A/N: I don't own these characters. Thank you for reading. I would love some feedback. I know I need a beta, but I can't figure out the whole Beta Reader system.
I can't believe this is my life. I have never felt a part of something before. I am set apart from my family, we never meshed. In high school, I was pure misery, vibrating with it every minute. But since I got to Eastern, it feels like everything has slid into effortless position and I don't even want to disappear at all. I love it here. My classes are endlessly interesting. I actually feel smart. In high school, where I had to work to cut classes and be all spy-hunter about it, I never went to class. Here, where no attendance is ever taken, I have not missed one lecture. I even sat in on some classes that I am not registered in. I found that I love English Literature and Women's Studies and all the Sociology stuff. Even statistics! I thought I sucked at math, but statistics is natural as breathing for me. On the home front, we brought Jessica's mattress up from Steph's room and slid it under my bed, which is on stilts. She sleeps under there every night. I got a key made for her. So we live with an extra person in our room, but it just adds to the party atmosphere.
I go most days down to the car wash where Emmett works. I do my homework in his office, and hang out with the other guys who work there. They are a rowdy bunch, always good for some laughs. Emmett and I have that crazy relationship where we flirt and laugh and mess around all the time. He knows that I won't ever do any serious hooking up with him, and I think he really respects me for it. He would not be Emmett if he did not continue to pressure me, and he is always all about the hands and jokes about tits and ass, but I know we both like the friendship we have. I don't have a car on campus, Emmett usually picks me up in his falling apart old Chevy, or I take the bus.
Edward and James practically live in Jasper's room, and we all hang out every day. Jessica and I try to see the band play, but it is hard since we are under age and we don't have a car. We have been to five shows. They always dedicate the "Soft Core" song to me. Emmett says that they do that when I am not there, too. That song is pretty hot. It is funny that everyone who hears the song thinks I am some kind of sexpot instead of the prudish virgin that is my reality. Emmett knows my secret, but I don't think that the other guys do. He says that if everyone assumes that we are together, it will keep me honest. Of course, he is a total slut, so no one would believe how innocent the relationship is. Well, mostly innocent anyway. James and Jessica hang out as much as they can, but they really don't ever have any place to go since he lives with his parents. They are devout Christians, of course, and he is not allowed to have a woman in his bedroom. He is a grown man, but I guess that as long as he lives with his parents, he has to follow those rules. He really wants to make a go of the music, and pretty much refuses to find a job. Jessica has her own study carrel at the library, and that is about as private as it gets for the two of them. She refuses to really classify their relationship, but I know she has met his parents. And the two of them go to church services every Sunday together. James is really sweet to her, but I still feel a little edgy about their relationship. She is so sweet and pure, and he is just NOT. I get the feeling that nothing would surprise him, and that he has no fear, ever, about anything. When we are at the club to hear the band, no one will even TALK to Jessica because they know better than to do anything that might rub James the wrong way.
Angela and Edward are playing the Friends with Benefits game. I know he is not the only guy that she is with, and I also know that Edward probably has about a dozen other girls he is juggling. I think he feels comfortable with Angela- she is not emotionally invested in him, and doesn't care what he does when he is away from her. I suspect that Edward lies to a lot of girls, and just tells them whatever they want to hear. He wants everyone to love him. Maybe that is why Angela and Edward rarely hang out except for the actual hooking up. Instead, Edward and I sit outside and smoke, or walk around the campus, or get coffee in the student union. We like to sit in there and play Gin Rummy. He hates going home, he is in constant fights with his dad, who I gather is a real jerk. We have easy conversation, he probably knows me better than anyone ever has. I always forget to put on my listener cap with him, and will just talk and talk about everything from politics to literature. Edward always has an interesting philosophy about every subject, and continues to shock me with his knowledge of current events and books and music. He is my favorite person to hang out with ever. And the really crazy thing is all the other females at school are so freaking nice to me now. They all want a shot at these guys, and know that they are my pals. After Edward hooked up with the third "new friend" of mine, I finally figured it out. He always wants to go everywhere with me, even for study dates at the library. He will often tag along to my classes.
The weather is starting to get cold, and winter break is approaching. The dorms close during the break, so we all have to go home for the two weeks. I am absolutely dreading it, and I know Edward is, too. So we are sitting in the Union with our feet in each other's lap. He says "I am never going back to high school. As soon as I am 18 in March, I am going to take the GED.
I ask him "Why don't you and Emmett just get your own place?"
He looks down at me. "Promise you won't freak out?"
"Of course"
"We are going to jail on January 1st."
I jump up, my heart pounding. "WHAT???"
"Emmett, James and I got convicted of felonious assault in August. We used to have a lead singer in the band, Jacob. He started moonlighting with another band, and he stole all our equipment. We tracked him down and beat the crap out of him. It was James' idea, but we were there, and we all got our hits in. Jasper had not come back to school yet from the summer break, so he missed the fight. Anyway, Jacob ended up in the hospital, and we were booked by the cops. We had some crappy public defender who napped through our trial. We were tried together, and all found guilty by a jury. We did not even deny that we beat him up, we just tried to justify it saying Jake took our stuff. It was a lousy defense obviously. The judge took some pity on us, and we were allowed to delay jail until January 1. We are supposed to serve six months. I did not know how to tell you. I know Emmett wanted to say something to you, but he is really embarrassed, too."
I am sitting there with tears streaming down my face. I can't believe I am going to lose these guys already. "Does Jessica know?"
Edward is looking down at the ground now. "We tried to keep it quiet, especially since we met you guys. We don't want you to abandon us. Emmett and James and I feel like we have found where we belong finally. I wish we had met you before that happened, maybe it could have been avoided. I never realized how amazing day to day life could be. I always wondered if I was even a person. Every woman I meet just shoves her phone number at me, or sits too close, or openly propositions me. They are all so fake. You are the most real person I have ever met, Bella. I love my mom so much, but I just can't respect her for putting up with my dad. I hate being at home, because I know they are so disappointed in us."
I swallow hard. I am scared out of my mind. I am totally dependent on Edward and Emmett at this point. These guys are my life now. They have changed me so completely. I never worry about being the center of attention, or teasing, or fitting in or any of that crazy stuff that used to cause me so much anxiety. Because, really? Screw the bastards.
"Edward, we have to tell the other girls. It's so unfair to keep this from them, especially Jessica. She's going to freak out. And I want you to come home with me over the break. I will tell my parents that you are a friend from out of state or something; they will even hardly notice that you're there. My sister is away at college, you can have her room."
His face lights up at the prospect of going home with me. "The break is not over until January fifth. I need to be at the Jail on the first, bright and early."
I smile at him and say "We'll have to have an awesome New Year's Eve party, and just stay up all night. I will take you and Emmett to the jail when the time comes. Of course, your family will want to be there too. And I know that James will drive in for the party with Emmett, it isn't that far. I will have to talk to Jess, she's from out of state, and I don't know if she can come. Let's go back to my room and see if anyone is around so we can make plans. I can't believe you kept this from me, you big jerk! I have hung out with you practically every day for months."
I give him a sock on the shoulder . Ouch. He smirks at me. "Bella, you wound me! Talk about hitting like a girl, that was pathetic." He draws himself up to his full height, a foot taller than me. His face gets serious. "Aren't you afraid of me now that you know what I am capable of? I keep waiting for you to run away from me screaming. I mean, you know about my terrible habits with women. You know that I slept with your roommate the first time I met her, and half your friends, too. You know that I'm a high school dropout. You know that I'm trash, with an uneducated, violent father, and a brother that works at a car wash and pressures you for sex every chance he gets. You know that I am a bully who beat up a defenseless singer enough to land him in the hospital. How can you want to hang out with me? How can you think about bringing me home with you? Won't your parents freak right out?"
I look at him seriously. "You are my best friend that I ever had. I could have a list 10 miles long of all my flaws that you overlook. I feel so lucky to have you in my life every single day." I feel choked up suddenly. Edward is looking at me thoughtfully. He bends over and gives me a hug. I stand on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his neck. His hands are on my waist. My face is buried in his chest. I whisper "You are not getting rid of me, Edward Cullen. I hear you talking yourself out of our friendship, and hating on yourself. I understand everything. I am so filled with self-loathing sometimes that I can't imagine how I will get through the day. But since I met you, I actually like my life for the first time ever. So you're stuck with me."
He backs up and looks down into my face. "Bella, I am going to be your fucking shadow. You are the only person I have ever met who doesn't want anything from me. I have never experienced anyone as generous and kind and nonjudgmental as you. Believe me, you're not getting rid of me."
He is so close to me. He is holding me in his arms. I am looking at his gorgeous face. I say "Thank God." We grab hands and walk back toward the dorm. Together.
