Go to my tumblr to learn more about my oc! Warning for dissociation, ptsd, and anxiety from here on out.
It's going to be from Tyrone's pov from now on. There's a pdf file on my deviant art with the emoji's and nice fonts and pics if you want to guess what the emoji's mean for each scene before you read them!
Also there's a lil mmm scene midway through watch out for that, it's only a to Tadashi Hamada is Mine part 2: 84!
84
Part 1: Intermission
.
Soft, chill music played throughout my room, accompanied by the sound of pages turning and pencil lead scraping across lined paper. We've been sitting on my bed for hours, focused on studying while we used the sunlight from my left window as our only source of light. We were facing the tv, our heads bowed and legs crossed to make more space on the bed. The door was only a couple steps from the tv and to our right was my closet. Next to my bed to the right was a small desk with a doc with my phone plugged up to it, playing music aloud.
I felt a little too aware with Tadashi in my room, even though he's been here many times before. It just felt...weird, to know that he was in my personal space, my room, without anyone else being in the house here with us. We were just studying, and it's not like it would escalate anywhere except watching tv or playing video games, but still..? People don't usually come to my house.
I glanced at him, locks of my hair blocking my view a bit but not enough that I couldn't see him.
He's really focused on his work..
I look back at my textbook. I've written down a lot of notes and have finished most of my work but-
My thoughts are interrupted by a jab in my side.
I looked at Tadashi, whose eyes were glued to his textbook and notebook. But the longer I stared at him the more his focused face gave out into a small smile and that smile into a grin. His eyes flickered up to mine and I grinned back and poked him in his side in return.
"How old are you, eight?" I asked him.
"Haha...eight year olds usually don't have to do college homework." His eyes flickered back to his book and notes. He read over it and closed his notebook and textbook.
I shrugged, leaning back with my arms holding me up and my books in my lap. Tadashi set his stuff aside and looked me in the eyes.
"Speaking of young prodigies, how was your date with my brother?"
"Mnn..! Don't call it that..!" I whined, face contorting to look a disapproving.
He laughed. "So bad, then?" He asked, a light smile on his face.
"..No." I thought about it. "It was okay, I don't think he didn't like it. I think he still needs some time to warm up to me but he was actually pretty cool to hang out with- well, of course he was, he's related to you."
Tadashi's expression changed from surprised to confused then to realization and flattered in only two seconds. "Aw~, that was cute." He grinned, brown eyes softening as he punched me softly in my shoulder.
"But yeah, he's pretty funny. We had a great time at the movie." I continued, studying his face and my eyes landing on his lips to see what form they would take now. The corner of his lips stretched up for a quick second, showing some of his teeth, before they went back down again and came back up, as if he was conflicted on being surprised or happy. His eyebrows were arched and his eyes were cloudy.
"That's so great..!" He trailed, his hand on my shoulder. It trailed around to my other shoulder and he pulled himself against my side in a one arm hug. "I'm glad you guys are getting along...better." He squeezed me, still keeping his arm around my shoulders after. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there to see it with you.."
I shook my head, looking into his eyes as I place my right hand on the one on my shoulder.
"It's not your fault. You had to go."
He laid his head on my other shoulder. "I know.." He blinked slowly, eyes wandering off before meeting mine again, lips parted. There was a brief moment of silence with us just gazing at each other and music playing in the background saying,"won't cry..won't cry.." over and over with a couple of voices and a guitar and keyboard. Harrison Storm-Be yourself, I recognized it as.
"Your eyes are really pretty…" Tadashi's voice caught me a bit off guard.
I laugh. "...Thank you.." I trailed afterwards, voice low. Though I do think his eyes are more attractive, it might be because I'm biased, and because it's him. His eyes are like pools of dark chocolate, like freshly watered soil. His pupils are always blown wide and I think that's testimony that he always sees the beauty in everything.
Without looking away, I moved my notebook and textbook behind me where it couldn't bother us. He moved a bit to give me some space but right after he put his head back on my shoulder and I glanced down at his lips. When my eyes met his again he didn't seem to mind, so I placed my hand on his neck and brought us closer. I closed my eyes slowly, his mouth moving closer to mine.
His lips met mine, thin and soft. My hand moved to his waist and he sat up, both arms around my shoulders. I nibbled on his bottom lip, sucking it into my mouth and pulling him closer at the same time. His chest leaned against mine and he tightened his arms around me as my fingers caressed his nape and the back of his head where his thin black hair started to thicken.
It was in moments like this that I knew that Tadashi was mine.
Tadashi is mine.
Tadashi tilted his head and molded my lips with his, a moan coming from deep in his throat.
"What if I..don't want you to go away, would you stay~?" Lyrics poured from the doc. "What if I..ask you what you saw in me, what would you say..?"
Tadashi chuckled against my lips and I smiled, opening my eyes enough to get a good look at his face with my forehead pressed against his. His eyes stay closed.
"Are~ you mine? You mine?" The chorus started.
"Yes.." He whispered, breath ghosting over my lips before capturing them again. I smiled into the kiss and hummed, closing my eyes again and sinking into his warmth.
"I love you.." I whispered against his lips before pulling him back in for a kiss, pulling his head closer to mine. Our noses pressed together but it didn't feel uncomfortable at all.
"I love you too.." He whispered back, deepening the kiss and opening his mouth for my tongue to enter between his lips. At some point he started straddling my lap and I had to tilt my head back to keep up with the height difference.
In seconds Tadashi was on his back on my bed with me on top of him. He hissed and moved his textbook and notebook away from us after what I think was him incidentally scraping his side with the edge of his textbook. His stuff fell on the floor but he didn't seem to care and pulled me down by my cheeks to his lips. I pulled my hand out from under him and pushed my own books off the bed and onto the floor with the same amount of nonchalance. But the thump of the books hitting the floor struck something in me-
This feels kinda fast…
I mean, I don't wanna pull away but I don't care to go any further either. I mean, of course we've made out before, but not like this..
I don't really have much of a problem with it but..what if Tadashi does and he isn't telling me about it? We've talked about this before...
Tadashi's hands moved to my shoulder and scratched at my sleeve softly. At the same time, I reached my arms under his to grasp his shoulders and settle myself in a more comfortable position against him. Our chests were pressed together and I could feel his rise and fall against me. His legs are flat against the bed beside mine, and when I moved to get more comfortable a moan erupted from Tadashi's mouth and he pulled away. Even though it was a accident, Tadashi looked up at me with the back of his hand covering his mouth and pink cheeks, eyebrows furrowed up with troubled brown eyes,
"Um.." I waited for him to continue, pulling myself up by my elbows. "This is great and all, really, but..I'm not ready to go any further than this.." He glanced to his side then back at me, to which I nodded eagerly back, agreeing.
"Yeah, I totally get it." I say, beginning to pull back and give him some more space. "I was totally thinking the same thing."
He sat up with one arched eyebrow and suspicious eyes, hand slowly moving from his mouth.
"No, I'm serious." I insist, fixing my clothes and motioning with my hands to my serious face. He arched both eyebrows, then laughed and looked to the doc, now spouting chill trap and future bass instrumental music, a small smile on his face. I grinned. "Asshole."
He laughed harder.
Regarding him, I can't help the smile that grows across my face. He really does have beautiful eyes.
Yeah...yeah, he's definitely mine.
〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰
.
Mine
.
I haven't slept in three months.
Two months and twenty-three days, exactly.
Day after day, night after night. Plug this here, tweak that, plug that into that, that goes there, no there, try again, Mn, try again, no- try harder. Connect those two things, now those three things, now those four things, plug that into that again, try again, insert this code, connect those two things, connect those three, connect-
Connect, connect, connect.
"Waowaowaowaow," Ding! "Type in the year of necessity."
I stood in front of Fredrick and the blue tinted glow from its portal-like opening. Its metal rim was shaped like a heptagon and underneath its foundation was a flood full of wires and tape and plugs all over my lab's floor. Plugs and wires. So many plugs and wires…
On the top of the metal rim was a blank, blue, rectangular screen. I looked at the keyboard beside me, small but efficient. It was connected to a stand that reached my hip and all I had to do was type in a date and at the top of Fredrick would appear a set of numbers.
One week before Tadashi-
Seven days before he…
Seven days before I save him.
I look up at the set of numbers. It's been years since I've started working on Fredrick, and the only reason I was able to finish it was because of Tadashi.
A grim chuckle clogs my throat and my eyes start to water. What would Tadashi think of it? Of Fredrick now that it wasn't a learning device? Of me? Now that I turned out like this? Would he be proud? Or disappointed that I gave up on my dream? My life's work?
I sigh. No use thinking like this. When I go back in time and save Tadashi, I can rebuild Fredrick like it's supposed to be.
Clenching my fist, I take in one deep breath, steadying myself for the first leap of faith. Will it work? If it doesn't, what will I do? Try again? Give up? I don't think my heart can take any more of this. If it doesn't work-
I huff again and stare deep into the pale blue vortex. If it doesn't work then I'm done. No use sugar-coating it. I won't waste any more of my time. I'll find some way to get on with life...somehow.
And with that, I take my first step inside.
I open my eyes and the first thing I notice is how my eyelids are heavy with sleep and my body is laid out sideways, atop a soft surface. It's a bit cliche but the moonlight is pouring down onto my face, soft and highlighting not only my skin but the person's in front of me. My vision was already blurry from the feeling of waking up, even though I hadn't been asleep before (or had I?), but it wasn't getting any better as I gazed at the face before me. I barely felt the warm tears streaming down my face.
I wanted to see him. See his face clearly. I wanted to know this was real.
I sniff, reaching my hand up and pausing more than a few times. This can't be a dream. This couldn't be a vision. I've made Fredrick. It's finished. It's no longer a tool for learning, it's a time travelling machine. It's not programmed to show videos of history through time anymore. It's supposed to take me there. I am here.
This is Tadashi.
My fingers graze his cheek. There's no ripples over his body to indicate he's a hologram. He doesn't fade in or out like a ghost. He's warm.
He's real.
And that's when the waterworks started. I tried not to sob too loud as to wake him up as I settled my hand on his cheek. He squirmed a bit but didn't wake. He's so beautiful. His skin is so soft. I cup his head, my fingers caressing the nape of his neck, then lean in and press my lips to his.
Tadashi must've woken up because he starts to squirm under the sheets and moans deep in his throat. His hand comes up from the tight space between where I lay and where his head pops out from under the covers and he lays it on my cheek. He moans again and chuckles tiredly, ending the kiss but keeping our lips close. His grin is lopsided and his eyes remain closed. It's the most romantic sight I've ever seen.
"What's got you so excited this morning?" He asks, voice low and groggy. Sleep-ridden and ignorant to everything that's happened, or didn't happen. He has no idea, can't possibly know how much joy I feel just being able to see his smile.
I clear my throat and try not to let my voice tremble as I reply. "Seeing you…"
Tadashi only laughs, and even though I was completely serious about what I said my heart warms at the sound.
Tadashi finally opens his eyes and I realize I forgot to wipe my face, but then I forget again as I get lost in his brown eyes. "If you're that tired just go back to sleep.." I was too busy staring into his eyes to be glad I didn't have to make up an excuse for crying like this.
"But then I wouldn't be able to look at you."
"You watching me while I sleep?"
This. This is what was missing. "Heh, you make it sound so creepy…"
"So you admit you were watching me sleep?" He closes his eyes again and shifts closer, the bed creaking with the effort.
"Why dream when everything I want is right here?" I whisper, barely keeping my voice steady.
He grins sleepily. We're enveloped in a comfortable silence, the only sound in the room is Hiro snoring in the distance and us breathing together. I can't find the will to close my eyes despite how comfy this bed is and how tired I suddenly feel. It still doesn't seem real. He's right here, in front of me, sleeping right beside me. It wouldn't be the first time, but it feels like it is. Our lips are so close that are breaths mingle. At this moment, there's nothing I want more than to hold him close to me.
"Aren't you cold?" Tadashi murmurs into the silence, shocking me. He looks like he's asleep but he's probably just barely on the edge of consciousness. "How do you sleep like that…? Get under the covers…"
I scratch gently at the hair on his nape. "I'm okay like this…"
His voice is a bit more stern and awake this time. "Get under the covers and cuddle me, nerd."
I laugh and give in. I take my hand off his face and lean up to pull the covers down.
"Shut up, you'll wake Hiro."
"Asshole." I whisper as I get under the sheets and immediately come into contact with his warm limbs. He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his head into my chest as I intertwine our legs. He breathes in deep and sighs.
"Shut up, you'll wake Hiro." I mock.
Tadashi groans softly and stills, apparently comfortable. I wrap my arm around his shoulder and for a couple seconds I just listen to his breath slow.
"I love you…"
"I love you too…"
I never thought I'd hear him say it again. It's like a dream, like a illusion. Any moment now I'm expecting to wake up, alone, inside my lab. This. This was what was missing.
It's hard to keep my body from trembling and keep the tears at bay. He's still here...he's still with me. He still smells of coffee and medicine. His hair still soft and thin and skin still hot and smooth against the tips of my fingers. He's still perfect.
With Tadashi buried in my chest, I fall asleep for the first time in months.
.
Hiro groans. He's finally awake, it seems. His bare feet slap against the wood floor as he walks passed Tadashi's side of the room and disappears down the stairs. I'd like to say I pay him no attention but it's hard when you know your boyfriend's younger brother likes you before he does himself. I almost forgot that this is the day right after we went to the movies.
It would be too dangerous to travel to the morning right before the showcase. I wouldn't be mentally prepared for it, and if I got the time wrong then I'd be too late in saving Tadashi. I couldn't risk it. Also, there's some things this week that I remember I should of probably paid more attention to- AKA Hiro and him discovering my secret, and also having a crush on me.
Tadashi sighs and I bring my attention back to the view in front of me. Tadashi's facing me, chocolate eyes lidded and dazed, staring into mine while I caressed his cheek and vice versa. I ran my thumb across his bottom lip and he leans in, pressing his lips to mine gently. He pulls back slowly, a second later and way too fast. We've been like this since we woke up and it's probably why Hiro left.
I am too comfortable to get up and get breakfast. It may just be obsession talking, but I honestly feel like Tadashi's more precious than food. But Tadashi was getting tired of just laying around and soon enough we got up to get something to eat.
On our way down we passed the kitchen, or, Tadashi did. Something picked at my brain, causing me to stop. Mama Cass had told us good morning as Tadashi sped down the stairs, hand in hand with me, until I abruptly stopped at the top of the second landing.
"Good morning, Aunt Cass! Uh-!" Tadashi was a few steps down the second set of stairs before my hand slipped out of his. He turned to face me.
It took me a second before I remembered what I wanted to do here, then it hit me. "Um, I'll catch up later." I glanced at Mama Cass as she cooked us up some pancakes.
Tadashi paused, then said, "Yeah," and raced down the stairs.
I turned back to Mama Cass.
"Mn," she acknowledged, working on flipping pancakes. "Anything I can help you with?"
"Hey, Mama Cass..!" I drawled, taking a big step forward with one long leg and my hands in my jean pockets. "How are you? Sleep well?"
She laughed knowingly, eyes focused on her act of scrambling eggs. "Great, thank you. You too, I bet." She had something of a cocky curl to her grin.
"Haha…" I tapped my finger on the counter opposite the wall and to her side, next to the sink. "I was just wondering something."
She made a noise symbolizing she was listening. I trudged forward, feeling awkward.
"You are practically Tadashi's parent, right?" I leaned against the counter.
"...Right."
"I mean, you're their guardian. Since, you know, their parents are.."
"Yeah..?"
"So since you're their guardian, that means you would do what their parents would do if they were here…" she said nothing. "Which means, practically- you're their mom!"
She laughed silently, shoulders shaking, looming over the stove.
"And by extent, you're their dad too!"
"What's," she turned around, eyebrows knitted with a confused grin. "this about?"
I gulped. I'm really messing this up aren't I? "So if someone were to, I don't know, ask Tadashi to prom, then it would be you that would give them the stern talking?"
"Are you saying you want to take Tadashi dancing?"
I squeezed my eyes hard, internally cringing at myself. I must've not got enough sleep last night. "No, No, that's not it.." A ding went off behind me and I jumped. I turned around and the coffee machine just got done. Had I pressed that?
"Oh! I'll take that-"
"No!" Crap, why did I do that? She stood confused. I quickly grabbed the coffee. "I'll take it. What table is this for?"
Her eyebrows arched up before she told me table seven. "Add some sugar."
I served the fellow downstairs, trying to think up a way to ask her if I could marry Tadashi. I mean, not to be rude, but I would do it no matter what her answer is.
When I came back up, instead of doing what I'd originally planned I ended up just helping with more orders. By the time we finished I'd probably served twelve tables, including Tadashi and Hiro's. Tadashi waved at me with a lifted eyebrow and a charming smile as I passed by. I stood at the counter, a sweat on my temple and a hand on my waist as morning rush finally slowed down. She got one look at me and then laughed.
"Wow, Mama Cass, if I didn't know better I'd think you were taking advantage of me." I smirked, panting, hand on the edge of the counter to hold me up.
"Me?" She said as if offended, a fake appalled look on her face. "Why, I would never!"
I laughed, then looked over at Tadashi only to see Hiro glaring my way.
.
I skip going to the interview to go get the parts for Fredrick instead. I left earlier than the last time this...happened? The first time today was today? Anyway, I said goodbye to Tadashi right after breakfast, confident I'd see him either later today at the park or tomorrow morning.
The drive was still long and infuriating for morning traffic, but it gave me time to think up a plan. First off, save Tadashi, then remake Fredrick the way he was supposed to be made, then propose, then graduate, and lastly get married (If he says yes) and live the rest of my life however it goes.
Yeah. Good plan.
I laugh at myself. No. Horrible plan. I can think of the specifics later. Write them down.
In actuality, I really just don't want to think about what will happen if this doesn't work.
Speeding down the highway, I was able to make it back, tired, mind you, when they'd just got out of Wcdonald's and made it to the park. I sat next to Tadashi and Honey on the steps, just as I did last time. I was there to hear Fred tell the whole "Wagon story" all over again. Granted, it was still hilarious.
"What? No, that was horrible." Hiro said, causing an uproar of laughter in the group.
I smirked. "Oh, like you could do better?"
The group let out some low oooh' s. Hiro's smirk turned into a frown as he stared at me.
"Actually, yes." He retorts. "I could."
"Well," I leaned back against the steps. "Go ahead."
He stilled, face flushed, then started to fidget, eyes glancing to his left and then to his right, looking along the group at almost everyone but me. He's caught off guard.
"I'll wait." I said, giving him my cockiest smile. He tensed, eyes locked on mine, then he scowled and crossed his lanky arms, but there was a glint of challenge in his brown eyes. I noticed with amusement the death grip he had on his blue-clad arms, leaving his knuckles bone white and contradicting his red face.
His eyebrows lower with the malicious smirk growing on his face. It stays red. "Alright." He relents, his voice casual, shrugging and arching his eyebrows. He takes a moment to think, looking to his left, towards the park and it's greenery. There were very few people up there, if any. I didn't see anyone on the benches near the gate when I walked up the sidewalk to the stairs earlier. Everyone stayed silent as they let him think and it was starting to feel awkward. Thankfully, it didn't take him too long to come up with something. "Abronia Canis." He looked me straight in the eyes, as if daring me to one up him.
"Ah, from the order Squamata and Carnivora. Lizards and canines." I recalled, impressed. Tadashi squeezed my hand but I kept my gaze focused on Blue Jacket.
"And the families Cordylidae and Canis."
I clicked my tongue and pointed at him with a finger gun. "Cordylidae Canidae."
"Right..!" He snapped his fingers, grinning sheepishly.
"But I can do you one better. Smaug Canis."
"Pseudopus Canis!" Fred's boisterous voice chimed in, shocking both me and Hiro. I'd somehow completely forgot he was there.
Tadashi laughs behind me, probably getting the blunt of my jump. I turn to him and he seems a bit confused. Now that I think about it, Fred is probably the only one who knows what we're talking about. Both me and Fred had a three week project back in high school that depended on classification of various animals, which scarred me for my whole life, it seems.
"Smaug's better." I say matter of factly, turning to Fred.
"Team Pseudopus!" Fred exclaimed, fist pumping the air and almost hitting Wasabi in the face.
"I disagree wholeheartedly." Hiro said. "Abronia is obviously the superior one."
"Unbelievable…" Tadashi used his forefinger and thumb to pinch at the bridge of his nose.
"Dorks." Gogo said with a smile. "Yeah, using this as an example and the fact that you named him-" she nods towards me."-Mn, I think we all can agree you should take a little break. Next up's Hiro!"
I grin, realizing that she must've been keeping that thought held back since the Griffin joke.
"He's definitely a baby face."
"Thanks, best friend. You're the bestest best friend." I say before mouthing "Asshole" to Fred who's sitting across the table, to which he laughed heartily. It's the day after the arcade, and the group and I all hang out in the Lucky Cat Cafe to celebrate Gogo's birthday before we have to head to SFIT.
"I know, I know. I'm the greatest. I pride myself on being super supportive." Fred says.
I stand before Cass has the chance to touch my shoulder and she startles behind me. "Hey, Mama Cass!"
"Mama Cass?" Gogo repeats, amused.
Cass snickers as I put my hand on her shoulder. "Yeah," I grin. "Mama Cass."
I go with her to get the cake, debating on whether or not I should spare a few seconds to ask her today, then deciding against it because nerves.
"Happy birthday!" Gogo wasn't much of a hugger, but I enjoyed her's a lot and I knew I could get used to this. It didn't take me long to figure out that some things were fixed in time. The conversation yesterday was bound to happen in every reality, it seemed. And today, despite my different responses to our conversations, we still ended up talking about Henrik Vase. And apparently I have a date with Honey tonight.
As I finished giving away presents a second time around, I noticed Hiro scurrying away and up the stairs.
Didn't Tadashi say something about Hiro crying over me?
I notice Tadashi moving to stand and I stop him with a hand on his shoulder. He gives me a puzzled look. "I'll see what it is."
He goes to say something but stops himself. "You sure?" He asks instead. "I'm not sure he's too comfortable around you yet."
I nod, giving him my cheesiest grin. "Leave it to me."
I knock, giving Hiro a few seconds to either gather himself and let me in or tell me to go away. When there's no answer but a muffled sob, I open the door and walk up the stairs into his room. I find him on his bed on the other side of the room, sniffling into his bedsheets.
"Hiro?" He tenses at the sound of my voice. "Are you alright?"
He breathes harshly into his comforter, shoulders trembling, before muttering something I can't hear.
"What?"
"You need something?" His voice is strangely tame as he looks up with a wet face, staring me in the eyes and looking miserable.
So this is what Tadashi was talking about. This was what heartbreak looked like on a person. I had expected something but not quite this. It hadn't quite hit me that despite the confidence Hiro had, the bravado he put on, he was still a fourteen year old distressed teen. Tadashi had told me enough about Hiro that I already felt like I knew him, about how he never asks for help and how he is reckless but sensitive and strives for approval. But from what I gathered the months that I knew him, and the two weeks that I actually kinda spent with him, he was a completely different person. He was real. He is real. Seeing this just makes it so much more obvious. This is the first time Hiro's actually let me see him like this, in this reality anyway. He's just like what Tadashi said. Even at Tadashi's funeral, Hiro hadn't gone to the reception. But the fact that Hiro could still look me in the eye…
He wipes his face and lets out a breath as I say, "I just, um.." Fuck, what was I gonna say? "wanted to see if you were.."Ok? Of course he's not ok! "Alright?" I sigh, berating myself over how dumb I am. "You didn't want a gift, did you?" A joke, yeah, let's go in with that. Safe ground.
To my surprise Hiro lets out a laugh, but it's low and mocking. A incredulous grin is on his face as he looks straight at Tadashi's Japanese wall corner thing. He looks back at me, brown eyes red-rimmed and ready to say something. "I have no idea what my brother sees in you.." He's smiling but it's more like he's holding back tears than anything, I can see his teeth behind his lips and something in his eyes I can't quite recall. It's just like that day, the day he found out about the ring. I had no idea why I had been carrying it in my pocket all day. It wasn't like I planned to propose then, but it was like a constant reminder. A keepsake that I kept grasped in my hand all day that things would be great. A future would come that I had to look forward to. That I'd waited my whole life for. It made me equally nervous and calm. It would have been awful if I had lost it. Do you know how much a ring costs? But I couldn't help running my thumb over the case whenever I saw Tadashi smile. I hadn't meant for Hiro to see it, but he did, and there was nothing to be done once it was did.
"Charming grey eyes and a warm green hoodie?"
"...Unbelievable." He shakes his head in awe, like he seriously can't understand the being right in front of him, mouth slightly agape and the gap between his two front teeth showing, thick black eyebrows furrowed. There were obvious differences between them but sometimes they seemed just alike, Hiro and Tadashi. Whether it was their mannerisms or their same chocolate eyes and thick eyebrows. "I just don't get it. What is it? You're just so...you."
"Thanks."
"Is there any reason you're here? Don't you have gifts to give away? Flirting to do?" He leans his cheek in the palm of his hand to help sit him up, like he's genuinely interested, but it's obvious he's mocking me.
"I can flirt anytime. Right now I'm here for you." Hiro's eyes widened and I probably shouldn't have said it like that. I sigh. "Look, I know it seems hard to understand but I like Tadashi. It's not a joke and it's not to get back at you or something. If it's because I'm a boy-" Which it definitely isn't."-then I don't know what to say, dude. It's the twenty first century. Nearing the twenty second-"
"It's not because you're gay-" Hiro interrupts as he rolls his eyes.
"I'm not gay, I'm demisexual." I defend, putting a hand to my temple more in habit than in annoyance or pain. "Not that you'd know what that means anyway but we'll get into that later. What I don't understand is what exactly you see wrong with me." He never quite answered that question when we last had this argument either.
"Nothing! There's nothing wrong with you, I just-" he shoves his head into the comforter for a second, calming down before looking back up, eyes glistening and a sniffle. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
Realization dawns on me. Ohhh...ahhh...so that's it. He goes silent and I uncross my arms, straightening up. I have no idea when exactly I got in this stance but it doesn't really matter right now. He's confused and miserable, and that look in his eyes earlier is tenfold now, making it easier to make out: loneliness. He's lonely. I know what that feels like. "Hiro.." I give him my softest voice, really not wanting to startle him or make the silence any more stiff than it already is. It's like there's an echo in here and the pause between my words seem longer. The air is suffocating. "There is nothing wrong with you…"
He stills for the hundredth time, looks at me, surprise in his wide eyes, and like a dam bursting tears pour out of his eyes. He doesn't stop me when I walk across the room, stepping over forgotten clothes and papers, to comfort him. I sit on his bed, the back of my knees against the edge, and rub his back soothingly as he sobs into his comforter again. He doesn't pull away from my touch, rather, he seems to relax when I run my hand through his thick bouncy hair. Aside from the length, it feels just like Tadashi's.
After a couple of minutes he lifts his head, leaning up on his elbows, eyes red and snot closing in on his lip, face tear-streaked. He doesn't look at me, but he moves closer and puts his head on my lap, looking up at the ceiling and sniffing up snot, rubbing it away on a blue sleeve. I switch hands and continue to rummage through his hair. "Why didn't he tell me?" He says after a minute, voice low and broken. I didn't need to ask what he was talking about.
"He wanted to make sure-" I stop and start over. "We wanted you to be comfortable with me before we told you. We had planned for him to introduce me as a friend at first but I made a…" It wasn't a mistake. Definitely wasn't a mistake. "miscalculation."
"We were suppose to tell each other everything." He says barely over a whisper, but hurt evident in his voice. 'We did tell each other everything."
"We wanted to make sure-"
"He knows I wouldn't care about that..! He knows me!" Or suppose to know was left unsaid. We went silent for a few more minutes. I had no idea what to say. My brothers and I weren't that close. We didn't even grow up together. Both were basically adults by the time I came into the picture.
"When I was in my senior year of high school, my mom died." Hiro's eyes turned to me but I traded the pity in his eyes for the action figures on top his desk little ways away from where we sat. "I left to go deal with family issues for a year and it caused me to graduate late. She left a lot of people behind. My brothers helped me get to my feet for a year after I went into complete dissociation. I hadn't stayed in contact with anyone in high school for three years. I hadn't said anything to Fred for years until one day I saw a movie poster for Electro-beam and decided to email him for the first time in forever. He texted me back the next day, and we met up a few hours later.
"He didn't hold any grudge against me about what happened. No one heard a word from me and apparently I just disappeared, which makes sense now. I didn't talk to anyone but my brothers and that only lasted a year, and after that I just kind of..drifted. I can't even remember what I did during those two years, I just...I didn't feel like I existed." My throat tightened but I willed myself to go on. "No, wait, I started working on my project. Fredrick. Which is how I got into SFIT in the first place." I smile and look down at him. His eyes aren't filled with pity like I expected, but awe, and still a bit hurt, but it's clouded by newfound interest, possibly inspiration. But that could just be wishful thinking.
I continue. "What I'm saying is, I understand cherishing your family. They're the most important set of people in your life, even if they aren't by blood. But over these two years, I've started to see Tadashi as my family too." I stare deeply into his eyes as I say this next part, slow and barely above a whisper. "I love Tadashi, and I'm not going to take him away from you, Hiro, but I wish we both could come to understand that we both care for him and want the best for him. And Hiro, I really do think I'm the best for him."
There's a few moments of silence that stretches out for way too long in my head with us just staring at each other, but then Hiro's the first to break.
"I think I see it now…"
.
Demisexual. Hiro typed into his computer and pressed enter.
"There," I pointed at the link. "Press urban dictionary." He clicked.
"How do you not know how your own self feels?"
"Shut up, ok, it's hard to explain." I said.
Hiro read aloud, "'Someone who only feels sexual attraction when emotionally attached to the other person.' Doesn't sound that difficult."
"You're a a-" I stop myself. "You're a jerk, you know that?"
Hiro chuckled. It was nice to hear after all that crying earlier. I'm still kinda worried that all my charms are making him fall in love with me, since I'm oh so delectable. Tadashi seemed to completely misinterpret whatever happened today in the last timeline, but now he'll never know. Unless, of course, one of us says something. "It's a part of the asexual spectrum...what's that?"
"You don't- nevermind. It's when you don't feel any sexual attraction. Like, you can look at a person and be like I wanna date that instead of how normies are like I wanna F that? Ya get me?"
"There's a word for that!" He turned around to look at me with shock and exasperation on his face, like he's seriously disgruntled over the fact that he'd never heard it.
I nodded, eyebrows furrowed. "Yeah, you think you are?"
Hiro looked like he was gonna flip the table. He turned around and looked back at the computer screen. "Are you kidding me?" He started typing frantically on the keyboard, searching up the word asexuality.
I'm currently leaned over his rolling chair, peering over his shoulder with my hand on the back of the seat. He wanted to know about demisexuality and when I couldn't give him a direct answer on my own we just decided to go straight to the interwebs.
"Isn't that how most people feel?"
I rolled my eyes so hard I saw Jesus.
"Ok, no, no. Those pictures are inaccurate. Asexuality and aromantic are two different things." I stop as we look through Goggle images.
"Aro-?" He doesn't even wait for me to explain. Just types it into the search button. He looks both confused and like he's about to flip the desk again. "Wait..wait wait wait, what?" He keeps scrolling through different links, reading at the speed of light and muttering "what" over and over.
"You good, bro?"
"Unbelievable." He leans back against the chair and accidentally into my chest, also trapping my fingers before I back off to give him space. "I mean, this has opened up my eyes to a lot of things."
"Wait till you see the rest." I nod. He whips around to look at me with that same incredulous look.
"There's more?"
.
"You know, Tadashi told me that he didn't think you'd last this long."
"Oh, did he now?" I frown, petting Hiro's hair again. Once we finished talking about sexualities and got to panromantic I told him about the gender identities and then we started talking about gender and doing research because honestly even I'm confused about the difference between polygender, trigender, and genderfluid. In the end we still didn't really figure it out and somehow ended up with me sitting with my legs flat on the bed and Hiro's head on my lap, body horizontal from mine and legs off the side of the bed.
"Yeah, said something like, 'I didn't think we'd last this long, even now I can't, I like him and I want you to like him too blah blah blah' all the gross stuff." He waved his hand flippantly and smirked.
I laughed. Sounds like him. "Incredible."
"Right? Anyway, 'said you're perfect for him and something about respect and thoughtfulness being hard to get or whatever." I love him. I love him so much. I'm gonna marry him. "I'm not too sure whether he was talking about you though, regarding that part." His smirk widened when I didn't get the joke.
"Oh, Oh, haha, yeah. Hilarious." I would've called him an asshole if we were close enough friends but it'll have to wait til he's a little older. I smiled down at him.
The door took that chance to slam open and footsteps walked up into the room. Tadashi appeared from the wall blocking our vision of the door.
"That's where you are!" He paused. "Hey…" My baby noticed the position we were in and looks equal parts confused and worried, with a hint of rising jubilancy. "What's going on?"
We looked at Tadashi, then each other, then Tadashi again.
"Just hanging out."
"Just chillin." Hiro shrugged. I pulled my hand from his hair. "Actually, no, he was violating me. You saw that?" He points to my hand. "Tadashi, you better get him." He sits up as I laugh.
"Your brother was bullying me. I came here just trying to get to know my future husband's baby brother and he bullied me." I rise from the bed and walk over to the man, who's grinning, still a bit confused but more joyful than anything. "I'm gonna need therapy." I pull him into a hug.
"Haha, oh really now?"
"Mhm." I hum into his neck, relaxing into his embrace and putting my full weight on him. He leans back, trying to hold my weight and laughing so preciously into my ear all the while. My knees almost touch the floor before he lifts me back up onto my feet. I get one look at his face, his amazing smile as he laughs, and pull him into a deep kiss. He chuckles against my lips before relaxing and kissing back. I open one eye to see Hiro is gone and then pull him closer, hand on the nape of his neck and another on the small of his back. It feels so good to have him back.
.
"Oh please, the book will take ages. We're watching the movies." Which will also take ages, I think.
"You don't actually plan on us watching the whole series in one night, do you?" Honey asks. I give her the thousand yard stare. "Ok then."
She's sitting next to me in pretty pink and yellow pajamas, the yellow coming from the llama print. We are currently in my living room with Netflicker on the first Henrik Vase movie. We're sitting against the couch with blankets covering the ground and bowls of popcorn and various other junk foods as snacks. Except Honey brought those little cold carrots in a pack and some salad and I just told her to do her while I do me. All the lights are off aside from the tv screen and the lights coming in the windows from outside. It's already dark out despite it only being seven o'clock. We are in it for the long hall.
Last time around, I hadn't felt too in the mood to binge all night with the girl I spent less time with than anyone else in the group. We never did end up watching Henrik Vase until now. I was too busy disassociating to remember something like this and Honey was off doing who knows what with the group probably.
I start the movie and watch for fifteen minutes before drifting off into my thoughts. I'm not that big of a Henrik Vase fan despite having watched all the movies. I never read the books and didn't care for any of the characters aside from Goppy, the hobbit thing. I had a natural hatred towards Snabe and a minor crush on Henrik when I was younger but that was, like, two hundred years ago.
Honestly, I'm not too fond of Honey either. She's a pretty cool, ecstatic girl, but I've had a sneaking suspicion for a while that she has or had a crush on Tadashi at some point. It wasn't based on too many facts and, really, I have nothing against her, but we've never actually spent time alone together. Unlike me and Fred, or even Gogo. I hadn't spent any alone time with Wasabi either, but we often traded comments when the others were in their own conversations. Me and Honey...had this, I guess. A Henrik Vase sixteen hour binge in our pajamas, hands rummaging through snacks in large plastic bowls and half falling asleep halfway through the night and waking up dead tired in the morning, curled up like burritos, me on the floor on some left over blankets and her on the sofa behind me. Netflicker asked if we were still watching and we groaned.
.
I worked on Fredrick all day today and planned out what I'm going to do. This time around in the last timeline I had went to class all day and gotten the ring, which I still have in my pocket from that time. I also caught up on some sleep that time but today, or this timeline today, I spend all day getting Fredrick ready...just in case. It's a horrible way to think, I know, but I can't help thinking about a future where Tadashi...Tadashi dying is a constant. It took me months to get Fredrick to work properly, but now I know the formula and what actually works so it would only take probably about, and I did the math, seventeen hours with trials and errors.
Other than that, hanging out with Tadashi was sweet. A haven in and of itself. We went on the date again the next day, albeit with many different conversations now. We didn't talk about Hiro, other than us two getting along, and we still tried on outfits, but this time I didn't mention my brothers or children. It came up on its own when he mentioned Hiro and me getting along. Fortunately, he didn't make that Pancora joke again.
"How do I look?" He asks, gesturing to the branded monkey shirt and large coat that he had worn before, in the different reality.
"Incredible." I pull him close to me by the large coat and press my lips to his deeply. He moans against my mouth and kisses back. God, I can never get enough of this. But he pulls away, hands cupping my cheeks and looks into my eyes, joyful but puzzled.
"You know, you've been really affectionate lately." He says.
I gaze dazedly into his eyes. They're as warm and captivating as a chocolate brownie. The color of the richest soil. "Yeah?" My voice is almost a whisper.
"Yeah," He knits his eyebrows together. "It's not bad, it's just...different. Are you ok?"
I lean in and rest my head on his shoulder, breathe him in. "I'm perfect…" His hands move to my shoulders but he doesn't push me away. "Like this." I quickly add. "With you." I pull up to look into his eyes again, but now he looks genuinely worried.
It's actually quite sad, now that I think about it. Had I not been this cuddly before? I mean, I understand that I have been holding him more- kissing him whenever I get a chance, keeping my fingers intertwined in his, hugging him close. But those were normal couple things, right?
Was he so used to us just acting like friends? Was I not cherishing him enough in the last reality? Or am I really just being obsessive?
"You don't like this?" I start to back off. Don't push me away, I need you. "Cause if you don't, I'll stop." I'll do whatever you want. Whatever makes you happy.
"No, it's not that. It's just," He smiled with eyebrows furrowed up. "Pda wasn't really our thing, was it?"
Are you embarrassed of me? "Why couldn't it be?" I don't wanna make you uncomfortable. "And we had a thing?"
"Yeah," he grinned. "I'm the cute boy next door and you're the charming exchange student from Scandinavia."
A grin split across my face. "You're incredible, you know that?"
"I've been told. Now how about those pictures?"
.
We sat down in the food court and after a while I noticed Tadashi glancing behind him. There were these two girls and a boy staring at us, blushing and giggling. The same guys from last time, this time? The other timeline. I gave them a little smile and waved, same as Tadashi, who didn't notice me, and watched them blush more and walk away.
Tadashi turned to me. "Looks like you got some fans."
"You think I'm pretty?" I raise a brow.
"No, actually. Not at all. I have nightmares every day because of you."
I laugh. "Asshole."
"You asked." He shrugs, grinning. "But no, they were totally looking at you."
"Then they're missing out on quite the view." I say pointedly and take a bite out of a couple fries.
"Oh please," he waves a hand flippantly. "You're hot."
"Tadashi, I'm not a mirror, and you should probably learn to stop talking to yourself in the middle of a conversation." I smirk as he laughs.
"See? That! That right there! You're unbelievably charming."
"Only when I'm with you."
"Ok, now you're getting cheesy." He grins even more, and it's so bright and warm, spreads across most of his face and it's pointed at me, and only me, and how did I get someone so utterly perfect?
"You have no idea just how incredible you are, do you…?" I can't help but speak low, like anyone else could be listening in. Who cares? Let them hear.
He raises an eyebrow but it genuinely confuses me. I say, I ramble, I preach these next words, "You're laugh makes me feel like the most accomplished guy in the world. And your smile, it makes my whole day. It makes all the hard work and sleepless nights worth it, knowing I'll see you the next day and you'll congratulate me and tell me to keep working hard and that you're proud of me and not giving up on me...it means the world to me." I meet his wide eyes and hold onto his hands from across the round table, greasy with salt as they may be. "And Tadashi, I know you're not perfect, but you're pretty damn close to it, if not all, to me."
He's silent for a few moments, taking it all in. He looks genuinely shocked, lips parted and eyes round and staring deeply into mine. Then, a wave of pleasure rises from my stomach as he blushes, looks away, and pulls his hands from mine.
"Wow," he says, giggling awkwardly. His eyebrows furrow up and his gaze is on the ground. "I mean..wow. I don't," he struggles. "I don't know what to say to that." He looks at me again, face softening. "Thank you…"
I give him a lazy smirk. "Charming enough?"
He laughs, head tilting back. "I'm swooning."
My smirk softens into a smile, and I lay my arm on the back of my chair. "Will you stay the night over?"
.
We spend the most of the night binging Reality Shifts, a cartoon about triplets who stay with their grandpas and solve mysteries in their city. Tadashi didn't care for it that much. It's not that he didn't like it, but that it wasn't anything he got excited for. But for me, I love this show. I stopped watching it after...the showcase, though. I hadn't felt interested in anything for a long time after it, so I never caught up.
"Grampa Dan is being mighty suspicious."
"Is he? I mean, isn't he always like this?"
"No, no, he's never been interested in strange stuff before. But as soon as the kids mentioned Will, he got quiet."
"Hmm…"
"There's lies in my chicken sandwich."
"What…?"
Then after that we talked about our projects. I sat with my back against the headboard with Tadashi beside me, on his stomach, facing the blank tv. We had both showered but it seemed too early to go to sleep. The house was empty, as always, so it was just the two of us. My room was eerily quiet aside from us conversing. He hadn't brought any clothes with him since this had only meant to be a date so he was now comfortably lounging in some of my sweatpants and his own t-shirt that he's left here before. It was oddly cloying. There was something about it that was strangely domestic. I had to stop myself from following every thought that I deemed too affectionate.
"You got the parts already?"
"Yeah, I got them the day I stayed over."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Tadashi turned over on his side to look at me. "I thought you went to an interview."
Fuck. "I did both." I hate lying, but it wasn't technically lying, was it?
"Oh." His face scrunched up for a second before nodding and turning back onto his stomach.
"Yeah, Fredrick's going really well. Made a lot of progress on it."
"What?" He turned around again and decided to stay on his back. "You never told me this! That's great!" He grinned, genuinely happy, but also looked a bit confused as to why he's hearing it now. "I'm proud of you!"
"Yeah, well, I wasn't going to say anything till it was finished." I hated having to hide things from him, from anyone really. This was just too important.
"I see.."
"Yeah, but enough about me. How's Baymax? Isn't he finished?"
"Well," he looked away, thinking. "Yeah? I just need to add more programs on medical procedures. Keep him updated, you know?"
"That's a thing they have in common. Both need constant updating."
"History is always changing and advances in medicine are always being made." He said, linking his fingers together and keeping his torso alift using his elbows, body twisted at the waist.
"Mhm, Fredrick and Baymax would be best friends."
"Or brothers?"
I grin and laugh through my teeth. "Yeah, that'll work too."
Silence envelops us again. It's long but not uncomfortable, and it brings forth something that's been running through the back of my mind for the last couple days. "Tadashi?"
"Yeah?"
"Hiro told me something the other day that's been bothering me…"
He turns to me, on his stomach again. His neck must be aching, twisted like that. "What..?"
"Did you really doubt that we'd make it this long?" I meet his gaze and see him relax, shoulders dropping, but he looked a bit annoyed as well.
He sighed. "A long time ago, yeah. But we've been together two years and those kinds of thoughts didn't stick long."
"But why?"
"Cause you were my first relationship? Are my first."
"Hoping to be your last." A grin splits across both of our faces.
"Yeah...and, I hadn't been.." He thought for a second. "Let's just say I wasn't used to having friends…" His grin turned into a bitter smile. "I was always buried in my work and pursuit in medicine and Baymax. I didn't know how you'd take that." He gave me a look when he saw my expression. A match of a quirk of my lip and furrowed eyebrows. It was hard to imagine me being mad about that. "You have to admit, it was more likely that I was married to Baymax than in a relationship. I barely left my lab." I nodded. True. "But, fortunately, you were just as busy as I was and you didn't mind at all my time involved with my work. And I appreciate you for it." He reached for my hand and I reached back. It was comfortingly warm, as usual. "But it had just been a few months and I completely forgot that Hiro didn't know, and we barely had time for each other, so how was I gonna introduce you to my brother?"
He sighed. "And then," he waved his free hand. "This. He likes you. Baymax is operational. Fredrick is almost operational. And I'm in a nice, steady relationship." He squeezes my hand and I squeeze back. "Everything's absolutely amazing."
Everything's amazing. Those words echo.
The fire crosses my mind. Cass crying while wearing all black. And Hiro, not at the reception. Sleepless nights in the lab, waking up without realizing I had gone to sleep, drowning in coffee like it was air and I wasn't breathing. Fred wondering where I am. Brothers calling after months of not hearing from them.
"Tyrone?" Tadashi called my name and I suddenly realized I wasn't smiling anymore. I look over to him and he's up on his knees, staring right at me with a concerned expression, closer than before.
"Uh, yeah, I'm fine…" No...no no no...
He wasn't convinced, and neither was I. But he didn't push. Instead, he sat beside me, back against the wall, and wraps his arms around mine while setting his head on my shoulder.
My arm is pressed against his side and it's so very comforting. We sit in silence and just breathe in. He's waiting for me to relax, cause he knows about my disassociation and how sometimes I get a sudden urge to be alone even when I don't want to be. He's patient, and it's one of the reasons I love him so much.
He presses a kiss to my cheek. It's meant as a token of benevolence and comfort but all I feel is captivation.
I want him. I want him so much.
So I kiss his neck. He doesn't move so I kiss it again, and again, and his head tilts back so I can kiss him more. I suck right under his jaw, where it meets his ear. I move my hand to his side and he places his own on top of mine. He pulls me up to his lips, cupping my cheeks and letting me mold his lips with mine, tongue sweeping over his bottom lip. He opens his mouth and all of a sudden he's on his back with me on top of him, gripping my hair and pulling me in. He doesn't pull away, never does. I do though. Just to ask, ask if he's ok, with me-with this. He nods, once, twice, then a verbal and harsh, earnest yes.
So I don't stop, not when our clothes are shed or when he's pulling us together or when I push into him and he cries out or when he arches against me and pulls me in deeper. Not when he scratches my back with blunt nails or when sweat dribbles down his temple and I kiss it away and then kiss him. Softly. With his arms around my shoulders. And not when he buries his head into the space between my shoulder and neck and tells me he loves me.
.
Tadashi falls asleep on the way back to the Lucky Cat Café. He's wearing my green hoodie and his matching cap that I bought when we went ziplining one time. We have classes today but he said he wanted to see Hiro and Cass for a bit and get some of her delicious pancakes. The drive is easy and there is luckily no traffic on the way there. It takes thirty minutes but it's a nice and serene morning, cloudy and definitely gonna sprinkle a little bit, but comfy.
We eat for thirty minutes, Hiro and Tadashi talking and me helping Mama Cass for about twenty of it-
Hiro gives Tadashi a weird look. "Is that Tyrone's hoodie?"
Tadashi grinned sheepishly. "Yeah.."
Hiro glares at him and looks pointedly to his cap. "And since when did you go to Sky-Lines?"
His grin got even more awkward and he scratched the back of his neck, looking away. "Mn took me on our first anniversary?" He offered.
Hiro growled. Yeah, totes got a crush on me.
-Then we leave.
I spend the whole of the day either coddling Tadashi or working on Fredrick. It comes along well and I finish it pretty much on time, the day just before the showcase.
That's how most of the week goes by until the day actually arrives.
Today.
There seems to be a lot of steam going around this morning. Everyone's excited and congratulating Hiro and giving him good vibes while both him and me are nervous. Hiro for more obvious reasons than my own more important one. No one truly knows what today is but me. I keep Tadashi close, then even closer when we get to SFIT.
We roll Hiro's dumpster cans filled with microbots through the showcase hall. It's bustling with people and new inventions, which I would usually be hyped up to see if today weren't...today. I haven't been in the exhibit hall in years. This would be my third time in here, my first being the day I had my showcase. The whole place has a relaxing aura, the ceiling laced with turquoise and purple lights, with yellow carpet on concrete floor. Stall walls of multiple colors litter the room filled with people's projects and large screens hover the room giving information about them. It's just like when I was here.
But the astounding colors and bright lights only led to remind me of fire, and I couldn't relax at all. Tadashi must've noticed me, because he put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a concerned look.
"You ok?" He asked.
"I'm fine." I said a little too quickly. A knot was in my stomach and something thick was crawling up my throat, not to mention the fact that it was so hot in here that I was sweating bullets. My feet were swaying under me. Fortunately, he didn't say anymore about it.
"I haven't done laundry in six months," Fred said, sitting up on the side of the stage. "One pair lasts me four days." As he went on the twist in my stomach only presented itself more.
Wasabi gagged.
"My guy…" I trail, concerned.
"Wow, that is both disgusting and awesome," Tadashi said.
"Don't encourage him." Gogo said and I nodded slowly, agreeing with her but still feeling too sick. Did I catch the flu or something?
"It's called 'recycling'." Fred defended.
"No, hun, it's not." I say, before Hiro is called on stage.
While Tadashi gives Hiro a short pep talk, I look at my phone. It's getting close to time, but I don't really want to disappear just yet.
Hiro goes up and he starts off nervous, but after a solid thirty seconds, he gets really into it. All the while I stare at the clicking clock. When he finishes the building part, I elbow Tadashi, who's focused solely on his brother so much that he barely notices me saying I gotta go. He nods absent-mindedly, then his face screws up and he turns to me as I back away.
"Where are you going?" He asks quickly.
I wave my hand flippantly. "I'll be right back." As soon as I said it I felt dread ripple up from my stomach and cloud my throat. I gave him one last smile, that probably looked too pained to be real, and made my way through the crowd. As soon as I got out I took a deep breath, feeling my stomach heave. Gladly, nothing came up but the burn in my eyes, which were accompanied soon by tears that I forced myself to swallow back down. I checked my phone, it'll take five minutes to get to the robotics labs from here, and took off in a sprint.
"I'll be right back" is definitely not going to be the last thing I say to Tadashi.
.
"Welcome to nerd school. Nerd." Tadashi smiled at Hiro. He had made it in, finally. After months of working day and night, Hiro had finally got into SFIT. The presentation was a success and now Hiro and Tadashi were having a calm quiet moment before going to the Lucky Cat Cafe and eating to their heart's content.
Hiro breathed out a laugh and shook his head. "Hey, um..I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you so.." He paused, hesitating to meet Tadashi's eyes. "you know…" he looked at him. "Thanks for not giving up on me."
Tadashi and his ever present smile gave him a slight nod. Suddenly an alarm blared and the smile dropped off his face. Both he and Hiro ran towards the exhibit hall, stopping once they saw the blazing inferno.
The exhibit hall was on fire. People were running out of the building, coughing and helping each other run.
After a brief pause, Tadashi ran forward, stopping a woman and asking if she was ok.
"Yeah! I'm ok, but- but professor Callaghan is still in there!"
That's all it took for Tadashi to run forward. Hiro grabbed his arm. "Tadashi, no!" He gave him a pleading look, knowing that he wouldn't make it out if he went in. Tadashi must've known that too.
Tadashi pants, looking at him wide eyed before turning back to look at the building. Orange fog clouded the windows and was too impenetrable for him to see inside. He turned back to Hiro. "Callaghan's in there. Someone has to help." Then he ran up the steps, cap falling off in the process.
Hiro looks around, grabs the cap, and knows what he has to do.
Time began to slow around him. His heartbeat was loud and the sound pounded in his ear. Then the beat got clearer and louder and he realized that it wasn't his heart making that sound. It was footsteps. Someone was running behind him, and he couldn't move fast enough to see who it was until they passed him. Straight and short light brown hair, almost red if you squint, flowing as he sprinted passed him, up the stairs. Grey eyes wide and round as long legs climbed two steps at a time up and into the two glass doors.
.
I pant as I run through the door, stopping to look around. The explosion had already started and fire was slowly but surely coming towards me. It reminded me of that S-Man movie, with Fastgrey. But even with time slowed down, I didn't have enough of it to think about that. My eyes quickly landed on a figure, already half enveloped in the fire, arm stretched out in front of him. My heart stopped. I could recognize that cardigan from anywhere. I was late.
I cursed and ran at him. The closer I got the more I could see of him. His mouth was wide open in a scream and his thick eyebrows were furrowed up. A side of his face was already seething as I reached around his waist and pulled him back, burning my arm in the process. It didn't hurt as much as it would have but the explosion was still coming towards us, and speeding up. In my other hand was a fire blanket, and I managed to cover us before time went back to normal and the explosion went off. I hear glass shatter before I black out.
.
I wake up to a white room and a piercing consistent beeping noise. My eyelids want to stay closed every time I blink and my body hurts all over. It's like my back has been stabbed multiple times as well as beaten with a hammer. I can't move too much or a sharp pain ripples through my ribs. I blink and there's noise.
Wide green eyes and furrowed dark eyebrows flood my vision. Red lips are mouthing something over a round face and hands grip the railing to my side. It's Honey.
Fred comes up next to my other side and Gogo is next to my feet. I blink, and a woman dressed in a white lab coat, a doctor, is pushing them back and out of the way. They don't go willingly, Fred is the most rampant and Gogo is adamant in staying but I blink and darkness consumes me, but then I open them again and my friends are being dragged out while the doctor puts a mask over my face.
I blink, then wake up.
.
I woke up two days later and Gogo, Honey, and Fred are there to greet me. They hug me and I hug them back as best as I can while in pain. They told me that I was in a coma for three days after the explosion. Apparently when the exhibit hall blew up I was blown back into the window by the blast and tumbled down the stairs. I had glass in my back and it must've dug deeper as I hit the stairs, which explains the pain in my back. I also had a pretty major concussion that had me passed out. Hiro found me beside him when he had gotten up from the blast. He wasn't hurt, fortunately.
They were able to get the glass out, but they couldn't wake me up. I wasn't dead but nothing they did could get me out of my stupor. They called my brothers and they had been in the waiting room this whole time, as well as all my friends.
When I asked about Wasabi, he said he was with Hiro and it made me sit up straight, despite the nauseating pain. I asked about Tadashi but they didn't want to tell me anything. I went rampant and dashed off the bed to the door before they caught me and forced me back down. I was too weak to fight them, and even under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have been able to get passed Gogo. Honey later told me that Tadashi was fine and that he was recovering. I had apparently taken the most internal damage from the explosion and cushioned his fall, but he was closest to the fire and that...she didn't tell me the rest. She said that he is resting and Hiro and Wasabi are right beside him with Cass. He's woken up a couple times but is still very weak.
After that my brothers, Chase and Kachi, came in and sat with me. We caught up on each other's lives and talked about the bigger part of our family, and Kachi cried cause he's a doofus and me and Chase comforted him. I ended up crying too, cause I hadn't seen them since I got accepted into SFIT two years ago and also because I fucking saved Tadashi.
They told me the news on my injuries and when I could leave the hospital instead of the doctor. They all made me uncomfortable. I hate hospitals. Everyone I know knows I hate them. They always remind me of...other times. Apparently I was going to be here for five to seven more days. I had cuts and stitches in my back that would leave scars for a long time, and burns on my hands and arms that will heal after a couple years but always be slightly discolored. I was surprised yet proud to hear that most of these wounds had been treated before they had arrived. Baymax, apparently, had bandaged and wiped them off before the ambulance got there. Hiro had gotten someone to get him. Hearing that made my heart swell cause, really, we had come so far.
I was hit with random headaches throughout the day and I couldn't sleep at night very well so they put me on this medicine. I got headaches whenever someone was talking too loud and then they started talking so low that I couldn't hear them, which was annoying. I had to practice walking upright without messing up my back and I used that time to go visit Tadashi's room, which wasn't too far away. My heart stopped, but Tadashi's was beating so I was able to calm down quickly enough with some mental thinking. He was breathing, that's all that matters. I walked in the door and peered at him. His head and neck were wrapped in bandages and there was gauze on his right cheek. All his hair was gone except for his eyebrows.
He had external injuries rather than internal, but he was alive. Tadashi is alive.
Hiro turned and as soon as he saw me he ran up and hugged me. It scared me when he started crying cause I thought something was wrong with Tadashi but it didn't take me long to realize that no, he's crying over me. Over the situation as a whole. We could've died and Hiro wouldn't have gone to the funeral and he wouldn't leave his room for weeks. Mama Cass joined him a second later, holding me gently, and it was warm and soft, like a mother's embrace. That's when I finally let the tears go and I cried into their shoulders. I could've lost a hand, even worse, if I hadn't had been blasted at just the right angle, my spinal cord would have been injured and I'd be wheelchair-bound. Goodbye Fredrick, Goodbye robotics.
I'd sit with Tadashi as much as I could when I went walking. It didn't take me long to achieve balance and my back stopped hurting as bad after a couple days. He woke up a couple times but it was never for long and he didn't really talk, he just looked around all dazed like he couldn't see and then fell back asleep. They'd wake him to eat and replace bandages but that's it. He needed his sleep to heal.
On the day I was allowed to leave- friggin finally- they asked me if I wanted to see a therapist. I said no. It bothered me too much for that. Too much pressure and social anxiety. I left gladly, and made my way home. I visited Tadashi everyday until he was released. I was there when he woke up, like, actually woke up, and talked and cried and embraced all of us as much as he could. First was Hiro and Cass, then me. and then the rest of the crew was alerted and piled into the room, giving hugs all around and crying and being grateful and joyous.
His voice was rough, like poison and muck, when he talked. The doctors said it would get better with time, he'd just hadn't spoken in a week. He'd been out of it for more than a week.
While Tadashi was getting better and I wasn't at the hospital, I spent my time with my bro's, who were staying with me at my house for a couple weeks to make sure I was alright. I told them to leave, especially Chase since he had a child, but neither of them paid me any mind.
.
Ja jos jäin En voinut auttaa, mutta olla hereillä Sillä se ei ole sinä Se on vain unelma, se on vain väärennös
.
Tadashi was in the hospital two weeks before they let him go. I was secretly glad because honestly, the hospital filled me with so much anxiety it left me shaking by the time I left after visiting hours. I didn't see him for a week after that because he was spending his time recuperating and with Hiro and Cass. He went back to school after that and got right back to work. Typical. My brothers left after a month of hanging out and by then my back was fully healed and my headaches stopped. Thank God for modern technology!
It's been two and a half months since the fire. Life is somewhat back to normal. We've been going to our classes and working in our classes. Hiro's at school with us now so we hang out more. The crew still goes out and we have fun but it would be a lie to say that nothing's changed and that we are completely unbothered. Just yesterday Tadashi and I were watching some random action movie at my house when a house exploded in the movie and my living room went dark. Tadashi was trembling and I couldn't peel my thumb apart from the off button. That was just one instance. He wouldn't admit it but Tadashi was obviously uncomfortable walking outside in public places. One day we had gone to the mall with the group and he was glancing around like we were being followed. He pulled his cap down over his forehead more, trying to hide the burns even just a little bit but it didn't reach his cheek. He lifted his hood over his neck but it didn't stop his paranoia. I squeezed his hand as a sign of comfort but he just smiled weakly at me and turned his gaze to the ground.
I asked him about it later that day, while we were cuddling on his bed. He sat with his back to my chest and my legs pulled up beside his hips. My arms were wrapped around his abdomen and his hands cupped mine. He wouldn't take off his cap.
"It feels like everyone's looking at me. I mean, they are. And I understand why, but…" He sighed. "I don't know." He scratched at his healing cheek.
I smacked his hand down. "Don't pick at it..!" I chastised.
He reached his hand up and ran his fingers through my hair. "I don't want to sound ungrateful. It's just something I'll have to get used to, I guess."
I sighed in relaxation as his fingers carted through my hair and leaned my forehead against the back of his head. I lifted my head to kiss him but the cap was in the way, so I did what any charitable boyfriend would do and snatched it off his head and threw it across the room. He yelped a "Hey!" but I was too busy kissing him. His complaining quickly turned into a laugh as I pecked all over the burns on his neck and on his cheek. I planted a long sloppy kiss on his scorched cheek and he stopped struggling, grinning and laughing like I haven't seen in months.
"Ok, okay!" He giggled. I'd never thought I'd see the day that Tadashi Hamada giggled unironically. Today was a day of momentous occasion. In his struggle to get away, he ended up on his side on my now outstretched leg. "Wow!"
"You're beautiful no matter what," I kissed his Adams Apple and he leaned his head back to let me. "Don't ever let anyone tell you any different."
"And if I do I got you to beat them up, yeah?" He punched my shoulder jokingly.
I gave him my most serious look. "All of us will jump them." We paused, then burst out laughing.
"I love you."
"I love you too. You're incredible." I say, gazing into his eyes.
He smiles. "You're unbelievable."
I pause, then say, "hymysi loistaa kirkkaammalta kuin aurinko."
His eyebrows furrow, the only hairs on his head. "Is that Finnish?"
I nod and lay my head in between his neck and shoulder. He places one hand on my nape and the other on the back of my shoulder.
"What does it mean?"
"Look it up."
"You expect me to spell that?" He asked incredulously. "I can't even remember what you just said!" He laughed and patted my shoulder, then mumbled. "Say something else."
"Haluan mennä naimisiin kanssasi."
"What does that mean?"
"I love you." And I'm gonna fix this.
.
On my way out I see Hiro about to walk into the cafe. He sees me and stops.
"Hey, you're leaving?" He asked casually, glancing over me with a screwed up face before meeting my eyes again.
I look down in the direction he had. "Yeah, I'm gonna.." It was my hand, it didn't hurt but it was awfully discolored. It looked like I had vitiligo. My left hand and arm was patched pink all the way to my shoulder. "Uh..work on Fredrick."
"Your project? Tadashi told me it was finished."
"Uh, it is. Just not..completely. I'm not done with it yet."
"Adding stuff?"
"Some last minute touches."
"Good thing you got those parts during the showcase."
I freeze. "What?"
"You know? The ones that you said weren't being sent to you?"
My heart starts pounding in my chest. "That..that wasn't on Friday. I was at the showcase, remember?"
"Were you?" He pauses, looking confused. "Oh yeah..you were.." He taps his chin. "Hmm, wonder how I came up with that?"
.
As I worked on turning on Fredrick, I thought of my plan. I decided not to think about what happened earlier and instead work on this. I'd set Fredrick to the day of the showcase, and I would get to the fire faster to save all of Tadashi. I know it's risky, but it worked once, right? I mean, there's no guarantee a miracle will work twice, but this time I have a different approach. But at the same time-I stop to peer at my hand- I really don't want to do it again. But it's for Tadashi. Yeah, he could get over it, but what if he doesn't? I hate to see him all mopey the way he is.
So that settles it, I think as I connect two plugs and the "wowowowow" sound starts again. A blue light shines over the room. For Tadashi.
There's a ding. "Type in the year of necessity."
Minulla oli unelma, ja kun heräsin, olit lopulta sinne
