Chapter Three part c
Conversations with the Gang: Gretchen
Gretchen looked out her window to see a familiar face standing on her front door step. Suddenly, a flashback of the last time that face had stood at her front door step, contemplating on whether or not to ring it. It had been the time TJ had told Gretchen that he was moving. Gretchen had been the first to know because she would be the most cool, calm, and helpful one in breaking the news to the others. Seeing the look on TJ's face as he had told Vince, as he had told Spinelli also helped Gretchen realize it was because he had to tell someone, and he couldn't tell his best friends because he knew that their hearts were going to break, and that his own heart was going to break.
Gretchen made her way downstairs to answer the door before TJ had even knocked. She swung open the door and there stood TJ, fist up as if getting ready to knock.
"Hello Theodore," Gretchen said coolly to the boy standing in front of her.
"Hi Gretch," TJ replied, a loose smile completely contrasting her very formal attitude.
"Would you like to come in?" Gretchen asked, continuing the formalities as she stepped aside to let her childhood friend in.
"Why, yes I would," TJ replied, mocking her now.
"Okay TJ what do you want?" Gretchen asked coldly as soon as they had settled on the couch. All formalities aside now, she was mean.
"To talk to one of my old friends, you know, the one I first told I was moving," TJ said, smiling again, trying to ignore the mean look Gretchen was throwing his way.
"Only because you knew I would react calmly," Gretchen snapped.
"Look, Gretch, are you going to resent me because I told you first?" TJ asked, not really understanding.
"Nah, its just ... I don't know," Gretchen said, not really wanting to tell her thoughts to TJ.
"What is up with everybody and hiding things from me?" TJ asked angrily.
"Nobody is hiding anything from you that you wouldn't have known if you would have written or called or visited," Gretchen snapped back.
"Oh, like how you are angry with me about me telling you first and you won't tell me why, that was before I ever left Gretchen," TJ snidely replied, "I didn't want to fight with you Gretch."
"I know," Gretchen said, softly, "can we start this over?"
"That is a very good idea," TJ flashed her a smile. Maybe things between him and Gretchen would be all right.
"Teej," Gretchen said, in a soft voice, "The gang ... we ... I really missed you. After you left we didn't have a leader, we didn't have somebody who fought to keep the group together. And I don't think I realized it until shortly after Vince left us."
"But, you did the same thing two years later," TJ reminded her.
"I ... I know," Gretchen continued, "but I just discontinued myself from Spinelli, not really from Gus or Mikey. The first day of school, however, I knew that they were going to stick together."
"I'm sorry," TJ offered.
"I don't know why they did stick with her. Maybe it was because of the things that I had said to her, but she had said equally mean things to other people leading up that point in time, but, everybody always liked Spinelli better," Gretchen said, tears streaming down her face, "Spinelli was everybody's favorite girl. The one they all loved. The one that was your best friend."
By that point in time she was gone and crying so much. TJ knew that she must have been wanting to let that out forever. He quickly took the girl that had felt like nothing for so long into his arms and just let her cry.
TJ's mind was swirling with all this information from the gang. Something more had happened between Spinelli and Gretchen than Spinelli had told him, but obviously it had been Gretchen's doing mostly because here she was crying about it. Vince had left the group of something that had, apparently, been both the gang's and his own fault. And how did TJ fit into all of this? He didn't even know the full story.
He didn't know why Spinelli, Gus, and Mikey stuck together through the whole thing. He didn't know why Gretchen severed herself from a group that he could so obviously tell she loved, well, he knew she felt like everybody liked Spinelli more. So, was TJ supposed to be here to put his group together? Could he even put his group back together especially when his kids came into the picture? Which reminded TJ that he needed to get home soon so his dad didn't have to take care of the kids all night.
"Gretch, I always loved you," TJ informed her, "sure, you weren't my best friend, but Spinelli wasn't my best friend because I liked her more, we were just best friends. I mean, you and Vince were closer than Spinelli and Vince ever got. Gus had a huge crush on you back in the fourth grade."
"Then why did they choose Spinelli?" she sniffled at him.
"Because you rejected Spinelli as a friend, so they felt she needed them more than you did, if she would have done the same to you, they would have done the same," TJ told her.
"But, that doesn't make sense to me," Gretchen sniffed.
"I know," TJ offered, "I know."
"You've grown up a lot," Gretchen said, smiling through her tears, "You were always the most mature of all of us. Even if we didn't want to admit it."
"I was not," TJ said modestly, "if you only knew."
"We all have our secrets," Gretchen smiled at him.
"Well, it was great talking to you, really, but I have to get home," TJ said, smiling at Gretchen, "I have a couple of things to take care of."
"Okay Teej," Gretchen said, walking TJ to the door, "Keep in touch TJ."
"Oh, I will," TJ said, giving Gretchen a quick hug, "I'll be seeing ya."
TJ walked out of Gretchen's house and down to his car. He was glad he got to talk to Gretchen. Gretchen and Vince had both been great to have conversations with. Maybe he shouldn't wait to get the gang together. Apparently, the other three had built up a wall around their friendship that TJ didn't even know if he could bring down. Gretchen and Vince, he knew, would be very supportive of him, even if the others wouldn't.
Gretchen watched TJ walk towards his car. She knew TJ had a lot going on his life. But, she also knew that he wasn't the only one. Mikey struggled everyday with the unwanted attention he got with being gay, Gretchen just wished she could be there for him. Vince was battling something that Gretchen knew nothing about, but she could see it in his face. Gus ... he didn't want to be in the army like his father, but he didn't want to disappoint his father. Spinelli had so much going on in her life that nobody knew all the details. And Gretchen, well, Gretchen was just Gretchen.
She quietly walked upstairs and turned off her computer before going into her bathroom. She didn't know when she had started feeling completely and utterly alone. It might have been the day she decided that she couldn't be friends with Spinelli anymore. It might have been the first day of school when she walked up to say hi to Gus and Mikey in the hall and both turned away from her and walked onto class. No matter what it was, Gretchen knew that she was depressed.
Quietly, she took the razor from her cabinet above her sink and, without looking, sliced her arm. Afterwards, she looked up and down her arm that was covered in cuts. She had only recently started cutting, only about the last six weeks. But, nobody noticed. Because nobody cared. Maybe now that TJ was here somebody could finally care. Maybe somebody would finally save her from the isolation. Maybe somebody would try to be her friend.
