McConnor

Requested by Llanea, a continuation of JP and Diane's conversation from the 7th October episode.


"I'll never forgive him, and I'll never forgive myself, and I am sorry. I am so, so sorry"

John Paul smiled gratefully at Diane as she passed him a mug of hot tea. She placed herself down carefully next to him and an awkward silence overcame them. After what felt like an eternity of neither of them uttering a single word, John Paul cleared his throat.

"How's Dee-Dee?" he asked, "You mentioned that she wasn't well earlier"

Diane nodded, "She's got a bit of a temperature, but she should be fine"

John Paul sniggered, "Parents go crazy when their baby is sick. I was running round like a headless chicken when Matthew first sneezed"

"Kids 'eh? Who'd have 'em?" she joked

John Paul nodded in agreement and they both smiled politely at each other before another awkward silence descended upon them.

"It's nearly their birthday, isn't it?" John Paul queried

"Yeah, in a couple of weeks" Diane responded, then blew out air, "I can't believe it's been a year, it feels like only yesterday"

"Time flies when you're…" he broke off. John Paul reckoned that 'having fun' wasn't quite the term to describe the past year. Diane gulped and nodded.

"Have you got anything planned for the big day?" he asked.

"Probably just a little party with some kids from playgroup" she replied, "You and Matthew can come, if you'd like" she paused, "Though he is about a year older than Ant and Dee-Dee"

"No, I'm sure he'd love to go" John Paul assured her before adding, "thanks"

Yet another awkward silence fell on them and after a while John Paul seriously considered making an excuse to leave. Before he could, however, Diane sighed.

"I think we should talk about the massive elephant in the room, don't you?"

"You want to talk about Finn?" John Paul questioned.

"Not 'want', but 'need'" she responded, "I know you stood up in court and told everyone what he did to you, but – as you said – Finn manipulated me. He manipulated me so much that though I heard you speak, I wasn't listening to the words. I was too busy shaking my head and inwardly calling you a liar"

"And outwardly" John Paul added, bitterly.

"I wish I hadn't" she insisted, "Deep down I knew you were telling the truth. I mean, you wouldn't lie about something like that, but it was easier to call you a liar than to actually believe the truth" she cut off tearfully before looking at John Paul. "I realise that the last thing you want to do is relive it all again, but I need to know how Finn turned from this sweet, innocent kid to that monster who attacked you"

"Where do you want me to start?" John Paul asked, helplessly.

"Well you said that you had found out that he mugged Marlena" Diane prompted.

John Paul nodded, "yeah, I went back into the classroom to call the police. Finn followed me in and chucked my mobile across the room" he swallowed, "I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't handle it the way I should have"

She leaned in, "How so?"

"I lashed out at him" he confessed, "As his teacher I should have dealt with him calmly and responsibly. I'm supposed to set an example, encouraging students, bringing out the best in them. Instead, I made him feel inferior. I mean, I even called him a 'snivelling, pathetic coward'"

He glanced up at Diane, who looked shocked.

"I'm not justifying what Finn did" John Paul explained, "But in that moment I had power over him, he was pathetic. So he decided that we should swap roles. That's why he…" he took a deep breath, "attacked me. He wanted the power, and he got it. For nearly ten months he had a hold over me, and I was the 'snivelling, pathetic coward'."

"That's why I assumed that his life was improving" Diane noted, "He seemed prouder on the night of his birthday, and after that. Now I understand why" she shrugged heavily, "He felt powerful"

Diane let out a deep breath and placed her head in her hands. John Paul paused, unsure of how to respond.

"I know he made your life a misery even before it happened" she began, lifting her head up, "But I don't understand why. I mean, he was a good kid. He went through so much"

"I know" John Paul agreed, "And the strange thing is, I don't fully blame Finn". After noticing Diane's puzzled expression he elaborated, "I mean, yeah, he's the one who did it- and I can never forgive him, as much as I just want peace- but if it wasn't for Robbie's influence, I can't help thinking that none of this would have happened"

"I knew that Roscoe boy was a bad influence" Diane responded through gritted teeth, "If he hadn't got involved then you would never have been attacked, and our Finn wouldn't be locked up"

"He was insecure" John Paul stated, "Robbie was someone to admire, to look up to. Finn wanted to impress him, and Robbie bullied him to bully me" he paused, "Obviously Robbie didn't tell him to rape me, but once his taunting took hold, all Finn knew was that he had to seize power- at any cost"

There was another silence, this time not awkward. Both participants were deep in thought.

"Do you think that rapists are born rapists?" Diane asked suddenly, "Do you reckon that this was bound to happen, that Finn would have attacked someone sooner or later? Or was it because of, you know, outside influences?"

"Are we really having the 'nature versus nurture' debate right now?" John Paul joked.

Before Diane could respond, the sound of crying interrupted them. Diane stood up.

"That's Dee-Dee" she explained, "Can you excuse me while I settle her?"

John Paul nodded and Diane scurried upstairs.

xxx

John Paul gazed at the framed photograph of the O'Connors: Finn, Sinead, Diane and Tony. John Paul was proud of the fact he could look at Finn's face without becoming paralysed with fear- he was getting his power back. He was taken out of his trance by Tony entering, and they both froze as they noticed each other.

"Uh… hi" Tony greeted hesitantly.

"Sorry, Diane let me in" John Paul explained, "But she's gone to soothe Dee-Dee"

"Oh, right"

John Paul feared another awkward silence, which he couldn't bear the thought of.

"So, how are you?" John Paul asked. Tony looked taken aback.

"I should be the one asking you that"

John Paul shrugged, "I'm better, thanks" he sniggered, "I sound like I've just had an injury or recovering from an illness"

Tony chuckled, "Well it's been a hectic few weeks, hasn't it?"

"You can say that again"

There was a pause before Tony slipped off his jacket.

"I hope you haven't had any hassle from my family" John Paul noted. Tony shook his head.

"They've been surprisingly docile"

John Paul scoffed, "Never thought I'd hear the word 'docile' associated with my family"

"They've probably all been too focused on you to give us too much grief" Tony suggested, "I know what your family's like, loyal to a fault"

John Paul smiled, "Good point, yeah. You were one of us at one point, after all"

Tony nodded before hesitating, "Does Jacqui know what happened?"

He nodded, "I do live with the gobbiest women in Chester, remember? Yeah, they told her, like, the moment that it was all revealed"

"How did she take it?" he asked

"Well it's Jacqui-"

"Say no more" Tony interrupted, causing them both to laugh.

"She told me that if she could be here, she would" John Paul said gravely, "she really misses everyone" he glanced up at Tony, who caught on to what he was implying.

Diane strolled down the stairs and wrapped her arms around Tony's waist. John Paul remembered the video in the back pocket of his jeans and felt nauseous watching them, and felt sorry for Diane, who was completely oblivious to the fact that her fiancé was having an affair with her step-daughter.

"I don't think I have to ask what you and John Paul were talking about" Tony stated

"Yeah" John Paul responded uncomfortably, "Look Tony, I just want to say thanks for not taking sides during this whole thing. I know it must have been difficult with Finn being your step-son and me being a friend"

"To tell you the truth I was conflicted" Tony admitted

"I can imagine" John Paul stated, "And you shouldn't have been in the middle of it, neither of you should have"

Tony and Diane smiled appreciatively before Tony kissed the top of Diane's head. John Paul winced slightly at it, then took a deep breath.

"Look, thanks for the tea, Diane" he began, "I really hope that we can put everything behind us and move forwards"

Diane nodded, "Yeah, me too" she agreed, "And you're welcome over here any time if you ever want to talk. Like I said before, I would have been there for you, and that's what I want to do now"

John Paul gave them one last smile before leaving.

xxx

To say the least, Ste was shocked to see John Paul emerging from Tony and Diane's flat and wrap his arms around his neck. Ste circled his arms around John Paul's waist and kissed the spot below his ear.

"Hey" Ste greeted gently, sounding slightly surprised, "Were you just with Tony and Diane?"

John Paul nodded into his shoulder. Ste pulled away and cupped John Paul's face in his hands.

"Are you ok?" he asked, studying his face and looking concerned. John Paul took Ste's hands in his own, then glanced at the flat that he had just been in before turning back to Ste.

"You know how I've been saying that I want to put this all behind me and move on?" John Paul began. Ste nodded, letting John Paul continue.

"Well, for the first time, I'm really starting to believe that it's going to happen"


Thanks for reading! I hope that you all enjoyed this one-shot. I actually really liked writing it (despite it being so harrowing), so thanks Llanea for the prompt. I also hope that you don't think I wrote JP as being overly-sympathetic towards Finn, but he did claim to just want peace, and I guess I can understand Finn's situation - there are two sides to every story after all, and it was a pretty complex situation - plus, I don't think Robbie has been punished enough for his role. Anyway, if there are any other ideas that people have for Ste and/or JP related one-shots, just let me know. In the meantime, reviews are always appreciated!