Alrightly, new chapter. It's going to be hurt/comfort. And on that note, Sodorland, I totally see your point. Padme is going to be a bit emotional this chapter, but it's a momentary lapse. She's scared of her feelings for Anakin and once she's reassured about everything she'll be right back to the tough and independent Padme we all know and love. Just bear with me, lol. While I enjoy Padme's tough bitch attitude I kinda want to her to seem more vulnerable and human than in the movies. But thank you for the constructive criticism. I appreciate the review. And next chappie will be action-packed, so yay.
And Ms. Skywalker 1005. Thanks for your kind words!
The chapter's rated M for some serious lemon. Don't like that stuff, don't read it.
Onto the story…
Chapter Seven
The Truth
You could not save people.
The child Queen didn't believe this. The adult senator did.
Thousands died in war. Thousands died of disease.
Padme had watched refugees from destroyed planets die. Two children died in her teenaged arms. They weren't humans. No, they were beautiful little creatures, angelic with huge eyes. Dolls eyes. Black and shiny like an affectionate cat's.
They looked up into her eyes. They weren't scared. They smiled weakly at her, the innocence broke her heart.
They called her 'little mother'. Theirs had died weeks ago.
She bent her neck, her face just inches away from theirs, her tears falling on their bluish tinted skin.
Their chubby hands were on her face. "Little mother." They said over and over. Each time a bit more quietly.
When she blinked her tears away they were silent. Eyes were shut.
She cried for days. She slept for a week. Was mute for a month.
And as she lay in Anakin's warm embrace that was all she could think about. Death.
Her whole body started to tremble and she began sobbing. He held her tightly to him.
"What's wrong with you today?" his question was little more than a whisper.
She disentangled from him, sitting up. He was behind her, arms around her waist. His kisses were soft against her neck.
She stood up and turned to face him. "Stop." She was sobbing so violently.
"What did I do?" he was alarmed…and hurt.
"Just…I can't, Anakin. I can't do this with you."
"You're so afraid of your own feelings. Just breathe."
"I can't. You don't understand. I've loved many people. I made many friends in refugee camps. I loved them like my own blood. And they all died before my eyes."
He was silent for a moment, the realization dawning on his face. "You love me?"
Padme didn't answer him. She ran through the halls of the med-center. She couldn't breathe she was crying so hard.
A week ago she had been as tough as metal.
He had warmed the cold inside her. He had found her heart. And she hated it.
She was strong and he had made her weak.
The trip to Naboo was uneventful. Anakin didn't speak much.
In her moment of selfishness she hadn't realized that her heart was not the only one that broke.
She had given a glimmer of hope and then snatched it away. The rejection hurt and humiliated him.
She tried to make conversation.
"So…I'd love to hear one of your stories."
He looked up from his barely eaten food. His eyes usually glowed with energy. She saw nothing in them now.
He walked away from the table. She followed. He stopped at a window. He wasn't looking at the stars. He was lost inside his own mind as he stared ahead.
"Ani." She said softly.
He looked down at her for a moment. His sight was set back on the darkness of space.
Her hand brushed his, her small fingers twining with his long ones. He pulled his hand away as soon as she did so.
"Ani."
There was a pause.
"Don't call me that."
"What…"
"We should be strictly professional. "
"That's not necessary."
"I'll be out of your life as soon as the mission is over. I didn't know I was a burden. Forgive me." He was mocking her.
"You're being very mean."
"I'm telling you the truth. I thought you were brave and could handle anything. But my feelings for you blinded me. You're a scared little girl."
"That's real rich coming from someone as stupid as you."
His brows furrowed and she could see the fire in his eyes. "I was stupid. You're right. But I know that now. But you? You'll always be stupid. You can fix other people's lives but you have no idea what to do with your own."
His words stung. Because they were true.
The trip to her stateroom was missing from her memory.
She woke hours later. Her eyes instantly darted for his bed. He was sleeping on his side, the leather tabards and tunic gone. Only a thin gauzy shirt remained. He still had his boots on, though.
Even in her distress she thought that was cute.
Padme was hesitant. But eventually she walked over to his bed, sitting down on the edge.
She ran her fingers through his hair.
And then she laid her head on his chest, her palm over his heart. He shifted, his arm snaking its way underneath her and over her back. The other stroked her hair.
"I'm sorry." She said softly.
"Don't be. You don't have to love me. I don't want you to lie and say you do. And I want you to be happy. Obviously, you're not happy with me."
She didn't say anything. The fabric of his shirt was wet suddenly.
He sat up and her face was buried in his chest, he could feel her tremble. He cupped her face.
"What?"
"I am happy with you." She looked up into his eyes. "I…I love you."
He was calm. "Don't lie to me. "
"I'm not lying. I'm not trying to comfort you." She touched his face.
"I want you to do what you want. Your happiness is more important to me than your love."
"That's not true."
He cupped her face. There was a sad smile on his face. "I'm such a fool to love you."
"But you don't understand! I love you! I'm in love with you. I want you. You make me happier than anyone else has."
His lips crashed onto hers. She kissed him back desperately. She climbed onto him, legs on either side of him. He pressed open mouth kisses onto her neck and she rose slightly so he could have full access to her throat. His lips brushed her collarbone. He cupped her breast and she laid her head over his, closing her eyes. His lips feathered a trail of kisses along her jaw. She moaned, rocking her hips into his,
She yelped as he pinned her onto the bed. Then she laughed. And then she was silent.
"I've never done this before."
He smiled. "Really?"
"Yes. I'm too old not to, right?"
His voice was soft. "No. It makes me happy that I'm your first."
"You say that as if you won't be my last."
"I would give anything to be your last."
She looked up at him silently.
"You won't always love me, Padme. You change your mind every day."
"No, no. I will always love you. I want you to be my last."
He smiled,his face in the hollow of her neck. A quiet laugh.
At first he had seemed so reckless and wicked. Dangerous. But as she could feel the tickle of his lashes on her skin and the stillness of his body upon hers and his gentle laugh all she could think was that he was not any of those things. He was good…and innocent. Pure.
He looked down at her.
"What?" She laughed.
"You know what happens when…"
She interrupted him, laughing. "I'm not an idiot. You'll be inside me."
He was silent, blushing.
"Shy all of a sudden?" She asked playfully.
"I don't want to hurt you."
She stroked his face. "It hurts a woman the first time."
He kissed her cheeks.
''I don't want it to."
"Ani. "
"What?"
"Just take it slow, I'll be okay." She smiled. "I want this."
His eyes were still, falling into her golden brown ones.
She touched his face reassuringly. "It's okay."
He had more experience than her, but that wasn't saying much. He'd only ever been with another woman. He was seventeen and lonely. She was a Padawan learner like him, with hair the color of wheat that reached her waist and eyes like violets. Her name was Lina. She was a trouble maker like him, defying and questioning the council constantly. They were friends first, sparring partners and sometimes she would defeat him. Of course he would argue that she had broken a rule or cheated. Their disputes were always settled with some good old rough housing.
A kick between his legs. Green hair color in her in her room. She almost broke her leg because of him.
One afternoon she hid in the training room while he practiced light-saber techniques. The look on his face after she began pelting him with home-made missiles. Old com links, rocks, the crèche learners toys.
He was furious and it was so difficult not to laugh hysterically at his face.
"Who is it?! Show yourself!"
He heard her giggle.
"Lina, I swear…"
She hopped out from her hiding place, pointing at him and laughing.
He lunged for her, crashing into her. They wrestled, and after he pinned her there was no question that they were attracted to each other. They slept together a few times. She died three months later from a blaster shot to the heart.
Padme broke his thoughts. "Ani."
"I just don't know about this."
"Anakin!" She smiled in disbelief. "You're a man! I would think you would take full advantage of the fact that I want it!"
He laughed. "I'm not that experienced. I mean there were a couple of times two years ago."
"I don't care, Anakin. We have two days before we get to Naboo. I think that's plenty of time to get it right."
He gazed at her wordlessly. Her hair was pooled out on the pillow like waterfalls. He dug his fingers in her lush curls, his mouth on hers.
Her small hands eased up his shirt. He was on his elbows and she pulled it over his head. His fingers untied the threads of her blue blouse. Her chest was covered in a thin strap of black cloth. Her breasts were too small to require heavy undergarments. She lifted her back, pressing into him seductively.
His eyes dilated measurably, lips parting breathlessly.
His lips were on her brow, the bridge of her nose. And then on her mouth again. She fumbled with the tie, laughing into his kiss.
His hands skimmed her back before reaching their destination, untying the knot.
He cupped both breasts and she wrapped her legs around his waist, pressing her hips into his harder.
His moan was sharp against her lips and the nerve endings all over her hummed with pleasure.
A few desperate kisses later and they writhed together, bodies completely bare.
His lips lingered over hers, barely touching.
"Now." She whispered.
He nuzzled her, pressing sweet kisses against her cheek. She trailed a path down his spine. He rose up on his hands, fisting the linens and he rocked his hips against her.
She cried out in pain and then was silent, her nails digging into the flesh of his arms.
His face was millimeters above hers, eyes half-lidded and brows furrowed. He breathed deeply and arched back, his restraint cracking.
"I'm okay." She said softly. "Just be gentle."
She could feel his arms surround her head, his palm settling over her skull, fingers tangling themselves in her hair.
His nose brushed hers, he eased into her slowly until he was he was as deep inside her as he could go.
Her eyes fluttered shut, she was so full of him it made her feel heavy.
His face was in her hair, and he began to move inside her. Slow at first.
He threaded his fingers through hers, their twined hands in her curls.
He moaned raggedly, slipping in and out of her desperately.
She ran her fingers over his back. "Deeper."
He twined his legs with hers retreating and then pushing forward. Her eyes opened and she could see that his were shut, thick brown lashes casting shadows over his flushed face.
"Like that?"
She sighed in response.
He picked up his rhythm slowly and she began to laugh.
"What?" He asked softly.
"I don't know." Her laughing faded slowly, and she moaned as the walls of her and her womb contracted over and over again.
He gasped, rocking against her clumsily, spilling into her finally.
He sunk into her arms and she heard him exhale.
She ran her fingers through his damp hair. His breathing slowed.
"I love you, Anakin."
He smiled, exhausted. "I love you too."
