At first, I tried to be nice and patient when explaining the situation to Puck. I said everything that weighed heavy on me since the meeting. I put a lot of thought into what I was saying, and he wasn't even listening. When I was tired of talking to his back, I asked, "Can you at least face me?"
Puck stopped meddling with his BDSM gadgets. He turned and crossed his arms. He looked down on me as I spoke. "I didn't leave my office to talk about this in my space.
"I know your position is high at N.D., so I thought that you would give me a better reason. What did you think of the songs?"
"I didn't hear them? What did Artie say?" He slowly nodded as I reported what was said. "Then it's not our sound." Again, he turned his back towards me.
"Well what is your sound?"
"Rock," Puck answered over his shoulder, "and we rarely go outside of it."
"It's not going to break you to try to work with a R&B artist. He said that they were good. If my music was good, then it deserves a chance."
"That chance was that it was listened to."
I felt that he was purposely brushing me off. His domination had extended to my personal life. Maybe he enjoyed having more power over me, but I didn't.
"It's just business," he told me.
I could have left then, but I stuck around, hearing Puck mumbling under his breath. I couldn't make out every word he said, but one sentence stood out to me. "I'm not being a brat," I argued.
He turned to look me in the eyes. "Yes, you are. You're the type of girl that is used to everyone giving her wherever she wants. When someone tells you no, you can't stop complaining. I knew that was you when you came back after you left months ago."
"If you think that, then why did you have sex with me?"
"Next to the broken girls with daddy issues, they submit the best. They're trying to prove something to themselves, so they'll do anything that they think is edgy," Puck explained.
We both knew that the relationship between us was over with. Neither of us were just going to walk away. We were going to say whatever to hurt the other. We each had to leave with emotional scars from the words.
"What you do isn't edgy. You tie and abuse woman to get hard. That's sick."
Puck regaining the upper hand by reminding, "You didn't think that when you were enjoying it."
"I put up with you for the fuck."
"Okay," he scoffed. He waited for me to response before deciding that the rack on the other side of the room was more interesting. As he passed in front of me, he ordered, "Get out."
The door to the studio closed with a bang.
I was frustrated and I wanted Tank to relieve me. I did a lot of work to ready myself for what I wanted. I did my hair and makeup. I dressed up nice. I smelled of his favorite perfume. It was obvious that I wanted sex and there was no way I could deny that I didn't know what I was doing.
I climbed across the covers and over him. I used the same method as weeks before, careful not to alert him. I kissed his lips then his neck. I moved to nibble on his ear as I reached to undo the string of his pajama pants.
"Mercedes, stop," Tank requested. He wasn't amused by me at all. "Stop. What's wrong with you?" He threw me to the side with a force that surprised both of us.
I straightened. "Well I'm sorry for trying to make love to my boyfriend," I sarcastically apologize.
"If you really loved me, you'd stop trying to tempt me. I love you and I wholeheartedly intend to marry you, but until that day, no sex." He snatched his cellphone off it's charger as he left the bed. He explained that he was going to sleep in another room.
I was only alone for a second when an idea came to me. "Are you cheating on me?" I felt that was a reasonable question.
Tank quickly returned. He stood in the hall like the door frame was a force field that separated us. "What?"
I had read an article about cheaters. Men and women display different signs when they're having an affair. A woman could cheat, but still have enough energy to push through her day. Men don't have the same drive. Men would have a tight grip on phone, but women don't have the same paranoia. One of the few similarities that they shared, according to the story, they use work as an excuse to get away.
I didn't believe the article when I first read it years before. As time pass, I started to notice Tank was showing the signs. I putting it to my young and insecure mind. I didn't think about it until it was needed.
"Are you. Cheating. On me?" I articulated. "Is your pledge to be abstinent just a cover. You're not having sex with me because you're having it with someone else, right?"
"I just said that I wanted to marry you one day."
"Yes or no, Tank?"
"No," he answered. "You have never been so wrong, Mercedes. I'm not having sex because I made a promise to God, and I intend to keep it."
I couldn't let go of my feelings. I had enough energy to argue for hours. I kept bringing up topics to keep things going.
Our first fight lasted thirty-seven minutes. After awhile, we both stop making sense. We went back and forth. Neither of us left our original spot. We both would admit that we looked crazy.
Tank was ready to end it all. "I don't know why you're acting like this: if it's the full moon, or your time of the month," he said, "but go to sleep." He stomped off down the hall.
I lied in bed. I could feel every minute of every hour pass as I stared up at the same cracks in the ceiling. I couldn't figure out if they had spread or if it was a trick of the light. I ignored my phone the first time it rung, but when the caller called a second time, I answered. I huffed into the phone before responding, "Yes, Sam?"
"How are you?"
"I'm tired. It's late." My bad attitude stuck around long after Tank was gone. "I don't know where you are, but in LA, it's one in the morning."
"I know. I'm in Las Vegas." Sam took a few minutes to talk, joke, and chip away at my edges. "Where's your boyfriend?"
"We had a fight, so he's sleeping in a separate room." I vented, but I didn't tell Sam every detail of our fight. I wanted him on my side.
"It would be hard to not have sex with you. You're too tempting." He rolled in his hotel bed. "So, what are you wearing?"
That was the most stereotypical phone sex starter.
I giggled. "Sam, I'm not doing this."
"You know how I get when I think about you," he admitted. "I've been thinking about you all day. I'm rock hard."
I look at the opened door and warned, "Tank might hear." My biggest concern wasn't even Tank. "I wouldn't know what to do. I never done this before."
"Just touch yourself," he instructed. His breaths became deep. "Have you ever touched yourself before?"
I closed my eyes, my feet spread, and my head sunk deeper into my pillow. I traced the lace of my panties with my fingers, tempted to pass. "Uh-huh," I replied. I began to trail my finger up and down my covered vulva. I was trying to be quiet, but I sounded more seductive. "But I prefer you… Your hands, your mouth, your big cock."
He made a sound that was a mix between a chuckle and a groan. "You really know what to say, don't you? I thought this was your first time doing this."
"I'm just being honest." I loved hearing Sam's husky voice. I bit my bottom lip as the image of Sam stroking his cock took over my mind. I continued to rub my crotch and listen to the breathing on the other side of the phone until my need was too strong. Pressing up with my feet, I slid my panties off. I lie with my legs splay out in a natural position and allow my hands full access. "I wish we were together," I whispered as my finger slid over my clit to the entrance of my vagina and back.
"Oh, if I had you in my bed," he moaned, "I would never let you go. I'd kiss every inch of your body. You wouldn't be able to walk straight when we're done fucking. I promise to make you feel like the goddess that you are." He grunted as he squeezed at his aching cock. "I want to hear you screaming my name until your voice gives out."
I slid a finger into my sopping pussy and then another. As my fingers moved within me, I repeatedly whispered Sam's name. "You make me so hot, Sam." After five minutes of listening to my partner, I felt my orgasm peeking. I dropped my phone beside my ear, and my body tensed and stretched. I climaxed, then Sam followed close behind. I enjoyed my high. When I calmed, I realized Sam was talking.
"I want you to come, Mercedes."
I was confused by what I heard; we both came. I scoop the phone back up. "What?"
"I'm leaving for Paris in a few hours. I'll be there for a few days," he explained. "If I bought you a ticket, would you like to come?"
"What about your plants? They need to be watered."
"Everything will be fine. Forget it."
"Forget it?" I harshly repeated. "Would you say that if it was a animal… or a kid?"
"A guy is offering you a trip to Paris, and you're picking a fight about plants," a voice in my head cursed. "You could be in one of the world's most beautiful cities. Fuck that fern."
"No," Sam softly laughed. "I meant that I'd send them to someone. I'd handle it, and you could start packing."
I knew my answer, but I didn't want to answer too quick. "Um, can I have a little time to think about it?"
"Sure." He let out a long exhale, and I wasn't sure if it meant that he regretted asking or getting tired. "Well, beautiful, I'm sure that you want to get to sleep. Sleep tight."
"Goodnight."
Tank and I didn't talk about our fight the next morning… We didn't talk about our fight ever. We gave the other space by ignored each other. We didn't talk unless we felt it was needed.
I nibbled at my lunch as I read through my book. I peeked up when Tank entered the kitchen and stopped in front of our maid. I silently watched their exchange.
"Can you make up the bed in the second guest room for my mom?"
She was on her knees, cleaning the oven. She looked up at her boss and replied, "Yes, sir."
After he thanked her, I spoke up. "You never told me that she was coming."
I had a difficult time building relationships with almost every mother I crossed paths with. I hated my mother. My college roommate's mother though I was very unfriendly by leaving the two alone for their time together. Tank's mother was the type that hated anyone that could take her son's mind off of his music or her. The only mother I bonded with was Tina's: I thought so highly of her.
"I'm sure that I told you a few times," he disagreed. "I'm picking her up tonight, but I'm going to the studio for now."
I called to the help. "Don't worry about that third room. I'm not staying this week."
"Where are you going?"
"I'm sure that I told you," I sarcastically said, earning a scowl from Tank. "My dad is sick, and I'm leaving to take care of him. I'm staying with Tina until I leave tomorrow morning."
Tank nodded. "Okay… I'm going to finish recording my song."
I knew I had a small window of opportunity after the maids and gardeners left and before Tank returned. I requested Finn to meet me after he finished his work at the school. If he was willing to come to me, then I was going to give him everything Tank turned down. I was in control. I felt the erotic power that I had come to love.
I explored the approved areas of Finn. I kissed his cheek, ear, neck, shoulder, and collarbone. I was working towards my desired goal. I slid out of his lap as I continued to trail down. I let my fingers guide me over his smooth skin. I hooked my fingers under the band of his boxers and was quickly stopped. I gazed at Finn's hand that kept mine before locking eyes. I hid my panic. I was scared that Finn would reject me like Tank.
He lifted my hand. "You don't have to do this."
"I want to… Is that okay?" I held my breath as Finn thought it over. After getting consent, I removed his shorts. I kneeled over his crotch and took his semi-erect cock into my hand. I opened my mouth and moved my head forward. I extended my tongue and that was the first thing to touch the head of his cock. I began to circle it slowly; so smooth under my tongue. I licked lower, beneath the head and then down one side of the shaft and then the other.
Finn was stiff. If he wasn't the top, he didn't know what to do. He didn't know what was okay or where could his hands go. He didn't give much of a response when his cock was escorted into mouth. He let out a heavy exhale as I swirled my tongue and took more of him. When it all became too intense, he clasped at the bed covers.
I took in as much of Finn as I could. After a while of working up and down his shaft, I pulled away. My hand took the place of my lips, and he fitted perfectly in it.
Because of the blindfold and the desecration of our conversations, I hadn't seen Finn's penis before that day. It was beautiful. It stood tall. Powerful. His cock had an impressive length, and I wanted every inch inside of me.
"Where's the condom?" I asked. I got my answer then rushed to Finn's pants. I grabbed it out of his pocket. I snatched my panties off before rejoining the man. I wanted Finn to feel comfortable to do whatever he wanted, so I told him, "I have no rules, but I'll respect your boundaries." I threw my right leg over his supine body. I paused to ask, "Are you sure that you're fine with this? If you're not, we can do it like usual."
Finn relaxed his hand to my outer thighs to calm me. "This is fine," he assure. He used his free hand to steer his cock in between my slit and rest at the entrance of my vagina. He coached me by announcing, "You got this. Move when you want."
As I lowered myself, I bit my lips, enjoying the feeling. My eyes locked with his as I reached the base. I place my hand on Finn's soft chest for balance, and he moves his hands to my side. I began to slide up and down. I moved slowly at first then I began to pick up the pace. I bounced my hips.
After a while, Finn took control. He pulled me forward to change the angle. His moves were slow, but he worked it. With every thrust, his pelvis ground against my clit before slipping away. His hands moved up my back. He unhooked and removed my bra. His wide hands squeezed my breasts.
I leaned until our chests met. I hugged him close, and was lost in our physical contact. I could hardly breath: everything felt amazing. "You are so good, Finn," I whispered into his ear.
What would Tank have done if he walked in? He would see his girlfriend riding another man in his bed. Would he have been mad if he knew that I was enjoying it?
Finn's breath was now coming in heavy pants. His eyes were closed. He was close to experiencing the delights of cumming, and I was not far behind.
I was left in a white haze by my body-shattering climax. I scooted over the imaginary line that always parted us after our encounters. I softly directed that Finn could refresh in the bathroom. When I was released from my stupor, I had a manic episode of goggles. I snuggled into the pillow and watched Finn return. "I never thought that I would have done that," I said out loud.
Before Tank and I became celibate, our sex life was vanilla. We had sex regularly, but it was always the same. Kissing was foreplay, and missionary was our only position. Many positions felt off limits. A blowjob was unthinkable. I could only fantasize about what I read in my stories until I tied it with Finn.
"Why would you stay if you're not happy?" Finn asked. "Sometimes you talk like you hate him."
"I don't hate Tank," I admitted, contradicting my own depressive thoughts. "I can't think of a word that describes how I really feel about him, but whatever it is, I've felt that way for awhile. It's just easier to stay. Not every story ends like a romance novel."
"Well, maybe you're reading the wrong book."
I watched Finn getting dressed and thought of how good of a guy he was. "Rachel is lucky to have you," I admired. I had no doubts if Finn loved his wife. "I'm sure you two will have a beautiful family one day."
"Soon," he smiled. "Rachel's pregnant."
I sat up, hearing the news. "Congratulations," I cheered. "That's great. You're going to be an amazing dad." As I tied my robe, a question popped into my head. "Can a chandelier fall and kill you? Not a lot of guys I can ask, but there's cracks in our ceiling," I asked, pointing up.
He studied the slit and responded, "Better safe than sorry." He allowed me to lead him to the front door. In the middle of the staircase he asked, "How did it go with the music producer."
"I could only talk to him at his playspace. We got-"
Finn stopped me. "Mercedes, that's against the rules. You shouldn't have done that."
"It was the only way I could talk to him. He wouldn't allow me to meet him at his office," I justified. "We got into an argument. He called me a brat. I called him a sick bastard. We're finished." I opened the door, wished Finn luck, and promised we'd meet again soon.
In the time I had left, I dressed, empty the bathroom bin, and washed the bed covers. I was just reaching the top of the stairs when Tank entered the house. I continued to the room without verbally acknowledging him.
Tank entered the room with confusion on his face. "What are you doing?"
I snatched a sheet out of the pile I had on the floor. "The maid had to leave early for a family emergency. I decided to help. That little door between the kitchen and the basement steps is the laundry room. What I'm doing now is called making a bed." I was still mad with Tank, so I couldn't resist being mean. "Where's your mother?"
"I sent a car for her." He noticed that I was struggling to put the fitted cover on the king sized bed. "Let me help you." He hurried and took one end. He didn't hide that he wanted me to talk to him. "Did you pack?"
"Yes," I replied, hissing the s. I didn't say anything else until we were done with the bed. "I'm leaving," I announced, before heading to the closet for my bags.
Tank followed me. He stopped me. He lifted my luggage and offered to carry it. He wasn't helping me just because I was mad. He was a gentleman.
Growing up together, M&T sleepovers were a Saturday must. We were just two kids happy to be together. After we graduated and got older, our special nights became less and less.
I only called for a sleepover to stay away from home until I left for Paris the next morning.
Tina shrugged at my joke. "That one wasn't funny."
"Maybe you're too sober to get it," I goofed between sips of wine. "There was a-" I was interpreted by Tina's phone that rung from the other room. "Are you going to answer that?"
She declined. "Tonight is about us. Let it ring."
The corners of my lips wickedly curled. "Is it a guy?" I teased.
"Yeah," she blushed. "I'm dating again. We had a fun first date, and I'm really looking forward to the second. I can't tell you who he is now, but if you met him in the right setting, I'm sure you'd like him too… I just want something like what you and Tank have."
"No, you don't," I whispered, and she didn't hear. "Tina, I'm happy for you."
Then it was my turn in the hot seat. I couldn't hold the same cheerful demeanor as Tina. My secrets were too dark.
I leaned over to peek at my phone that was on the coffee table. After scanning the notification, I mumbled, "Just Sugar."
Tina debated with herself if Sugar was the name of a person or a phone game. "Sugar?"
I flipped my phone face down. "Just responding before she called it a night."
I didn't know what I wanted to do about the Puck situation. I thought and I thought, but it was Sugar that gave me the answer. I asked for Puck to be blocked, and she did it before her two day break.
"Did you find a new best friend?" Tina joked.
"You're the only best friend I need," I cheesily promised. "Me and Sugar, it's just business."
She laughed. "What business would you have with someone named Sugar?" When her question was declined, she said, "You never do the unspeakable."
I took a deep breath before telling her about my membership to the kinky app. I didn't tell her every detail and every hookup. I didn't know what she would have thought of me if I did. I downplayed the experience of the few stories I shared. My relief from telling some of my truths was later replaced with regret.
"No," Tina breathed. She didn't hide the disappointment on her face. "No, that's wrong."
"I know, but it felt so right. When I was with them, I felt excited and free. I don't get to feel that a lot."
"So when Tank leaves, you go to another guy? Is that what you do with your time?"
"Not like I have anything else to do with it, Tina! I have nothing going on. You've watched my music career fail TWICE! I was at home day and night. What else could I do with my time other than find a guy that would make me feel better than my own boyfriend?"
"How long have you been doing this? What would Tank think?" she challenged.
I lied about when I started my relationships. I lied when I told her that they had ended. I said what I thought I had to say to get the conversation closed quicker. "Tank would say that I was sinning and that I was going to hell. I'll be with my mother, but I'll be fine," I shrugged.
In my anger, I didn't give a damn about what Tank would have thought of me, but in the back of my mind, I knew that I needed to keep his support. I knew that the only way Tank would have found out about my double life was if Tina had told him.
"If you tell him, then you'd never have to worry about me again. I'd be done with you," I threaten, watching Tina's eyes lower to the glass in her hand. "You're MY friend, right? Don't let Tank separate us."
I put Tina in a difficult position. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Was she going to be respectful to Tank and tell him what his girlfriend had done, or was she going to uphold our friendship and keep my secrets. Neither of us knew if I was willing and capable of ending our long friendship, but she didn't want to test me
I put my glass on the table. "I should go." I gathered my things and left. I intended to find a hotel for the night, but I was pulled into a different direction as I drove through the city. I found myself at Sam's apartment, and that was where I stayed until morning.
