Bad fic 7. Ish. Or maybe it's Eight. I mean 8. Seven?
Eight? Seven?
Eighty seven.
***
"Dear Decepticons." Megatron stood at a podium." 2007 Movie Barricade is no longer rapeable. Any Questions?"
"D'aww…" Came the collective reply from the gathered Decepticons. And those few Autobots in the back who you know snuck in.
In other news, D'aww is now a verb.
In other news, D'aww is now not a verb.
The plot device wants you to know that it is happy it is being overused.
Pleezeatron's giant tentacles scattered the battlefield, aiming at Autobots and Decepticons alike.
"Dammit! Starscream! This is all your fault!"
"Moi?!?!?! You're the one who used movie Soundwave's DNA to create this thing!"
NOTE: ROBOT DNA EXISTS. IT'S MURCURY AND CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM. JUST A SUBTLE REMINDER FOR ANY WHO DID NOT KNOW. Seriously, it was explained at the end of Transformers: RID. Except if you actually watched that series, then it was explained at the end of Transformers: Armada. But if you watched both of those… Then it was explained in Transformers: G42. Which has not happened yet.
"Nobody told me it had tentacles!"
"…"
"Well?"
"I was going to say 'You didn't ask', but that would be cliché."
"Megatron!" Yelled Optimus Prime from across the room. "How about a truce until we kill the giant tentacle rape monster?"
"Sure thing, Prime. Are you sure you don't want to step out of the cave and sacrifice yourself?
"For the 50th time, YES. I'M SURE."
"How bout you, Starscream?"
"For the 857th time, yes, I do not wish to step out of the cave into the waiting tentacles of a robo-rapist."
"Well… Dang, this is going to make for a very short chapter."
Later that day.
"Behold!" Megatron pulled a large cloth off of a giant machine gun, in front of a mixed Autobot/Decepticon group.
Oh. Sorry, 'Decepticon/Autobot group'. Position MATTERS. To the Decepticons.
"What is it?" Asked a nameless idiot. No one cares about you, Idiot!
"It is… The plot device!"
"Oh, look, a shard of the Continuity cube. Hey, wasn't the Plot device shaped like an alarm clock?" Asked nameless idiot number 2. We actually care a lot about you, nameless idiot number 2.
"No. The plot device was never shaped like an alarm clock. And I placed it inside this gun as a power source."
Prime raised his hand. "Where is it, Megatron?"
"It's over there, its the little thingy shaped like an alarm clock. It's duct-taped to the rowing paddle connected to the toilet paper gun barrel."
"I am… Unsure about the physics of this."
"Don't be. It's connected to a plot device. There's nothing safer in the world!"
Ugh. Idiot number 1 again. "Hey, uh. If we have the plot device, why do we need to attach it to a gun?"
"Do you understand nothing of physics?"
"Not the one's you're using."
So. Now they are back at the battlefield. Confronting a very bored tentacle rapist. He had passed the time playing solitaire with himself.
SOLITAIRE with himself. Get your mind out of the gutter. Sheesh.
The De/auto/cepti/bots/cons rolled out the homemade gun.
"Everyone stand back, for your safety."
"Yes, mother Optimus." Everyone said in monotone.
"Fire!"
The gun did nothing.
"This is where trouble starts, isn't it?"
"Every Con for themselves! Push down the Autobots!"
Mass pandemonium started. But stopped when the Monster let out a roar and picked up the gun.
Then the Gun exploded, causing a rip in time, transporting the monster to… later in their own time stream, but they don't have to deal with it now.
"Ha!" Megatron cheered. "It worked!"
"No it didn't!" Starscream didn't agree. "You're gun didn't shoot it!"
"Ah, but it wasn't really a gun. It was a cleverly disguised hand grenade."
"It was the size of a house!"
"A really cleverly disguised hand grenade."
