"So, would you still prefer I stay at my apartment or are you okay with me moving in?"

Shane has been with us for over three months and the New Year is just a few days away. Shane stays at his apartment throughout the week and stays with Alexandra and I on the weekends. I am still unsure if I am ready for him to be around all the time, but I know that it's inevitably up to Alexandra, not me.

"Alexandra, baby, we have something important to talk to you about." We walked in to her room to find her playing with her assortment of toys.

"Do you want Shane to come live with us?"

Alexandra moved and sat on my lap, "Mommy, all my friends' mommy's and daddy's live together. I think that as long as you and Shane don't fight then it's okay. A lot of my friends parents fight and they are sad a lot."

I kiss her forehead, "Baby, Shane and I won't fight."

"Good, then he can live with us. But he has to cook sometimes too. You can't do it all." Shane kneeled in front of her and kissed her cheek. "You're in charge, pumpkin. What ever you say goes."

"Does this mean we can have cake for dinner?" Alexandra's face lit up in humor. "No, that's one thing you don't get to decide." Alexandra shrugged, "I tried" she said softly, retreating back to her toys.

"So it's settled? I can move in?" Shane questioned, bringing me into a kiss. "If that is what you want to do, then yes."

"Mommy, I don't feel good." I brought Alexandra closer to me, "What hurts?" She pointed to her head, I placed my palm on it to feel for a fever, she was burning. "Come on baby, let's get you dried off and dressed okay?" I carried Alexandra to my room and helped her get dressed. "Mommy." Alexandra's cry broke my heart, "Baby, what's wrong?"

She grabbed my hand, "Mommy my eyes, it's hard to see." "Okay baby, I'm right here. I'm gonna carry you to the bathroom to take your temperature okay?" She nodded, tears flowing from her cheeks.

"Okay baby, you got a temperature of a 100. Take this medicine for mommy okay? Open wide." Alexandra obeyed and took kids Nyquill. "This will help you sleep."

I tucked Alexandra in to my bed, she tossed for twenty minutes but finally curled up and fell asleep. "Shane, it's Mitchie. Are you almost done getting your stuff? Alexandra's running a fever. I'm worried." "I've got everything in the car right now. I'll be there as fast as I can."

I heard Shane run through the house as fast and as quietly as he could, unfortunately there was no medium. Luckily the medicine had kept Alexandra asleep.

"How is she?" He asked, standing in the doorway.

"She's still warm. I don't know what to do." I admitted sheepishly, "She's only had a fever one time and after some sleep she was fine but she isn't looking too good, her skin is so pale and she's sweating so much."

"I think we should take her to the hospital, just to be safe." Shane looked at me with a gloom expression. "I don't want to take risks when it comes to our daughter." I nodded, "Will you pack some things for us and her? I'm going to try and wake her to ask her how she feels. She said she couldn't see me before she fell asleep."

"Mitchie, don't worry. She's strong." He encouraged me but it wasn't enough. My poor baby was more than sick, I could feel it in my heart. Somethings wrong with our baby girl.

"I called your mother, she's on her way." Shane placed several bags in the back of the car, "Daddy, my head hurts" Alexandra reached out to Shane, he took her in his arms. This is the first she's every directly called him her dad. But Shane clearly wasn't focused on that.

"We're gonna take you to the big doctor. It's the hospital and they're gonna make you better okay?" Alexandra nodded her head, "Promise?" He kissed her nose "You bet."

I filled out all the necessary paperwork as fast as my hand would allow, I started crying half way through before a nurse had to escort me away from Alexandra and Shane. She said it was best that I not be upset in front of Alexandra because it could make matters worse but I retorted, "It's best you stay out of my business because my daughter is ill and I have every right to be upset." Although I didn't go back to Shane and Alexandra until I was done crying.

Shane, the saint that he is, finished the paperwork with Alexandra in his lap, fast asleep.

When they finally admitted Alexandra her temperature was 102.3 and she was screaming in pain. "Mommy! My head hurts!" She sobbed, wrapping her little hand around my fingers, she squeezed in pain. "They're gonna make it stop baby. They're gonna make it stop."

They tried medication after medication hour upon hour until the morning when they decided to give her a small sedative to help her sleep so they could take some tests. At that time, my mother arrived.

"Hey ma." She kissed my head then sat next to Shane. "Where's my grand baby?" She questioned irritably, "I didn't drive three hours in the middle of the night for nothing." "Ma, calm down. She's getting a CT scan. She has a fever and massive headache, also loss of some vision. They're just trying to diagnose what's wrong with her." She nodded simply, "I hope to God nothing is seriously wrong."

"Me too, Ma. Me too."

The doctor came in half an hour past nine. Shane and I have been here a total of twelve and a half hours, but we weren't relenting yet. "We looked over the CT scans and it looks like there is a small tumor in Alexandra's brain. It's a small tumor resting above her pituitary gland and it may be cancerous. We'd have to test the tissue around the tumor to tell. It may just be a discomfort and we only need to remove it, or on the off chance it's cancerous, we'll have to remove it as well as do tests to see if the origin of the cancer was anywhere else in the body. And possibly proceed with radiation or chemotherapy."

"One step at a time, doctor. How would you test the tissue of the tumor?"

"We may be able to do some imaging of her brain and the tumor and we may be able to view it that way through CT scans but if that fails, we'll have to remove it."

"So no matter what, the tumor inside my daughters head is going to be removed?" I questioned bitterly.

"Yes, unless her discomfort goes away and my tests are wrong."

"I hope very well they are." I spoke harshly.

"Mitchie." Shane grabbed my arm, pulling me back towards him.

At noon, the doctor returned again. Alexandra was taken out all morning for tests and diagnostics, I hated her being separated from us.

"The tumor isn't cancerous, but it does need removed. Brain tumors can be the result of genetics as well as environment, so there's no source that can be directly accused for creating this." The doctor could see I stopped listening. "When is a good time for you as a family for Alexandra's operation?" I looked at Shane and he simply nodded my way, his signal of leaving it up to me. "We don't want our daughter to suffer. When's the earliest this can be done?"

The doctor flipped through some papers on his clipboard. "Tomorrow. Until then we can keep her on medication but that's all. It's best if she is able to recover the next few days and hopefully she'll be able to go home for the New Year. Sedating young children for surgery isn't something we want to risk because of the odds of them waking up."

Shane jumped in, knowing very well I'd had enough, "Please leave us be until tomorrow." The doctor obliged, "We're getting a new doctor. He doesn't seem to actually care about us or our daughter. And he's scaring me." Shane kissed me, "I agree" My mother responded from across the room, "it took everything in me not to beat him into next week. The nerve he had."

"Guys, I just want my baby to be okay again. I hate seeing her like this." Shane opened his arms to me and I snuggled against his chest. "This nightmare will be over soon enough, Mitch. It'll all be okay." I nodded and let myself go, engulfing myself into his scent as I descend to sleep.

"Babe, wake up." Shane woke me lightly, I smiled at him softly before turning towards Alexandra's bed to see it empty. "Where is she?" I questioned fearfully. "They're doing some scans. She'll be back in about ten minutes. She's been gone for about an hour." Shane explained, viewing his watch and sighing.

"I need to see her." I said softly. Shane nodded and grabbed my hand, we walked towards the nurses station to gather where she was.

On our way to the test room we found my mother coming up from the café. "I didn't want to wake you and Shane didn't want to leave you so I got you both something to eat." She smiled softly, obviously trying to still makeup for the outburst she'd had a couple weeks ago. "Thanks Ma. We're going to go get Alexandra, we'll meet you back at the room okay?"

"The tumor is in fact benign (non cancerous) therefore we're going to place Alexandra on some medication for her swelling and then we'll determine if she's healthy enough for surgery or if you want to try another option." The new doctor approached us with a warm smile and talked to us genuinely. He was much better than the previous flake of a doctor we had.

"There is a new surgery we could do that is quicker and less risky especially for someone of Alexandra's age. We can remove the tumor through her nasal cavity and her mouth. It's less intrusive and less tissue is damaged in the process. And of course the brain is untouched." The doctor explained the possible surgery with calmness and clarity.

"I think I want to wait a little longer before we decide. I want to spend time with my daughter and ask her what she wants." I spoke confidently, Shane held my hand in agreement. "Very well. Would you like to see her? She was behaved well enough and cooperated so we didn't have to give her any medicine to put her to sleep. She's really a wonderful young girl." I smiled "Thank you doctor."

"Mommy, look what I got!" Alexandra was sucking on a lollipop. "Hi baby." I kneeled down next to her, looking in to her eyes. "How are you feeling?" She took the lollipop out of her mouth and hesitated. "My head hurts a little and I'm tired but I'm okay." I smiled, "Good, wanna take a walk with me and Shane?" She looked at me with bright eyes and a huge smile.

"Alexandra wants her headaches to go away so once the swelling is down, you can go through with the surgery." I told the doctor of Alexandra's request and then he explained the side effects of post surgery and everything that could go with it. Shane and I then signed a disclosure agreement on behalf of Alexandra. "We'll start the surgery tomorrow morning and hopefully she'll be out of here later tomorrow night in time to see the ball drop for New Years." I thanked the doctor before retreating back to Alexandra's room.

Dallas and Madison arrived shortly after noon to bring food and balloons for Alexandra, she was happy to see them even though she'd recently seen them for Christmas.

After visiting hours were over, Shane convinced me to go home with him and let my mother stay with Alexandra for the night so we both would be well rested for her surgery the following morning. I agreed once Alexandra was asleep. "If she wakes up at all, call me." My mother shook her head "I will, now go get some rest. You look awful." I rolled my eyes and left with Shane.

"I am ready for this nightmare to be over with." I laid next to Shane, wearing a long t-shirt. "Mitch, at least get under the covers." I sluggishly pulled myself under the covers, happy I did so because I was instantly swarmed into the warmth of Shane's body. "I don't want anything to happen to Alexandra, but I don't want you hurting yourself by trying to protect her. You need to rest before you get anxiety and then get sick and you end up in the hospital." Shane rubbed my head, kissing it lightly. "Okay okay." Shane poked my ticklish spot underneath my ribs and I jumped. "What?" I giggled. "Don't get attitude with me baby. I'm trying to protect you." I leaned my head up to kiss him, he met my lips with his. "I'm sorry" I responded after the kiss. He smiled at me, I pulled myself closer to him and leaned up on him. "Let me make it up to you." I whispered in his ear. "No, baby, you need rest." I smiled, "Fine. Another day."

Shane kissed my lips softly, holding on to me, "You're beautiful and I can't believe I'm denying you but we have a big day tomorrow." I turned away on my back but kept enough closeness between us that he still had me wrapped in his arms. "I understand. My head is out of the gutter. Goodnight Shane." He rubbed my arm, "Goodnight love."

We arrived at the hospital at six a.m. Alexandra was due to be prepped for surgery at seven, luckily she was still asleep when we arrived. My mother was awake and anxious. "She slept all night even when the nurses came in for blood work." I stopped my mother, "They took blood without me being here?!" Shane pulled me from the room. "Mitchie, it was in the agreement. Breathe, okay baby?" I tried breathing but it made me mad more, "This is exactly why I don't like leaving the hospital. What if something happened to her or they took too much blood or-" "Mitchie" Shane placed his hands on my cheeks, making me keep eye contact. "Nothing happened, okay. We need to focus on right now." I nodded, taking a moment to gather myself.

"She's still asleep so that makes the sedative we're giving her settle in quicker. When she's fully under, we'll take her in. The surgery shouldn't last more than a few hours, maybe less." I nodded to the doctor, kissing Alexandra's forehead as they rolled her away from me. I leaned on Shane and cried for an hour, luckily my mother had left, promising to return later after she rested at my house.

I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep until Shane was shaking me.

When I opened my eyes, the doctor was in front of us. "The surgery went well. Alexandra's tumor is fully removed and she's in ICU just for monitoring and you'll be able to see her in about an hour after some morphine has settled into her system. "Why can't I see her now if she's done?" I questioned suspiciously.

"She's been in a lot of pain and I think it would be best if she settles before anyone sees her. I don't want your emotions influencing her and creating anxiety or stress. That would initially cause more problems." The doctor spoke with easiness and assurance. I knew he was looking out for Alexandra as well as me and sadly, I knew if she was in a lot of pain, I would more than likely be upset too.

Shane gripped my hand tightly, waiting for my irate response. "Thanks doctor."

I turned to Shane, "You go in with her. I can't control my emotions right now. You can. So come out when she isn't in a lot of pain." Shane shook his head, "Not without you." I sighed, "Shane, your her father. Please" He kissed my forehead, "If you feel ready you can come in. I'll have one of the nurses come get you if she settles before you do." I nodded, holding in my tears. "Mitchie, I love you." I kissed his smooth lips, "I love you." I replied softly, I was afraid anything above a whisper would influence my tears to start.

Alexandra's eyes lit up and her face flushed when I came in the room. Shane was holding her in his arms and her head was laying against his chest. "How's my baby girl?" I questioned, taking a seat at the bottom of the bed. She put her thumb up in reply. "Her mouth hurts from the surgery." Shane spoke for her. "The doctor said she'll be better tomorrow. She doesn't want to make the swelling worse by talking." I caressed her cheek, "Alexandra if you talk, the swelling won't get worse I promise. You can talk." Alexandra smiled "Mommy, I wanna go home now."

The ball dropped in Times Square, Shane holding me and me holding Alexandra. Not but a minute later was she fast asleep. I bundled her in a blanket and placed her on the love seat to watch her sleep.

"Are you going to stay up all night?" Shane questioned after two a.m rolled around and I still wasn't in bed. "I don't want to not be here when she wakes." Shane sighed, "Mitchie, I think the best thing for her is to let her sleep in her own bed." I tried to rebuttal but Shane stopped me. "She told me she didn't want to be treated different. She likes the life she has and she wants to keep it." One thing I couldn't do was argue with what Alexandra wanted; if it was in my power to do so, then so be it.