Chapter 7

For Dawn, the world had stopped. It stopped the second she felt his lips on hers. Ten minutes ago didn't matter anymore. Hell, a day ago didn't matter anymore. All that mattered to her, at that moment, was that his lips felt and tasted just as she'd always imagined they would. Though she could smell the alcohol on his breath, she wanted to believe that he was kissing her because he wanted to - because he was attracted to her - and not because he was under the influence of an intoxicating substance. Maybe she was kidding herself, but at that moment, she didn't care. All she cared about was that it was finally happening. She was kissing Xander Harris. What this meant for them, she'd worry about when the kiss was over – for at that moment, she felt a sense of life fulfillment, as if she'd fulfilled her purpose.

I'm quiet, you know

You make a first impression

I've found I'm scared to know

I'm always on your mind

Xander Harris - the only man in her life that had ever really mattered to her on such a profound level, and into their first kiss she was throwing every bit of that emotional security she had in whatever kind of relationship they were now to have. If there were a moment that she wished she could hold on to forever, this was it. Not her technical first kiss with Justin. Not becoming a full-fledged member of the Scooby Gang. Not standing up to her sister last year when she tried to force her to leave Sunnydale, rather than stay and help with The First. Not independently slaying at least three Turok-Han vampires. It was this.

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the stars refuse to shine

Out of the back you fall in time

I somehow find

You and I collide

The moment his lips abruptly left hers, the moment he pulled away, she felt a sense of loss. Their arms were still around each other, and their bodies were still pressed against each other, yet somehow the intimacy had left, and in its place was a question that would need an answer. A combination of shock, confusion, and fear on his face, it was Xander who finally asked the question. "What does this mean?"

"Well, Xander, what do you want it to mean?" was Dawn's light-hearted answer. Though clearly not light-hearted enough, as the look on his face still indicated to her that he'd just made a terrible, tremendous mistake.

"I… Why did I do that?" She could hear the regret in his voice.

"Don't ask me. Ask yourself."

As if just now realizing how close they still were, he finally retracted his arms from around her and reached down and turned off the music. He slowly made his way around the coffee table back to the couch and sat dawn, burying his face in his hands. Dawn was completely frozen in place, unsure of what to do or say to get them out of this predicament. Finally, she slowly began approaching him, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Xander…"

He looked up rather fast, startling her. "Dawn, why did you let me do that? Why did you let me make such a drastic move? Shit. Buffy is going to kill me."

"Buffy doesn't have to know," she reasoned, tears forming in her eyes. "We can even forget it happened ourselves."

"Life doesn't work like that and you know it," he said rather sternly, removing her hand from his shoulder. "I know you have more sense than to think that it does. I've completely screwed up."

"You haven't screwed up," she argued. She wanted to put her hand back where it was, but she refrained. "Like I said, Buffy doesn't have to know. We can keep it between us."

"But doesn't it change things? Between us?"

"It…doesn't have to."

"But it does. I was out of line, Dawn. Completely out of line."

"I…I wouldn't say that." She was running out of arguments.

"You're Buffy's sister!" he shouted, startling Dawn once more. "Don't you know I had a crush on Buffy in high school? Don't you realize how…awkward this is for me?"

She gulped. "Are you…are you saying, 5 years later, you have a similar crush on me?"

"I don't know what it is," he murmured. He almost sounded disgusted with himself. "All I know is, when I look at you, I don't see a 14-year-old anymore. I don't even see a 15, 16, or 17-year-old anymore. I see a grown woman. A beautiful grown woman at that. And that scares me. I remember when I used to babysit you, Dawn. Hell, that's kind of what I'm doing now. I'm supposed to be your guardian. I'm not supposed to be looking at you with any sort of…desire. I feel like a damned pedophile."

"You're not a pedophile, Xander," Dawn asserted, sighing. "And you know I've never looked at you as my babysitter. I've always looked at you as a friend. You were a good friend of Buffy's, and then over time, as I got older, you became a good friend of mine. I felt like I could count on you more than I even could my own sister. Buffy wasn't always there when I needed someone to talk to, but you were. I'll admit I have major abandonment issues, but you know what? You're the one person, the only person in my life, who has yet to abandon me."

"And that makes me all the more sorry," he murmured, standing up. With his head, he pointed over to what was still left of the wine on the coffee table. "Put the rest of that in the fridge, will ya? Don't want it to go to waste." With that, he went over to the coat hanger by the door, removed his coat, and hurriedly began putting it on.

"Xander, what are you doing?"

"I need to think."

"And you have to leave to do that? Where are you going?"

"O'Daniel's. The bar up the street. You know, the one I usually go to."

"Xander, you've had enough drinks for one night!"

"What time is it?"

Dawn found herself a little taken aback by this question. She pulled out her phone from her pocket, wondering to herself what difference it made what time it was when he'd already had three drinks. Looking back up at Xander, she said, "It's almost 11:30."

"Well, then the night's still young," he remarked, retrieving his keys from the mantle. "You may be asleep by the time I get home. If you are, have a good day at work tomorrow."

"Xander…"

Opening the door, he added, "And I'm sorry again for screwing up."

"You haven't screwed up anything! That's what I'm trying to tell you if you would just listen to me!" she shouted, panic building up inside. "Xander, please…"

He shook his head. "You may not realize it yet, but I have."

"But.."

"Bye, Dawn." With that, he shut the door behind him on his way out.

*At the bar*

Turning off the ignition in O'Daniel's parking lot, Xander elected not to get out right away. Instead, he stayed seated in the pitch blackness of the car, his head flooded with thoughts. Adjusting the mirror and looking at himself in it, he sighed. "Xander, you never were one who knew how to stay out of trouble," he remarked out loud to himself. "Or how to leave well enough alone. I can't believe I did that. I've made a complete mess of things between Dawn and me. Maybe I ought to send her back to Cleveland to live with Buffy and the others. At least then she wouldn't have to worry about some 23-year-old pervert coming on to her again. I'm obviously inept at playing the guardian role for a teenager." He paused, looking out the side window. Then, as if he'd thought about it some more, he added, "Though she wouldn't exactly be safe there. It's another Hellmouth, so she would have to deal with demons and vampires all over again. She'd be about as safe there as she was in Sunnydale." With that, he let out another sigh, then finally unlocked the door with the intention of getting out. He'd had enough of arguing with himself.

As he walked in, he didn't bother looking around to see if he recognized anyone there. Familiars or strangers, right now he didn't care. He looked straight ahead as he quickly made his way over to the bar and sat down at his usual spot. The bartender, an older man, quickly made his way over to him, having seen him walk in. There was a smile on his face, one that Xander would have returned if not for the circumstances.

"Well, hello there," he said cheerfully. "Been a while. How've you been, Xander?"

"Good up till tonight," he murmured. "I'll have my usual."

"A Jack?"

"Yes."

When he came back with his drink, he waited not a moment more to ask. "You look troubled, son. May I ask what happened?"

"A girl happened, I guess you could say."

"Ah," the bartender said, nodding his head as if he understood. "Well, Xander, in these situations it's best to always keep in mind that there are plenty more fish in the sea. I know that may not be what you want to hear right now, but it's true."

"I kissed her," he elaborated, not bothering to look up.

Confused, the bartender asked, "And…you didn't like it? Or she didn't like it?"

"I did it because I was buzzed… And curious. And because she looked beautiful in that dress. Then again, she looks beautiful in anything she wears. But yes, I liked it. As for her, I'm not sure. She didn't say one way or the other," Xander explained, pausing to pick up the Jack in front of him. After taking a sip of it, he added, "I mean, she didn't pull away. She returned the kiss. But Jeff, she's… She's a bit younger than me. I feel like I took advantage."

"How old is she?"

"She's 17. Almost 18." If Jeff was taken aback by this, he didn't show it. His calm expression did not change.

"I see," Jeff said. "Did you ask her whether she felt she was being taken advantage of?"

"No," Xander answered. "I guess I should have."

Jeff nodded in agreement. "You know, you really should be with her talking about all this, instead of being here talking about it with me."

"I guess you're right about that as well," Xander murmured, taking another sip. "I'll only stay a few minutes. I've got to clear my head."

Jeff nodded again. "Best of luck to you, Xander. You're a good guy. I have other customers to tend to, but it was good seeing you again. Let me know if you need anything else."

"I will, thanks." With that, Jeff was gone.

Xander quickly found himself spacing out, with no one or nothing else to give his attention to except for the alcoholic beverage in front of him, although he wasn't giving much attention to the fact that he was taking a sip of it just about every half a minute. Even how long he'd been sitting there was unknown to him. Could've been 5 minutes, could've been half an hour. Trapped in his thoughts about Dawn and what had happened between them, his cup was almost empty and his buzz had almost returned when he suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder. When he turned around, he couldn't have been more unprepared for who was there.

"Hello, Xander," she mused, smiling.

"Serena?" His initial reaction was to want to get up and run right out of the bar, away from the nonsensical woman. However, knowing that would be rather immature of him, he decided to, instead, stand his ground. "When did you get here?"

"Oh, I've been here a while," she said, laughing. "I was here even before you were. I saw you walk in. I didn't approach you right away though because… well, quite frankly, I wasn't sure how. I had to build up the courage. You know, after the way our date went. Which, by the way, I'm very sorry about. You're a good looking guy, Xander. I feel terrible that I blew my chance."

"Yes, well," Xander began, pausing to finish the last bit in his cup. "It's all past now, isn't it? I'm not all that upset by it anymore."

"That's good," she said calmly, taking the seat next to him. "Still, I'm sorry nonetheless."

"Thanks," he murmured. His cup now empty, he debated on whether to flag Jeff down to order another one or call it quits. How long have I been here anyway? he wondered. Before this conversation with Serena progresses any further, I need to get home to Dawn. She's probably worried about me.

"So, what brings you here?" Serena asked, breaking his concentration.

"Me? Oh. I just-" He paused, sighing. No harm in telling her the truth I suppose. "I got in a fight with a friend. Well, my roommate."

"Oh. I see."

"Not getting jealous, are ya?" he teased. When she didn't answer, just looked at him, he wanted to kick himself in the ass right then and there. He cleared his throat. "There's no reason to get jealous though, if you are. She's still in high school. I'm uh, I'm friends with her sister as well, and since her sister is always so busy, I basically offered to take her in and care for her for the remainder of her high school years. Make sure she keeps her grades up and, well, graduates."

"That was very sweet of you, Xander," she answered, slowly putting her hand on top of his. He retracted a bit, and as if sensing his hesitation, she added, "There's no reason to be uncomfortable. My problem is that I can get..over-emotional at times. But I can assure you I'm working on that. In the weeks since our date, I've reevaluated my life, and I've realized that I need to have better control over my emotions. That's why I'd love it if you gave me another chance."

"I don't know, Serena…"

"Am I too late? Have you met someone else?"

"No, it's not that. It's just… My roommate."

"What about her?"

"Well, like I said, she and I got in a fight tonight."

"Did she refuse to do her homework or something?" she teased, her hand still on top of his.

"I'm afraid it's a little more serious than that," he murmured. "And I'd rather you not make jokes at her expense. She's mature for her age."

"Okay, sorry," she said, laughing. "She sure gave me no indication that she was on the phone. Oh, wait, you probably don't know about that."

"She is," Xander asserted, finally removing his hand from under hers. "And yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I happened to walk in toward the end of the conversation. Just as she was telling you goodbye."

"Well," she began. "I suppose I'll excuse the way she talked to me now that I know her age."

"I wouldn't give her any trouble," Xander warned. "She was just trying to protect me. I'm protective of her as well, and honestly, if I'd been in her shoes and her in mine, I probably would've done the same. She thought hearing from you would upset me."

"You must really care about her," Serena mused. "She's lucky to have you for a friend and roommate. If I may ask though, where are her parents?"

"Her and her sister's father chooses not to involve himself with the family," Xander muttered bitterly. "And as for their mother, she died a few years ago from a brain aneurysm. So, it should go without saying that all they have for a family is each other. Which is why it's such a shame they don't get to spend more time with each other. Her sister, she has one of those 24/7 jobs. She doesn't really get a day off."

"Why doesn't she quit?"

"That…really isn't an option."

"Honestly though, isn't she her responsibility?"

"She's my responsibility too!" Xander shouted, clearly getting upset. He slammed his fist on the table, startling Serena. "As long as she's my friend, she's my responsibility! She wasn't forced upon me, Serena. I willingly took her in. That's what you're not understanding."

"Okay, I'm sorry," Serena surrendered. "Look, don't get upset. Wasn't my intention. I meant it when I said I want another chance. What would you say to coming with me back to my place? You don't have to stay the night or anything like that. Just stay for a few hours."

"What's in it for me?" Xander asked rather bluntly.

"Well," Serena began. She took his hand in hers. "I have a couch, and an assortment of movies." She smiled. "Or if you'd rather talk about what happened between you and your roommate, we can do that. I'm a good listener. Maybe I'll even have some advice."

"I fail to see how it's any of your business," Xander murmured, pulling his hand away. Serena's smile faded. "I've told you too much about it already. Besides, it's getting late."

"So is that a no?" Serena asked, feeling defeated.

"It's definitely a no. I've got to get home."

"That's too bad… Maybe another time."

"I blocked your number, you know."

"Then unblock it," Serena half-ordered, half-pleaded. "Let me make up for what I've done. Give me the benefit of the doubt and another chance. Honestly, I mean no harm to anyone."

"Look, I'll think about it," Xander answered, standing up. "But right now, I've got more important things to think about. Dawn's probably still awake, waiting on me to get home. I've got to fix things with her. The longer I stay here, the more I'm letting her down. Goodbye."

"Xander, I just have one more question," she said, her smile now completely gone.

"What is it?"

"Do you have…feelings for Dawn?"

"Feelings? That's a rather broad word to use. She's my friend, of course I have feelings."

"Let me rephrase the question then," Serena requested. "Are your feelings for her…strictly platonic?"

"I… I don't know," Xander admitted, frozen in place.

"Because if they aren't, I feel the need to remind you of the law," Serena warned. "While the age of consent here in Ohio is 16, she can only consent to sex with another minor. Not with an adult like yourself. The charge for that can be as low as a misdemeanor, or as severe as statutory rape. So, if she is not yet 18, I highly suggest things remain between you as they are."

"You're jumping the gun here, Serena," Xander murmured.

"Am I?" she asked slyly. Her smile had returned.

"You stay away from me and Dawn," he ordered sternly. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to manipulate me."

"I'm doing no such thing!" she shouted, standing up.

"Not even into giving you another chance?" he accused. "Look, Serena, I'm not stupid. I know the law. That's part of the reason I'm so hesitant. But believe me when I say that I would take things at a turtle's pace with Dawn. I wouldn't rush her into anything she wasn't ready for. I have the utmost respect for Dawn. I've gone without sex for over a year, Serena. I think I can manage to go another 4 months. But if by the time she turned 18 she still wasn't ready, then we'd wait even longer. It's not a big deal to me. Now, assuming you're through with your warnings, I have one for you – Stay out of my business." Before she could saying anything more, he'd turned and quickly made his way up the aisle to the door. She watched as the door shut behind him, frozen in place.

She waited a few minutes, giving him time to get in his car, start it up, and pull out from the parking spot. When she thought she'd waited long enough, she then made her way up the aisle to the door and stepped outside. Her timing was perfect. She immediately recognized his car as it sped past the bar's entrance. Walking up behind it, she took a mental note of the license plate.

"OFP-857." She repeated it to herself a few times.

*Back at the house*

"I just don't know what to do anymore… I feel like it's hopeless. It's 1:30 in the morning and he's still not home… I can't go to bed until he does," Dawn said to Allison on the phone, wiping the tears from her face. It was at that moment that she heard keys turning in the door. She almost jumped out of her skin. "Oh, I hear him now. I've got to go. Thanks, Allison. I know, I'm sorry too. I'm glad we've made up. Okay, I'll see you at work tomorrow. Bye." Just as the door opened, she put down her phone.

In stepped Xander. He looked over at her on the couch and sighed, as if relieved that she was still awake. Still, he waited until he'd shut the door and placed his keys back on the mantle. It was then that he flatly stated, "Dawn, we need to talk."

She nodded her head. "I agree."