Stephenie Meyer owns the characters!
Twithish, Kgunter34, Isabela is Online, Natsar, Shannon Amoroso, theresa24, cullengirl08, whatwouldjesusdo and BellaCullen060: thank you for ALL your reviews. I just love how you guys share your thoughts with me. This chapter is dedicated to every single one of you! Enjoy and remember to review!
*If you haven't read "She is his only need" by SuddenlySandi…and you're looking for angst and hurt and romance…go ahead and read this story. There's a totally different side to ALL the characters and it's not the usual story that you are used to. There's a sequel to this story "All that I am"!
Chapter 6 – Truths revealed
Edward's POV
I ran after her and before she could open the kitchen door to escape I gripped her by her wrists and dragged her back to the music room.
"You don't accuse me of something and storm off." I hissed furiously. "Now, tell me why I made you leave? What could I have possibly done to deserve that kind of treatment from the woman I loved more than anything in this world?" Her eyes were filled with tears and as soon as those tears flowed down her cheeks, new ones formed and followed.
"You never loved me Edward. I was just another toy to you." She cried and I must admit that her words cut deep, all the way to the fucking core.
"What?" I hissed. She can't be serious. But her expression told me that she's very serious.
"Yeah, I mean how much could you have loved me if you had another woman in your room and kissed her?" she cried in sarcasm. I felt the blood drain from my face as I realized that Bella must have seen Tanya kissing me that night.
"Bella," I forced out, "Please…just please tell me you didn't shatter my heart into a million pieces because of a meaningless kiss. Tell me you didn't leave me without a fucking word because of that?"
Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.
"Your heart shattered? What about me Edward? What about my heart?" she cried. None of this was making sense and my head was spinning from all the confusion.
"Just answer the damn question Bella."
"Of course I left after I saw that. You kissed another woman Edward, I don't know how you'll see it, but in my eyes that was called cheating. Hell yeah, I left." She sneered. I was so angry, no I was beyond angry, I was fucking livid.
"It's too bad you didn't stay long enough though, because you would have seen me push her away. You would have seen me throw her out of my house Bella." I yelled with tears in my eyes.
"Edward, I saw you kissing her back. I saw you pulling her closer-"
"For a second Bella…one second. My heart was torn when I came from your house and saw you with another man. Tanya was there and she came onto me, I lost it for a second before I realized what I was doing and pushed her away."
"Um I'm…confused. When did you see me with another man?" she asked. I sighed loudly and tried to calm down.
"Look, this fighting isn't getting us anywhere. Why don't we start from the beginning? I'll tell you my side of the story and then you do the same." I suggested. "Then we can answer questions." She just nodded her head.
"Tanya came to my house and accused you of being with another man. Of course I didn't believe her, but if I have to be completely honest to myself and to you, there was a little doubt or else I wouldn't have gone to your house to check on you. Anyways, when I got to your house I saw you standing in your room and some blonde guy were with you. You were in his arms Bella. I drove back to my house to calm down before I could confront you about it." I sighed. "I must admit that at this point my heart was already fucked. I expected the worst to happen and I think I already prepared my heart into losing you. I mean I already thought I lost you to this blonde guy, I never dreamed that I was never going to see you again." I admitted and I remember the excruciating pain as if it was yesterday. I was broken, completely broken. Bella's face was stained with tears and the pain in her eyes is enough to almost kill me.
"Tanya was still at my house, waiting for me. She played her role as the concerning friend very well." I said in anger as I remembered that night. "She pulled me into her arms and as devastated as I was, I let her. When Tanya started kissing me, I admit, I did kiss her back. Bella I swear to you that it didn't even last five seconds. Your eyes, filled with love for me, danced in front of me and at that moment I pushed her away. I literally threw her out of my parents' house." I sighed. "Obviously too late." I added.
Bella was crying uncontrollably. I couldn't contain myself any longer. I pulled her into my arms and was relieved that she didn't push me away. I needed her now as much as she probably needed me. My hand gently rubbed her back over and over again. Tears of regret, tears of anger and tears of pain streamed down my face. I waited patiently for her to tell me her story all the while I'm crying my fucking eyes out. I lost the love of my life because of a misunderstanding; yeah I had some fault there, but still. It could have been sorted out if we could have acted like adults.
Bella let go of me and walked to the other side of the room. My arms felt cold without her in them and the emptiness was beyond painful. Her lips were still quivering and I could see that she was still holding tears back. She looks devastated, not that I can blame her. The feeling is so fucking mutual.
"The man you saw with me was my childhood friend, Mike. He went away to law school and I haven't seen him in over a year. So he came by to say hello. I was just so happy to see him and was overwhelmed with joy. I told him about you and everything. He didn't take it very well because he always had this thing for me but I never felt anything more than friendship towards him." She whispered with a trembling voice. Her hands were shaking and she tried to keep them busy by playing with the hem of her shirt.
"I wanted to see you one last time before you left. I remember that I felt extremely sad that you would be leaving and I wouldn't see you for a while. Plus I was nervous for being at your house so late. I was a bit freaked at what you would say about it."
"I walked past your bedroom window and saw you in the corner. I smiled at the sight of you; you always had a way to make my heart flutter in very extreme ways. Imagine the shock when I saw this blonde chick wrapping her arms around you, supposed to be my man…and you…you clung to her as if your life depended on it. Then…then you kissed and that was my limit. I ran as fast as I could back to my car." She cried and I silently cursed Tanya for being there that night. She fucked my whole life up. Well except for giving birth to my children, that was probably the best thing she ever did for me.
"I was beyond broken Edward. The pain I felt…well there's not enough words to explain it to you."
I waited for her to continue, but she didn't and I decided that this was where the questionnaire should start. I still need answers to a few questions. I mean, I was still there. I waited. She left; she believed the obvious and left without a word.
"Where did you go?" I asked without emotion. I guess I wanted to know the hardest question first.
"I went to Mike's hotel and cried my heart out. He asked me to marry him and…I said yes." She blurted out and I felt shocked. I knew she was married and everything. But she agreed to marry a guy the same day she left me.
"You did what?" I hissed.
"I thought I lost you forever Edward. I knew I would never feel for anyone what I felt for you. So I settled for second best, pft, if that's what you can even call Mike. I thought he would help me forget about you, forget about the pain." She sobbed. When I thought I was asking the hardest question first, I never thought it will be this excruciating. She didn't even wait. Hayley is six, of course she didn't wait. I should have known this.
"You didn't wait either. Your daughter would have been six which means-"
"Three days after you left, I started drinking…a lot. I was drunk constantly. Anyways, Tanya came over and suggested that she relieve some of my pain." I started explaining myself. Bella's eyes told me that she thought I was full of shit.
"Look I know booze is not an excuse but Bella, I was literally so drunk that I couldn't even stand up without falling over my own fucking feet. I don't even remember the night with Tanya or how the hell she got me hard for that matter. It's a complete fucking blur." I sighed. "Once again, I threw her out of my house. I started looking for you but didn't succeed and now I know why. You were married and I was searching for a Swan. Through my heartache and constant drinking I was a complete fucking mess."
"I regretted that night with Tanya more than anything. Four months later she made her appearance once again, only this time with some rather shocking news. She was four months pregnant. Until that moment I regretted sleeping with Tanya. I did the right thing and married Tanya."
"I remember when I held Jade in my arms for the first time; I never thought that that amount of love was possible for a human being. I loved her so much, she was everything to me. And the one thought that crossed my mind was; how could I have regretted sleeping with Tanya? If I could have that night over I'll definitely do it again." I whispered with tears in my eyes. I miss my daughter so much right now. I used to go into her room when my feelings for Bella came to the surface. The pain would go away just by holding Jade's hand. She kept me alive; she kept my lungs filled with oxygen.
"I'm sorry about your family." She whispered softly. "I know all about that kind of love. I feel the same way about Hayley and I can't begin to imagine what you went through after losing your children."
"It's been hell. For the first time in six months I'm breathing again, without pain. I can sort of sleep again and have some normal dreams. And for the first time since they died, I played piano and sung. Which is a really good thing for me right now and it's like a huge fucking accomplishment." I chuckled. Yup, I'm getting there. I'm starting to feel alive again and as much as I want to lie to myself and give Hayley all the credit, I can't. Bella has a little credit even if it's just a little.
"Do you have any questions?" I asked her and she shook her head. We just sat there in silence for what seemed like hours but was actually just a few minutes. I was shocked when Bella's sobs broke the silence.
"I can't believe I just left without asking you about it. I can't believe I was so stubborn and childish." She cried. "I could have saved the both of us so much pain especially my daughter." She said.
"That's true. I'm sorry to say this Bella but you really did a fucking number on me. I was completely crushed." I said with a trembling voice because I was back there seven years ago and I could feel every agonizing pain in my chest. Bella's head snapped up and glared back at me.
"I was just as hurt as you were. Yes, I should have stayed and gave you a chance to defend yourself and explain, but you did actually kiss her and it doesn't matter that it was for a second or five seconds or ten minutes for that matter, you kissed another girl. That image right there fucked my life up. So don't throw accusations around Edward." She lashed out.
"You're right and I'm sorry." I apologized. "We are quite the pair – totally screwed up." I joked.
"Yup, screwed up we are but we aren't a pair. There are you and there's me and that's it." She said harshly. Okay I take my words back; we're not a pair that's screwed up just Bella is. She definitely takes the cake in that category. Bella used to be so much fun to hang around with, now she's so serious all the time and fearful and careful as if someone was going to attack her at any moment.
"Bella that was a joke," I pointed out and she blushed crimson red.
"I'm going to bed, I'm beat." She announced and I nodded. Without a word she turned and left the music room.
What an eventful evening. When I woke up this morning and wished for answers I never actually thought that I would get them. I mean I've wished this for seven fucking years and nothing. Plus I always pictured Bella begging me for forgiveness after confessing that she cheated on me and left me for another man. I never thought that she left because I kissed Tanya.
This morning I had a debacle on how I would change the past if I could go back in time. I'm fucking torn now. I would definitely still fall in love with Bella because that is a feeling that no one can replace. It's a love that only comes along in life once and I have found that with Bella. Going back in time wouldn't be easy for me because I would still sleep with Tanya. As much as I loved Bella, I loved my children more and I wouldn't do anything to change that. I'm pretty relieved that that shit only exists in movies. I would be torn between choosing Bella and choosing a life without her.
Okay so now I have the answers I've been longing for. Still doesn't change the fact that I'm still broken over Bella. It didn't even give me a little closure, it just made everything worse. Now the list of 'what if' has gotten a lot bigger and it's definitely a heartbreaker.
I've been through hell living without Bella. Sure I had Jade and MJ, but my heart, lips, arms and body longed for Bella in a way only she could fill.
Bella's POV
In the safety off my room I cracked. I completely broke down. My chest heaved as painful sobs escaped my throat.
Seven years of pure hell. Seven years of beatings. Seven years of brutal abuse. Seven years of my daughter missing out on a life with her father.
And for what? For nothing…absolutely nothing. I let my stubbornness and pride get in the way of my happiness. I mean any normal person would have confronted them and demanded to know what the hell was going on. But no, not Bella Swan. She did what she knew best, she ran. And what the hell did I get out of that? A permanently scarred, fucked up body, screwed up heart, pretty screwed up mind and a daughter who feared for her mothers' life most of the time.
I can handle everything; the beatings, the scars even the sex I went through with Mike. But the fact that I ran away and caused so much pain in my daughter's life literally kills me. It feels as if my heart is being ripped out of my chest and being slashed into a million pieces with a rusty old sword. If I stayed and confronted Edward, I know my daughter would have had the childhood she deserved.
I groaned as I locked my hands in my hair. What have I done? Most importantly. How am I going to fix this? I'm scared out of my mind to tell Edward about Hayley. He missed almost seven years of her life and I know he's going to be livid. I have to tell him soon, he's not stupid. Hayley's seventh birthday is in five months. I'm surprised he hasn't figured it out yet. What if he wants nothing to do with her? No, Edward would never do that. Besides, I can see that he already loves her.
I crawled into the bed next to my daughter and couldn't stop looking at her. She's so beautiful. I bent down and kissed her head and couldn't control the newly formed tears from rolling down my cheeks. I'll never forgive myself for taking her away from Edward and by doing that causing her so much pain in life.
Emmett's POV
Yup, something's definitely going on. Their eyes are puffy, they have black circles around their eyes and none of them are speaking. So much for having fun at breakfast. We're back to the old boring breakfasts. I swear if it weren't for Hayley we'd all die out of boredom.
"When can you take me for another game drive, Emmie?" she asked and brought me back to reality. I sighed. As much as I'd like that it's just not possible this week. We're pretty busy and I barely see Rose during the day.
"I don't know sweetie, we're really busy at the moment. I promise to take you as soon as things slow down, is that okay?" I asked.
"I guess." She sighed and her whole face turned sad.
"What's wrong sweet girl?" I asked. I also realized at this moment, that I was the only one talking. No one else felt the need to have a conversation. It sort of pissed me off. What the hell happened last night between these two?
"I just miss you guys, all of you. You came in so late last night that I didn't get a chance to see any of you." She whispered. Bella's eyes filled with tears. She's not used to not seeing her daughter.
"Why don't you come with us today? I'm sure we can keep you busy at the office. What do you say Bella?" Edward asked and I almost fell out of my chair. Of course the loving, warm and kind Edward still freaks me out. I'm still waiting for his breakdown. We're just not used to seeing him like this and I guess it's going to take some getting used to. I loved seeing him like this though. Bella's whole face lit up and Hayley jumped out of her chair and straight into Edwards's arms.
Edward's face was priceless but it touched my heart in a warm way. My brother has been through absolute hell after losing those two beautiful children of his. I used to check up on him constantly, afraid that he might do something stupid. He deserves the love this sweet girl gives him.
To someone else the changes in Edward's life might be minor. But to me and even Rose, these changes are fucking huge. He's like a different man and it's almost as if I have my brother back.
Hayley was sitting on Edward's lap and she was thanking him for taking her with him today. His eyes were full of life and sparkled. He had this huge fucking grin on his face while looking down on Hayley's adorable face.
"What's on the agenda today, Eddie?" I couldn't help to use Hayley's name for Edward. He mouthed 'fuck off' and I doubled over in laughter. A very big part of my brother is back and I haven't even realized until now, how much I actually missed him.
Bella excused herself but not before I noticed the tears. I can't believe that that woman even has tears left to shed. How can one person go through so much pain in just seven years? You're not even supposed to go through that in a lifetime, let alone seven years. I don't even know half the stuff she went through, just the last time before she ran away. That was brutal enough and I can imagine that the other times were the same.
"Eddie can I-"I felt a sudden pain on my shin and knew he kicked me. "Ow, fu-"he kicked me again to remind me of Hayley's presence and that I should mind my language. "Ow, stop that" I yelled.
"Call me Eddie one more time and your balls are next." He whispered for only me to hear. I swallowed hard. My stomach aches just to think about it.
"Now, what was it that you wanted to ask?" he chuckled and I grinned. Now that's a lot of improvement right there. The gloomy morning turned out to be not so bad at all.
"I wanted to talk to you." I said.
"About?" he asked while chewing on a piece of toast. "Oh Rose, since Hayley's going to be at the lodge the whole day, why don't you join us? We could sure use the help." He asked Rosie and I felt excited at the thought of seeing the love of my life all day long.
"Sure, I'd love to Eddie," she chuckled and my eyes widened.
"If you dare to kick her Edward, I won't kick you in the balls, I'll chop them off." I said quickly but Edward only smiled. Wow, it really is good to see my brother smile. His face lights up and he looks alive. Two weeks ago he looked like the living dead and I was scared shitless every time I looked at him.
"That won't be necessary Em.' He smiled and once again he left me speechless. I know I'm not giving him the benefit of the doubt but come on. It's as if he went through an overnight change, literally. It can't be good and I'm still waiting for him to fold or crack or something.
"So Hayley, are you ready to spend the day with us?" he asked her while tickling her stomach. She wriggled on his lap while laughing out loud.
"Yeeeeeesssss," she squealed and I chuckled. It reminded me of Jade and how Edward used to spend hours at a time with her. He never seemed to get bored with her or even MJ. He adored his children and it's unfair that he had to lose them. It's more than unfair, I think it's pretty fucked up but that's just me.
I excused myself and went after Bella. I think she needs someone to talk to and let's face it; Rose is a no-no, I love her to death but she can be a bitch sometimes, still love her with my whole heart. I grinned. Rosie is one of a kind and once you get to know her and understand her, you'll love her for life.
I found Bella in the music room sitting behind the drum kit. I wondered if she played and why she always sits in the music room. She barely looked up when I walked through the door.
"Hey Bells," I said with a smile. She smiled back but it didn't reach her eyes. She's actually so easy to read.
"Do you play?" I asked the first thing that came to mind. She only nodded her head.
"I screwed up pretty bad." She whispered and although I don't have a fucking clue what she's talking about I shook my head sideways. I knelt in front of her and it scared the shit out of me to see Bella like this. She was beyond the living dead. So lifeless and broken.
"It can't be that bad." I encouraged her.
"I left Edward seven years ago without a word because I thought he was cheating on me with Tanya. I never asked him, I never gave him the chance to defend himself. I just assumed and ran off. I fucked his life up and my daughter's life. I don't care about my own life-"
"Bella stop. When will you realize that you can't change the past? What's done is done. You can do something about the future though." I whispered. "Besides, Edward is a grown man and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't change anything about the past, because of his children. They were his life Bella. As for Hayley…you did a pretty good job raising her in the circumstances you were in. It could have been a lot worse Bella."
"How?" she had to ask. I sighed.
"She never got hurt, he never touched her." I whispered and left it at that.
"I would have killed him if he did." She hissed.
"Hayley's going to be fine, Edward is already recovering. It's just you I'm worried about."
"Don't. I'll be fine. Besides, no one can help me." She said without any emotion. I sighed and gently squeezed her shoulder.
So Bella and Edward talked about what happened in the past. Personally I think it's a good sign. I just hope that they can work through their differences. Bella's going to need a lot of help though. That woman needs love and affection and she needs to learn what the word 'safe' means. Fear is controlling her life and a life controlled by fear is…well in my eyes it's pretty fucking useless. You can't let fear control your life because you won't have a life. And to top it off she's added guilt to her list of problems.
Rose was standing in front of our windows when I came into our bedroom. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed the back of her neck.
"Mmm, what was that for?" she asked before she turned around in the circle of my arms.
"Just because I love you so damn much and can't thank you enough for loving me back" I whispered against her lips. She brushed her lips against mine before deepening the kiss. Our lips moved together and I groaned while pulling her closer to me. I trail my tongue along her bottom lip asking for permission to enter and as soon as she parted her lips; my tongue slips in and starts dancing with hers. Kissing Rose always sends my heart into overdrive and makes my stomach flutter as if there were a million butterflies inside. Her lips feel like fire against mine burning with passion. I pulled away and she moaned.
"As much as I like that and like where that was going; we need to go work." I whispered against her lips. I don't know what came over me but as soon as I left Bella in the music room I wanted to see Rose. I just thought to myself how lucky we were for having such unique partners while Bella had a monster. I have never felt more grateful for having Rose in my life than right now. Loving her is the highlight of my day along with worshipping her and adoring her and caring for her. It's a job I love to do and everything else with Rose is a bonus.
"I love you more than anything babe," I said before giving her one last kiss.
"I love you too my monkey-man." She chuckled against my lips. I wiggled my eyebrows at her and she laughed out loud.
I have written this chapter over and over 3 times. It never came out right, so I hope I didn't disappoint you guys. The Emmett's POV is dedicated to theresa24.
Isabela is Online – next chapter will be Hayley/Edward time, I promise.
