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Xoxo

Georgie

Doorbells

Ryan approached Marissa's apartment, he needed to explain the situation with his Mom properly. It was the least he could do. He rang the bell. After getting no answer he rang it again. He waited 10 minutes and there was still no answer. Fuck, he thought as he remembered she'd said something about going to see her Mom. He weighed out his options. He could wait until tomorrow, but he probably wouldn't be in the 'mood' for talking tomorrow. No he had to go now.

He quickly got back into his car and backed out the driveway. He drove, watching as the beach flashed passed him and soon he was away, into a street of ridiculously huge houses. He pulled into the drive and got out. When he rang the doorbell on this house he got an answer.

"Ryan!" Julie said, shocked to see him stood there.

"Hi," Ryan said.

"Come in," Julie ushered Ryan into the house. "I take it you're looking for Marissa?"

"Yeah, she wasn't at home so I fig..." Before he could finish his sentence Jimmy came running down the stairs with a pink teddy bear in his hands. Marissa ran down after him, obviously trying to get the bear back.

"Look who I fo..." Jimmy didn't finish his sentence. "Oh, hi Ryan,"

"Hi," Ryan said as he watched Marissa glaring at her Dad.

"If you value your life you'll give me the bear!" She said.

"I'm sure Ryan wants to know all about Share Bear!" Jimmy grinned at Ryan. He hated to dampen the mood, but he really needed to talk to Marissa.

"Maybe later..." Ryan looked at Marissa. "Can we...talk?" He said. In a second he saw Marissa expression change from happiness to curiosity to worry.

"Sure, um, follow me," She said as she led him away from her parents, through some French doors and into the yard. There were sheets all over the patio, paint brushes and paint cans were scattered about the place. They sat down on a bench.

"The house needed painting and Dad decided it would be a fun family activity, so sorry about the mess... and the clothes," She added as she remembered she was wearing an old shirt of her Dad's with some joggers.

"It's fine," Ryan said and gave her a weak smile. He stared into her eyes silently.

"You wanted to talk...?" Marissa said.

"Marissa, I need to tell you about me, so you understand. I can't tell you everything, at least not now, but I'll tell you as much as I can. I don't do talking, so sometimes I'll probably speak to fast, just tell me if I am." She looked at him. She knew how hard it was for him to open up to people, to let his barriers down. She couldn't imagine how difficult it was going to be for him to relive the memories. But he was doing it. For her. "So, I never knew my Dad. Mom never said who he was or what he...meant to her. If he was a fling or something more. I don't know if he even knows he has a kid. I really don't know. I've got a brother, called Trey, he's my half brother and his Dad was off the scene, just like mine. I guess everything was ok. Well, probably not ok by your standards, but by Chino standards we did alright. Mom had a job at a laundrette and we went to school every day. Then Mom met this guy called Darren when I was 7. He was an alcoholic and Mom started to drink with him. Pretty soon she became addicted, to a lot more than just the alcohol. When he first started beating her up Trey tried to defend her, but in the end he couldn't do it anymore. He'd broken loads of bones and they never healed properly 'cause Darren wouldn't let him go to hospital. Then they broke up and Mom seemed to move from scumbag to scumbag, but none of them beat us up, so that was a...improvement. Trey started getting involved with gangs, which meant he spent most of his time on the streets or at the police station, so when Darren came back I was the only one there." Marissa found it so hard to look at him. He was hurting so much; she couldn't believe all this had happened to him. "Mom and Darren got back together and he moved in. I tried to defend her, but I was only 12 and he was a huge guy. Mom's addiction kept getting worse and worse and in the end she'd rather have drugs than me. She left me in the nearest home, it was a shit hole. I used to ride my bike out here, to Newport, it took me ages, but I'd do it, every weekend. I'm not sure why, maybe to look at all the things I'd never have. Sometimes I'd see a happy family on the beach and in my head I'd change the faces of the people so that it was me splashing about in the waves, so it was my Mom calling for me to not go too far out. I suppose it was jealousy. I used to think it was unfair, why did I have to be the one with a fucked up, lame excuse for a family. I guess it just made me stronger, more versatile. I got taught if you never dream, you never get disappointed. So that's what I did. I accepted the fact I was going to be Chino scum for the rest of my life." Thoughts rushed through Marissa's mind. How did he manage to become a lawyer? "Then Trey showed up. He showed me what life would be like for me, he said I'd turn out like him and he wasn't going to let me. He told me dreams cost nothing, so you may as well dream high. I worked hard at school, but I could never work my best, I'd get beaten up if I looked like a swot. Trey made me go to school every day, he'd check up on me every weekend. Made sure I was doing the right stuff; made sure I didn't join any gangs or do any stupid shit. Then he arranged all my college applications and drove me to my interviews. I would be nowhere without him. Then as soon as I got into a college, he disappeared. He said if I wanted to make it good, get away from Chino for real, I had to leave him behind. He made me promise not to go looking for him. I suppose at one point I hoped the letter was from him. He's the only person from my past who I'd want to see." That wasn't strictly true, but it would have been impossible for him to see the others ever again. "My Mom has no right to suddenly come into my life. She did nothing for me; she may as well have left, like my Dad. Just because I knew who my Mom was and I saw her, doesn't mean that she raised me anymore than my Dad did. Trey sacrificed making himself better, to make me better. He couldn't have a childhood 'cause he was always looking after me. I hate my Mom, not just because she fucked up being a Mom to me, but also because in fucking up with that she ruined any hopes of Trey's."

"Ryan..." Marissa didn't know what to say. She knew he wouldn't cry, she felt like crying for him. She had been totally oblivious that people had childhoods like that. That it was really real, that it wasn't just soap operas.

"It's ok," Ryan said. "I guess I just needed to tell you, so you'd understand,"

"I'm glad you did,"

"Me too," They kissed and in that moment Ryan felt everything was going to be alright. He'd tell her the rest of his life another time, it wouldn't matter when, all that mattered was that she was his future and hopefully never his past. Still in an embrace Ryan reached his hand down to the nearest pot of paint, dipped it in then slid his hand down Marissa face, getting the paint everywhere. He'd talked now he wanted some fun. She shot up, pulling away from the kiss. She put her finger on her cheek and brought it back into her view to see white paint all over it.

"RYAAAAAAN!" She screamed as she chased him back into the house. He grabbed Share Bear from where Jimmy had left it and it in front of him.

"You wouldn't want to hurt Share Bear!"

"RYAN PUT SHARE BEAR DOWN!"

"Touchy, have I got some completion in the form of a bear?" She raised her eyebrows. He put the bear down, put his hands on her cheeks, not caring that they were covered in paint, and pulled her in for a kiss. She didn't care that her parents had probably seen everything. He had finally opened up to her and that meant more than anything had ever done before. He trusted her. The moment was ruin by the sound of the doorbell. Marissa answered.

"Hi, Summer," Marissa said, looking at her best friend.

"Hey Coop," Summer was trying to find something in her bag and hadn't looked up to see Marissa's face. "I came to invite you all to a barbe...What the hell happened to your face?"

"Paint fight, want to join in?" Marissa teased, knowing her friends answer.

"If only I weren't in my best clothes..."

"That have baby sick down them?"

"Shit," Summer said, looking down at her top. There was nothing there. "Not funny Coop! Anyway, we're having a barbecue at Sandy and Kirsten's and you're all invited." Summer noticed Ryan behind Marissa. "Hey, Ryan,"

"Hey Summer," Ryan didn't look up he was too busy trying to find something to wipe the paint of his hand.

"You're coming too," Ryan had successfully found a towel and now looked up to answer Summer's question.

"I'm...when is it?"

"Tonight and don't worry it's just family,"

"I might be able to come," Ryan looked at Summer's glare. "I can defiantly come,"

"I was hoping for a signed contract, but I guess that will have to do. Now love birds, don't get too lost in each other and forget," Ryan looked at Marissa with his trademark sideways stare.

"Summer, what time do you want us there?"

"6...and Ryan...be prepared," Ryan's eyes widen with worry. Summer laughed at this. "Seth wants a video game tournament,"

"I don't do video games,"

"If you want to carry on being friends with Seth, you do." Summer smiled and turned. "See you later,"