I wonder-Kellie Pickler
Sometimes I think about you
Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking bout me
And would you even recognize
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be
Cause I look in the mirror and all I see
Are your brown eyes looking back at me
They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all
Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
There's sunny skies as far I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you'd say to me
I think about how it ain't fair
That you weren't there to braid my hair
Like mothers do
You weren't around to cheer me on
Help me dress for my high school prom
Like mothers do
Did you think I didn't need you here
To hold my hand
To dry my tears
Did you even miss me through the years at all
Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
There's sunny skies as far I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you'd say to me
Forgiveness is such a simple word
But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt
Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
And just in case you're wondering about me
From now on I won't be in Carolina
Your little girl is off
Your little girl is off
Your little girl is gone to Tennessee
BPOV
A couple days later, Alice starts acting a little strange. Like she's avoiding me, and I have to ask Edward if he's noticed.
"Edward… what's going on with Alice? Is she… upset with me? Or, is something… bothering her?"
Edward pulls me closer on the couch and kisses me. "Sweetie, you should know by now that you and Rose are the first ones she'll go to if something is wrong. You know she can't keep anything to herself, even if she tries."
I smile at that, because Lord knows that's the truth.
I get my answer the next day when Alice stops by the house.
She's all sorts of fidgety, so I know she's about to bust with something.
"Alice, just spit out… whatever it is… that's got you… so worked up." I tell her from my spot on the deck, in my favorite chair.
She continues to fidget, but finally looks at me and I see worry in her eyes.
"I, uhhh… I did something and I'm not sure how well you'll take it." She tells me in a small voice.
"Oh for pete's sake… Alice, just… get on with it."
"Umm… I, I found your mom… and told her you were sick…" She can't look me in the eye right now.
Now I understand her behavior.
Renee.
Gah, that woman.
"Alice, why… why in the hell… would you even think… that looking for her… was a good idea? Much less… finding her…and…" I'm getting worked up here, and getting my heart rate up.
"Bella, calm down. This is why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you'd be upset. But I thought you had a right to know." I try to take a few steadying breaths. "Look, I thought she should at least know you were sick. And what she did with that information was up to her. I knew you were over the fact that she left y'all, but she needed to know her ex-husband was gone, and her daughter was dying. I wasn't even asking her to come and see you. I just wanted her to at least… know she's already missed out on her daughter's whole life, so far, and that she's not going to have much longer to change the fact that she was a selfish woman, and left." She looked down at her hands. "But, I guess it was all for nothing anyways. She didn't say, one way or the other, if she would come see you. I can't say I'm surprised, but I thought I'd at least reach out to the woman."
I think for a moment, and I understand why she did what she did. I wish she hadn't even bothered, because I knew Renee would probably be too self-absorbed to even care. Before she left, all she really did was worry about herself. She didn't really bother with Charlie or me because she thought it was too much for her to deal with.
My response to that now is; you shouldn't have gotten married and had a kid if you weren't ready for what comes with it.
She didn't realize that it takes work to have a marriage. And even more work having a child. She didn't like that fact, and decided she wasn't going to even try.
"I can't say… I'm surprised. She probably didn't even… ask what happened to Charlie… or what's wrong with me…" I said in a despondent voice. Because I know it's true.
"Well, you're pretty much right on the money. I don't know what the hell is wrong with that woman, but she's got a few screws loose if she can't even bring herself to care about the man she used to be married to and her own flesh and blood. Before I hung up, I told her she was a straight up selfish bitch. I know she's your mother, but seriously? I really don't know how the two of you share DNA." She defends, and I understand her, completely.
I also wonder how I share any sort of DNA with the woman. But I guess I take after Charlie in more ways than just the dark hair and eyes.
"It's ok, Ali. I get it. I'm just… baffled at the woman. She's definitely not… the woman I thought… she once was. I'm not gonna… lose sleep over her… But thanks for trying." I pull her down in the chair with me and hug her.
I know she's just trying to help, but I gave up on Renee years ago. And now, it's just confirmation that she's just a wretched woman.
"Alice, don't think that I'm upset… cuz I'm not. That woman is… nothing to me anymore. And I'm ok with that… Because this,… you, Rose, Esme, Carlisle,… Edward, Carlie, Em, Jazz, Kate… you're all the family I need… I don't need her... Y'all are all I need."
