Thank you SO much for all your reviews and emails! And thanks so much for placing this as your favourite story and in your story alerts.
I struggled a bit with this chapter, as you can tell from the huge delay in finally continuing the story. I did not want Edward to be too OOC but then again…………read on and please let me know what you think.
Please review!
Thanks for the very observant reviews folks! It is meant to be Jasper and not Jacob - I have changed it to reflect it correctly, my apologies for muddling things up!! Please keep the reviews coming :)
Chapter 7
Edward Repents
Through the high arches of the windows, the moon cast a soft sheen on their intertwined bodies. Edward's fingers were gentle as they moved on her arm, soothing the goose bumps along the way. Despite being warmly wrapped in a quilt, Bella was shivering, partly from the cool air from the open windows and partly from the feel of Edward's body close to hers. Still, she wanted to be closer and wanted nothing to ever come between them. She pushed her hips back closer into him, holding his arms tighter.
"Let me close the windows and turn up the heating", Edward said softly. As his breath caressed her, he touched her cheek with the back of his knuckles, marveling at the soft pink glow that seemed to have taken permanent residence in that part of her face.
As he started working the latch on the windows, Bella peered at him from beneath her eyelashes, her breath hitching at the sight of his bare back. Sensing her gaze settle shyly on his nakedness, Edward smiled slightly to himself. He closed both the windows and drew the dark burgundy drapes across them immersing the room in a warm glow. Turning up the heating to full, he climbed back into bed, careful not to touch her anymore than necessary. Bella needed to warm up but mostly she needed to heal from his rough ministrations. After a couple of hours, he was still is disbelief at his actions that he never thought he was capable of, that Bella had trusted him to never do. He had hurt her in a way that he could never take back and he wanted to be punished for it. He wanted to repent with all his might. But he knew something he could never do now and that was to walk away. He needed to embrace his own demons and not forget the lessons of the past. He would help Bella through his treachery and maybe one day she would forgive him.
As Bella settled back into his arms and her breathing grew deeper, he let his mind wander back. He had never felt this way before in all of his one hundred odd years of existence. He didn't even know such feelings and sensations existed. The feel of Bella in his arms, the taste of her sweet mouth, the soft gaze of her shy eyes and the feel of her milky skin on his tongue, it seemed were all created by the heavens for the sole purpose of being loved and cherished by him. He did not think he could ever have enough of her and ever be as close to her as his soul wanted, if a soul within him existed. The hours in a day and the days of his life as it were, would not be enough for him to pleasure her as much as he wanted. And then he remembered losing himself into the softness of her – her body seemed to beckon his lips for a kiss and he could not let go till he had touched every inch of her. His next recollection would have had him blushing had he been capable of it. He remembered a distinct scent that was all Bella, her very womanhood, her essence had seemed to be wafting over her entire body, assaulting his increasingly heightened senses. All he had wanted was a taste of her heavenly aroma. And then, then he remembered nothing.
Try as he might he could not recall what he did and why he did it. His next memory was of Carlisle and Jasper holding him tightly away from Bella, of Esme covering Bella's bare body protectively with a quilt and of Alice soothing Bella's tears away with crooning noises at the same time managing to throw an accusing look at Edward, her eyes full of reproach. At that point Carlisle had said his name, urging him to look at his eyes.
"Edward, son, look at me", Carlisle had demanded in an urgent whisper.
Whatever Carlisle has seen in Edward's eyes had convinced him that he was no longer a danger to Bella and he has asked Jasper to release his grip on him. Edwards had known that Jasper had been trying with all his powers to calm him and Bella but he had also felt Jasper's slight confusion upon encountering nothing more than feelings drenched in pleasure from them both. Feelings in Edward's heart that he knew mirrored Bella's.
"Bella, sweetheart, where does it hurt? I need to know, please tell me so I can help", Carlisle had asked Bella, a gentle hand lifting up her trembling face.
Bella had gulped audibly and seemed to swallow her tears, "I…I'm not hurt, I don't think I'm hurt. Edward did not…hurt me. I was just surprised at…at....oh", she did not complete her thoughts but they seemed to be infused on her flaming cheeks.
But Carlisle had needed confirmation whether his fears were correct or not.
"Surprised at what little one? We heard you scream. Alice saw…well, it will be better if you tell us what happened. I believe Edward is as confused at the moment", Carlisle had looked over at Edward as he had finished saying this.
In response all Edward had done was lift his shoulders in utter confusion. Jasper had handed him a sheet to wrap around his waist and had Edward been capable of it, he was sure he would have started shivering himself. What had he done? Had he really, heaven forbid, bitten her? No, he refused to even entertain that horrific thought. He couldn't have. Not his Bella. His sweet, delicate Bella. If he had hurt her, he knew he would never be able to forgive himself. No, he refused to believe he could have ever caused her any pain especially at a time when all he had wanted was to give her pleasure. The pleasure only a man is meant to give a woman.
"Edward?" Bella had continued, lifting her head up from Esme's lap, her eyes searching for him. Their eyes had locked across the span of the bed, his beseeching, almost imploring her to tell him what was on her mind and hers shy and wondrous and just a little guilty.
Guilty? Why was Bella looking guilty, Edward had thought. If anything, he should be the one ashamed of his senseless actions. His confusion rose up a few notches, his brows furrowed, hoping not for the first time that he could read Bella's thoughts.
"Oh", Bella had exclaimed softly. Esme was rubbing her shoulders and even thought it wasn't helping her from feeling cold, she felt warm from the maternal touch.
The concern in Carlisle eyes had urged her to explain further, "I'm not hurt. Edward did…not…hurt me. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle everyone. I am…okay. Really okay", she had ended beseechingly, trying to convince her family.
"So the scream….", Carlisle had started but before he could complete his sentence, Esme had interrupted him.
"Carlisle, I think what Bella is trying to say, she is okay and never meant her scream to be terrifying", Esme had been smiling slightly as she completed Bella's thoughts.
"Maybe pleasurable, but never scared, am I right Bella?" she had then looked at Bella with a conspiratory look, woman-to-woman.
Bella's blush seemed to be the affirmation everyone needed. For it was then that Alice had climbed down from the bed and had thankfully averted her accusatory eyes away from Edward. Jasper had on a bemused expression, still infusing the room with calm and quiet.
Carlisle had given one last healing caress to Bella's hair, leaning down to place a soft kiss on her forehead. He had then taken Esme's hands and with a squeeze to Edward's shoulder, they had all filtered out of the room.
All this time, Edward had been vacillating between self-loathing and utter confusion. He knew his family would not have interrupted them, would never have dreamt of entering the room without good cause. And to him it seemed Bella had screamed in pain, pain only he could have caused since he was the only one near her. He could not place his finger on what was going on.
"Bella, my darling, are you alright?" he had asked quietly.
"Ah, Yes, I am okay…I…I'm sorry….for all this. I never thought, I didn't realise, I….ooh Edward", she had covered her face with her hands, her body shaking from quiet sobs. In less than the blink of an eye, Edward had been at her side, holding her quilt-clad body close to his, softly making soothing noises, unsure of himself like never before. All he knew was he never wanted to see Bella cry. He was aghast at the pain he must have caused her, making her cry this way.
"Bella, Bella my sweet. Please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. I should never have gone ahead with this. My need for you was just too strong. I underestimated my strength, my willpower. I have no right to ask for forgiveness but I have no right to ask for anything else. I will never do this to you ever again. Bella, I love you so" he had finished with an anguished sob. His face was buried in her, his eyes wet with tears for her pain.
"Edward…no" Bella had started in a confused voice, her face buried in his chest.
She had then tried to place her arms between their bodies, "Edward, please, wait".
She had tried to push with all her might but may as well be budging a mountain. "Edward, please let me go. You need to listen to me. Edward!" she had finished in a loud hush startling him out of his melancholy.
He had finally looked at her and cupped her sweet face in his palms. She had closed her eyes with a sigh, giving herself a moment to enjoy the feel of his hands caressing her face.
"Bella", he had started but Bella had interrupted before he could continue, "Shhhh".
She had then looked deep into his eyes, "You have not hurt me, you have not bitten me. You have not done anything to make me feel anything but….good…about myself", Bella had finished with a rising flush to her cheeks.
"So, you are alright? You are not in pain?" Edward had asked quickly, his eyes searching her face for even the slightest hint of displeasure.
"Yes I am okay. And no, I am in the opposite of pain", the moment these words were out of Bella's mouth, she had realised what she had said and buried her face in his chest.
"I am sorry", she had continued in a muffled voice. "I should not have screamed like that, it just came out because of your.…..I….I did not mean to scare you or anyone else".
"Bella, my love, you have nothing to be sorry about. I …..I am afraid to ask my love, because I can only remember rejoicing in the marvel of you, why did you scream?" he had asked hesitatingly, needing reassurance that there was some good left in him. Reassurance that his demons would not take over if he distracted himself for a moment.
"I…..Edward, I can't, not right now…please", she had whispered, her body now almost completely hidden into his torso. Conversely she seemed to be growing warmer. She tightened her hands on his arms, convulsively clenching and unclenching her fingers, slightly agitated and increasingly shy with her rising embarrassment.
He had then pulled her towards him, leaning forward to have her lie on the bed. He had made sure the quilt covered her completely. She was still trembling, atleast he had then known it was from the cold and not from pain. He had brushed her hair away from her face, leaning in for the softest of kisses. Their lips had met like a gentle sigh but he was afraid to explore her. Feeling his hesitation, she had pressed herself to him, her hands reaching up to bury themselves in his hair, urging him forward. Just as he has begun to respond back, his body becoming almost feverish with need, he had pulled himself back.
He had stood up from the bed with the intention of leaving the room to give her some privacy, knowing if he stayed he would not be able to stop himself from touching the perfection that was his Bella. Her voice had stopped him short.
"Edward, please…please stay", she had asked quietly.
He had turned to face her, their eyes meeting once again across the room. Walking closer to the bed, his heart had seemed to be bursting with his love for her. He had then sat on his knees next to the bed, their hands holding each other.
And the night smiled down on them through the arched windows, the full moon caressing them in its soft glow.
Somewhere during the deep of the night, Edward had regained some of his trust in himself to lie next to Bella, his arms coming about to hold her close to him. His questions remained unanswered and his memory full of gaps. But he was sanguine in the thought that Bella was unharmed and loved as always.
.
.
.
Hope you liked the way the night moved....
PLEASE, please…let me know what you think. I look forward to your reviews!!
