Hey everyone! Hope you all had a nice week, and that you enjoy this chapter C: I do have some bad news, though. I have a friend of mine coming in from out of town and spending the week at my house, so I won't have an update next Sunday D: BUT, I promise I'll be back on schedule the Sunday after that for sure. I'm sorry though, I feel really bad making all of you lovely people waiting for a whole two weeks. But here's to hoping this chapter can tide you all over until then c:
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"Seasons May Change"
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Chapter 7: "Burn the Bridge"
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"Nothing's ever gonna bring us down, 'cause nothing can keep me from loving you.
It don't matter what'll come to be,
Our love is all we need to make it though."
~ Darren Criss, "Not Alone" ~
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The walk back was a silent one. Hiccup's mind was buzzing with so many thoughts and questions that speaking was the last thing on his mind. Leaving the Elder's hadn't calmed him down much at all.
And now, sitting on his bed, he realized that it was only noon, but already he felt like his head might burst from everything that had happened.
From the doorway came a soft croon, and Hiccup lifted his gaze to see Toothless standing there, looking at him worriedly. He gave a soft smile, and motioned for Toothless to come over. The dragon walked into the room and took a seat on the bed next to him.
He swept a hand through his hair, letting out a long breath as he did so. Looked at Toothless. "So, just to make sure I have this straight," he said tiredly. "You were gone for eight days. During that time, you were off, somewhere, making a deal with the Gods." He paused for a moment, still unable to completely take in that information. "So you could take on this form? And all of that leads back to me, as a test?"
Toothless looked troubled all the while Hiccup spoke. He was still for a moment, then slowly nodded his head.
Hiccup let out a sarcastic chuckle and hung his head. "How am I even supposed to react to that?" he asked, the inquiry directed more to the floor than Toothless. Silence rung between them, heavy and uncomfortable.
"Is there something I need to do?" he asked then. He looked up, his gaze steady on the dragon, eyes now pleading. "A certain way I need to act? Something that I have to say?"
Toothless stared at him for a long time, his eyes wide and lost. It was then that Hiccup really noticed how upset he looked. His demeanor softened. He reached over and took the dragon's hand in his own and squeezed it.
"I'm sorry," he sighed. "I don't mean to seem like I'm angry about all this or anything. It's just.. a lot to take in, you know?"
Toothless didn't look reassured. If anything, he looked even more disconcerted. "I shhhould be the ooone to apologiize," he said then. "I obviousssly did nottt think things through when I did thisss. I.. did not thiiink of how it might hurttt you."
Hiccup faltered, unsure of what to say. A bubble of affection swelled up inside his chest, and he was unable to prevent the soft smile that melted onto his features.
"It's okay," he said, and he meant it. "Whatever this is, I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm just.. overreacting."
Toothless seemed a little unsure at first, but he too allowed himself to smile. He shifted a bit closer and rested his forehead against the boy's.
Hiccup let his eyes fall shut, and it was then that he finally felt himself begin to calm down. All of what he had just found out, there was no denying that it wasn't huge. It was more insane than he ever would have imagined, and he was definitely still a little uncertain about it all, but he just had to remember that it all came down to Toothless. And with him, Hiccup knew that things would be alright. That alone made him feel better.
"This dragon loves you very, very much."
Hiccup's stomach gave a small lurch, his eyes drifting open. He spoke Toothless' name, and the dragon lifted his head back up, looking down at him attentively. A little hesitantly, Hiccup reached his free hand up and brought it to Toothless' face, stroking idly with the pad of his thumb.
The Elder's words hadn't surprised him, really. He'd reacted because he was frightened of her knowing about it, but the statement itself hadn't been anything new. Love. He'd been uncertain of saying it to him the previous night, even though he knew deep down that there was no other word for it. As young as he was, and never having felt it before, he still knew. He knew it was how he felt, because he knew that Toothless felt the same. When he really thought about it, it had always been there, lying dormant, waiting to be realized.
"Do you love me?" Hiccup asked then, his tone clear. Toothless made no physical reaction. He simply looked at Hiccup, and answered, "Yes."
Hiccup's heart thudded loudly against his ribcage. He wet his lips. "Will you.. say it?"
Toothless' expression changed this time, a gentle smile playing upon his lips. "I love you."
Hiccup thought he felt himself melting. While the words weren't unexpected, it still felt really, really good to hear them.
And suddenly, the words came easily.
"I love you, too."
Toothless smiled wider, his green eyes shining. Hiccup leaned closer and kissed him, long and soft. Strong arms wound around his back, bringing him nearer, his own hands combing through raven hair.
Hiccup thought idly about how new this all was to him. These kisses, soft, and intimate. The way they touched one another, how easily they fit together. How completely and utterly happy he was with him, how Toothless made him feel like no one else had before.
At the same time though, in the far depths of his mind, he still felt a little scared. Not just because of what they were doing, but just how easily he lost himself in all of it. But.. with Toothless, he was safe. No matter what would come to be with this, Hiccup knew that they'd be alright.
Hiccup felt warm all over when they finally broke apart. Some time went by, the both of them just looking at one another, and whether it was a second, or several minutes, he wasn't sure. It felt almost surreal. He wondered if he'd ever get used to this.
Toothless moved closer to initiate a second kiss, but just as their mouths came together, there was a knock on the front door downstairs.
Hiccup groaned into the now-awkward kiss. Toothless didn't move, neither away from the boy or closer. Hiccup was the first one to pull away, though rather reluctantly. He glared at the wall, waiting for whoever was outside to knock again.
When they did, Hiccup released a dramatic sigh. He stubbornly remained still for a few seconds longer before moving to get up.
"I'll be right back," he told Toothless. And with a reassuring squeeze of his hand, he lifted himself from the bed and left the room.
Another set of knocks sounded through the house as he made his way down the stairs. He made a face, and didn't bother to put on a smile when he finally opened the door. It was replaced rather immediately with a completely different expression however, upon seeing the person standing there.
Astrid stood, her hand poised to knock again, and a mildly surprised look on her face when Hiccup opened the door before she could do so. He was honestly shocked to see her though, seeing as how he didn't remember a time when she'd actually knocked on the door. She had always just let herself in, unannounced most of the time.
"Hiccup!" she said then. She let her hand fall back down to her side. Bit her lip. "How are you?"
For a moment, he was silent. She seemed weird. Not herself. And it made him feel extremely uneasy.
"I'm.. fine," he finally answered. "What about you?"
"Good!" she said a bit too quickly. "I'm alright. But listen, I.. I just wanted to ask if you wanted to come over tonight? With everything that happened, we didn't have our dinner together. Well, to tell the truth, we haven't spent much time together at all lately.." She trailed off, her gaze drifting uncomfortably to the doorframe. "I mean, I know it's not the day we normally have it, but it'd just be nice if we could hang out, you know?"
Hiccup swallowed, his body itching with discomfort. He kept himself composed though, managing a small smile. "Yes! Yes, that's sounds.. of course. Er, around sundown then?"
She beamed. "Yeah, that's good. My parents won't be back from the docks till late, so yeah, that works out."
He swallowed. "Okay, I'll see you then."
"Alright," she said. Happily, she took a step forward and kissed him on the cheek. "See you."
The moment she'd begun walking away from the cabin, Hiccup closed the door, glad to let the fake smile disappear from his face. He stared at the door, unmoving, feeling sick.
"I'm gonna tell her."
His voice was slightly muffled against cloth. He and Toothless were sitting on the floor underneath his bedroom window, Hiccup leaned over with his face buried in the dragon's shoulder.
Toothless didn't say anything. Just rubbed Hiccup's shoulder in small circles. It helped. A little.
"I'm not ready."
There was a missed beat, a small pause, but he kept on with the soothing ministrations. "I am.. nottt suuure what to say."
"It's okay. You don't need to say anything."
Above them, the window showed the sun dipping lower and lower into the sky, turning the room a glowing orange.
"Aaare you sure?" Toothless asked then. Hiccup stiffened. Looked up.
"What do you mean?"
The dragon said nothing, but just looked at the boy with those wide eyes. The look on his face was a good enough answer though, and Hiccup stared him disbelievingly. "You mean telling Astrid about us? Of course I'm.. why wouldn't I be?"
Toothless looked unsure. He pursed his lips, his gaze dropped downward for a moment before bouncing back up to Hiccup. "I feel like this isss hurting yoouu. Are you sssure this iss what you want?"
Hiccup opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. So instead, he pulled Toothless down to him, kissing him deeply. Seconds passed before Hiccup broke the kiss. He pulled away just far enough to bring his lips to the dragon's ear.
"I love you," he whispered fervently. He let Toothless go, who now wore an expression of surprise. Hiccup smiled. "And it's because of that that I know I have to do this. It's going to be hard, but you.. are worth it."
Toothless remained still for only a moment before opening his arms. Hiccup fell into them, into the endless warmth and comfort, and he wished he could stay there through the night.
He knocked on Astrid's door just as the sun disappeared behind the ocean. His heart thudded painfully inside of him, absolutely terrified. He picked idly at the fur on his vest to try and calm himself down. It didn't work. Especially when the door opened and Astrid grinned at him. He thought his chest might explode. She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him inside.
"Astrid," he said once the door was closed, though a little too quietly, as she just continued past him toward the kitchen. She opened a cabinet and pulled out two mugs.
"Do you want the bigger one, Hiccup? Or does it matter?" she asked, her voice lighter than he thought he had ever heard it. She was still acting weird..
He remained still, and in the sternest voice he could muster, "Astrid."
She heard him this time. She turned, slowly setting the mugs on the table in front of her, her expression a little surprised.
He faltered. Didn't know what to say. He had tried to plan out what he would say to her on the way here, but he didn't remember any of it now. His heart continued to hammer away in his chest.
"I need to talk to you."
Her demeanor changed almost immediately. Her shoulders slumped, her hands resting flat against the tabletop. She looked at him, her gaze steady, mouth pursed in a thin line. Overall, she looked as though.. she had been expecting him to say that.
He wished desperately for something, anything, to tell him how he needed to say this. Some kind of guidebook. 'How to Dump Your Girlfriend'. Yeah, that sounded good.
"Astrid," he said again. "I'm not.. I don't exactly.." He bit his lip, feeling more and more like an idiot as the seconds ticked by. Gods, how he just wanted to run out of house and away from her.
Astrid moved then. Her eyes stuck on him, she walked, rather quickly back over to him, stopping just an inch away. The step he took backward was immediate and involuntary, but she grabbed him by the collar and kissed him hard on the mouth. The noise that escaped his throat was also immediate and involuntary, and it was all he could do to keep his hands from pushing back on her shoulders.
She released him rather quickly, much to Hiccup's relief. She kept a tight hold on his shirt however, and her face still extremely close to his own. Her hard, gray eyes bore into him, her expression stern now.
"You never kiss me back," she said.
He felt his stomach drop. "Astrid.. I'm-"
"Don't," she interrupted. Her voice however, was much softer than he expected it to be. It wasn't cold, it wasn't angry. Just, there. Slowly, she let go of his collar, and took a step back. "So.. you wanted to tell me that you want to split up, right?"
He gaped at her. But he gave it his all to snap out of his dumbfounded state, stand straight, and utter a single word. "Yes."
Her gaze fell, as did the corners of her mouth. "I'm really not surprised. Things have always been kind of.. I should've said something a month ago when I started noticing.." She bit her lip, didn't finish. "But I.. care about you. A lot. Hiccup." She looked back up to him. "Can't we.. I don't know, talk this out? Is there something we can figure out?"
A moment passed between them in absolute stillness and silence. Hiccup didn't know what to say. He should tell he exactly what was going on, but he just couldn't. He could barely break up with her, let alone tell her why. At least not the full story. Not now.
His lack of an answer seemed to be answer enough, because Astrid seemed to slump over. A sad smile appeared on her face. "Okay," she said quietly. "Okay."
He moved to reach out and touch her shoulder, but he stopped. He wanted to apologize, but nothing in his head sounded anywhere near good enough. She probably wouldn't believe him anyway. He didn't blame her.
"I'm.. sorry," he pushed out, his voice unsteady. "Someday, I want to be able to tell you what's going on right now, but.. I can't now. I'm sorry, Astrid, really I am."
She looked at him for a moment, taking in his words. She shrugged. "It's.. if there's nothing to be done about it, then it can't be helped. I.." she hesitated, brought her arms around herself. "Could you leave?"
His heart sunk. He didn't dare protest though. He simply nodded, trying his hardest not to look as upset as he felt. And without another moment's hesitation, he turned and left the cabin.
Toothless was sitting on the front steps when he came back. The sight of him made Hiccup's footsteps lighter somehow. He trudged up to him, coming to a stop at the bottom step. Toothless got up and had the boy in his arms in an instant. Briefly Hiccup worried about the fact that they were outside, but he dismissed it. It was dark out, and he honestly didn't care much anyway. He needed this warmth. Needed it like he needed air. He clung to him with no intention of moving away anytime soon.
Much to his disappointment however, Toothless pulled away. "I thought we cooouuuld spend the niiight in the grotto againnn," he said, gesturing to a pile of blankets on the steps that Hiccup hadn't noticed before. "I figured you woouuld want sssome time away from the village."
Hiccup's gaze returned to Toothless from the blankets and back again. Then he smiled. "Yeah. That sounds great," he said. "Thank you."
Toothless returned the smile, planting a warm kiss to the boy's forehead before detaching himself from him completely. He reached behind him to bundle up the blankets, holding them with both arms. Wordlessly, they began their trek into the woods.
The sky above them was cloudless, the stars shining brightly against the black. Hiccup laid out one of the blankets on the ground, half underneath a pine tree. He settled himself down onto it, and immediately let himself fall back, arms spread out and relaxed. Toothless was next to him soon after, bringing the other blanket along with him, making sure to cover the both of them.
He propped himself up on one elbow. Brushed a stray piece of rust colored hair from Hiccup's face. "Aaare you alright?"
Hiccup wasn't sure how to answer. He didn't know how he felt, really. He thought he'd be at least a little happy that he'd broken it off with Astrid so he wasn't betraying her anymore, but if anything, he felt like he was only betraying her even more. He didn't tell her about Toothless. How could he? But by not telling her, she might even assume that it was her fault that he'd wanted to split up. He felt like he was still lying to her.
"I will be," he finally settled on. "So long as I've got you, anyway."
Toothless smiled. Leaned down and rested his forehead against Hiccup's. "You will alwayssss haaave me."
