Chapter 7:

Esme's Story:

Bella's POV:

It had been agony for the rest of the school day. My mind kept going back to Esme's hurt eyes, her pained voice as she begged me not to "toy with her," her ragged body movements as she sagged to the Mercedes to leave after my rejection. Her pain remained branded like a hot iron in the muscles of my brain. I couldn't ignore any of this. If I rejected Esme again, I could ruin any chance of truly moving on and being happy.

School went on slowly. If time was an animal during the day, it was moving as fast as a snail would. I felt like I was gonna fall asleep at least seven times during two of my classes. Luckily I had evaded the rest of the Cullens. I seriously did not want to deal with Emmett or Jasper's pleas, Alice's games or Rosalie's glares. Whenever one of them so much as came close to me in the hallway, I walked faster and got to an even more populated area.

I had no intention of dealing with any of them. Finally, when the day ended and I got to the parking lot, going to my pickup truck, wanting to get back home as soon as possible, I had one of those weird "Spiderman" spider sense things. I felt someone looking at me.

I turned and low and behold, amongst the crowds of shallow teenagers in the parking lot, behind Mike Newton, Angela, Lauren and the others, stood four of the Cullen "children." All of them looking at me.

Fucking great.

I scowled. "What are you guys looking at?" I whispered, too quietly for humans to hear, but loud enough for the four of them to hear me more than easily. I glanced up at them occasionally. They stood by their respective vehicles. Emmett had already jumped inside his black jeep, but he was sitting on top of the jeep's door, looking at me, as if angry at how I was ignoring them. All three Rosalie, Jasper and Alice were next to Rose's red convertible.

Rosalie was glaring at me with the intensity of a thousand suns, Jasper was just watching me, his appearance nonchalant. Alice, once again, much to my fury, was smirking at me, though even from here, I could almost feel waves of sorrow coming from her. Hmm…or maybe that was coming from Jasper, considering his empath powers. I ignored the terrible feelings and turned back to my own vehicle and opened the door, ready to get inside when I heard Jessica's voice behind me.

"Hey, Bella," Jessica said, in an all too cheery voice that just screamed, "now that you're not with Edward, I'd like to be your best friend," "Do you want to hang out with us after school tomorrow? We're all going to La Push." I stiffened when I heard that. And I'm more than sure that the rest of the Cullen family did too. Fantastic. Not only were the Cullens trying to invade my life and try to tell me what to do, but now I had to worry about those testosterone driven, steroid induced wolves? Fuck my life. I turned around to face Jessica, bent on politely refusing, both because I knew she had her own greedy agenda, and because I couldn't deal with Jacob and his overprotective and prejudice, "I was choosing the unnatural creatures," attitude. I had my problems with the Cullens; I sure as hell did, but the wolves' hate for them simply because they were another species that they considered abnormal was disgusting to me.

I opened my mouth to kindly reject her offer, when I noticed the Cullens watching me again. They had all now become serious upon hearing about La Push. Understandably too. I glanced up a little and noticed that they were now looking at me with serious intent, as if pleading with me not to go. That was when my decision changed. Oh, no; they had already tried to keep me away from Jacob by trying to take out my engine, they weren't going to tell me what to do this time.

I was about to consent to Jessica's request when I remembered something. Hadn't I promised Esme that I would speak with her about becoming a vampire at school tomorrow? My thoughts came to a halt as I wondered what I was going to do for a moment. I took another look at the Cullen children. They were staring at me in anticipation.

I looked back to Jessica. "When tomorrow are you guys going?" I asked, thinking that I might either be polite about it or just reject her offer to come with her altogether.

Jessica gave an uncaring shrug. "I don't know." She grumbled, "Probably after school. Why?"

I considered what she was asking further. Well, why not? If Esme was going to visit me during school, then it wouldn't matter would it if I went visiting La Push with the tomorrow after school, would it? Besides, if I did join the Cullens, it might be the last chance I get to say goodbye to Jacob and the others.

"You know," I said, making sure my voice was loud, "That sounds like a really good idea. Sure, I'll go with you guys to La Push after school. I'd love to see some of the guys there."

My eyes glanced to the four Cullens and I actually felt fear when I saw them. They were pissed. All of them were. Even Alice and Jasper looked like they wanted to kill me or something. I ignored the unsettled feeling I got from it, and gave Jessica a smile. As the two of us departed, I jumped into my truck and started it up, driving it towards the exit of the parking lot, which happened to be right where the Cullens had parked their own cars, unfortunately.

My window was up, but I heard something disconcerting. I wasn't sure if I was imagining it, but as I drove by the Cullens and their cars, I could have sworn I heard four growls coming through the glass of my truck's window. I stiffened against the steering wheel as I got out of the school's driveway. No need to get even more freaked than I already was getting. As I got on the road, I was more than sure that I had heard those stupid Cullen vampires growling. Great, when they didn't get their way, they started growling like mere animals. And they called the wolves savage. Morons.

My mind was on every single thing that had happened today, and yet it all seemed fuzzy, like I was trying to numb myself to it all. No, never mind, it wasn't like I was trying to, I was numbing myself. Every time my mind went back to my feelings and to Esme, everything hurt. There seemed to be no other solution except to numb myself.

I was so tired of pretending that I didn't care about my family, even though I still was angry at them. I drove to my house, deciding that I'd have to settle this tomorrow during school. My mind was too boggled to figure anything out now. I'd wait till tomorrow and when I saw Esme during school…..well, I guess I'd be just as lost as I was now. Fuck. I sighed, getting out of my truck and headed towards my house, putting on a fake smile so that Charlie would think that everything was alright.

After I entered the house, mechanically talking with Charlie as if it was normal, making dinner for the both of us, occasionally laughing, talking, me talking around anything that would eventually lead back to the Cullens, basically the usual. Once it got around 9:30, I headed to my room to start typing up my homework. I usually liked schoolwork, but on a day like today, it just felt boring. It was something about the events of the Civil War or something. I'd have to look it up on the internet to find more.

I sighed and started writing up the introduction to my paper. Usually with papers, all one had to do was put in more and more words, even if they were just bullshitting, and the paper was done, so I just had to write up my introduction to the Civil War paper and that was when I'd do the research.

After almost twenty minutes, when I was finishing the ending sentence of the introduction paragraph, I heard an odd and eerie scratching noise outside of my window against the window's glass. My fingers froze at the keyboard. Okay, that noise didn't sound good. Creepy, actually.

I slowly pushed my chair back and turned to look at my window. The curtains were closed, but I saw a shadow moving behind them. I scowled. I didn't need to guess to know what was at my window. A vampire. Like the thousand times that there had been before. Probably Edward or Alice trying to get me to cancel my arrangement to see Jacob and the rest of the wolves tomorrow. Or maybe it was Rosalie or Emmett trying to yell at me for going to the wolves or being "cruel" to their dear Eddie boy. I got up, pissed, and walked to the window.

Either way, I was sick of my window being the usual drive through to speak to me.

"Alright," I growled, grabbing the curtains, "Who is it? I swear, if it's you, Alice, I'll-" I tore the curtains back and at the window, the glass being the only thing that separated us, I was now looking at the golden eyes of the vampire that I knew as my second mother.

"Esme?" I asked, jumping in shock, not fear. Okay, Edward, I was used to stalking me. Even Alice I was used to. But Esme now? First school, following me in the woods and now this? Fuck my life, man.

I was now staring hot holes through the glass at the vampire that was standing on the branch of the tree right outside my window. I didn't bother opening the window when I spoke, for she would have easily heard me even through a steel wall, given her vampire hearing, "What the hell, Esme? I know you vamps are big on stalking, but come on! I can't even get some peace and quiet at my own home, even after you've stalked me to school?"

I knew that while Esme heard me easily, I wouldn't be able to hear anything at all, so I figured that I'd have to open the window at some point anyway. Esme's sad smile tugged at my heart immediately. God damn it. I figured that at the very least I'd have hardened my heart against Esme between the last time I had seen her today and right now, but no, there was no use, was there? I flinched at her look and slowly opened the window a few inches.

"What is it, Esme?" I asked giving up on my cold charade.

"Bella," Esme said loud enough for me to hear but still quiet and to, I hate to admit, my heartbreak, she sounded sullen, "May I please come in?"

My shoulders sagged. What could I do? Blood or not, whether she had abandoned me or not, in my heart, she was my true mother and whether I wanted to admit it or not, I couldn't reject my own mother.

I pushed my window up all the way and I nodded towards the inside of my room. Vampires don't need an invitation to get into your home like all those stupid stories say. They're far more dangerous because they can come in whenever they want. But Esme wasn't the type to come in without anyone's permission, much less without my permission

Once I had the window all the way open, I saw a flash of color cross my path and Esme was now in my room, looking at me. Eyes staring at me as if studying me.

I closed the window, wordlessly and then turned to her, eyes narrowed.

"So what's up, Esme?" I asked dryly, some of my attitude returning.

Esme took a glance at the screen of my computer and I noted to myself that like vampires' hearing, they also had much more advanced eyesight than that of humans'.

"Find something interesting about my paper?" I asked coolly.

"Actually yes," She drawled, looking back to me, golden eyes humored again, "Your paper is on the Civil War, I see. You know, you could ask your brother, Jasper about it if you need help."

I was about to retort once again that Jasper wasn't my brother, but a question popped up in my mind.

"How's that?" I asked curiously, as usual, my interest never failing to get me into trouble.

"Oh, we never mentioned before?" Esme asked, smiling, "Jasper was changed into a vampire during the Civil War. He was known as Jasper Whitlock back then. He was on the side of the South, unfortunately."

I shrugged at that last part. "What was he gonna do?" I asked, uncaringly, "You can't help where you're born or who teaches your morals as you grow up." I held on for a moment and added, my voice becoming icy, "And how the hell would I have known that? You guys keep everything from me. Oh yeah, that's right; I'm just a puny little human, I can't understand anything. I need to be protected all the time, just like I needed to be kept safe from you guys."

Esme actually looked like she was about to roll her eyes for a moment. "Bella," She said, her voice aggravated, "We've been through this. We shouldn't have left you and we shouldn't be keeping secrets from you." Her voice then became even more serious as her eyes then stared at mine as she asked gently, "Which is why I'm here in the first place. Bella….will you let me tell you my secret? Will you let me tell you the story of how I became a vampire?"

I lost all of my sarcasm and anger and now stared with wide eyes at the alpha female vampire. Was I hearing correctly? I knew I had trust issues now, but being changed into a vampire was a serious matter. The Cullens were an especially secretive bunch. Was Esme really going to tell me about it?

"You'd….you'd do that?" I asked, stumbling over my sentence in my shock, "I thought you guys didn't like talking about when you were changed."

She cocked her head as she spoke, "Didn't Edward tell you about how he, Carlisle, Emmett, Alice and the rest of us were changed?"

I chuckled humorlessly, "Oh, Edward told me alright. It was when I truly thought he and the rest of you trusted me," I glanced back up at Esme and watched as she flinched before adding, "He told me about the Influenza that almost killed him before Carlisle got to him, and he told me about Rose finding Emmett's wrecked body by a bear and about Carlisle being jumped on by a vampire and bitten, and he mentioned about Alice being changed in the mental hospital and not remembering anything. But he just said that Rosalie was beaten in an alley and that you fell off a cliff." My voice ended cautiously, cause I knew that this was getting personal.

Esme nodded and said, "All that is true. Edward is a waste of space, I'll admit that," Again, nothing prepared me for how she spoke about her first child, "But I do feel grateful to him at least a little for being gracious about my and Rosalie's stories. Maybe Rose will tell you hers one day, but both of our stories are….rather disturbing."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. That sounded kind of unnerving to hear.

Esme closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She exhaled, "He was telling the truth about me. I did fall off a cliff and Carlisle found me barely alive in the morgue and saved me by changing me," she then opened her eyes and those golden eyes were filled with the deepest of sorrows that I almost stepped back, surprised, "But there was something far worse that he didn't tell you." She paused and looked at me pleadingly, "Will you let me tell you the rest of my story?"

I stayed very still. What could I do? Seeing her like this….I wanted to know. I had to know. Why was she in so much pain? What dark secret about her past could possibly make her look like this?

I breathed out, defeated, "Okay, Esme, I'll listen. But be very quiet, cause Charlie's home." I knew that she already knew that, but I figured that I might as well point out small things, since I had a feeling that I was going to be in for a very long, serious and grave talk.

Esme nodded, understanding and I walked to my bed, sitting at the foot at it and gestured to the left of me. Esme walked over and sat next to me, our eyes still locked.

"Bella," Esme started, her voice careful, as if trying to think of the exact way to articulate this painful story she had, "Do you know what year I was changed into a vampire?"

I thought for a moment, trying to dig through the memories of all the things that Edward actually had told me about his family.

"Um," I said, unsure, "The very early 1900s?"

Oh yeah, that was intelligent, Bella, real intelligent. I rolled my eyes at my own incompetence.

I heard Esme chuckle, noticing my aggravation. She answered me, "That is correct. I was changed in the year 1921. And I was born in the year 1895 in Columbus, Ohio. My human name was Esme Anne Platt." She turned from me and leaned back a little, eyes closed in remembrance, "My family and I lived on a farm. We were of course, rather poor, but we were happy together. When I reached the age of twenty-two, I had aspired to be a teacher." She smiled as she said that, and I couldn't help but smirk at that idea. Yeah, that sounded like something Esme would love to do. She loved children after all. Esme's voice then became serious and dark as she opened her eyes, "But my parents ordered me to marry. And in their eyes, the suitable enough man for me was a quite wealthy, seemingly respectable man named Charles Evenson." I shivered at the tone in her voice as she said her old husband's name.

What was worse, I felt a terrible foreboding building up in me at her words. Why did I get the feeling that this story was going to take a very dark turn?

Esme, as if once again, reading my thoughts while Edward couldn't, turned to me and stared, her voice becoming tired and depressed, "Charles was an upstanding citizen in public, but when he and I were alone….," She trailed off and I witnessed as a vampire, yes a vampire shuddered in near terror at her memories, "He showed me what he was really like. I was nothing but property to him. There was no love between us," Her eyes darkened as she continued, "And for every mistake he believed that I had made, I received his fist."

I stiffened. I don't know why I was so surprised. I had been more than sure of where this would go, and I knew that abusive relationships happened every day today in the present, so I could just imagine what life was like for women back then. Considering how little rights women had anyway. Still, it didn't stop the despair, or the rage roaring within me at her words.

I grit my teeth harder than I ever had together and both my hands were fisting the blankets of my bed, clumps of the blanket between my palms and fingernails and my nails were digging hard into the fabric as I shook with rage, images of Esme; beaten, bruised, battered, crying, and terrified ran through my head, sending me into infernal, monstrous turmoil.

Thankfully, my anger was interrupted as Esme placed her hands gently on my balled up fists.

"Shh, Bella," She whispered tenderly to me as I broke out of my thoughts, "Shh. It's alright." I was forced to look at her and she was smiling sadly. "It's alright," She repeated, her voice carrying a heavy weight, "It's all in the past. Please calm down."

I forced myself to calm down as she said, but the rage still remained.

Esme breathed out, "Charles was indeed a terrible man. I begged my mother and father for help and begged them, but through the eyes of the society," Esme took on a grim look and let out a bitter laugh, "It was "improper" for a woman to complain about her own husband's mistreatment. Just…so utterly inappropriate."

I stared at her eyes, which were now glaring into the wooden walls so harshly that I was surprised that the whole house didn't set on fire.

Her bitter tone deepened, "My mother would just keep telling me that to be a "respectable lady," and not bring disrespect to our family, I should keep quiet about it." She then removed her hands from my own and stared at me, the rage in her eyes changing to anguish and….self-loathing?

I was startled at first but not nearly as shocked as when I heard her next words, "What kind of mother does that?" Esme asked, voice pained again, "What kind of mother abandons her child, and doesn't do anything as her child is suffering?" To make what she said even more disturbing, she turned and glared at something behind me. I turned a little to see the mirror behind me and saw that Esme was glaring at her own reflection.

My mind reeled as I heard and watched this whole thing. The self-disgust I had seen in her eyes and face was real as could be. She might have been talking about her mother….but she wasn't just talking about her mother. Esme believed that she was the mirror image of her own mother. She was staring at herself in the mirror as if she was looking at the reflection of a monster who had abandoned her child.

Esme believed that she was no different from her mother for what she did to me a year ago.

The horror that started sinking into me became too much at some point. I had gone too far in my verbal abuse. I had been too cruel. Even if some of what Esme said might be right, I couldn't comprehend what I was witnessing here.

It was like watching a vibrant and beautiful flower wilt and rot in the cold of winter. It was awful to watch. It was too terrible, I had to stop.

"Esme-" I started, my voice pleading, wanting to stop whatever angry comments I had had ready to fling at her and the family in the future.

"Well, it's true, isn't it?" Esme's voice broke whatever plea I might have been able to come up with as she turned from the mirror to face me again, this time her eyes shined with mourning and determination, "A mother doesn't deserve that title if she leaves her child to suffer. I did to you, exactly what my mother did to me. You have every right to hate me for it. I know I came to hate my mother for leaving me to Charles's abuse." I was almost sure that Esme was going to cry, even though I knew far better than that, considering vampires couldn't cry at all.

Though I could see a dark color starting to surround the whites of Esme's eyes and I realized that she was becoming more dangerous in her mood, I pushed aside any wariness I should have possessed and reached my hand up to cup the side of my mother's face.

"Momma," I whispered, no longer caring about my anger or bitterness or resentment. No longer caring about my own pain and what happened to me in the past, "You're not like your mother. You're not."

Esme's golden eyes looked at me, shocked, and there was almost a heartbreaking look of undeniable hope that had joined the sadness in her eyes. I wasn't sure if the hope was from hearing me call her "momma," or if it was because I was telling her that she wasn't like her mother. To be honest, I didn't care; I just wanted her to feel better.

Esme opened her mouth, but I cut her off, "Esme, tell me. Would your mother be like this after what that scumbag, Charles did to you?" After I asked her that, Esme's look turned to complete shock. I pushed, "Well, would she?"

I looked closer at Esme and said in a demanding tone, "Would your mother be sitting down, near tears and mourning over abandoning her child to your husband and not thinking about the pain she had allowed her child to go through. Would your mother have done that?"

Watching me with fascination, confusion and bewilderment, Esme's eyes slowly lowered to my mattress. "No." She growled out sadly, "No, I know for certain that she wouldn't. All she cared about was our "respectable position," Her growl became even more dangerous as she said that, "And about the money that Charles gave us."

I nodded, grimly thinking about the abominable hell that Esme must have had to go through; being abused and yet her own mother didn't even raise her voice to stop it, based solely on appearance in public. And the worst was that both Esme and I knew for sure that Esme's mother regretted none of it.

That bitch of a mother of Esme's, she was nothing like her daughter. No, Esme was far more worthy of the title "mother" than Esme's own mother would ever be.

Not that long ago, I had thought that I could never hate anyone more than I could hate Edward, but I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong. In only a few minutes, I had come to hate three people with the fiery passion of all of hell itself. And these three people were fucking dead! Esme's so called husband, and so called parents….they deserved to be brought back, just to be tortured to death, again and again and again.

"That's right," I agreed, observing her, trying to keep the wrath out of my voice, "She wouldn't be sitting down and weeping over her child's suffering. But you are. You're not like your mother, Esme. You're nothing like her. You know what you did was horrible and inexcusable and you're trying to fix it. I really doubt your so called mother would do that. Would either contemplate what she did, or try to redeem herself."

Esme lifted her head and, eyes full of light now even though the pain still lingered, and she smiled a little, fangs showing.

I felt no fear at the sight. If Esme being completely "vamped out" in the woods last night hadn't scared me, seeing her hopeful and with her fangs bared by means of joy certainly wouldn't scare me now.

I moved my hand from the side of Esme's face and moved it to fallen hand, squeezing her marble fingers in my hand.

I gave a sympathetic look as I said calmly, "Do you want to stop talking about it? We can if you want to."

Esme let out what sounded like a chuckle, and shrugged, smiling as she answered, "I partially do. But you need to hear this. And I need to tell you this. We both need to get past this."

I nodded. I wanted to pretend that I didn't know what she was talking about, but I of course did. Of all the conflicts I had, I still needed to move on and so did she. This would help the both of us, even if it was painful.

I feared Esme's next words, but I readied myself nonetheless as she spoke, "When the war came, the First World War, Charles was enlisted and went off to fight," Esme's eyes lightened up and my heart clenched at what she said next, "Oh, how I had been delirious with happiness by the thought that maybe, just maybe, Charles would die. A part of me even prayed for it and that he would never come back." As she ended her sentence, she lowered he eyes again and I could practically feel her shame for wishing such a thing.

I scowled at that thought.

"Charles was a monster." I snapped, angry that Esme would even consider it being wrong to wish for that piece of scum's death, "He deserved to die and more."

Esme glanced back up at me and smiled again, this time grateful.

I nodded for her to continue, and Esme lost whatever joy she had previously bore on her face. "When Charles returned," her voice full of misery, "He was even worse. The beatings were even more vicious than before, he'd cut me with a knife sometimes….and he'd even force himself on me." my eyes widened when I heard that, and it took every ounce of my willpower not to let out a scream of rage. Unfortunately, that didn't last long. The images of Esme being beaten down and that monster of abuse unbuckling his pants flashed through my mind and Esme screaming and pleading for him not to do it…..

My control snapped and I jumped up from the bed, hyperventilating, and I think for a moment I looked a little like an enraged vampire myself. I got to the wall where the window was and started kicking it in my fury. I wasn't semi kicking it, I was viciously kicking it, pretending it was Charles Evenson's head that I was kicking and screamed angrily at the wall.

This display of temporary madness continued until I felt a pair of marble arms wrapping around me from behind and pulling me away from the wall. "Bella, stop, you'll hurt yourself." Esme whispered. "Shh," She continued, "I know you're angry, and you have good reasons for it. I'm happy that you're trying to find some way of avenging me, but you can't. He's dead. Has been ever since I became a vampire."

When I heard that, all anguish and my raving violent mood vanished. Wait, what? I tried to figure out what she meant by that. It was true, humans all died long before anything happened to vampires, (assuming that the vampires wouldn't be killed off by other vampires or werewolves), but if Esme was changed into a vampire around the same time or near the same time that she would have been married to Charles, there was no way that Charles could have died when Esme was changed into a vampire. He wouldn't have aged to death that fast. There was no way…I froze. No, he couldn't have died….unless….

I slowly turned in Esme's arms, and I lifted my head and stared at Esme's calm and knowing eyes. I suspected my appearance consisted of all three shock, confusion and yes, maybe even a little fear.

Esme read my look and sighed, her smile remorseful, "Yes, Bella. It was me. I murdered Charles after I became a vampire. After everything that he had done, there was so much anger, so much confusion that I felt….and to top it off, I was a newborn." I saw how she shuddered at that last part and I was distracted from my previous disturbed thoughts, and was now a little confused. What would being a newborn vampire have to do with anything?

Seeing my confusion, Esme decided to take pity on my state of having a lack of information, "When one first becomes a vampire," She started, "When they're newborns, they're savage, completely out of control and bloodthirsty. They can't tell the difference between friend or foe, right or wrong. They're complete monsters for the first year of being a vampire. And when you add that I already wanted him gone and I actually hated him…" she trailed off and her face became grim.

I shivered in her arms. After Esme became a vampire, she had deliberately gone after Charles. True it was sure as hell just desserts but the idea that Esme would make that choice willingly was just….I shivered again at the thought and I felt Esme's arms tighten around me, as if making sure that I wouldn't try to get away from her.

She looked at me, concerned. I answered, not wanting to upset her, "I'm not going to try to run away, Esme. It's just….hard to imagine you doing it." I admitted it hesitantly, not sure if that was the best choice of words. I was a little afraid now, but I didn't want Esme to think that I'd leave her based on the murder of the abusive devil incarnate.

Esme chuckled against me, "Now that I think about it, it's hard to imagine that I did it as well." She steadied her gaze on me and added, "I won't lie, Bella, I enjoyed every moment of killing Charles. And it wasn't just because I was a newborn. I wanted to kill the man that had tormented me for years. I wanted him to suffer. So when I lifted him up by his neck and crushed his spine…" Esme stopped, realizing what she said and looked at me closely, clearly panicked that she had scared me even worse now.

I was trying not to be scared at the visual she was giving me. At the thought of Esme, in her newborn faze, eyes completely black, mouth widening in a carnivorous grin, all teeth and fangs showing as she lifted Charles up by his neck and using her other arm to squeeze the middle of his back so hard that not only did the skin of his back tear, bleeding, but his spine was completely shattered and severed in her grasp.

Okay, maybe I was now just a tiny bit afraid. I felt Esme tighten her hold on me again. She must have seen where my thoughts were going.

Her shoulders lowered and she looked even more pained and distressed now. "Are you afraid of me, Bella?" She asked, "I don't blame you for it. But you know that I'd never do anything to hurt you."

I didn't struggle against her. I knew she'd never hurt me. God did I know. If she was able to restrain herself with me in the forest last night after I managed to send of her over the edge and make her furious and animalistic like that, then I really doubted that she would hurt me now. But it didn't stop this new knowledge that I had gained about Esme's past any less disconcerting.

"I know, Esme," I breathed out, lowering my head, "It's just that….thinking about you like that, picturing you killing anyone, even that scum, Charles, and the way you're talking about how you killed him….I'm sorry. I know you would never hurt me."

Esme moved back so that we were next to the bed again, and she slowly released me. I turned back around to face her and sat back down on the bed. Esme said nothing and just dropped on the bed as well, waiting for something. I guess waiting for my permission for her to continue.

I inhaled, deciding that we could discuss this issue of Esme's first kill later. But I suppose that we needed to talk about what happened to Esme…after Charles returned. "Okay, I'm still listening, Esme." I answered her questioning look.

Esme calmly continued, voice now becoming grim, "After…everything that Charles did to me when he came back from the war, I realized at some point, around almost one month, that I was pregnant with his child." And once again, I was taken aback at the news of that little bombshell that she told me about. I suspected my eyes were as big as ostrich eggs.

What was worse, it was this Charles's child? That was just proof that life sucked ass. The monster that beat and abused Esme and he had been capable of reproducing? Fuck.

Seeing my look, Esme started again, smiling, "I knew that my baby wouldn't be safe in a house with someone like Charles. And I could just imagine the miscarriage that might happen if Charles beat me too severely. So I fled, fearing for the life of my child. I went to Milwaukee, to the home of my cousin," Her smile widened, and I wondered if she was remembering a pleasant memory of her cousin. However, her smile faded and she continued, "But after two months of being with my cousin, he found me, so I had to run again." My stomach clenched at hearing that. I supposed I shouldn't have been surprised.

My father was a police officer after all. I knew a thing or two about abusive husbands looking for their fleeing wives. The abusers rarely let their victims go. The husbands were so obsessed with controlling their "property," that they'd usually stop at nothing to find the wives to terrorize them again.

Esme went on, "This time, I got to Ashland and pretended to be a war widow and became a school teacher so that I could raise money to support both myself and my coming child. I still had seven months before my baby would be born, so I had some time." I, for a moment, saw Esme's eyes light up and I couldn't prevent a smile. Esme got to live her dream, even if it was for a little while.

Esme's countenance became bittersweet upon seeing my smile, "But I only could work for so long. After almost seven months, the nine months had passed and my child was on its way. I gave birth to a son, William." Again, for another heart wrenching moment, Esme looked like she was about to cry, "He was beautiful, Bella. So small and so full of life. But on the second day of being in this world….he died of lung fever." My heart fell. This was almost too unbearable to listen to.

Esme now looked numb, as if by talking about it, she was reliving the horrific experience. "I…," she hesitated, "After that, I couldn't go on. I just couldn't. My husband was an animal and my parents wouldn't protect me, they just wanted me to be his property simply for appearances. And with my little boy gone….," Her voice became choked in her throat, "I wandered out after my little William died…and I was delirious with pain and heartbreak….and there was a cliff nearby…it just…it seemed so easy, there was nothing left for me…"

"No." I whispered, horror striking me hard. That was what happened? Tears started welling in my eyes.

"And…," I whispered, seeing where the rest of the story came in, "After you…," I cut myself off, I couldn't bring myself into saying it, "After that, that was when Carlisle found you at the morgue, and changed you?"

Esme smiled sadly, nodding, "Yes." She then looked at me, as if hopefully, "When I first woke up as a vampire, I wasn't just bloodthirsty, I was in pain and vengeful. I wanted revenge against Charles and I was in agony over my son."

Esme's eyes became conflicted as she spoke, "So when I met Edward…a boy without a mother, I don't know…it just seemed like a sign. I accepted him immediately. Maybe I was just weak and wanted a replacement. I really don't know. And when I realized that I had the opportunity to kill Charles…even though I knew it was wrong, I took the chance and got away from Carlisle long enough to slaughter my previous husband."

Every single thing that I had just learned felt like a storm of knife blades had cut into me. It was just too painful to know, just too terrible. But it had been far too painful for Esme to keep to herself.

Finally, Esme concluded, "I know this is all hard to hear. And I know that I probably sound selfish by saying that all I cared about when I first met Edward, was to fill a void in my life, and it probably doesn't make you feel any better about my feelings towards you. And I know it's disturbing to know about what I did to Charles, but Bella, I might be a vampire, but I still have human feelings. There was only so much I could do."

She was looking like she was pleading for me to understand. Desperately hoping that I knew that her feelings for me were genuine and that she would never hurt me.

God, how could I ever doubt her? How could she possibly just automatically forget about her baby boy who died and immediately recover from the trauma and just mother Edward as if nothing happened? That wasn't the way human emotions worked. Carlisle and Edward were deluded if they had thought that Esme could have loved Edward purely after that. At least not immediately anyway.

As Esme said, she might have been a vampire, but she still had the emotions of a human. And there was only so much a human could take before snapping and trying to destroy what hurt them.

Perhaps that was what happened to me when I started my cruelty towards Esme in the forest last night.

"No, Esme," I whispered, moving closer to her and I suspected that I startled her as I hugged her, arms around her neck and burying my face against her collarbone, "I don't believe that you'll hurt me. And I don't doubt that you love me. I don't blame you either for feeling that Edward was a replacement. How could you just immediately, genuinely love a strange boy that you just met after something so terrible happened?"

Esme's arms surrounded me again and this time pulled me close against her chest and she rocked me back and forth, purring contently.

I felt new tear stream down my face, and I knew that Esme felt them against her skin because she placed one of her hands against the back of my head, cradling me close, whispering once again that it was alright.

Funny, she had been telling me this a lot tonight. She was the one that was spilling me her terrible life story of how fucked up everything had been for her and yet it was her comforting me. Screwed up. Really screwed up.

I gasped out between my crying breaths, "Esme….I'm sorry…everything I've said to you, and thinking that you don't love me, I…"

"No, no," Esme breathed against me again, "Shh, don't think about it. Everything's alright now." She then pulled away from me. Only enough so that she was now looking down at me, but was still holding me. I met her gaze as she asked, "Bella, will you accept us as your family? And me? Edward won't have anything to do with this decision. None of the family will. This is just between you and me. Will you let me make you into a vampire?"

Almost before Esme even finished that question I felt a smile take my face. How could she even ask that? Of course. How could I have treated Esme, my Esme like I had been for the past two days? I loved her. I had just been too angry to admit it.

I buried my face back into my mother's neck. "Yes, Esme. I'll be your daughter. I want you to turn me into a vampire, momma."

I can't begin to describe the sounds that I heard Esme making after I said that. It sounded like a cross between a growl and a purr, and it sounded almost like the way a delighted animal would sound. I knew, as a human, I should have been unsettled by the sound, but then again, considering what Esme wanted for me, I suspect any normal human, any human besides me would be afraid, but I wasn't any normal human. And who, with half a brain cell, while knowing what Esme was really like, could truly become afraid of her?

I knew that staying like this for a while was what we both wanted, but I knew that we needed to be logical about this and come up with a plan. "Esme?" I asked in the vampire's arms, "I hate bringing this up, but how are we going to plan this? We can't let the wolves know what's going on, they won't allow it. And I guess my death needs to be faked so that Charlie and Renee won't come looking for me."

I felt Esme nod against me after a moment. "You're right," She growled, her happiness temporarily put on hold, "I suppose, yes, a faked death might be proper. Though, no matter how little I care about Renee," Esme sneered out Renee's name and I couldn't help but smile at her repulsion for my biological mother, "I don't like to think about your father, Charlie being in that much pain."

I flinched now. She was right. Renee might deserve losing me, but Charlie sure didn't. He might not know how to properly parent me, but he certainly tried hell of a lot harder than Renee ever did. And there was no contest between the two of them on which one of them I loved more.

"As for the wolves," Esme added, her voice becoming an even deeper, threatening growl, "I know that some of them are your friends, but if they get in the way…I'll kill them."

I stiffened. Okay, forget that part before about Esme being incapable of being feared. No, she had a dark side alright, and it quite obviously came out when someone tried to keep one of her cubs away from her.

But in the end, I knew that it was inevitable. There was a side I needed to choose and I chose the vampires. I chose Esme. I could stomach seeing the wolves die, I could stomach seeing Jacob's horror when he saw that I had been turned into a vampire. The wolves meant nothing to me in comparison.

But of course, we still needed a plan. And that still left Charlie.

A thought occurred to me and I wondered if I was going too far with this request.

"Esme?" I asked again, "I don't want to hurt Charlie. I don't know if he'll have anything left when I'm gone." I hesitated, not sure how to phrase this, "Charlie…can he come with us?" There I had said it, now I was going to see what kind of idiot I was for suggesting it.

I felt Esme suddenly go still. "You want Charlie to be changed into a vampire along with you?" She asked, a little startled, but there was an edge in her voice that hinted that she had been expecting this.

"Well," She sighed after a moment, "Having him along will be difficult. But I suspect that it will be a very long time before you, if ever, see Carlisle as your father. I suspect you will always see Charlie as your father. I suppose if the two of you are separated, it will bring the both of you pain. I know that without the rest of the family's consent I can change you on my own and faking your death will be easy enough, but doing that for both of you….this might take time. And I might have to speak with one of the others to figure this part out. In the meantime, don't let anyone know what's happening, the less people know, the less possibility exists that Edward, Rosalie or the wolves can interfere."

Now that, I definitely agreed with. There were enough difficulties with this as it was.

Finally, we had to part from each other. Now out of Esme's arms I faced her and she said gently, "But perhaps you could make this less complicated if you spoke to Alice."

I stopped my thoughts and wondered about that. Alice again. What was up with that?

"Okay," I grumbled, "I give. What the hell is up with Alice?"

Esme smirked, "Now that, Bella," she said slyly, "Unlike being between you and myself, concerns only you and Alice. Just talk to her, she'll tell you."

I narrowed my eyes at her smirk. "As cryptic as always I see," I said dryly, "Back to secrecy, huh?" However, when I said it, I found myself smiling at her.

She grinned back at me and got to the window. She said when she was at the window, "Bella, talk to Alice. You might be surprised. And maybe it will be good for you. I should go now, make sure that Edward isn't going to come and invade your privacy like always." My smile widened as I nodded, grateful.

Esme continued, "We'll figure out what to do about Charlie, Bella. Promise. The wolves too. But for now, just get some sleep, alright honey?"

My heart warmed at the endearing title and I answered, "Alright…mom."

Esme stared at me, smile widening, eyes becoming completely adoring. Before she could turn back to the window, I added, "Mom?"

She looked at me. I said slowly, feeling that this was an awkward thing to say after she gave me this huge secret for me to keep, "Thank you….for telling me about this. Thank you for trusting me."

Esme's eyelids lowered and her gaze remained endearing. "Your willingness to listen to me, and let me back into your heart is more than a treasure enough, daughter." She stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I stared, completely shocked at her answer and just watched as she pushed the window open and flitted out in less than two seconds.

I walked over slowly, reaching up and closing the window.

I knew that I had just made the decision that would change my existence forever. I was giving up my humanity willingly. I was allowing myself to be a vampire's daughter forever. I was going to become the daughter of a creature that had admitted not that long ago to crushing a man's spine as she killed him. And the craziest part? I couldn't ever have been happier.

Author's Note:

Well, that's the next installment. Sorry if there was a lot of repeated phrases and words, still have yet to use the full use of a Thesaurus, lol. But I hoped you all liked it. And for anyone that doesn't know, in case anyone's interested, the idea that Esme sees her children as "the stars in her sky" actually originally did not come from me. I got it after reading a chapter in Samwelshdragon's "Dear Esme" in case anyone wants to read it.