Sigyn didn't see Loki after that, two days passed and she decided to put it all behind her. Loki was to be married to a woman, a beautiful woman on top of that. And he was happy and that was all that mattered. She was happy for him, happy that he had found happiness and a woman who he wanted to spend his life with. She wasn't bitter, she couldn't be bitter. She had shed too many tears for too little reasons. She knew she was not in love with him, she had not known him long enough, or personally enough to be in love with him, but she had wept for what she could have felt, or what she wanted to feel. He had offered an escape from her nightmare, which she now recognized as her just wanting to be the girl with the most cake. And she knew that she would never be that girl.
No, she was going to marry Theoric, make her family proud and restore them to their former greatness.
No more dalliances, no more acting like a child. No more magic and most of all, no more Loki.
She would miss him greatly but her family was what was most important and nothing could ever detract from that.
Her mother had arrived that morning, and she was now sat on the window ledge of her chambers, staring at the gardens. She could spot her mother's willowy figure, spinning little Syn around like she had done to Sigyn many years ago. Her stomach was swelling slightly, and Sigyn suspected there was to be another Freyjasdottir on the way. Or maybe even a Freyjajarsson. The whole court would be talking of Freyja and her now growing clan of children once more, they had done so when Sjofn and Syn were born, and the strange looks she was given as Nanna dragged her around the palace gardens and healing rooms were still fresh in her mind. But as long as her mother was happy, it was all that mattered. She cared and loved for each child she bore until they day came where she must leave again, then Njord would be put in charge as an adoptive father. he never complained though, the company of the younger girls made him more than happy, as if he was back in Vanaheim once more with his own people and children. The idea gave Sigyn a horrible sense of apathy, she would never see her homeland thrive and the people prosper, instead she was now legally an Aesir, she would never marry a Vanir nobleman and she would never watch her children grow up and play in the forests, even she had not grown up and played in the forests. But she knew that she would love her children no matter what, even if she did not love their father like they should, she would stick by Theoric and do what was right for her future children. She had dreamed of sons since she was a young girl, sometimes a daughter but that dream grew more and more distant. But she knew one thing, and that was she would not abandon her children for the life of chasing men around the nine realms like her mother had.
But Sigyn did not hate her mother, she respected and loved her more than anyone else except Njord. Her mother was beautiful, and even more than that. She had long and flowing gold hair, pointed features that would look intimidating on any other, but on Freyja they became soft and inviting. She was tall, incredibly thin, graceful and had a shrill but soft voice too.
Sigyn as a child had often wondered why all the men had flocked around her mother, even when they visited the palace she had seen the young princes staring in awe and she felt an alarming amount of pride. That was her mother, her mother one of the most beautiful women in Asgard. Who wouldn't feel proud?
But as she got older, Sigyn began to realize that looks were not everything, as cliché and generic as it sounded. But she was not as beautiful as mother, she was not as graceful as mother and she was not as charismatic either.
But one thing she did know, something she would be better at than her mother was being a wife. Freyja had left her husband, Sigyn and Nanna's father and left for Asgard once more, her children in tow. Sigyn rarely visited her father, only three times since she had turned seven. Freyja had then married Od, a man who Sigyn could not even remember even though they were still married. He had never been home, and Freyja would go searching for him through the realms as much as she could. Her children became transitory and Od became her main priority, it was then that Sigyn had truly been left alone. Her young sisters, Sjofn and Syn, were barely the age of four when Freyja began to disappear for nearly a year on end, but she didn't despair. It tainted her view of her mother, and choosing the wrong husband. Or even devoting her heart to the wrong man, but it didn't leave her alone completely. She had Njord, her grandfather, or Papa as she liked to call him now. He had become a mother and a father to Sigyn, she favoured him over anyone else in Asgard and would gladly spend her life in Noatun, just listening to his stories if it were possible.
But to beat all that, she was strong. She was a strong, young and somewhat intelligent Vanir and nothing would detract from that. It was the only thing she was sure of, and she knew that no matter what happened, no matter how much she ached, she would carry on like Njord had taught her. She wouldn't fall prey to her heart like her mother, and she wouldn't spend her life alone and pining like Nanna for a man that would never be able to wed her, and who they were uncertain had survived his last tour of the realms.
No, she was Sigyn. She was Sigyn, Princess of Vanaheim, Lady of Asgard and she would do what was right.
"Sigyn, you look... well." Sjofn commented as Sigyn finally left her room. She had freshened up, finally changed her clothes and washed. Her hair was long and clean and her face was fresh. Her eyes were still a little red but she had no more tears to shed.
"I feel well." She replied.
"No more.. no more tears?"
Sigyn shook her head and took her seat at the end of the table, her smile was fixed on her place and her eyes were wide and alert. She felt dozy and confused inside but her brave face could not slip, that she knew.
"Will you be going to the celebrations tomorrow, Sigyn?"
Her eyebrows rose, she hadn't been told of any celebrations. "Celebrations for what, Sjofn?"
"For Loki and his betrothed, a fine banquet and a ball is to be held."
Sigyn nodded, her palms folded in her lap. A smile rose to her lips, he was to be happy and he would go so far as to hold a banquet to show it, that was as good as anything in Sigyn's eyes. At one point she would have felt jealousy but now she felt happiness for her friend, at least one of them deserved it. She wished that maybe she could have shared it with him, but that was not to be. She must be Theoric's wife and there was nothing she could do.
"Yes, I suppose I will." she replied curtly.
Theoric stood at Sigyn's door, his foot tapping against the door frame. Inside Sigyn was dressing, he had been there for nearly an hour and she still was not ready. Instead he had taken to whistling a tune he had heard his mother sing to him as a little child. They were to be wed the next day, and now they were attending the celebrations of Loki and his betrothed, he hadn't quite caught her name but he knew her to be beautiful, he had caught a glimpse of her at court the night before, and she had clung and hung from Loki's arm like a lovesick fool, her features were sharp and pointed and her laugh was high and nasally. But although her beauty was near unrivalled, he couldn't help but think of how damned lucky he was to be betrothed to a girl like Sigyn.
She was beautiful, too. Golden hair. Soft features, childlike voice and huge blue eyes that made him go weak at the knees. She was not flirtatious, that he was grateful for. She was carefree and happy for the most part, he tried to avoid her during her times of brooding and sadness, she never spoke out against him or made him feel unwanted, but the hate he saw for someone he was not sure of, was hidden behind those big blue eyes. She would avoid eye contact, choosing to stare behind his head or just over his shoulder.
She was also bright, but he knew she played it down so he would understand what she said. And that was why he loved her so dearly, she was kind, affectionate and didn't believe herself to be better than anyone else. The only thing she had troubles with were honesty, but Theoric was sure he could snap her out of that.
He took a step back and cleared his throat and she emerged from her room, dressed in the finest white silk gown he had ever seen, he bowed his head and wrapped an arm around her waist, he could have sworn he had finally caught a glimpse of genuine affection in her eyes as the glided along the hallway and down the great stairs.
Inside Gladsheim, the great hall, the celebrations were louder and more enthusiastic than ever. The people of Asgard were glad that Loki, the trickster, had finally found someone to ground him. Finally he would be the perfect prince, maybe even king, but the point was, Loki. The God of Lies, had managed to find a woman silly enough, or even smart enough to wish to marry him.
All the talk of Loki and his new bride made Sigyn grimace and frown, she had thought herself strong enough to ignore it all and be happy for him but as she stood in the great hall she was filled with not jealousy, but hurt. She desperately wanted to leave but knew she couldn't. In fact, she was to spend the night at the palace in preparation for her wedding the next day. So instead of leaving as soon as she arrived, she spent the night with Theoric's large arm wrapped around her body, she didn't dare move in case she attracted more attention to herself than was wanted, she stayed put and followed Theoric around as he wished.
Loki hadn't even spared a glance her way, his eyes never left his gorgeous bride to be and she couldn't help the venomous feeling that overcame her. Both for the mystery woman, who's name she now knew to be Margit and for Loki, the man who had held her heart in his hand and promptly crushed it with his fists without either of them knowing, she was still unsure of what she had felt. Nothing more than an attraction, she knew that. But his aura was too strong and she found herself being pulled in, and now the come down back to reality was probably what made her feel so bad. Not even offering an apology. He had apologized for dragging her through Vanaheim, Jotunheim and Nilfheim, but not for ruining her hopes and dreams that she had cooked up in only a few weeks, which made her feel stupid beyond belief for being so naive and childlike. But it was in her nature, she wasn't old. She had only just come into her courting years, so she was barely out of her childhood. At one point she had argued that she was still a child and too young to be married, but Njord had simply waved his wrist and told her to leave him be.
The room was spinning as she saw Loki place a kiss upon his future bride's face, Sigyn felt her stomach jump and she pressed her face against Theoric's chest, the feeling of his hand on the small of her back caused her to push away and run from the room as fast as she could, straight into one of the many smaller halls of Odin's palace.
She fell to the floor and wiped away her tears with her fine dress, she didn't care if she ruined it. Right now, she didn't care if the walls came crashing down on her. In fact, she would welcome it.
The footsteps behind her didn't even make her flinch as she wiped away the stray tears, neither did the feeling of a hand upon her shoulder.
She sat up, the footsteps were now to her side, and soon his figure came to stand in front of her. She gritted her teeth as she stared up at him, she wasn't sure if she was filled with blind hatred or intense jealousy, but either way she wanted to spit at him and run away. But that wasn't an option.
He didn't even speak, instead he frowned. His stance was if he was inviting her to reach up and hold him close, as if he was trying his best to tempt her into seeking comfort from him only so he could push her away and laugh at her.
"Must you be so cruel to me?" She spoke through her tears, her palms were clasped together and her nails dug into her skin, drawing blood. She didn't notice however, her mind was too clouded to even feel physical pain.
"I am not being cruel, Sigyn. I am being realistic."
"Realistic? You of all people are not realistic, you are full of deceit. I don't know why I ever believed I could trust you." She spat, taking a deep breath as she rose to her feet. She was already ashamed of how she had acted and what she had said, Sigyn knew she shouldn't have been so juvenile and that mean words would get her nowhere, but they wouldn't stop falling out from her mouth, just as Loki's lies dripped freely from his silver tongue. She felt crushed as she realized, and drew her arms close to her chest as if to hide like a little child.
"Sigyn, do you really want to ruin my celebrations?" He replied, his voice was dark and his eyes looked hurt.
"Celebrations." She spat, unable to keep the wounded tone from her voice. She did not want to be mean, she realized. She wanted to join her friend in his happiness but she could not, it hurt to much to even think of him being happy with another. And she couldn't quite figure out why.
"You are to be wed tomorrow." He gave her one last look over before shutting his eyes, not daring himself to give away any emotion. He knew that she would try to get everything out of him she could, he already knew how she worked. He raised his palm in the air before shaking his head once and leaving the room, only when he was gone did she sink to the floor and let all her tears fall once more. Now she was doomed to spend her life with Theoric, watching Loki from the sidelines as he wed his betrothed. It made her feel sick.
She was filled with hate, and an overwhelming amount of apathy. It was nearly blinding. All she had wanted was his love and now he was giving it to someone else. The feeling of devotion was overcome by utter disenchantment and despair. She never wanted to set eyes on him as long as they both lived.
She was Sigyn, Lady of Asgard and Princess of Vanaheim, and she had never felt so weak. Her ideas of being strong, doing right for her family had vanished and she wanted nothing more than to slip into the woodwork.
Kumiko Nari: Gosh, your review made my week! let alone my day, ahah. Thank you so so much, I'm really glad that you don't think I've ruined Loki, I was panicking that I had. x
leibedero: Thank you very much! x
Things are moving on so fast because in all honesty, it's supposed to be like that, basically to show the more envious side of Loki and the manipulative side, I imagine him being more proactive than reactive, and a little impatient.
Thank you all for your lovely words! I want to thank each of you, but lots are anonymous so I can't send you a reply. So I'm going to thank you here!
I'm so happy to see that so many have added this to their favourites today alone!
Constructive criticism is always good, and kind words to!
x
