Four and a half days had passed since my arrival in, go figure, what was really London, England. I found that fact out after I consulted Kirkland about where I was after hearing ten radio stations claim that they were "London's Number One".
Yep, I was staying with a millionaire. Well, I still didn't know that for certain but it was a pretty darn educated guess. Of course, I still didn't have a clue as to what was going down with me and my family, and that worried me a bit, but I was trusting that Kirkland was helping me. Actually, I was kind of convinced that he was, because he continued to let me stay with him even though I seemed to annoy the living daylights out of him. It was almost never intentional, but almost everything I did was wrong in his eyes. Then again, I had a mouth with a death wish that ran on its own will. So, I guess I sort of deserved the scowls… But that was who I was. What was I supposed to do? Change? Like I could do that. Even so, I did try to play it decently safe… sort of.
I had already learned the many things that I was banned from. Not that I was guilty of all of them. Things like wandering the city on my own was something that I merely mentioned, not did.
I had so far pretty much spent most, if not all of my stay on the computer in Arthur's room, which he thankfully let me use as long as I didn't infest it with viruses. Being the computer addict that I am, I could spent years living in the fantasy-reality of the internet, so being on there 24/7 was really entertaining.
I didn't know what the heck Kirkland was doing while I sat there as a lifeless blob, but it looked like paperwork and reading creepy books from the goth library-which I learned that I was banned from too… for now.
Oh, and, Arthur was kind enough to lend me some of his clothes. They were a bit big and, honestly, I didn't really care about how often I changed what I was wearing, but it was nice to know that he was at least thinking about taking care of my basic needs.
…Except for breakfast… In which for the first three days I ate that gross bran cereal. Lo and behold, I found out on the fourth morning that there had been some sort of Cadbury chocolaty-goodness spread in the one cupboard I forgot to open! I couldn't really blame anything but myself and fate, but still… While I ate that healthy junk, it had been sitting there the whole time… Unopened, because Kirkland (obviously) didn't want to eat it. (I wondered why he even owned the stuff, then, but it had worked positively in my case, so I didn't ask.) To make up for my loss, I finished off the whole thing in one sitting that very morning.
But now the morning was gone and the afternoon was beginning to end as well. Kirkland was up working in his room (on the computer this time, so I had been kicked off, unfortunately) while I made paper cranes out of newspaper in the main room. Surprising as it was, and despite how much I loved the internet, I was never one for watching TV. I personally found it to be rather boring. So there I was, nicely folding down the wing of what was now my seventh crane.
Then in came the madman.
He kicked open the front door, nearly sending it flying off its hinges. I jumped, and the beautiful wing crumpled in my grasp.
"ENGLAND, YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!" I slowly and nervously turned my glance up to the crazy freak, and… well lookie here… It was Alfred. He didn't look very happy.
He turned to glare at me, but when he saw that I wasn't Arthur, his gaze softened significantly.
"…It's you."
"Indeed." Alfred gave me a weird, crooked smile.
"What the friggin' heck are you doing here?"
"It's a long story…"
"ALFRED!" A pen soared through the air and knocked Alfred on the head before falling to the floor. I turned around to see Kirkland a few feet away. He stormed up to the other. "I don't know why you think you can just amble on into my house like that, but I'll just have you know that you can't!"
"Says the man who takes my car and leaves it in an airport parking lot without letting me know!" Alfred shoved some papers in Arthur's face. "They charge you to keep your vehicle there, you know! By the time I figured out what all those phone calls were for, I owed ten grand in rent!" I was pretty sure that a saw a hint of a smile forming on the Brit's face, but it was gone so fast that I couldn't be one hundred percent certain.
"I am fully aware of that fact," Kirkland brushed the papers away, now annoyed, "And that's not even close to ten grand."
"Who gives a care? I still owed money and those ladies wouldn't stop calling me!"
"You can only blame yourself for this predicament. This wouldn't have happened if you just fixed the bloody car!"
"You shouldn't have broken it then!"
"What kind of argument is that? Do you think I wanted the stupid thing to break down?"
"W-well you could've fixed it yourself, instead of knitting like a sissy girl!"
"I wasn't knitting! And who's to say embroidery's for sissies?"
Seeing as what happened when Frenchie came over, I was thankful for the lack of violence, but I really didn't feel like sticking around for this… Especially with the computer now free for m use. I dashed up to Arthur's room and leaped into the seat. A virus message greeted me. Lovely. It said that it was going to do a virus removal and that, unless I canceled it within the next minute, all work was going to be lost. I frowned at it, hoping that it wasn't there from something I did. If it was, Kirkland would probably hate me and take away my computer privileges for the rest of my stay. That would be really depressing. I'd be forced to make paper cranes…
Joe! Joe was the fourth paper crane I made that day and it was perfection. Or, in my eyes it was. The folds were all neat and crisp, with not one corner overlapping the other. I actually didn't care the most about it (don't ask me why I named it), but I knew that Ron would like it. He always gave me stuff, often for no reason at all, so I had kind of felt indebted to him as of late. He didn't really care whether or not he got something in return, but I decided this piece of perfection would be good to end my self-conscious debt. Besides, it seemed kind of like a shame to throw it away.
I headed downstairs. The two A's were still bickering by the door (not trying to crush each other into the floor, though they looked like they were about to), so Joe was safe. Now to speak with Kirkland.
I had a gut feeling that it wasn't going to be very easy. You know… just by the way I could literally tell that he was trying to refrain from pummeling the other to death. Maybe this wasn't a good time… But then he'd lose all his work, which would piss him off later, and then I'd be kicked off again. I didn't want that.
"Hey Arthur…" He didn't hear me. I tried again, stepping closer. "Hey… Kirkland."
He probably still wouldn't have noticed me if Alfred had not grabbed his head and turned him to face me. "The kid wants to speak."
I looked up at the beaming Alfred, then back at Arthur who was swatting his hands away. I half wondered if that gesture was really necessary, grabbing his head and all… He could've just said something… and I was about to speak louder anyway… Unless, maybe like Frenchie, he was just using me as an excuse to screw with the Brit. That was probably it.
"I-I think it might be too late now, but…"
"The fabulous moi has returned!" You know, how many times now had I gone to explain myself just to be interrupted my comedic things such as someone conveniently walking through a door right at that moment? …And was that fact a blessing or a curse?
Kirkland decked Frenchie before his foot even came in contact with the floor. ('Why does he always beat on Frenchie, but not Alfred?' I wondered to myself.) Then the party started.
…And then Alfred started laughing at this, as if the two of them flinging each other across the room was a joke! Crazy millionaires, these guys were. How they got their money, I'd never know… Unless they weren't millionaires, but that concept was kind of hard to grasp, seeing as how the majority of the population of the earth don't own a mansion, much less two or four. Then again… now that I thought about it, Alfred, if not all of them looked a little young to be business tycoons. Well, actually, mainly Alfred. He looked acted a tad bit more youthful than the Frenchman and the Brit. Maybe he was a relative of Bill Gates.
I turned back to the battle which had now moved into the main room.
"No!" The next few seconds were in slow motion. I didn't really know why, the moment was far from dramatic, but my brain decided to spice things up or something. Or perhaps I was still a bit sugar high from the morning. Who knew?
Anyhow, as the world slowed, I saw Joe, my perfect crane and debt payer-offer; get smushed underneath the foot of Francypants. How sad. Looked like I still owed my friend.
But then the moment ended, and brows and the bearded one were back to trying to maul each other's faces off at full speed while Alfred continued to laugh and I just dumbly stood there as I seemed to do in strange situations like this.
After awhile, I felt a tug on my arm, and the next thing I knew, I was being dragged out of the house… by Alfred. I looked at him worriedly. What was going on? What was he doing? Why was he bringing me along? He grinned back at me broadly. Was that a smile of mischief or trust? Both?
I was pulled out to the driveway and up to the car. The grip on my arm was released. I looked up at Alfred who was looking down at me. We stared at each other expectantly before he nodded to the car.
"Aren't you gonna get in?" If it weren't for the fact that he was Alfred, a happy, cheerful guy who didn't look like the guy-chick inside, this would've been a scary situation. Actually, it still was, just not as bad. I gave him a puzzled look.
"Why…? I mean, what are you… we doing?" Alfred snickered.
"Getting revenge on Kirkland. Well… fail, totally not the most epic revenge out there, but it was the first idea that came to mind." Oh great. So now I was a hostage. No thanks. Besides, like I said, I was trying to refrain from angering Arthur as much as before, and leaving with a guy claiming to be getting "revenge" on him didn't sound like something that would make him the most pleased with me. I lowered my gaze, about to turn back.
"Aw, c'mon, I know you gotta hate that strict computer-hog at least as much as I do." How did he know about the computer… Whatever; in this case he was inferring that he didn't hate Kirkland one bit. Sure I disliked the Englishman, but I didn't necessarily hate him. He was strict, annoying, temperamental, and scary, but he was… helping… me…
Okay, maybe I did hate him… But just a little.
I watched the front window rattle violently. It looked as if it was going to break at any second. Speaking of scary… I thought about the last time Frenchie visited. If tensions were as strong as that night, I wasn't exactly the keenest about hanging around there. Also, my presence was barely acknowledged during the fight as well as the rest of the night.
So Kirkland wouldn't notice or care too much if I went out for a little while, right? Even more so, I was with Alfred. Those two seemed to have a weird little bromance going on… Surely they trusted each other. I took a deep breath. It looked like I'd find out.
I ran to the other side of the car, where I presumed the passenger's side was. Turned out it was the driver's side. I blinked dumbly before realizing my mistake. I headed back to the other side.
"Stupid Europeans," I muttered, "They really need to start fixing their cars."
Alfred laughed. "True that!"
"Y'know, you never answered my question… Iggy didn't either, come to think of it."
"Hm?" I stopped looking out the window and turned to face him.
"I asked what you were doing at Arthur's house…" I didn't bother telling him the reason as to why I never answered was because I was interrupted and never asked again.
"Where do you want me to start?" Alfred shrugged. That was helpful. I decided to skip the obvious. "Okay, so, when we got to my house my family wasn't there… and neither was the furniture or anything that my family owned."
"Wrong house?" Alfred joked.
"That's what I thought, but I knew the code to get in… Then… then I tried to phone, like, every single member of my family that I knew, but according to the phone company, they didn't exist!" Alfred looked a little confused and skeptical. "Then the flying bunny came and… Oh, the fairies! They just won't leave me alone! But for some reason Kirkland seems pretty entertained that I can see them, even though I didn't until a week ago… Something's telling me that they have something to do with this situation, but I don't know how because I honestly don't think pixies are powerful enough to make my family disappear off the face of the earth…"
I stopped my explanation. I was getting way off topic… That and I could tell that Spectacles was biting his lip to keep from laughing in front of me. I glared at him. Had he been in my shoes, he'd be pretty freaked out too.
…Oh. Oh wait. Never mind. I understood now.
"You sound so much like Iggy right now…" Yup. He was laughing for the exact reason as to why I didn't tell this to the FBI, and, honestly, I probably would've laughed too if someone told me this exact story.
It was because fairies, pixies, and flying bunnies was, is, and would always be fiction, only to be believed by the foolish and mental. Now I was one of them. I sighed. "Forget the last part… please."
"Sure thing, bro." I attempted to tell him the rest of the story, but it had quite a few holes with the neglectance of mentioning anything magic related. I didn't really think that Alfred cared, though. Actually, I was a little uncertain that he was paying attention at all after awhile, but I let it be that way.
I turned my gaze back outside to the rolling hills and scattered trees all basking in the sunlight. It was clear that we weren't in London anymore. Where were we going, anyway? I hoped that the trip wouldn't be too long. Even if Kirkland didn't care, I'd still be paranoid that he would.
"Well, I'm hungry." I wasn't sure of how good a driver Alfred was, but the next thing he did was, not only take both hands off the steering wheel, but turn around and start rummaging through something in the back… all while leaving the car to continue flying down the long stretch of empty highway. Were it not for the word "empty" in that sentence, I would have expressed my fear and panic, but my inner voice was telling me to trust him.
Well, until we started to slowly swerve into the other lane. That's when the alarms started to drown the voice out. "Alfred… the car is swerving…" He turned back a little and I noticed the giant pile of burgers in his arms. THEN HE TURNED BACK TO GET SOME MORE!
"Don't worry about it. We'll be fine." The approaching ditch was telling me otherwise… Along with the imaginary semi-truck that I could so clearly see plunging strait into us, crushing my heart and my skull, and ending my short life instantly. I slowly and shakily grabbed the steering wheel, pulling it slightly in my direction, trying to coax the car back on to the other side of the road. Unfortunately, my pull wasn't strong enough and my action had no effect.
I started to pull down a little harder as Alfred began to face himself forward again. I quickly slipped my hand off the wheel and into my lap. Alfred casually moved the car back into the other lane, already munching on one of the many "snacks" he brought from the back.
"See," he said, his mouth full, "I'm the hero, there's nothing to worry about as long as I'm here!" He swallowed and I watched in amazement as he inhaled three more burgers in two seconds. I half wondered if he had a nickname of "Jughead". It definitely worked. Well, switching personalities, it did.
"Yeah," I meekly replied, "Sorry for underestimating you."
If I were to judge by the landscape, I would've said that we had been traveling much longer than a half hour, but the clock said otherwise, so I figured that I was mistaken. Except that the weather was a bit warmer here in this town, which I found kind of odd.
We pulled into another house, one quite a bit different from Arthur's. I was still clueless as to where we were, but, like on the plane, I hadn't asked, and didn't really feel like asking now, especially since we were already there. We walked up to the door, which was promptly opened a split second before Alfred was going to knock.
For some reason the first thing I noticed about the scowling man in front of us was the random bit of hair that stood up completely out of place from the rest of his locks. There was something strangely familiar about that…
He shouted something (and by something, I mean words that I couldn't understand because they weren't in English) into the house before roughly shoving through us and off to wherever he was going. Alfred stepped inside, so I followed suit.
"Hey! Feli!" Another man, this one only clad in boxers and a tee, ran up to us.
"America! Ho dimenticato che venivi oggi!" The lighter brunette playfully slapped himself, his tongue suddenly switching to English, "Silly me!"
"Don't worry about it, bro. As long as you don't mind, I don't either." He fished out some more papers seemingly out of nowhere and handed them to the foreign-speaking one, who was saying some more stuff in whatever language he was speaking. I looked at the both of them. Shoot. I didn't know that Specs was bilingual. Then again, this twisted journey was full of surprises. Heck, it would be a surprise if there were no more surprises!
The man now took note of me and made a bounding step so that he was real close. I took a step back. I didn't mean to be rude, but he was kind of pushing the limits of what qualified as my personal space. When the face was so close that it blurred, the person was in the boundaries of awkward.
"Chi è questo? Chi è questo?" He cheerfully asked, bouncing a bit. I looked up to Alfred for a translation. His grin grew a bit again.
"The kid doesn't speak the Italiano." Alfred explained to the (apparently) Italian. The brunette's smile disappeared for a second, but quickly returned.
"Oh… sorry." He stuck out his hand. "I'm Feliciano!" He leaned in, invading my space once more. "I represent the northern half of Italy!" Come by me again? That last part… I shook my head. I was hearing things. Even so, I wanted clarification.
"Uh… sorry…" I lied "I totally zoned out there after the Fe… Feli…"
"Feliciano," he finished, beaming. His hand was still extended, so I took it, getting a hearty shake in return. "I represent northern Italy! Well, not that there's an official boundary between the north and south anymore… But, whatever!" Well, well, well… More surprises to prevent the surprise of the end of no more surprises.
I was in a dream.
I had found myself in the land of Hetalia (that was why they were seemingly millionaires), and the only explanation to that was that this was all fake. Of course, that meant that this was one heck of a long, detailed dream… and I didn't remember going to bed or getting knocked out or anything. Maybe it was my fall… But that part was strange too, so one would think that it was part of the dream… And was even possible to think you're dreaming in a dream? Arrggg… Things weren't adding up… But this had to be a dream, because it made more sense than magically teleporting to a fictional world… Magically…
Was it possible that the magical beings here took their magic to my world and…
Pfft. Yeah right. That was the most stupid theory ever.
…But everything else I could think of sounded as equally idiotic. Why did that one sentence have to make my situation that more confusing?
However, if I really was awake… Then I was blinder than a dead duck not to have noticed this earlier. The Hetalia thing, that is. I mean, a big-browed Brit who knew a freaking flying mint bunny and fought with a Frenchman (whose name I still didn't know). Come to think of it, Alfred had called him "England" a few times, but I had brushed it off, thinking that it was another nickname. But, seriously, it wasn't even like I quit the series that long ago. How did I not get the hint?
"I'm Erin," I said with a polite smile, trying my best to hide my hectic feelings. The handshake ended and Feliciano… Italy… began to skip away from us.
"Come in! Come in!" He cried over his shoulder, "It's around dinner time yes? Come eat with us! Germany's here too!" Right then I took note that the clocks were an hour ahead. Alfred had started walking halfway through the sentence, and I followed like a duckling.
"Dooshland's here," he chuckled to himself.
"You don't say that to his face do you?" Even though my brain was still exploding, I was still somehow able to make my voice and body function as normal.
"Of course I do! I think he's heard every good remark in the book from me!" I personally though that was a wish for a painful way to end your life, but he was still fine and standing… Alfred, that was… or America… I noticed the funny cowlick for the first time… and just how many times he had called himself a "hero".
"You're America, aren't you?" He looked at me brows furrowed.
"What d'ya mean? I'm just a government worker."
…
…Close enough… But still a false presumption.
Alfred looked at my frowning face and his smile returned. He playfully slugged me in the arm. "I'm messing with you. You're right." Oh, okay… My brains were still exploding either way. If he was a government worker, it'd just happen to be a little more so.
"…And then Kirkland is…"
"The most British man out there!" Alfred cried, giving me a thumbs up. I grinned a bit, but then realized something else.
"In that case… why didn't you guys tell me sooner…?"
"Well, it's not just something we go around announcing to the public…" He adjusted his glasses and turned to me, as I had stopped walking. Had I just learned some sort of great government secret? Was I going to be taken in and forced not to speak of this again? If I did, was I doomed?
Alfred's smile returned yet again with the sight of my beautiful (horrified) face. "It's not a big deal if a single kid finds out though." I let out a silent sigh of relief. He had me worried there.
We started walking again, and were in the kitchen within ten seconds. Alfred (for the people that I knew, I was still going by the "normal" names for now) seemed to know his way around. Inside, someone was scrubbing the counter fiercely.
"'Sup, Dooshland." Alfred nudged me with his elbow and winked. Germany, as was pointed out, seemed to ignore him. "You lost something y'know?"
Germany stopped cleaning and turned around. I didn't know why, but the sight of him in reality caught me off guard a little. He was so stereotypical, it wasn't even funny. On the contrary, he intimidated me. But… man, the counter was shiny…
"What's that? World War Two?" Alfred mockingly put a hand to his ear, as if listening. "Well, that's correct!"
Another person (or nation) came in from out of nowhere and slammed Alfred's head against the wall.
"Those stupid jokes have gone from annoying to old." Alfred laughed, even though he was being crushed into the plaster.
"You're just mad 'cause it's true!"
"Like heck I am! If anything it's reverse!" The white-haired (presumably German, judging by his accent) man pushed a little harder on Alfred's poor head. Specs began to struggle a bit against him, but continued laughing all the same.
"Over my dead body! Let go of me, albino!"
"I'm not an albino," White hissed, but he let go anyway. He turned in my direction, and, though I could tell that he was a bit surprised, he smirked very, very confidently. His red eyes bore into me. "Hallo."
Notes: Firstly, I used google translate for the Italian and German, so please feel free to correct me if I went wrong somewhere.
Translations:
Ho dimenticato che venivi oggi!=I forgot that you were coming today!
Chi è questo? Chi è questo?=Who's this? Who's this?
Hallo.=Hello
Okay! Moving on!
I'm two days late... *shifty eyes* and I don't think anybody noticed or cared... I'm still going to work on being faster!
Also, thank you for the reviews and favourites! They always make me so, so happy!
As well, I now you guys keep saying that this is funny, but, I know I can be far more witty, so if you have any tips or ideas on improving my humor, please let me know! Everything else is as always!
