twenty-five!" Drake glared like she would very much like to kill a certain someone and gave a tired growl. "Wrong direction."

"Nineteen?" Eye roll. "Twenty?" Middle finger. "Eighteen?"

"Huh, don't I wish."

"Surely not seventeen?"

"La, the mentality of people theses days." Drake waved her hands in despair. "Ok, Ok I'm sixteen. NOW will you pleeeeaaaase SHUT UP!"

"SIXTEEN!"

"What are you now? The SAS choir? SAS standing for 'Sanity Absent Sector' by the way." Drake currently was feeling very much like jumping up and pounding her feet into the ground as hard as she could several times while yelling her frustration. Fortunately for her self image and everyone else's eardrums she was much better at self control than the hyperactive Eagle or the short-fuse Wolf.

"What did you just call us!" Everyone sighed. At this rate Wolf wouldn't need worry about his fate at the hands of their captors since his blood pressure would probably finish the job before they even got to him. Drake was surprised he didn't need emergency surgery after every outburst to repair busted eye veins.

Drake sighed in a descending note and flopped back, muttering about 'douchebags in need of anger management counseling', completely ignoring the tick mark starting up on Wolf's head and the slightly maniacal glint in his eyes that had everyone else slowly putting as much floor space between them and him as possible.

Luckily for everyone's psychological makeup their latest set of party poopers decided it was time to break up the love fest. Their newest prey?

"Bye-bye Furry-pants." Drake happily waved as they lead Wolf out the door in shackles. "I'll make sure Foxy doesn't pick the wrong den while you're gone."

By now the rest of the team had made up their minds that the girl's brain had indeed decided to either take a permanent hiatus or had it in for her. They were beginning to wonder if the way the guards shot her weird glances and scooted off as fast as possible might have had more to do with her personality than her fighting abilities.

"Not worried" Yassen purred from his corner. "I hear last time in Guam you managed to provoke the guards into attacking you so you could get the keys the first night. The fact that you were scheduled to meet a firing squad in two hours wouldn't have had anything to do with that?"

Drake grinned and wiggled her eyebrows.

"If your plan is a rerun of the riot you invoked to use as cover while you raided the lab at the prison in Kanggye in hopes of beating the guards when they come rushing to stop it you will be deeply disappointed."

Drake shot up and asked, "Hey how'd you know that was me?"

Yassen threw her a trademark smirk. "I was the one who interviewed the guards afterwards."

"Awwwwwwwwwww, no fair." Drake wrinkled her nose. "The riot wouldn't work, besides which Sawyer would probably video and send it to all our superiors and we don't need that blotching your good name eh Greggy."

Yassen cocked an eyebrow in wordless questioning.

Drake waved a hand abstractly. "Relax; this is Sawyer we're talking about. The 'artist' of the world of torture, humph." Drake had taken on an airy pristine manner on the second sentence as she held a handover chest in exaggerated 'surprise' at his wonder, turning her nose up in an offended manner at the last part.

"Meaning?" Snake demanded.

"Meaning," Drake said through her teeth that were clenched in grin sized XXXL. "He is oh-so banal. They're not aiming to mincemeat us for 'how to kill annoying spy brats one-O-one' or they wouldn't have been so nice to Ali over there. And if it's info they were after why jump the whole team from camp when Alpha-snout or Fluffy over there." She brandish a hand at Fox, "were off duty and happily drinking their guts out at a bar somewhere."

"How can you be so sure?" Alex questioned skeptically.

"Because I have something you don't." Drake stated smugly.

And that would be…?" Alex pressed.

Drake just smirked, "experience."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Captain Zannders, Sir." The guard pulled up short of his commanding officer's desk after bursting in after barely knocking.

"What?" Zannders grouched, although he could probably guess at the reasoning behind this sudden intrusion.

"The cameras in cell six have gone dead Sir. The mikes as well." The man blurted.

Zannders didn't even blink, were his men so stupid they didn't realize he would know that already, the staticy tv screens buzzed monotonously where he had been observing them since this situation had arisen.

"They went as soon as we put the kid in, am I correct?"

"Yes sir." Foreseeing the coming tirade, the guard snapped his posture up smartly, no need to give the man more fuel to burn his ears with.

To his surprise, Zannders simply asked whether they had removed the head of K Unit yet and upon receiving affirmation, swirled his chair back around to face the wall. "If there is nothing else than you are excused."

"Sir?" The guard was puzzled, the guys up in the security room sure seemed panicky, was there something their superior had not deemed fit to tell them?

"There is no kneed to worry." Zannders stated, allowing his irritation to drip into his tonnage. "However, I want all other fronts monitored closely 24/7 and updates regularly on even the slightest disturbance. Do I make myself clear!"

"Yes Sir." The guard smartly saluted and scurried back the way he came.

"So dragon," Zannders almost purred. "Let the games begin."


Ok, Ok, don't shoot *hides behind couch* I know it's been several months*ahem hem ahhhh* since my last update*coughtenmonthscough* but the kidnapping of my plot bunny by the SAT enforcer demanded a rather lengthy rescue operation and several months of recuperation for the poor fluff ball*holds up picture of rather tattered ball of fur* during which he made the acquaintance of Barajou No Kiss' pet guardian dragon Ninufa and just when I finally managed to negotiate for my muse time(I swear, never EVER give a dragon cream puffs because they will never leave after that) Naruto and pirate captain Monkey D. Luffy(from Naruto and One Piece respectively) decided they wanted a piece of my brain waves so they hauled Thumper off for a joint ninja/pirate adventure session and I am barely keeping up with my laptop.

PS. If any of you should be so unlucky as to know the originator of SATs and school credits, please let me know*attempts to hide M16 and katana behind her back* ummm yes well…

Ok whatever, just review already.