Chapter Seven - Fears

Richard dashed outside and ran towards Emily, shocked to see his daughter prostrate on the ground. "What did you do," he shouted on his approach. Emily was silent as she felt for a pulse her mind playing back to all the possibilities they had just discussed.

"I think we should call an ambulance," said Richard as he paced around despondently. Emily didn't answer she was too busy giving thanks that Lorelai had a pulse.

Slowly she started to stir, her chest heaving out a laboured breath. "Lorelai, Lorelai can you hear me," Emily yelled shaking her shoulder with some urgency. Lorelai moved her head to the side and sighed as she realised what had happened.

"LORELAI!" Emily yelled again, panicked be her daughters silence. Lorelai's eyes snapped open startled by her mothers frightened voice. "I'm okay," she said weakly, moving her body and trying to sit up. As she became vertical her focus suddenly blurred again and she slumped back to the ground.

"Lorelai, please stay still," Emily commanded. "I don't think you should sit up yet. How do you feel," asked Richard a little more calmly than his wife.

Lorelai felt incredibly weak but she wasn't sure how well her parents would react to the news. She tried to play it down but her vision was still fuzzy and she was becoming disorientated.

"Sweetheart," Richard asked again when he noticed her eyes had closed. Lorelai didn't respond she was feeling faint again and was worried she was going to loose consciousness again. "Richard call an ambulance, something's wrong," she heard her mother say before once again the darkness swallowed her.

She woke to the sounds of raised voices and a bright light being shined in her eyes. "Miss Gilmore, Miss Gilmore can you hear me," someone close by was calling. With effort Lorelai managed to open her eyes and glance round at her surroundings.

She was in a vehicle and two paramedics were standing above her looking down. "What happened," she asked uncertainly. "You collapsed and your father called for an ambulance. How are you feeling, do you have any chest pain."

Lorelai shook her head but promptly stopped when the two paramedics swam out of focus. "I'm dizzy," she said as her hand moved up to her forehead. One of the men placed a finger in her line of vision and asked her to follow it. She tired but her focus was off causing her to sink back onto the stretcher and close her eyes.

"Okay, I'm concerned about the vertigo. I think you'd benefit from a trip to hospital," one of the paramedics explained. "No, I'm fine," said Lorelai shooting up off the stretcher. She made it as far as the second paramedic before she collapsed once again.

"Quick get a move on, tell them we're going to the hospital. She's pretty unstable," one paramedic said to the other.

He jumped out of the vehicle and found a small group of people outside, several were shouting at one another. "We're taking Miss Gilmore to the hospital. I'm afraid we haven't had much luck stabilising her condition," the paramedic announced.

"Can we go with her," Emily asked uncertainly. "No I'm going with her," shouted Rory who had arrived just before the ambulance had appeared.

"There're only room for one."

"Rory walked over and opened the door quickly stepping inside before Emily could even react. "We'll meet you there," Richard shouted as the ambulance pulled away.

"Emily quick get in the car," Richard yelled rushing over to the drivers side. He was just about put the vehicle in reverse when he saw a car pull up behind him. Mia stepped out cautiously noticing their strained faces, concerned they hadn't taken Lorelai's news well.

"Is everything all right," she asked. "Can you move your car out of my way," Richard asked rather severely. "Sure," Mia replied meekly stepping back inside her car. "Wait don't you want to see William before you go," she asked, oblivious to what had just happened.

"Please just move the car, we need to get to the hospital," Richard asked again. "Hospital!" Mia repeated as her eyes darted towards the house, "Is it Lorelai."

Richard nodded desperately his hands shaking slightly by his side. "Get in my car, I'm driving," said Mia taking charge. Richard looked at Emily then back at Mia clearly torn. "Come on get in, I really don't think you should be driving."

Richard nodded in agreement walking over to passenger side and opening the door for his wife. "I'll sit in the backseat," Emily said softly, smiling faintly at William as she got inside. Mia then pulled on her seatbelt and slowly pulled away. Her thoughts on Lorelai and making sure her parents got to her in one piece.

"Rory," Richard shouted as he noticed his granddaughter sitting alone in the waiting room. She turned at his voice and quickly walked towards him, her face still damp from tears.

"What's happening," he asked uncertainly. "They think it was another arrhythmia, possibly brought on by stress." Said Rory putting emphasis on the word stress.

Emily looked down at her feet guiltily, while Richard sighed and bowed his head. "Have you seen her," Emily asked softly. "No not since the ambulance. They said they wanted her to be more stable before they allowed visitors."

"What's that suppose to mean," shouted Emily her eyes turning towards Richard. "It means she's sick and you don't get to shout and cause a scene. This wouldn't even be happening if it wasn't for you," shouted Rory.

Emily opened her mouth to defend herself but was stopped by a look from her husband. "Rory please, don't shout at you Grandma. We're all upset but shouting isn't going to help. Sit back down and we can all wait together."

"Can I hold William," Rory asked as she sat back down. Mia handed him over and sat down beside her, Richard sitting down on her other side. Rory held William close her face resting on the top of his head, his natural baby scent soothing her jagged nerves.

William smiled happily at his big sister, but occasionally he would look around at the other faces searchingly. Rory watched him and broke down again, knowing who he was looking for.

"Oh, sweetheart," said Mia as she handed Rory a tissue. "It's okay, it's okay," she repeated as Rory leaned into her open arms. Emily looked up at Rory sadly desperate to be the one to console her as Richard squeezed her hand sympathetically. Once Rory had calmed down they waiting in silence. William snuggling down and eventually falling asleep in his sisters arms.

"Luke," Lorelai whispered into her pillow as she came round. "Luke," she called again as her eyes adjusted to her gloomy hospital room. She felt someone laying beside her, their arms wrapped tight around her waist. "Luke," she asked uncertainly into the darkness.

"I'm here," he said gently and Lorelai gasped at the sound of his voice. She moved to the edge of the bed in surprise but he didn't let her go. Luke held on pulling her closer and sighing with satisfaction when her hair brushed against his face.

"I'm here, I'll always be here," he repeated as his hand caressed her face. Luke moved closer his lips tantalising close to hers when suddenly Lorelai moved away. "No you weren't here, you left," she said sadly. "I didn't leave you Lorelai, I couldn't not ever." "You did," Lorelai sobbed.

Suddenly Luke grabbed hold of her hand and pushed it against his chest. "Can you feel that," he asked gently. "It's beating for you, just for you."

"Luke," Lorelai gasped as the steady beat of his heart pounded against her palm. "Just you," he said again as he moved her hand to his mouth and lightly kissed her fingers.

"Oh Luke," Lorelai called once again, "I missed you." Luke reached for her other hand and gradually pulled her into his embrace. Lorelai followed allowing herself to sink into his arms, she could smell him feel him. She felt safe and loved and finally at peace.

Sadly her peace came to an abrupt end when she felt someone shake her awake. "Lorelai," someone called as she shifted in the bed. She opened her eyes and slowly noticed a man standing beside her bed.

"Luke," she asked hopefully. "I'm your doctor, I was here when they brought you in. How are you feeling?" he asked. Lorelai thought about the question unsure how to answer. She was back in her daily nightmare and the dream she had just woken from was just that, a dream.

"I'm fine, I guess," she reluctantly replied, "What happened."

"I believe you had another arrhythmia, your heart rate was certainly erratic on your arrival. You were fortunate that you weren't alone this time when it happened. I understand that your father called the paramedics quite quickly after your collapse and they were able to shock your heart back into a normal rhythm."

"When can I go home," asked Lorelai flatly, uninterested by her second encounter with death. "Not yet, you need to be observed for a few days. I'm sorry but after your second cardiac event in less than a month we may need to think about surgery, he said thoughtfully.

"Surgery?" Lorelai questioned.

"Yes, a pace maker may help prevent your heart from stopping again in the future. It will only be a temporary fix though as your heart muscle is still incredibly weak."

"Will it get stronger," Lorelai asked.

"The medication hasn't helped so far but different drugs may improve function. I want to change your medication and monitor your progress for the time being."

"You've done that before, what if I need a transplant. What if..." Lorelai broke off.

"Transplant surgery is a long way off, your not there yet. Please try not to upset yourself with possibilities that may never happen." Lorelai looked up as he spoke surprised, "Possibilities are all I have," she replied.

He tried to be sympathetic but failed in Lorelia's eyes as he began his exam. He listened to her chest and made notes in his chart. Then he checked on her blood pressure and pulse.

"Okay, I want you to rest for now. Your blood pressure is still low so I want you to stay flat on the bed. No sitting up and no getting out of bed do you understand."

Lorelai just nodded, annoyed by being treated like a child. He made some more notes then left closing the door softly behind him. "Why me," Lorelai muttered to herself as she relaxed back onto the mattress. "Why me."


It was three days since her admittance to the hospital and Lorelai was getting antsy. "Can I go home yet," she asked her doctor one morning as he listened to her chest.

"Soon, your blood pressure is still a little low and I want that to stabilise first. Have you experienced any side effects from your new medication," he asked.

"I'm tired I guess, but I was before so it's probably nothing," Lorelai replied.

"Anything else," he probed as he pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed.

"Nothing, I just want to go home. I miss my baby so much, he can't stay for too long and when he's here he's not himself."

"Understandable," said the doctor sympathetically, "I promise you will go home soon." Lorelai smiled at his promise prompting her doctor to join in, her smiles were contagious. "I'll be back later to check on you and make sure you didn't make a break for it," he joked. "I'll be here," she replied reluctantly as he left the room. Her smile quickly disappearing from her face.

Since arriving at the hospital Mia had become William's full time carer, helping out as much as possible and bringing him to see his mother often. Rory only ever left the hospital to sleep or eat and even Richard and Emily had become an ever present presence in her room.

Her relationship with them had improved a little over the last few days and Rory was slowly coming to terms with the possibility that Emily was not responsible for her mothers condition.

Though difficult at times and often strained they all tried hard to make an effort to get along especially for Lorelai's sake.

A knock at the door brought Lorelai out of her reverie as she looked up and called out for them to come in. Emily slowly walked inside, her purse held tightly in her hands as she anxiously looked over at Lorelia. "I saw the doctor leaving, is everything all right," she asked. "Everything's fine," she replied attempting to brush off Emily's concerns.

"What did he say," Emily asked unconvinced that everything was okay with her daughter. Lorelia paused as she thought over her earlier conversation then ultimately explained what had been said.

"He wants me to stay for a bit longer," she exclaimed. "Why?" asked Emily nervously. "My blood pressure is low and he wants to monitor it. It's not a big deal I'm just disappointed," said Lorelai sadly. "Lorelai I understand that you want to go home but really your in the best place. Mia can bring William to visit and you'll be home before you know it."

Lorelai looked surprised by Emily's words amazed that her mother was finally giving her some comfort. She leaned her head back on the pillow and smiled up at her mother. "I'm sorry Mom," she said after a short pause in the conversation.

"Sorry for what?" Emily asked as she sat down on the side of the bed. "Sorry I didn't tell you. I should have I know that now," Lorelai explained.

"I talked to your father and he told me what you told him. I may not fully understand your motives but I can't blame you, not now anyway."

"Because I'm in the hospital," Lorelai asked.

"Because your sick and have been for a while it seems. Don't worry you'll never hear the end of it when your better," Emily said smiling. "Better," Lorelai repeated wistfully.

"Yes better, which is going to happen. Just you wait and see," said Emily confidently. She reached down and patted her daughters hand then tucked a stray hair away form Lorelai's face affectionately.

Elsewhere a scruffy and dishevelled man was unlocking the door to Luke's Diner. The windows were boarded up and a mountain of mail was growing on floor where it had gathered. He pushed hard forcing the door open then slowly stepped inside.

The man walked up the stairs to access the small apartment above, his movements slow and weary. As he entered he noticed a thin layer of dust covering everything and a musty smell throughout.

Then he saw it, a light blue sweatshirt that was not his own. He picked it up and pressed it against his face breathing in the light scent and sighing. Then he saw her face smiling back at him from a framed photograph beside his bed. Running from it and into the bathroom he though he was safe until he glimpsed the various toiletries she had left behind.

He couldn't stand it, she was everywhere. Everything around him evoked a memory of her. Every memory make it harder and harder for him to breathe. Finally he sank down to the ground and let out a howl of despair.

Lorelai was everywhere and yet she was gone, gone to him. The agony of that realisation broke him and he wept uncontrollably. She was everywhere in everything but he had lost her, lost her because he walked away.