This chapter is a bit longer because of several things I wanted to fit in, I'm sorry to all you readers who might really like valentines day but it always made me cringe a bit at school when I was surrounded by annoying giggling girls :P This chapter has something in it that might seem a bit corny and I had originally planned to omit it from the final draft but my friends at home who proof read everything I write were adamant that I had to leave it in because it was actually quite sweet, so if it makes you roll your eyes and say 'as if' then it's their fault!
Enjoy.
Chapter seven – Jealous
The dreaded day finally arrived and I tried to stay in bed as long as possible but my roommates had other ideas.
"I got one from Liam Thomas!" their shrieks of excitement were too loud for anyone to sleep through.
"Oh my gosh listen to this: Roses are Red Violets are Blue, I can't find anyone as pretty as you." There was a chorus of 'aw' followed by fits of girly giggles and I cringed at how corny it sounded.
"Cory sent me a singing card!"
"Oh lets hear it." They begged, I tried to cover my ears with the duvet hoping to muffle the sound but it was no use, the choir song poured from the card comparing her hair to the sun and her eyes to the sea or something – I was trying very hard not to listen. I had the urge to find out which professor had come up with the idea to deliver the cards to the dorms while we slept and then lock them in a cupboard with a singing card pinned open hoping to share with them some of the torture they were currently inflicting on me. I heaved a sigh and threw back my covers, sitting up I saw all the girls crowded round Melissa Hodge's bed and she was clutching the singing card with a soppy smile on her face.
"Oh Lily you're awake!" Emma rushed to my bedside and snatched something red from the foot of my bed.
"What's that?" I asked, rubbing my sleepy eyes.
"You have a valentine's card." Sarah giggled. I felt the eyes of all five girls on me as I tore open the envelope and eyed the card suspiciously. It was shaped like a heart and thankfully didn't have anything embarrassing on the cover like kissing teddy bears or some tacky poem. I slowly opened it hoping with every inch of me that it was not a singing card. Inside was a single sentence 'Thinking of you'
"Well, what does it say?" Melissa asked clearly unable to wait much longer.
"It says: thinking of you." I told them hoping they wouldn't be disappointed by the lack of cliché.
"Is there a name?"
"No." I double checked but there was just that sentence.
"You have a secret admirer!" Audrey, a small brunette girl, gushed.
"Oooh!" they all crooned and I felt myself blushing from the attention.
"That is so sweet!" Emma said sighing dreamily as she sat on her bed.
"Did you get any cards?" I asked and noticed her suddenly blush a deep red.
"Al sent me one." She admitted, refusing to meet my eyes.
"Did he now." I giggled, she blushed deeper and I hopped off my bed onto hers. "Who knew he was such a romantic eh?" I added nudging her playfully.
"You're not mad?" she asked looking rather worried, the rest of the girls had gone back to reading their cards and occasionally dissolving into giggles.
"Why would I be mad?" I looked at her with a completely bewildered expression.
"Well he's your brother…" she murmured quietly, still not looking at me.
"Yes and you're my best friend, who better for him than the girl I admire the most." She looked at me then, her eyes sparkling with tears that I hoped were happy ones.
"You admire me?"
"Of course I do, you're the kindest person I know." I'd always envied Emma a little bit because of how she always managed to stay calm even when people were yelling at her. I had my mother's temper and as soon as someone got to me it would flare up, but not Emma she was too much like her dad – calm and forgiving and I loved her for it. We were the perfect antidote for each other, whenever I lost my temper she would calm me down and whenever someone was mean to her I'd yell at them because she couldn't.
"Oh Lil." Before I could stop her she'd flung her arms around me and was pinning me to her, I hugged her back which was a bit tricky because of how tight she was clutching me.
"Anyway it's just a card, it's not like he's asked me on a date or anything." She said quickly, wiping the stray tear from her cheek. "Oh we should get ready for breakfast, the post might bring more cards." She loved this day far too much. While she busied herself getting ready I returned to my bed and opened the card again, I traced my fingertip over the swirling writing and couldn't shake the feeling like I should know whose it was.
Breakfast was hell; it was like someone had taken the scene from the dorm and multiplied it by ten. Huge crowds of girls collected around the house tables showing each other their cards and giggling wildly about the senders. Some of the girls were almost seventeen but they were behaving like love-struck thirteen year olds. The noise was so bad I could feel a headache coming on even before Rose joined us.
"Isn't it a wonderful morning?" she said happily as she sat opposite Al and me.
"You're awfully happy today." Hugo remarked eyeing his older sister suspiciously.
"And why wouldn't I be, it's valentines day." she reminded us with a huge beaming grin.
"Oh let me guess, you got a card." Al said sarcastically, Rose scowled at him but withdrew a huge pink glittery card from her bag.
"Isn't it cute!" she gushed, clutching it to her chest with a dreamy expression. Beside her Hugo looked across at me and pretended to vomit in his cereal bowl. I laughed and almost choked on my toast.
"What's funny?" Rose asked looking irritated.
"Sorry I was remembering something Em said earlier." It wasn't the most convincing lie but luckily her elation over the valentine's card seemed to cloud her judgement.
"Alright then tell us who it's off." Al said grudgingly.
"Oh Rose did you get one too?" Emma had just joined us, she perched beside me and eyed Rose's card with wide shining eyes.
"Yes, isn't is wonderful." She held it out for her to get a closer look.
"Oh it's beautiful!" I rolled my eyes at Emma's soppy tone and realised I had a whole day of it to go. Now my toast didn't look so appetising.
"Who's it from?" she asked Rose.
"I was just saying it's anonymous, there's just a little poem and some kisses." I glanced over at Hugo who rolled his eyes and I grinned back at him, at least there was one person who shared my dislike for how giddy this day made girls. I didn't dislike Valentine's Day I just hated all the oh-ing and ah-ing and the fake messages of love.
"Heather says she thinks it's from Scorpius though, because of how we've been lately. She thinks he was just too shy to put his name on it." Rose told us quietly, glancing quickly over at the Slytherin table and back at us before he could notice. I started to feel nauseated as I thought about Scorpius writing her a poem.
"It makes sense, since everyone thinks he's going to ask you out." A nearby sixth year girl interrupted, leaning forward to whisper. I blocked out the rest of their conversation and chanced a glance over my shoulder at the Slytherin table behind me, Scorpius was sitting alone reading a book but he must have sensed my stare because he looked up and his eyes immediately met mine. He held my gaze intently and I couldn't look away until someone shoved me roughly.
"Don't look at him Lil; he'll know we're talking about him." Rose hissed, I sighed and gathered my things.
"I'm going to head off." I told them.
"But the lesson doesn't start for another twenty minutes." Emma pointed out.
"Yeah well I need to catch up on some notes anyway, I'll see you there." I didn't wait for a reply I just hurried out the hall glad to be free of Rose's talk of Scorpius. I decided to take the outside route to History of Magic, it was longer but at least if they thought to follow me they wouldn't think to come this way and plus the fresh air would help clear my head.
As soon as I stepped outside into the crisp air I felt better, free from the suffocating talk of love and boyfriends and free from the sickening thought of Rose and Scorpius dating. I tilted my head back as I walked and let the breeze blow through my hair.
"Lily." I groaned as Scorpius' voice drifted over to me and sure enough seconds later he appeared at my side.
"Oh what do you want?" I snapped. He looked rather taken aback by my harsh tone and I felt immediately repentant. "Sorry, I'm not annoyed with you." I added quickly.
"That's ok, is everything alright? You left a bit abruptly." Why was he so damn observant?
"I'm fine, I'm just sick of everyone being all giddy over this day." I sounded like such a killjoy but I couldn't help it, valentines just irritated me.
"I'm not a fan of it either, it's too fake nobody ever really means the love they put in those cards and if they did then surely there are better ways to confess your love than in a corny card." I stopped walking suddenly and stared at him in disbelief.
"What, did I say something wrong?" he gazed at me his confusion clear on his face.
"That's a bit hypocritical isn't it considering you sent Rose one of those corny cards." I was angry at him for saying something he clearly didn't mean, or if he did mean it then I was angry at him for not sticking by it and for giving in to the influence of the occasion. Deciding it was best not to stand around and let my anger flourish I stormed past him as fast as I could go without running.
"Lily wait." He called after me, I could hear him rushing to try and catch up with me.
"Just leave me alone Scor I'm not in the mood." I snapped. His footsteps stopped and I hoped he wasn't following me anymore, not wanting to chance a look back I just rushed on ahead.
I tried to avoid him for the rest of the day, rushing from each lesson to the next not minding that I was arriving too early. Emma persistently asked me what was wrong but I just told her I wanted to get my notes touched up ready for my revision for the O.W.L.S. I knew she didn't believe it but it kept her at bay until dinner when I couldn't avoid it. I was starving so reluctantly I sat down with her, Hugo and Al and hoped with every inch of my body that Scorpius didn't join us. Thankfully I got my wish, but Rose joined us instead and I felt like banging my head on the table. She came running down the middle of the tables and practically crashed into Hugo.
"Rose…" he grumbled, shrugging her off where she's leant on him to catch her breath.
"Are you ok you look like you've been running?" Emma asked looking alarmed.
"He…asked…me…out." She panted, trying to catch her breath.
"Who did?" Al asked, looking as confused as the rest of us.
"Scorpius." She told us breathlessly. As soon as I heard the name I felt my own breath knocked from me, he'd asked her out, it was official now. They were dating. I felt sick again.
"Oh my god did he?" Emma seemed just as excited as Rose and I felt like slapping her, after all she was my friend, and she should be on my side not Rose's. Except I didn't have a side…did I? None of them seemed aware of the battle raging in my head.
"He asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him this weekend." She told us excitedly.
"I bet he's going to take you to Madam Puddifoot's!" the same sixth year girl from breakfast chimed in again, Rose's eyes widened and shone with excitement. Madam Puddifoot's tea shop is more commonly known as the 'haunt of happy couples' and is always full of couple holding hands and kissing. I started to feel more sick and I felt sweat beads forming on my neck.
"Do you really think he'd kiss me on our first date?" she asked, clearly hoping the answer was yes.
"He's probably been waiting to for ages." The girl giggled, I'd heard enough and if I stayed any longer I'd throw up or throw something at Rose. I stood up knocking the table and spilling a goblet of pumpkin juice over Emma, I didn't bother to apologise and I ignored their cries of complaint as I turned on my heel and stomped off. I burst through the doors out into the rain, I didn't bother walking because I didn't know where to go so I just stood letting the rain soak me through hoping it would wash me away with it.
"Lily?" Emma said softly as she laid a hand gently on my shoulder. I turned to face her, my eyes filled with apologies.
"I'm sorry Emma." I said meekly hardly able to meet her eyes.
"Forget it, it's just spilt juice." She smiled kindly and I was again grateful for her forgiving nature.
"Why did he have to ask her out Em?" I said sadly, barely aware of the tears now streaming down my face and being washed away by the rain.
"I don't know Lily, I guess maybe he likes her."
"Then why does he like her? Why Rose, why not…" I stopped short, the last word of that sentence hit me with such a force I stumbled back a step in shock. Why not me? I was jealous. I wanted to get a valentine's card of Scorpius, I wanted him to ask me out, and I wanted him to kiss me…
"Lily, your feelings didn't go away did they?"
"No, they got worse." I mumbled sadly, the heavy raindrops were hammering down on us soaking us through but still we stood there.
"Why were you crying that night? What did he say to you?" I still hadn't told her what happened and out of politeness she hadn't asked until now.
"He touched my hand, not accidentally but deliberately." Her eyes lit up with hope and she smiled.
"But Lily that's good, it might mean he feels something for you too."
"Then why is he asking Rose on dates?"
"Date." She corrected, "Just one."
"That doesn't make it hurt less." I grumbled repressing the urge to just lie down on the cold and wet floor and let the rain wash away my torment.
"You don't know if they'll properly get together though, Scorpius hasn't really shown he likes Rose…"
"Asking her out on a date isn't showing you like someone?" I asked bitterly, she sighed and pushed her wet hair out of her face.
"Ok I see your point but this is Rose we're talking about, she's had tons of crushes since she started Hogwarts why should this be any different?" I so desperately wanted to believe her, it was true that Rose made no secret of her many crushes but she didn't need to – most girls in the school were the same, one year a boy would be the most amazing person in the world to you but the next you couldn't understand why you ever liked him. It was normal.
"Come on lets get out of this rain." I gave her the steadiest smile I could manage and linked arms with her to lead her back inside.
"Please don't mention this to anyone Em…"
"As if I would." She winked at me and I had the overwhelming urge to hug her.
Back in the dorm I changed into dry robes and sat on my bed wringing the water from my hair.
"Lily?" Emma said down beside me and started combing my hair gently. "Are you ok?" she asked clearly worried.
"I'm fine." I managed a weak smile as she dragged the comb through more of my hair.
"Are you going to tell him?" I refused to think of Scorpius' face if I ever told him how I felt, I couldn't bare to think of the rejection.
"No, he likes Rose." I said simply, knowing the truth was that even if he didn't like her I wouldn't tell him how I felt. I was just like a sister to him – nothing more.
"You don't know that for certain." She pointed out, I sighed and turned away wishing I could get things back to how they'd been last year before they got so…messed up.
"Are you going to be ok going back to class?" our last lesson was Defence against the Dark Arts, really not the ideal subject when you felt slightly depressed but I couldn't skip class especially not with the exams coming.
"I'll be fine." I assured her, trying to believe it myself too.
Professor Higgs called for silence and announced that he wanted to try something special today, instead of starting studies of Animagi he wanted to do a few lessons focussed on casting a successful patronus. It was just my luck that the day I felt depressed would be the day I needed to focus on happy memories. After an extensive description of what a patronus was and what its functions were Professor Higgs went on to describe in detail how to perform the incantation and its dependencies on a strong happy memory for success. I paid very little attention because my dad had spent years making sure I knew exactly how to cast a patronus, I guessed he was worried something might happen one day as it had to him and he wanted me to know how to protect myself. Of course there was that other tiny detail that my dad was known for being able to cast one of the most powerful corporeal patronus' ever seen.
"Right then, who'd like to have a go?" I kept myself well hidden behind Emma hoping nobody would suggest me.
"I will." I was intensely relieved when Scott Mason stepped forward to the front of the class. Everyone fell silent and watched as he closed his eyes, no doubt choosing his happy memory, when he opened them he held out his wand and very clearly spoke the incantation.
"Expecto Patronum." A slither of silvery light swirled from the tip of his wand but disappeared almost immediately leaving him looking very disappointed.
"An excellent effort, of course I didn't expect you all to manage it first time that's what the classes are for – practise. Now would anyone else like to try?" I watched beside Emma as a couple more students went forward and tried their best to cast, each one fading almost instantly. One after another they came forward, each of them walking back to their place with the same disappointed expression.
"I'd like to try." I said boldly when Melissa had sadly failed to succeed, immediately I felt everyone's eyes on me and Emma was staring at me with wide eyes.
"I wondered when you would Miss Potter." Professor Higgs smiled and motioned to the space opposite the crowded class. Nervously I stepped forward and closed my eyes, first I thought of dad sitting and talking to me when I was younger and reading me fairytales. Then I thought of mum and I when we tried to bake cakes the muggle way or when James and Al tried to teach me to learn to ride a broom. But my mind settled on the one person whose presence filled me with warmth, memories flashed through my mind – my first train ride to Hogwarts when he talked to me the whole way to calm my nerves, the hug in my room at Christmas and the night at the Divination tower. Finally his name flooded my mind – Scorpius.
"Expecto Patronum!" I almost yelled it as my wand swished through the air and a beautiful silver bobcat burst from the end landing easily on the wooden floor. The whole class gasped and stepped back from it as it started to run towards the door, the light shimmering off its silver fur, a trail of wispy mist in its wake before it faded. I was aware of the whole room staring at me in disbelief and awe and regretted doing it. No doubt the whole school would soon know that Lily Potter was the youngest person to cast a corporeal patronus since the days of her father.
"Magnificent Miss Potter, simply amazing, even your brothers didn't manage it until their sixth year." Professor Higgs looked positively thrilled, like he'd just discovered a groundbreaking antidote and not simply watched a fifth year successfully complete a charm. Nobody else spoke and I couldn't tell if they were just shocked or annoyed that they couldn't manage it. I definitely regretted my decision.
"Right well we'll leave it there for today, keep trying to focus on that memory and remember to let it fill you up. We'll have another go at the incantation next week." Everyone began gathering their things and started to leave and I was grateful to be released from their stares.
"Blimey Lily that was incredible!" Emma exclaimed looking utterly amazed.
"It wasn't that big a deal Em, you know my dad's been teaching me since I was young." I really didn't want her treating me like I'd done something amazing when in truth I hadn't.
"Yeah but for your first proper go at the incantation that was brilliant." She didn't seem to be letting up.
"Ok it was slightly better than average but please don't make a fuss Em." Even I could hear the pleading in my voice. A heavy hand came down on my shoulder and I noticed Professor Higgs looking at me proudly.
"You'd have made your father proud today Lily." He said sincerely and I felt tears burn in my eyes. Nobody ever expected dad to be proud of me, it was always James and Al that would make their father – the great Harry Potter – proud. I was just the daughter, weaker and fragile. They never expected me to be powerful.
"Thanks Professor." I smiled gratefully and he nodded.
"You're a lot like him you know." He added. I didn't get chance to ask him how he knew my dad because he'd walked over to his office adjoining to the classroom leaving Emma and I alone.
"I didn't think you were going to be able to do it you know, because of needing to feel happy and considering everything that happened earlier." She told me honestly, I noticed she looked a bit guilty and was probably scared of offending me or upsetting me again.
"I didn't think I could either but I realised that if we're ever in a situation where we need to cast one, we're not going to be feeling very happy then are we?"
"That's true actually." We started walking to the door.
"What did you think of?" she asked out of curiosity.
"I thought of him." I admitted honestly, feeling the sadness creeping on again as I remembered his date with Rose. Emma linked arms with me and I felt comforted that she was there for me as she'd always been.
Just a quick note: when I mention Harry teaching Lily a patronus since she was young I meant he made sure she understood the importance of the strength of the memory and that she knew how to properly pronounce the incantation etc, as it would be against the law for her to use magic outside of school so obviously he never properly taught her to cast it :)
