Hope you like the new summary. Now go do reviewer stuff. Now.

(scene break)

"Pain…" Kasuto muttered from the ground as Navi cackled, swinging the baseball bat, which was embedded with several nails, which she had dubbed, ironically, 'Painkiller.' She gave him another strike with Painkiller.

"And that's for the time you stole all our cookies!"

"What?"

"I mean, for running off on us!"

"Geez, PMS much?"

Painkiller was used on Kasuto, to great effect. Kasuto was hurt, bla bla bla… When, out of nowhere…

"Da da da daaaaa! You got Painkiller! This bat is a relic passed down through centuries by the fairy clan."

Navi, Link, and Kasuto looked up at the words that had randomly written themselves in midair, looked at each other, and left Kakariko Village extremely creeped-out at the way things were happening.

(scene break)

"So, are we going to listen to Rock-person's advice?" Kasuto asked as they climbed Death Mountain yet again.

"…Oh what the hell, let's just do it."

"Yay!" Link cheered from behind them. They turned around, only to see Link with something that he liked to use almost as much as fire…Which, for the readers that don't know by now, is a lot.

"You got the machine gun! Use it to kill people without needing to aim! This machine gun can be changed into a rocket launcher, a shotgun, a mortar, a bazooka, a sniper rifle, a minesweeper, and a grenade!"

Navi and Kasuto simply stared at the text that had appeared randomly over Link's head.

"You think he's doing it?" asked Kasuto.

"No, I think it has something to do with our fourth wall, which reminds me, I haven't checked that in a while…" She thought to herself for a moment and shrugged. "Oh well. We never needed a fourth wall anyway."

(scene break)

"So, what's the battle plan?" Navi asked her minions at the entrance of the narrow passageway up to the stairs up Death Mountain. "I got nothing, so any volunteers?"

"Oh! Oh! Pick me!" one of the minions said in a nasally voice, kind of like the ones from Despicable Me. Those minions were funny; they completely stole the show, kind of like show thieves, like in the circus. The ones that steal the elephants? Those ones. But they're always so obnoxious, kind of like trumpet players. Except without musical notes. And musical notes are kind of like musical chairs. Which reminds me, Navi accidentally broke one of them during a game once when she and someone else sat on one at the same time –

"Shut up!" yelled Navi.

You shut up, I'm rambling. Anyway, the other guy tried to sue her, so she had to hire the Lawyerskullwalltulla as a lawyer. Yet the Lawyerskullwalltulla couldn't get any evidence for her innocence, so Navi had to bribe the judge for a night with her. After removing the judge's innocence, Navi was walking home when she saw a bar –

"Just shut up already!"

Don't make me remove your mouth.

"No! I like my mouth, I need it to eat."

"I have an idea!" shouted Link. He took out his machine gun and transformed it into a bazooka. "I'M FIRIN MAH LAZER!" He shot it into the air. Everyone, including the author, watched as the rocket spiraled into midair, when a quite audible "Ow!" could be heard.

"You just killed this story's narrator!" Naryu shouted from the heavens. "Now we have to find a new one, since the author's too lazy to do it himself!"

"True that."

"Hey, how come you get bold, underlined, and italics, and we just get bold?"

"Because I'm the author, so what I say goes."

"…Good enough."

"Now, for anyone that hasn't gotten bored of us talking and left, here's a video of Link biting a tree, while we go find a new narrator."

"Narrated by the author, who is crap at narrating!"

"Gee, thanks, Naryu."

"Anytime."

(scene break)

Link wanderz around for no reason whstsoever when he finds a really big tree. "Here 's a really big tree!" he shouts." "I wonder whatit tastes likes?" He bites the tree, utb his mouth is to little. "Fuck you!" HE pulls out a bazooka ansd aimso.

(scene break)

Naryu shuddered from where she was watching the video in the heavens. "That video was terrible! It's like something from Uwe Boll!"

Millions of people around the world sighed in relief. At least they hadn't been the ones who had made Alone in the Dark.

"You're never narrating again. Thankfully we got that new narrator, and speaking of which…" Naryu suddenly turned her attention to Link, Kasuto, and Navi, who were having a rock-paper-scissors tournament, "DON'T KILL THE NARRATOR! I'd like to live for a while longer without needing to commit suicide."

Link's rocket launcher suddenly went off, almost blowing up in the new narrator's face.

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY!"

"You know," said Link to the others, not really paying attention to Naryu's tantrum, "I get the feeling we were supposed to be doing something right now."

Navi opened her strategy guide and turned to the correct page. "It says here that we were supposed to be at the top of Death Mountain by now, so that we can go into a cave and meet a screaming naked pink fairy from hell, so that she can give us the ability to spin around with a sword and to light things on fire, retconning what happened with Malon a couple of chapters ago. I vote Link goes in first."

(scene break)

As the group reached the top of the mountain, they saw a sight that was so forgettable, the author completely forgot about it in the exiting of the Kokiri Forest. Namely, Kaepora Gaebora. The idiot talking owl that has a habit of making long-winded monologues explaining various characteristics of the game that have a habit of getting on the player's nerves when they just want to get to the story and not have to listen to some talking animal talk. Unless it's Star Fox. That game is one of the only games out there that has a talking animal that isn't annoying, not counting Peppy and Slippy.

"Just get to the story before we need another new narrator," Navi sighed.

Right. Anyway, they met with Kaepora Gaebora.

"You've done well –" K.G. began, because the author's too lazy to type his full name again.

"AAAAGGH!" Link screamed, tearing at his ears. "It hurts us! IT HURTS US!"

K.G. opened his beak, but it was Kasuto's turn to scream. "IT BURNS!" K.G. gave them all an annoyed look and flew off grumpily, muttering about "ungrateful brats." Navi waved him off with a wet tissue, from when she was crying from watching him torture her companions so effortlessly.

(scene break)

Once K.G. was out of sight, Link and Kasuto immediately stopped screaming. That is, until they heard a voice from behind them. A very familiar one.

"Click. Click. (Sign. Now.)" Link screamed and jumped into Kasuto's arms, who also screamed, and tied to jump into Navi's arms, but she was too small. She ended up crushed underneath the two of them, gasping for breath.

"Fuck..you…"

"Clack click clack click? (You two are both asses, you know that?)"

"Yes, I know my ass is nice. Now will you two just sign that so you can get off my clone?" Navi asked from behind them, making them whirl around.

"What is it with people and sneaking up behind me?" Kasuto asked.

"You have a sign on your back that says, "sneak up on me,"" Navi said dully.

Kasuto reached around to his back, where he felt a piece of paper, which he pulled off and studied for a moment. "…So it seems."

"Click. Click click? clack clickity click. (Sigh. Can we move on now? We're over a thousand words in and you still haven't met the Great Fairy.)"

"First you need to move, so we can actually meet her."

"Click click clack click click. (Not until you sign the goddamn contract.)"

"Why, what's so special about it?"

"Cli… Click clackity clack click? (Um… It gives certain people great power?)

"If that's the case, then not right now. We need to actually do something other than talk in this chapter, like mentally scarring Link and Kasuto for life."

"Click? (How?)"

"The thing that's in the cavern behind you."

"Click. (Ah.)"

"Exactly. Link, fetch!" Navi took out a cookie and threw it into the nearby cave. Link charged in after it on all fours as Navi cackled evilly. It only took a few seconds for the others to realize what she was laughing about.

"AAAAGGH!" Link screamed from inside the cave. By this point, Navi was about to fall over in midair from laughing.

(scene break)

Inside the Great Fairy's Fountain, Link was huddled in a far corner of the cave, assuming the fetal position when Kasuto and Navi found him.

"Alright Link, what happened?" asked Kasuto knowingly. Link slowly raised his arm and pointed behind them.

"Th-th-that!"

They turned around, only to see something so ugly that only one thing could describe it.

"SCREAMING NAKED PINK FAIRY FROM HELL!" Link screamed from where he was bashing his head against a wall to try and blind himself. "IT'S NOT WORKING!"

The Great Fairy turned to Kasuto, who was pretty much a vegetable by now.

"Alright, do any of you actually want magic?"

"JUST GIVE IT TO US!" Navi screamed from where she was trying to strangle herself with her Slingshot. The Great Fairy frowned.

"Fine, be that way. I'm sure I can curse you for the rest of your lives with my image tattooed on your retinas."

"NOOOOOOOO!"

(scene break)

Princess Zelda looked up from where she was watching Ganondorf talk with her father about porn. She could have sworn she heard someone screaming about not wanting something. Zelda shrugged; she figured it couldn't be anything important.

(scene break)

"What do you want?" Navi pleaded from behind her completely black sunglasses.

"I want some clothes; I haven't been able to go clothes shopping recently thanks to my Fairy duties," the Great Fairy replied from where she was sitting in midair.

"What, like masturbating to images of the Goddesses?" Navi wilted at the look the Great Fairy gave her. "I'm going, I'm going!"

(scene break)

"There," Kasuto gasped as he dropped a bag in front of the Great Fairy. "Can you just zap us now so we can go before I die from your ugliness?"

"Fine, fine," the Fairy replied as she was looking through the bags. "You're zapped."

She looked up. There was no one in sight. "Damn, they're fast."

(scene break)

I need to thank msfcatlover for the idea about the Great Fairy. Consider yourself thanked. Here's a virtual cookie.