I wake up in the morning warmer than usual. I squeeze one eye open and find Gray still sleeping. Taking a quick moment of reprise before getting up, I study Gray's face, memorizing every detail. His short curly blonde hair, tanned face that now has golden stubble sticking out, his lips… Sighing, I disentangle myself from Gray's embrace and leave the room, quietly closing the door behind me. Kai is still fast asleep on the couch, phew. It really wouldn't do for him to catch me sleeping with Gray. Especially now… Even after all of Grays revelations last night I'm still not sure if he's going to stay in my life. I want to believe that he will always be there for me, but I know if I let myself hope I might end up heartbroken. My mind is still wandering as I look despairingly out the window. The storm has let up but my farm is covered in drifts of snow. It will take me until summer to clear it all out.
"Good morning," Turning I see a smiling Gray, still wearing my too big for me but too small for him sweatpants and his shirt.
"Morning, looks like it's cleared up," I gesture to the window. Gray comes to stand beside me. "The weather that is. The farm, is a different story…"
"What time is it?" Gray asks. I glance at the clock in the kitchen.
"Seven o'clock. I slept later than usual."
"I should get back to the Inn to change before work," My heart stops. He can't be leaving already can he? What if he doesn't come back?
"Do you want breakfast?" I ask quickly. "I can make you something. Eggs? Pancakes? Bacon? Anything you want!"
"I don't want to impose, you've already been such a great hostess," Gray gives me a lopsided grin.
"It's no imposition at all! I promise," I can almost hear the hysteria in my voice. Why am I so concerned about him leaving? After last night… What was last night anyways?
"It's okay, if I don't eat at the Inn they don't give me a refund on the food. I've already paid for it."
"Oh, okay," I bite my lip and wander into the kitchen. "I have to start on breakfast for Kai then, I doubt he'll want to stick around here for long. You can use the bathroom if you want."
"That's okay, I'm just going to go. Do you want me to wash your pants?" Gray asks.
"No, you can leave them. One pair of pants isn't going to make a huge difference on laundry day," I laugh, but it's off. I can't turn around to look at him, not knowing if this could be the last time I'll see him.
"Okay, I'll just go change," I watch him disappear through the bedroom and let out a long breath that makes me shudder. I slowly peel the fruit for breakfast and try to think of what I should say to Gray. Please don't leave? Never come back? I'm torn. I turn just in time to see Gray exiting my room. We make eye contact but he doesn't smile. He looks like he's lost in thought.
"You should go to the clinic," I blurt out stupidly.
"You worry too much, I'm fine. I don't even have a fever anymore, you can check if you want."
"I believe you," What? Don't I want to check? I'd be able to touch him again… There is a long pause before the silence becomes too much for me. "I guess I'll see you around?"
"Claire-" Gray looks torn.
"It's okay," I plaster a fake smile on my face in reassurance.
"I'll see you?" Gray asks.
"I don't know," I answer truthfully. "Is this a good idea?"
"Is what a good idea?"
"Suddenly seeing each other again?" Gray looks pained.
"Do you want to see me again?" He asks.
"I don't know," I trail off. But inside I know I want to see him again. I'd cut off my own arm to be able to see him again.
"I understand," Gray looks as if I've slapped him. I can understand, but then he was the one who ignored me. "If you want to, you know where to find me."
"Gray," my voice is pleading but he is seemingly oblivious.
"I hope I'll see you again," Gray smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. I watch him leave, tongue tied and unable to protest. Why didn't you tell him how you really feel? My insides are screaming at me. I don't have an answer. I wish I did. I feel tears at the back of my eyes but quickly choke them down, knowing Kai will be up soon.
