A/N: (Feel free to skip my useless rambling) Let me just say, it has been a crazy weekend. I apologize for not getting this up on time, but I literally had no time to sit down and write. My sister's surgery thankfully went well, she's in the ICU, I'm spending most of my time with her. It's estimated she'll be there for about a week, so expect a week of weird off-schedule posting before we get back to normal ;) Anyway, thank-you for being such amazing, understanding, patient readers. I will post more when I get the chance to! Love you all, and I hope you enjoy this update. :)
7
Look Before You Leap
Alex's lips were tingling as she stepped off the set. The taste of Matt was lingering in her mouth, laced with coffee and something that was distinctly male. It was the only way to describe him. She sat down, a shiver coursing through her. She could still feel the way his arms had wrapped around her, pulling her into his chest as he'd finally returned her kiss. She was frightened, so frightened of the way kissing Matt had excited her. This was a job, not a date. Normally the kissing wasn't all…all…that.
She wasn't sure if she could do this.
She couldn't go down this road again. She couldn't let herself do this. Alex knew she was slipping deeper and deeper down that slippery slope of a romantic crush faster and faster, ready to just jump, and right now she was teetering on the edge, looking down that pit, seeing only Matt. Would she throw herself into this and go down with what was left of her heart? Could she?
Alex bit her lip and took a swig of lukewarm tea, swallowing it and washing away Matt's taste from her mouth. Karen sat down next to her, grinning ear to ear.
"So." She said, raising an eyebrow at Alex.
Alex gestured for her continue, "So…?"
"You kissed."
"And?" Alex was still waiting for this conversation to go somewhere, hopefully not where she thought it was going…
"How was it?" Karen asked casually, leaning forward.
Well, looks like it was going where Alex had hoped it wasn't. Wait…it was already there. Alex huffed and avoided eye contact and trying to act nonchalant about it. "Oh…I've had better kisses from you when you're sloshed."
"You're such a bad liar, Alex!" Karen replied gleefully, "And besides, that kiss was totally the tequila's fault."
"What were you doing drinking tequila at two in the morning, anyway?"
"What were you doing at a nightclub at two in the morning?"
Alex chewed on her lip again and sighed in irritation, mumbling, "Having tequila."
"So Alex Kingston admits she drinks tequila at two in the morning at a nightclub?"
"Why do people talk about me like I'm not here to my face?" Alex deflected.
"Because you're Alex Kingston," Karen grinned.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Alex quirked an eyebrow.
"Just…you're Alex Kingston. That explains everything."
"Oh does it?"
Karen chuckled smugly, "I thought the kiss was hot."
Alex choked on her tea, coughing madly as Karen's comment registered in her brain. "The what was what?"
"The kiss was hot," Karen repeating, smirking at Alex's obvious discomfort. "So, you do fancy him!"
"I do not fancy Matt!" Alex hissed, hitting Karen in the arm and glaring murderously at her.
"Admit it, you fancy him."
"I do not fancy Matt Smith!" She exclaimed rather loudly. She hid her flushing face behind her teacup and then realized Karen was grinning evily. She looked around and realized that Matt was staring at her. Alex let out a tiny groan and slid down in her seat, giving Karen a homicidal glance before returning her eyes to stare at the very interesting nonexistent swirls in her tea. Matt walked over, his hands shoved in his pockets.
"You don't fancy me? I'm hurt, Kingston." He teased, sitting down.
Alex swallowed and then gave him playful grin, "I do like the way you kiss."
"Mm, yes, I'm rather brilliant at it, aren't I?" Matt replied, kicking back in his chair.
Karen rolled her eyes, "Please, it took you several minutes before you figured out how to snog Alex properly, and that was after she was already sucking your face off."
Matt gave a little nervous laugh, "Yeah…well…I wasn't expecting her to just throw herself at me."
"-Oh she's been doing that since the day she arrived." Karen replied, chuckling.
"Oi!" Alex crossed her arms, "That was Matt's idea, I'll remind you."
Matt coughed slightly and rubbed his hands on his jeans. He was embarrassed by that. Good! Alex wasn't about to be the only one sitting here who was absolutely mortified!
Karen chuckled, "It was a brilliant idea."
"Was it?" Matt perked up a bit at that.
"Yes, Matt, it was." Karen gave him a reassuring pat. "Except that Alex was all hot and bothered afterward."
"I was not!"
"Oh come on, Alex, don't think I don't catch the eye-sex that goes on between you two. And there was definitely eye-sex."
Matt choked extremely hard on his coffee, spewing it out slightly and coughing violently while Alex simply stared at Karen.
Between coughs, he exclaimed, "Eye-sex? Kaz? Really?"
Karen grinned devilishly, "Eye-sex."
"Okay. Okay. Enough." Alex waved her arm, "Fine, so me and Matt and I occasionally stare at each other."
"Occasionally?" Karen quirked a disbelieving eyebrow.
"Yes. Occasionally." Alex replied curtly as she sipped on her tea. "And besides, Karen, you don't even have your driver's license yet, I hardly think you're 'old' enough to be talking about eye-sex."
"Oh, but we all know you are." Karen teased.
Alex rolled her eyes, Karen really didn't know when to stop, did she? "You're impossible."
"But you love me." Karen grinned and threw her arms around Alex, hugging her tightly.
Matt looked like a little, left out, lonely giraffe. In fact, he was so pitiful that Alex jerked her head toward herself and Karen, "Get over here."
His face brightened impossibly and he wrapped his gangly arms around both girls, bending awkwardly because they were sitting down and he wasn't. Alex shivered deliciously as his arms wrapped around her. Yes, he most definitely just smelled like male, and she liked it. It wasn't any of those ridiculous, gag-me colognes that lingered for far too long. However gangly his arms were, they were strong and warm and oddly, she felt safe in them, and she didn't want him to let go.
"Ooh! Hugging!" She heard Arthur exclaim, god knows where he came from. He walked over and another set of arms was thrown around them. They stayed like that for a few minutes, it becoming a bit more awkward every minute until Arthur finally asked, "Why are we hugging?"
Frankly, Alex had forgotten why, and she didn't care. Matt was hugging her. She was teetering on the edge of the cliff, looking over it at Matt.
But…
She couldn't… She had a daughter to think about. Her heart couldn't handle this, Matt had a girlfriend. She couldn't pry into his life, she couldn't fit Matt into hers. How could he love her? How could she expect him to be content if she handed her the battered shred of heart she had left? She was broken. Well beyond her years of prime. There was no way this could work. If she took this leap, he'd either catch her…or she'd fall too far and she'd never be able to get back up. She couldn't risk that.
Alex slowly disentangled herself from the twisted mass of arms surrounding her. She stood, the room suddenly feeling cold without Matt's gangly arms around her shoulders. Wrapping her arms around herself, she watched as everyone else did the same. Then, slowly, with one last look at Matt, she turned on her heel and walked away.
