-- RomanceDOTcom --
07: In Holy Matrimony
Friday July 16, 2004
Capheine says: Started writing despite myself. I'm kind of bored right now, so excuse the lack of stuff in this author's note. On with the story.
"She's leaving."
For a moment Tohru was confused. 'She's leaving'? Who's leaving? Then it hit her.
"Kagura's leaving?! Wha-why-how?!" she asked frantically. Kagura's leaving meant Yuki's broken heart meant a lot of pieces to clean up meant a lot of depressed Yuki and horrible things.
And how was it that Yuki was here in the first place? She had just been talking to him online!
Tohru led Yuki into her apartment, her hand hovering just above his shoulder, and settled him upon her couch. He tried to look collected and composed, but it was obvious that he was tired and panicked. Yuki looked like he had run here; sprinted across busy streets and slipped past disgruntled pedestrians. Both seated, he continued with his story. "I don't know!" he burst, placing his hands neatly on his lap, but clenching them until his knuckles were white. "She told me over the phone... said that she didn't want to be so dependent... dependent, I don't know what she's talking about... going to Europe to achieve... achieve more," he panted. He was still gasping for breath and his eyes were still terribly, terribly panicked. Yuki finally let his visage slip and didn't look like he was even trying to be suave or cool anymore.
He was losing the love of his life.
Tohru jumped up and hurried into the kitchen. I need to get him drink to water. I mean, water to drink. Something to nerve his calms... calm his nerves... does Aspirin help in times like these?! she fretted.
"She said she didn't want to be 'the girlfriend' anymore... what does that mean? What does it all mean?! Do you know?!" he asked pained, looking as if he was on the verge of grabbing her shirt and shaking her for answers.
"I-I... No! I don't, I don't understand why Kagura would leave either! When's she leaving, why's she leaving, how could she leave?! Are you sure you didn't just hear her wrong or something? It's possible that this was just a misunderstanding!" Tohru pressed, leaving the glass of water on the coffee table.
He was running his hands through his hair now, messing it up even further. He seemed to have regained at least some of his artificial composure. "No. She simply called me and told me that she was leaving. She was going far away to be ... alone?"
The panic had left his eyes now, but he still looked so confused. Yuki leaned back on Tohru's couch. "I don't understand..." he murmured, closing his eyes.
Tohru took this quiet moment as a window of opportunity to properly hand him the water. He stared at the glass as if it was a completely foreign object to him, but eventually started to sip the water gingerly.
She felt guilty, but Tohru wandered back to the computer anyway:
[ Captivated ] says: I'm sorry, a friend just popped over
[ Captivated ] says: He needs me right now
[ Captivated ] has signed off.
Just the act of typing made her skin crawl. The person she was talking to wasn't supposed to exist. Yuki was here, at her apartment. She wasn't supposed to be able to talk to him online. Then again... he could have been talking to her, gotten the phone call, sprinted over in, well, about three seconds and collapsed on her doorway. It could've been possible. Tohru was willing to accept that pitiful answer in substitute of another.
Yuki could have been a ghost.
Yes, a ghost.
It was a stupid thought, but Tohru looked over her shoulder just to check if Yuki was indeed solid flesh and bone and not a figure composed solely of ectoplasm.
Fingers still tingling, she wandered her way back to the Yuki on her couch. Answers to her questions would have to come later. Right now, she had a distraught friend to take care of.
"Please relax. Tell me from the beginning..."
[ Captivated ] says: I'm sorry, a friend just popped over
[ Captivated ] says: He needs me right now
[ Captivated ] has signed off.
So Little Tohru's involved with someone, Kyou thought, a look of slight disappointment sliding over his face.
[God, why do you call her Little Tohru? You sound like such a pansy when you say it.]
That way I don't get her mixed up with New Tohru! Geez...
[You know, you're gonna mess up one day and actually call her New Tohru out loud and she'll be like 'wha?' and you'll look like an idiot. You do realize that right?]
Just shut up.
Lately Kyou had been having a lot of conversations in his head. They had a lot to do with Little Tohru and New Tohru. The two weren't hard to mix up. Oh no. They had different names just so that Kyou didn't get any funny ideas about New Tohru being Little Tohru and start acting all sentimental around her. After all, New Tohru wouldn't like him anymore if he suddenly started reminiscing about all the old times they had had. She would probably call him crazy and stomp away.
Geez, that would be horrible.
Kyou really liked New Tohru. He didn't know exactly how much yet, but he knew that he just really liked being around her. She was so... innocent and naïve. Yea, they could be bad traits, but they made Kyou feel like someone needed him. And she had needed him. Needed him to save her from jumping off that bridge and dying.
Yep, New Tohru was definitely different from Little Tohru. Little Tohru was just as crazy and just as addle-brained as New Tohru, but at least Kyou knew that Little Tohru would put up with his unapologetic nature. With New Tohru, he wasn't as sure yet. He'd just have to wait it out.
His thoughts branched out further, comparing the two, even though he couldn't really mentally picture how Little Tohru would look now. What had it been? Ten years or so? It was odd and kind of sad that they hadn't talked until now. Little Tohru would have been twenty-one now, the same age as Kyou. She had brown hair and blue eyes...
Kyou leaned back on his computer chair with his arms behind his head. New Tohru also has brown hair and blue eyes... Are you sure that she isn't the same person as Little Tohru?
He got up from his chair and wandered over to his bed, digging around the covers in search of the picture frame he had left there. In it there had been a picture of him and Little Tohru. They were running a race together and although Little Tohru had been falling behind, he had been fruitlessly attempting to drag her along.
Kyou had torn this picture from a yearbook of his and had framed it. He kept the picture because it inspired him and inspiration was something singers like him needed constantly. It was strange how one really old picture could motivate him. It must've been a really good picture. Damnit, where'd it go? he asked himself, tearing the sheets from the bed, hoping to dislodge the frame from any secret, unreachable hiding place.
But nothing flew from the covers.
Damn.
Kyou settling back into his computer chair and crossed his arms. I could swear I left it on my bed sheets... He suddenly noticed the frame on the floor by the wall. Coming closer, he saw that there was actually a dent in the wall, as if caused by someone throwing the picture frame into the wall. Damnit, how could've that happened? he thought, not recalling throwing the frame.
He wandered over and picked up the picture. The glass was dusty and smudged in places, but still allowed a perfect view of the happy children below. Staring intently at the girl's face in the picture, Kyou silently thought, So Little Tohru, are you New Tohru?
The photographed face stared silently back at him, a look of tired but pure ecstasy on her face. Kyou half-expected her mouth to start moving, but nothing happened, and she just stayed staring at him. Suddenly, there was a moment when everything clicked.
Hmm, exactly what I thought, he mused, putting the frame down gently.
I'm going crazy.
"Order up!" the cook called, shoving yet another breakfast special onto the counter.
"Yo Tohru, could you get that, please? I'm a little busy right now," asked her manager, who was juggling a few of the customer's receipts.
Tohru was happy to oblige. She was surprised that he had actually used the word 'please' outside the context of a threat ('say please or it's ass to asphalt for you!').
Lately he had been happy. Very happy...
Maybe he had been going through some weird, male version of menopause that got him really cranky and annoyed, but then he got some medication that went straight to his head and then altered the mean gene or maybe he just got a new pet puppy and it was wiggly and cute and made him happy or maybe aliens abducted her real supervisor and replaced him with a happier alien or maybe...
"Tohru get your ass in gear, dammit!" he shouted.
No, never mind.
She scooped up the special and hurried to deliver it to table thirteen. Table thirteen always rained on her parade. Call it superstition, but it seemed like she always served the rudest, non-tipping-est customers at table thirteen.
"Hello sir, here's the breakfast special that you ordered! It'll be $4.89 including tax and... Kyou!" she exclaimed, staring at the customer to whom she was catering.
Kyou looked up from the guitar tabs he was poring over and realized the brown-haired waitress was actually New Tohru. "Tohru!" he said, inwardly relieved that he hadn't called her New Tohru out loud. "You work here?"
"This is where I've seen you!" Tohru blurted, uncharacteristically ignoring his question. "Neon and here! I served coffee to you once... I remember now!"
She can remember serving coffee to me months ago, but she can't remember to wear matching socks, Kyou said to himself, looking down at her socks. She's so hopeless. But still he inwardly smiled at her antics.
"Why have I never noticed you before?"
"I don't really come here often."
"Doing your guitar work, undoubtedly."
"Actually, yea, I'm um... trying to figure out a new song," Kyou said, suddenly shy and briskly gathering his papers together while shielding the title and lyrics from her.
Tohru took no notice. "This is so amazing!" she exclaimed.
It was a little pathetic, but Tohru really believed in things like fate and destiny. Meeting Kyou so often and in such surprising places was more than coincidence. It could have been...
"Tohru! I don't pay you to chitchat with customers! Other people are waiting, ya know?!" her manager called angrily from the counter.
"My shift ends at eleven o'clock," Tohru told Kyou, while straightening a few things on his table that didn't need to be straightened. "Can you stay until then? And then maybe we could go to the park or see a movie or something."
It took a few moments before Tohru realized that this might have looked like she was asking him out on a date. She blushed and wiped her suddenly clammy hands on the front of her apron.
"Sure, no problem," Kyou answered, hiding his own reddening face by concentrating on his papers. "I have a lot of work to do anyway."
"Tohru?! Hello?! Your job?!"
Trying to ignore her thoughts of fate and destiny, Tohru shuffled off and picked up a few tips on her way to the counter.
Her manager needed some of those happy pills.
"Are you sure I shouldn't come over, help you to pack or something else?" Yuki asked, grabbing a mug from his large, oaken kitchen cupboard. He was lightly interrogating Kagura over his ivory kitchen phone. Wasn't there anything that he could do to help? Anything he could do to make her stay?
Kagura struggled with the packing tape she was desperately trying to pull over another big box. Her loft was already filled with similar large cardboard boxes. "No, I'm sorry Yuki," she half-grunted. "You'd just be a distraction." She was already having a difficult time chatting with him, what with her hands occupied and her neck strained from grasping the cordless with her shoulder.
He sat down at the dining table and swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat. "Is that all I am now? A distraction?" he asked, roughly. Yuki was glad that it hadn't come out like the original croak it would have been.
"No, no! That's not what I meant!" Kagura rushed, setting down the tape dispenser and properly grasping the phone. "You know that's not what I meant!"
"I know, I know. I just can't believe this, Kagura," he responded, putting a hand to his forehead. It felt like his heart and mind would explode. Simultaneously. "Why?"
The question hung on the phone line like an empty, hollow echo.
"You know why," she murmured, pained. Why was he making her decision so difficult? Couldn't he see that she didn't really mean it? If only he would tell her, tell her that he loved her or something. Maybe then she would stay. "I have to go and make a path for myself."
Yuki bit his tongue. "So you're sure you're fine packing by yourself?" he asked, trying to avoid the topic of her independence. Yuki didn't want to think about Kagura being out there alone. He knew he was being selfish and possessive. But he loved her. He loved her so much and he certainly did not want her to be independent if that meant leaving him. Possessive or not, he wanted to be with her.
"I'm sure I'm fine."
"You're sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive."
Yuki covered the receiver as he sighed. "Isn't there anything that would get you to stay?" he asked, almost pleading. ... with me? But he didn't add that part. He had spent too many years being calm and collected to start pining for her over the phone. But he still regretted that he hadn't.
Kagura's end of the line was silent for a while. The empty, white noise of the line was unbearable to listen to. Talk to me, Yuki thought, I need your voice. I need these last moments with you by my side.
Kagura felt tears prickling at the back of her eyes. Please stop making me love you, Yuki. She was getting too emotional for a phone conversation, so she did what she thought was appropriate. She ignored the question. "Look... I have to go pack now," she said, filling her voice with all the passiveness her aching heart would allow her.
"Oh, okay then," Yuki said, put-out. For a moment, he had thought she was going to say that she would stay. "I'll leave you... to your packing."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"Bye then."
"Goodbye."
The click of the disconnected line held a tone of finality to it that Yuki wanted to tear his hair out. If only it would ease the pain that throbbed so mercilessly in the centre of his chest. Instead, being the cool and composed man he was, he took a few sips of his coffee. It was tasteless. He was tempted to throw it across the room. Smash it and everything around him. Instead, being the cool and composed man he was, he emptied it into the sink.
Being cool and composed sucked.
Kagura. Kagura. Kagura, Kagura, Kagura Kagura Kagura KaguraKaguraKagura, over and over in his head like a broken tape recorder that echoed all the way to his heart, adding to the throbbing, smashing pain.
He stood in front of a mirror and examined himself. His hair was neat. His teeth were clean. He face was smooth and blemish-free. His clothes were neatly pressed and suited him well. He looked fine.
He didn't feel fine.
And in his eyes, there was a hint of pain that he'd never seen before. He blinked, wondering if it was just a trick of the light. No, it was still there. A little shadow of sadness that brazenly splashed itself across his face. It washed away his smile.
He stayed staring at the mirror for quite a while, staring at the empty spot in his eyes that led all the way down to his broken heart.
How ironic that the very items Kagura was packing away now were the things that reminded her most about her ended relationship - a seemingly endless pile of frames and photos that had always rested on her fireplace mantle. She pulled out her favourite picture. They were at Disneyland and wearing those goofy Mickey Mouse hats. They were both laughing and she had forced him to give her a piggyback. Those were good times.
She placed it among the other pictures buried in the styrofoam peanuts. So many memories that she felt she could pack away and carelessly place into storage. It was a lie. It was all a lie. Such a huge lie that she could just forget it all and never look back. She was constantly checking over her shoulder; she was always looking back.
Why couldn't he tell her that he loved her?
Kagura gritted her teeth painfully and clenched her hands into fists. This was your own decision. Aren't you going to follow through? she thought angrily. You are your own woman aren't you? You are independent and you are capable!
She snatched up another load of frames and threw them into the overflowing box. I - don't - need - these - anymore, she thought, punctuating each word with another carefully aimed shot. I - am - my - own - woman.
She wrapped the cardboard box recklessly with ridiculous amounts of packing tape and rage. She was seething and spitting, boiling over with such emotion.
Finally completing her haphazard job, she stood and gloated while towering over that box. There! There! That's what I think of you... you stupid memories! You stupid stupid memories! She was just so angry, so heartbreakingly angry.
This - is what I think of you! she thought, kicking at the box before sinking to her knees in sobs.
It was all a lie; it was all such a big lie.
Kagura hugged her box of memories. I want it all back, back where it belongs. Back with me, I want him back with me.
But the present was already leaving and the future was fast-approaching. There was no more time for second thoughts and second wishing. And try as she might to grab onto those precious memories, they were already stored away in a big, lonely cardboard box.
Yuki was already gone.
The line rang, once, twice, thrice before...
"Hello Tohru? It's Yuki. I need to ask you something..."
"Well, that movie was... interesting," Kyou choked, biting the insides of his cheeks and forcing himself not to smile.
"Yes," Tohru replied, smiling. "Who knew Richard Simmons acted?"
They looked at each other before breaking into grins.
"It sucked. A lot," Kyou said for the both of them, while Tohru nodded. "Let's wait until there's a summer hit that actually worth watching before we go to a movie again."
"That sounds nice," Tohru piped up as they wandered through the nearby park.
It was another beautiful, summer day, perhaps a little too humid for Kyou's taste, but the sun was shining and the sky hadn't fallen yet, so he couldn't complain. Besides, today was another day he got to spend with Tohru.
The park was filled with other couples strolling happily along, their hands locked in almost holy matrimony. All the lovey-dovey crap was making Kyou feel pressured to do something. But as he looked down at Tohru, he noticed that she was completely oblivious to it all. Typical New Tohru. He didn't want to push his luck though, so he let her continue on her blissful way, not holding her hand or doing anything else that pushed the boundaries of friendliness.
They fell into silence, with only the sound of their footsteps against the stone path accompanying their breathing. Birds chirped, the sun dazzled and other couples around them cooed at one another. Kyou couldn't stand it. Screw being polite, he had to do something.
He swallowed loudly before beginning. "Hey Tohru, do you think tomorrow we could..." His voice faded. Okay, he would try again. "You know, tomorrow's supposed to be really nice and..."
Damnit!
"Tohru-do-you-wanna-go-somewhere-tomorrow-with-me?" he rushed, hoping fervently that he didn't look as ridiculous as he felt.
But Tohru was five metres away, burying her face in a pile of orange flowers.
Damnit!
"Don't you think tiger lilies are so pretty, Kyou?" she asked, plucking a blossom from the millions that lined the pathway. To his dismay, she tucked it in behind his ear.
Kyou resisted his urge to immediately tear it from his hair and avoid it like a vampire to holy water. Good Lord, he must've looked like such a pansy right now. Or a tiger lily. "Look Kyou! It matches your hair!" Tohru exclaimed, so happily and so prettily.
Damn, why does she have to be so...
Kyou was blushing by now and pulled the flower from his hair. He tucked it behind her ear, inadvertently stroking her cheek as his hand brushed past. "I think it looks better on you," he mumbled, looking very red.
Tohru blushed as well. "Oh," she squeaked, completely distracted by the fragrant rose petals that seemed to be floating down from the sky.
Wait... rose petals? She shook her head, but kept one hand on the tiger lily behind her ear. She was daydreaming again. But about rose petals? That was new...
She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, embarrassed. "Umm... Kyou, what were you saying about tomorrow?" she asked sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. My hearing must be going." In a way she was hoping that maybe he had invited her somewhere on another mock-friend-date-that-didn't-count-but-made-her-feel-giddy-anyway. She felt like such a teenager. But opening her eyes, she realized that Kyou hadn't heard her and was already walking back to the main sidewalk.
"Should I walk you home?" Kyou asked, more gruffly than usual, but the colour remaining in his face.
Tohru didn't notice, she was too distracted by the cherubs that were suddenly singing in the background. "Sure," she breathed, hoping she didn't sound too pathetic and hopelessly...
Needless to say, they walked home in silence.
"I'll see you around then."
"Yep! Today was a very nice day!"
I wonder what she means by that, Kyou said to himself.
This would be their eighth time going out on a casual date and still Kyou didn't understand her feelings towards him. Or her un-feelings. She rarely said anything without blushing, stammering or apologizing, so he couldn't even judge her emotions by the colour of her face or the trembling of her hands. She was so innocently enigmatic it nearly drove him mad. Nearly. But it wasn't just her sweet ingenue personality that was pushing him over the edge...
They were riding the elevator up to her apartment and even as they pinged their way upstairs, Kyou already knew what to expect when the elevator doors slid open. That blasted purple-haired man.
What was his name again? Yuki? Kyou didn't want to remember. Damn Yugi or Yuki or whatever always getting in the middle of their plans. Barging in with his suave, collected personality, sitting on his pretty boy arse and playing such a gentlemen.
Back in reality, the real elevator doors opened and surprise surprise, there was Yuki. "Oh Tohru! I'm really sorry to interrupt your..." - Yuki eyed Kyou suspiciously - "...meeting, but I have to ask you something about our plans."
And of course, Tohru would giggle. She always giggled around him. Not laughed, not chortled and certainly not guffawed. She giggled. And that's the other thing that kicked Kyou's ass off the side of the cliff - exactly what did she have to see this Other Guy for?
What were their 'plans'? What did they have to keep so secretive that Tohru would close her apartment door in Kyou's face with barely a goodbye? What made her smile so sweetly and take Yuki's hand like they were going to... going to...
Get married.
Were they?
Kyou didn't want to know.
Capheine says: Mmm... a mediocre ending because I didn't know what else to leave it at.
Blah, for those who have been following my writing carefully, you'll notice that my style of writing has changed with nearly each chapter. Sorry if the slight inconsistencies bother you, but my writing style changes with either my mood or the music that I'm listening to while I'm writing.
For those who haven't noticed, continue in your ignorant bliss. :D But I'm not saying you aren't observant; perhaps I'm blowing this thing out of proportion.
Thanks for reading!
Sunday July 25, 2004
