Magnetism
RLRB Fan Fiction
Harry Potter
ObsessiveDevil23
Chapter 7 -
Sirius was true to his word. When James returned back to the Gryffindor common room, thoroughly spent and possibly limping ever so slightly, Sirius was completely unwilling to even look at him. He and Lily were sat on the sofa by the window, with Remus reading a book in an armchair opposite. There was another seat left, so James collapsed into it. Remus looked up at his sharp intake of breath and smirked, making the Chaser colour slightly.
"I take it you and Snape have made up?" He grinned. Sirius looked up from where he and Lily had been playing a game of Exploding Snap and levelled Remus a curious look.
"He didn't even say anything, how would you know that?" He asked, betraying that he was at least aware of his friend's presence.
Remus' grin only grew, much to James' discomfort.
"He didn't have to say anything." He replied, putting his nose back in his book to assure James he wouldn't be teasing him for long. Sirius spared the messy haired teen a quick glance, mind working overtime to try and figure out what Remus could see that he couldn't, after a moment's more scrutiny he scrunched up his nose in disgust.
"Oh, ew." He said, turning back to the game just in time to shout "Snap!" and have the cards let off a loud bang. Coughing away the cinders, which Lily then neatly swept into the bin by the table, he went back to ignoring the boy completely.
Lily smiled at his discomfort instead, and leant forward so she could speak to James around Sirius.
"I have to admit, I still find it odd that you and Severus are… together." She spoke. "I mean, the two of you really hated each other, and now this year you're openly dating. I mean, did you ever truly hate each other or was that all for show?"
Sirius' ears perked up at the train of thought, and James felt a familiar curl of anger clench low in his stomach. He wasn't really angry at Lily for thinking it, after all, his relationship with Severus was odd – but Cinis was making it difficult to concentrate. He had become used to seeing Sirius and Lily together, but he couldn't deny there were still times when he thought of Lily as his girl – and although he was with Severus, she was still an achingly beautiful woman.
"I think you and Pads are an odd couple too." He responded after a short time. He had been trying to find the words to voice his thoughts without coming across unnaturally angry. Cinis still burned him from the inside, but he was getting better at hiding, if not controlling, the symptoms.
Sirius seemed to bristle at the words, but he wasn't rising to the bait. Nothing was going to make him talk to James at that moment. He was still mad about the photograph. Remus had found him in the common room a bit before and explained the photo through thoroughly, but it didn't change the fact that James and Regulus had been making out – and it was made worse by the fact that Regulus and James had decided to do that as a way of getting back at him.
Lily smiled at her boyfriend's inner turmoil, he was childish at times, but she put up with that for the times when he was kind and wise.
"I guess I just realised that with the bad comes a whole lot of good." She admitted. "But you and Severus had a lot more to overcome."
James nodded in agreement.
"We still have a lot to overcome." He replied. "But… he makes me feel safe." He admitted quietly. He was hyper-aware of how Remus' fingers stilled, no longer rustling the pages of his book, and how Sirius turned to look at him again, this time openly staring. He had never really discussed his relationship with Severus openly before. It was at best private, and at worst something Sirius would wave away in disgust.
He and the Slytherin had been skirting around the subject of their mutual desire for the other the entire summer, and although James had been elated when Severus had thrown caution to the wind and asked him to date, instead of blindly follow orders, he had been a little upset he had no-one to share his happiness with. Even Remus, who was by far the better choice for talking about his budding romance with Severus, had always been a little confused about what James saw in the greasy potions enthusiast. It was the first time he was admitting out-loud what made Severus special to him.
"Safe?" Came the question, stunted and low. James looked at Sirius, who had obviously uttered the query before realising he was supposed to be mad with the Chaser. He nodded back. Sirius crossed his arms. "I am sure there are lots of people that can make you feel safe." He added. James had known it was coming, but it still made the curl of anger in his stomach flick upwards.
"Not like him." He replied, coolly.
Sirius rolled his eyes, Lily looked like she was about to tell him to drop it, when Remus leapt in instead.
"Safe is an odd word to choose Prongs." He interjected. Sirius nodded along, waving at Remus like two were sharing a common thought – it occurred to James that they may very well have been. Remus carried on. "I mean, if he made you feel happy, or loved or even just ridiculously turned on, that's one thing… but safe means..."
James stood before he knew what he was doing.
"Safe means what, Moony?" He asked, voice rising with the flick of the flames inside him. "Him making me feel safe is important. It means I don't have to spend the rest of my life worrying! It means I can rely on him to help me through when I'm puking up my dinner, or passing out, or when I can't deal with the world and I just need someone to tell me what to do. It means I've got someone in my corner when I'm irrationally angry, who can calm me down. It means I can trust him not to hurt me when I show up at his door weak and depressed. It means I can go week to week with someone who actually understands what I'm going through, who can make the one potion in the world that can keep me from dying!"
He balled his hands in to fists and then unclenched them again, pressed his palms into his eyes, annoyed at himself for getting so worked up. He wasn't crying, as such, but he could feel the water welling up there and was trying desperately to push the tears back in so they wouldn't fall. Remus stood as well, putting a hand on his friends shoulder.
"You're right James – feeling safe is important. But… all those things, they're all about Cinis." He responded, gently this time, like he was talking to a frightened child. "You've learnt to trust Snape because you were forced into a situation where you had to… all I'm asking is, would you still be with him if he didn't make you feel safe?"
James shrugged his shoulder away from the werewolf's grasp. He wouldn't have been able to do it if Remus' didn't let him – the boy was stronger than him even without his enhanced werewolf strength, but Remus let go without a fight.
"I wouldn't be with anyone if they didn't make me feel safe." He muttered stubbornly. Remus gave a sort of half smile, half grimace.
"But love isn't safe." He replied. "It's terrifying. It's like jumping off a cliff. You have to have faith that the person you love won't leave but you're never safe in the knowledge. Just think about it – if Snape wasn't literally keeping you alive – would you still want to be around him?"
James closed his eyes. He knew that it sounded ridiculous to his friends – they had after all spent years bullying the boy, and James had spent the better part of the year before being emotionally tortured by the Slytherin – but he had already gone through the sleepless nights wondering if what he was feeling was Stockholm syndrome, or if his feelings were true. He was hopelessly attracted to the man, and he missed him terribly when they weren't together.
Except… their date really had been a disaster. They had barely spoken, and Severus hadn't even picked up on the fact that James was upset until much later. The whole school seemed to be against them. It made sense that their relationship worked best in the shadows, in the confines of Severus' workroom where they could monitor James' symptoms and work on Wolfs' Bane. But James couldn't stay too long, or get too close to the fumes, and when they did speak it was mainly about trivial things. They'd never discussed what they were to each other really – were they dating or were they just fucking? Severus had said he wanted the whole castle to know that James belonged to him but… did that mean James got to tell everyone that Severus' was his? He hadn't even thought about it – he knew he belonged to the Slytherin – he'd given himself up, body and soul, but did Severus really belong to him?
"How am I supposed to answer that?" He finally replied, hating himself for how lost his voice sounded. "That's the situation. We're always going to have Cinis hanging over our heads. We're not the perfect couple, we don't have that much in common but… he understands me."
Remus sighed deeply, shooting Sirius a look which was clearly looking for help. The Black heir shrugged his shoulders in response. Lily rolled her eyes at the two of them.
"I get it." She said, standing as well and taking James' hand in her own. She rubbed her thumb over his wrist soothingly, and James noted that it was actually working to calm him down. She smiled knowingly at him when he caught her eye. "Sev has that feel-safe affect on people. He always seems to know what he's doing and it's incredibly reassuring. When you get past the antisocial behaviour and anger issues he's an easy person to love."
James shot Sirius a look over her shoulder. He was glowering gently, but when he noticed James was looking he coughed and picked up a book like he couldn't really care what his girlfriend was saying. James noted that the book was upside down and let a small smile come unbidden to his face.
"I never said I loved him." He mumbled at the carpet, trying to tell his face to go back to impassive, or even angry. Lily grinned, like he had fallen into her trap.
"Oh, but you do." She said knowingly. "You'd have to love him to openly date him, out yourself to the whole school, be around him as much as you are and be so upset when someone dares question your relationship."
James felt himself becoming increasingly awkward at her reasoning. He'd been resolutely ignoring 'the L word', even in the times it presented itself in his mind – when he'd see Severus wearing the hair-tie he bought him, or see a picture of the two of them pop up in the boys workroom, or when he could show up at the Slytherin's door and ask for an order and Severus would just understand exactly what James needed. He sat down heavily on his chair and grimaced – he watched as Lily sat back on the sofa and Sirius put his reading material to one side to frown at her.
"I kinda miss Pete in times like this." The Chaser sighed. A chill went through the air, as it always did at the mention of the fourth marauder. Remus hummed low in his throat.
"Me too. He was good at calming you two hot-heads down." He replied. "This whole silent-treatment thing would have been over with hours ago if Wormtail was here."
James snorted in amusement, Sirius huffed.
"I'm justifiably angry that my best friend has been snogging my little brother in some sleazy hotel room!" He shot. "And don't even bother with the explanation – Moony already explained it all and it's not an excuse!" He added as James opened his mouth to protest. The stag animagus closed his mouth again, looking suitably chastised.
"It was just a stupid joke Pads." Remus said, trying to calm his friend. He would have no luck trying to gain permission to date the younger Black sibling if Sirius wouldn't even let one (admittedly heavy) kiss with James go.
"I swear Rem, if it wasn't for the fact that Prongs is a total princess when it comes to the boys he's attracted to I would have murdered him by now." Sirius replied, eerily calmly. James flushed at the words 'total princess'.
"Wh- What's that supposed to mean?" He mumbled. Sirius smirked at him, and it wasn't entirely cruel.
"Come on Jamie, the kids like fourteen and from the looks of that photo you were putty in his hands. You're a princess." He explained. "I mean, not that I like to think about it, but I assume you and Snape are doing the nasty – has he ever let you top, do you even want to?"
There was a short silence in which James realised his three friends were all waiting for his answer, all with identical looks of morbid curiosity. He felt his heart beating faster in his chest, his ears felt hot and he pushed a hand through his hair just to have something to do. He looked away as he responded.
"That's really none of your business."
Sirius snorted.
"So no, then." He answered for him, making James huff, still not able to look at his friends. "So what were you going to do with Reggie, huh?"
James puffed out a long breath of air, glancing at Remus for help, who just sort of shrugged in response, looking hopeless.
"I'm not even attracted to Regulus, okay Sirius?" He replied eventually. "If you must know I was thinking about Sev the entire time it was happening." He added, blushing a little. Sirius frowned, and James could tell he was trying hard not to make his usual gagging motions, which was probably just a show of maturity entirely put on for Lily.
"It doesn't change the fact that you took advantage of my little brother." Sirius mumbled. There was a short pause in which it looked like James was about to apologise, when Remus cleared his throat.
"James wasn't taking advantage of anyone – they both went in to it willingly." He explained. "So drop it Sirius."
Sirius sent him an annoyed look at the command.
"Why should I?" He asked.
"Because you don't get to talk about taking advantage of people." The werewolf seethed, giving Sirius a hard glare. "Now drop it."
Sirius looked at his friend for a long moment, swallowing heavily like all of a sudden a large ball had been lodged in his throat, and then looked down at the ground.
"Fine." He mumbled, then plastered a grin on his face as he looked up at the group. "Anyone for chess?"
Remus took him up on the offer instantly, leaving Lily and James to spare each other a confused look over what had just passed. Since when did Sirius take orders from Remus?
-X-
"You've caused quite a bit of trouble young man."
Regulus smirked at his older Gryffindor, revelling in the words coming from the sandy-haired boy's mouth. They were meeting on the sly, in the library where there was little chance of them running into Sirius – in the old dusty back shelves where generally kids only went to make-out. It was a cliché but Regulus found he didn't really mind. Remus had sent an owl down to the dungeons and he'd eagerly come to the specified location.
"I don't remember doing anything naughty." He replied, biting his lip deliberately and looking up at the Gryffindor through his lashes. He watched delightedly as Remus' eyes fluttered momentarily and he began breathing heavily. Was that his wand in his pocket or…?
"That picture of you and James has caused your brother to be quite upset." He explained, putting one hand on the shelf behind Regulus' head and smiling down at the Slytherin. Regulus caught eye-contact confidently. He knew he oozed sex-appeal, it was a Black Family treasure – he'd never used it on a guy before though.
"I never meant it to." He admitted. Remus leant down so he was in the Slytherin's personal space and it occurred to Regulus that he really didn't have to try so hard with the Gryffindor. Remus was clearly besotted with him.
"It's caused me some trouble too." Remus carried on, voice dropping slightly, coming out husky. Regulus swallowed thickly, trying to keep eye-contact despite the fact it now felt harder. Need seemed to pool at the base of his stomach and push downwards, bringing a flush to his cheeks.
He'd been trying to deny his attraction to Remus since the prefect had helped him look for his non-existent cat the year before, and although he had only convinced Remus to go on a study-session with him as an excuse to get to know him more, when the Gryffindor had let slip that he wanted it to be a date Regulus found he couldn't deny the boy. Upon realising the older boy wanted more than friendship Regulus found himself more than happy to oblige. He would usually worry about what his mother and father would think – how would he carry on the bloodline if he was seeing a man? But his attraction to Remus was outweighing his family ties, and besides, he was still young – he could fool around with the prefect now, and maybe settle down with a woman later.
He'd been battling with his attraction to men all summer, when he thought about it – thinking back to the make-out session he had shared with James. He had told Remus he had simply forgotten to destroy the photo, but in reality he had been holding on to it. James was an attractive boy, and a pretty good kisser. He had enjoyed the exploration of another man, and although he had thought about it before, alone in his room, he didn't want to get rid of the evidence that he had been confident enough to actually suck-face with one.
Now Remus was speaking with that irresponsibly sexy low voice, in his personal space in the back shelves of the library. Really, for a boy struggling with his sexuality, and all that meant, it didn't feel fair.
"How did it cause you trouble?" He finally asked, unable to stop himself from staring at Remus' lips when the Gryffindor answered.
"I can't help it." The prefect replied. "I don't like thinking about you kissing another boy. Now I know how good your lips taste, I don't want to share."
Regulus had always thought the whole knees buckling thing was a myth, that no-one could be effected so much by just words to cause ones knees to give way beneath them. Now he knew it wasn't. He caught himself by putting a hand out behind him to hold on to the shelf, and to mask his embarrassment he leant up, catching Remus' lips in a kiss to distract him. Remus kissed back enthusiastically, wrapping his free hand around the smaller boy's waist.
To hell with family, to hell with finding a woman to settle down with, thinks Regulus, he could get used to this.
