AN:Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and read! This chapter was a bit hard to write because I've already posted everything I had written so far, so now it's about getting back into that writing groove and finishing this up. My plan was to make this 10 chapters longs. That would mean that all the good and happy stuff would be put in one chapter. I think that might not be too nice, since we are spending so much time setting the relationship up, only to stuff the progress into one chapter. That means I might add one or two more chapter. Just thought I'd discuss it with you guys. Again, Thanks for reading :)
Chapter 7:Explain to me this conspiracy against me
"You're kidding, right Mr. Schue? This is a joke, right?" Rachel asks, being the first one to actually form a coherent thought.
"Actually no, Rachel. I'm being serious. Dave here will be joining us."
"That dude punched my lights out and threatened to kill Kurt! Just 'cause he did those Bully Whips for a while doesn't mean we should just forgive and forget, does it?" Sam asks completely shocked at what seems to be happening.
"I totally agree. My fathers have contacts at the ACLU and I will have them intervene."
"Yeah, Mr. Schue. I don't think this is such a good idea." Finn says.
"Kurt needs to be safe. How do we know he isn't just pretending to have changed?" Mercedes challenges.
A chorus of "yeahs" follow her question.
"Because it was my idea he join us."
Rachel turns around to face Kurt and asks, "Kurt, are you serious?"
"Deadly. I appreciate the concern you all have, but it's not necessary." Kurt answers.
"Dude, what would Burt think if he heard you?" Finn asks. He knows his step-dad won't be happy, and if there is one thing Kurt cares about, is making his Dad happy.
"Dad already knows. Look guys, Dave has spent all summer joining me and Blaine in PFLAG meetings and LGBT support groups. He's trying to change and I thought a safe place for him to go through this would be Glee Club." Kurt says.
"I'm.." Karofksy speaks and all eyes are on him. "I.. I know that sorry isn't a big enough word. You all deserve to hate me for what I've done, but... Like, I see how you guys gave Puckerman, and Fabray, and even Lopez a chance to prove themselves. I'm just.." Karofsky's voice breaks as the next words leave his mouth "I'm just asking for you to give me a chance." he says trying to control his emotions.
The whole Glee Club looks amongst themselves. No one knows what to say. Pretty much all of them have had bad experiences with Karofsky, but if Kurt can forgive him, then maybe they should at least give him a chance.
"You need to audition. That's the rule." Rachel says finally. She's learned to trust Kurt, and maybe he's right in this. "You can join, but you have to sing a song first."
"I have one." Karofsky says quickly, before they change their minds. "Kurt, he umm, he helped me pick one and practice it."
"Well then, the floor is yours Dave." Mr. Schue says moving to take a seat.
Karofsky takes a deep breath and nods to the band, who Kurt had spoken to earlier in the day. They nod back, and then the heavy music starts. Karofsky locks eyes with Kurt who nods at him. Karofsky takes a deep breath and then begins to sing.
I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Dave felt that this song always represented him. When Kurt finally convinced him to join Glee, so he could be safe when he decided to reveal his secret, he told Dave he needed a song. He chose this one. It took Kurt one listen before he deemed the song perfect.
So what if you can see the darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal!
This animal, this animal
Dave locks eyes with Santana, who he knows has felt this way before.
I can't escape myself
So many times I've lied
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
The whole Glee Club watches completely immersed in the performance. They feel all of Karofsky's pain and angst.
So what if you can see the darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
There are tears in Dave's eyes, but he won't brush them away. They need to see, he needs them to see he means every word.
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell
This animal, this animal
This animal, this animal
This animal, this animal
This animal
He's crying as he sings. It feels as if he's finally letting go of some of the pain and self-hatred he lives with every day.
So what if you can see the darkest side of me
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal!
This animal I have become
As the song comes to a close, Dave wipes his cheeks. He's breathing heavily and it's the only noise that can be heard in the room. Suddenly, Puck stands up and walks over to him. Puck doesn't even hesitate as he reaches forward to hug Dave.
The whole club looks on in shock, before others feel the need to show their support. Kurt is the next to get up and join the two boys, followed by Santana. The rest of the Club look at each other unsure of what to do. There is obviously something weighing down on Kaforsky, and who are they to judge and deny him? The all realize that maybe there is more to Dave than meets the eye, and that if they aren't there for him, no one else will be.
After the hug, Puck grabs his things and leaves the Choir Room. He hears his name being called before he turns abruptly.
"Two years ago that was me."
"I don't-
"That was me, Q! Two years ago I was that horrible person who felt like some monster everyday."
"You were never a monster, Puck. You and I were both bullies, but back then we didn't know what we know now. We didn't know any better." Quinn says trying to calm down Puck.
"We were awful people, Q." Puck says trying to reign in his emotions.
"I know that, but living in the past won't change a thing. We need to learn from the mistakes we made and become better people."
"You know, it was all you. You came into my life and I thought, a loser like me could never get with a girl like that."
"You were definitely never a loser, Puck." Quinn says with a small smile.
"Yeah, but next to Hudson I might as well have been one... I tricked you into sleeping with me, because I thought that would be the only way I could ever be like Finn 'The Golden Boy' Hudson."
"I didn't do anything I didn't want to."
"I know, but it still wasn't right. And then, some time went by and the whole deal with you and Beth... It made me want to be a better person. It made me.. You made me the man I am today. And I know I'm not perfect. But I'm not the loser I was back then. I'm trying so hard to be good enough for you, Quinn. All I'm asking is for the chance to prove myself. I know that you're scared, believe me I am too. Fucking this up is something I do not want. But I'm not scared enough to not even try. I think you need someone to want you. Well, I do want you. So be brave, and want me back." Puck finishes with a sigh.
"What is with you and Berry quoting TV shows?" Quinn says with a watery laugh. Puck's words have hit her hard and she's desperately trying not to make a fool of herself by losing it here in the hallway.
Puck laughs a bit was well. He smiles softly at her. He's said his part, it's all up to her now.
"I want you. I'm just so scared" Her voice is barely above a whisper. "Scared of being hurt. But, I'm more scared of not giving you a chance. You've always made me feel so different from the way others have. I meant what I said about you not being a Lima Loser, because you are special, Puck. You are sweet and romantic. And I don't deserve you. But I'm selfish." Quinn lets out a small laugh at that. " I want you. I want you so much it terrifies me. Which is why I need to know that you won't hurt me. Promise me, please, that you won't hurt me."
Puck launches forward and hugs her tightly. He kisses her hair as he repeats over and over again "I promise."
It takes them a minute to calm down again. He let's her go and they look at each other. They both laugh.
"Look at us. We've turned into saps." Quinn says with a smile.
"True."
"Now what?"
"Now, I walk you to class. And after school I'm taking you to get some ice-cream." Puck says as he puts his arm around Quinn and starts leading her to class. "That okay, Princess?" Puck murmurs.
"Yeah."
"Oh, crap." Puck says suddenly.
"What? Is something wrong?" Quinn asks concerned.
"No, it's just.. Rachel helped me prepare a song so I could sing it to you today so that you would see what my feelings were for you and like, I think she might be disappointed all her hard work will be useless now. " Puck answers.
"Oh."
"I'm an idiot. That song would have been ten times better than what I said earlier."
Quinn laughs at that. "I like what you said earlier." she says looking up and into his eyes. Puck actually blushes at that, making Quinn giggle."Sing it to me anyways?"
"Umm.. well the thing is.. the song is originally a duet, so maybe you would like to join me?" Puck asks. His original plan had been to just sing it by himself but now that he and Quinn were finally actually starting to do this, it might be best if they both sang the song.
Quinn remembers a time ago when the words, Duets don't work for me left her lips. Now as she looks at a hopeful Puck, she realizes that maybe, they just might work.
As everyone leaves the Choir Room, Santana stays behind to talk to Karofsky.
"Hey." she says.
"Hi." he answers. He and Santana have bonded in the past, despite the blackmail. They're a lot alike. It's for that reason that they seem to have this unspoken truce between them.
"So, Glee Club huh? Ready to let out your inner homo?" Santana asks jokingly.
"I'm working on it.. I.. um.. I'm creating a safety net, according to Kurt. Trying to see who's gonna have my back when I do tell my parents and shit hits the fan... You.. um haven't told anyone right?" Karofsky asks. Only Kurt, Blaine, and Lopez should know.
"I haven't. But, I think once you do tell the Glee Club, they'll be here for you."
"I doubt it. I've been an ass to them."
"Well have to see then. Kurt is good at making people do what he says, though." Santana says with a smirk. Karofsky laughs at that.
"Don't I know it."
"So look Dave, I have a proposition for you."
"You're a hot chick and all Lopez, but you're not exactly my type. I'm flattered, though." Dave says holding back at laugh. Santana smacks his arm and he can't hold it back any longer, so he just laughs.
"We're funny now, huh?" Dave smirks at that. "Anyways, what I was actually going to do was ask you to sing a song with me."
"You want to do a duet with me?" Dave asks, completely surprised at this offer.
"Well, yeah. I've got the perfect song.. So, are you interested? It will definitely earn you some points with the Club." Santana has been toying with the idea of singing this as a solo for a while, but after hearing Dave sing, she knows she wants him to join her.
"Yeah, I'm definitely interested. Count me in." He's eager to find his footing amongst these people, and with Kurt and Santana on his side, it might not be as hard as he originally thought.
"Does it taste good?"
"What, the ice-cream?"
"Yeah, Fabray. The ice-cream."
"Yeah. It taste like it's supposed to taste."
"Okay then."
"Since when are we awkward?" Quinn asks giving her ice-cream cone another lick. She and Puck are sitting at the same bench they sat on their date, eating the same ice-cream. It's clear Puck is nervous or else he wouldn't be asking stupid questions.
"I guess ever since I realized this is really happening." Puck answers with a shrug as he too continues to eat his ice-cream.
"Well, cut it out. Don't think about it, it will only make things harder."
"This doesn't have to be hard, Q."
"We have a lot of baggage together, Noah." Quinn says softly.
"I know, Lucy." Puck answers just as softly. He feels that now is the moment to finally talk about the things they have avoided for so long. To get it all out there.
"I know, which is why if we think about it things will be awkward. And if things are awkward they become harder to deal with. I think it's best we let things run their course."
"I know you dislike focusing on the past too much, babe, but some things we do have to think and talk about." He knows he's pushing, but to star their relationship on the right foot they need to do this.
"Such as?" Puck finishes his ice-cream before he answers her.
"Our daughter." It's something they barely talk about. The giant pink elephant in the room, so to speak. He knows Quinn's approach in making this run smoothly is to forgive and forget. Puck is fine with doing that with some things, but not on this. Not on their baby girl.
"What about her?" Quinn says finishing her ice-cream She's suddenly very thirsty.
"Do you think about her?... Do you miss her?... Do you regret anything?" Puck swallows before he continues talking. "Look, I know we've changed. We're not the same people we were back then, but some things will always be a part of us." It takes a minute before Quinn actually responds.
"Not a day goes by I don't think about her. I miss her more than you can possibly imagine.." She takes a deep breath before continuing, "..but no, I don't regret it. Not for one second. I know in my heart that I made the right decision, and the letters Shelby sends us only serve to prove it." Quinn answers honestly. If Puck wants to hash it all out here and now, then lets do it. She wants this relationship to work, and if having to talk about Beth is the only way they can move forward, then so be it.
"Okay then."
"Do you hate me for what I did? For not giving us the chance to be a family?" Quinn asks. She's always wondered that, if he resented her for giving away his baby girl.
"At the time.. Maybe, but now, no. I know you did the right thing. And no matter how much I wanted to be a father, I wasn't ready for that. I know that now." It's the truth. He wanted to be there for Beth, but with time he learned that he did the best thing he possibly could for his daughter: he let her go.
"Okay." Quinn replies softly, just as a thought hits her. "How's Sarah?"
"She misses you. You need to come by some time." Puck answers with a small smile. He knows Quinn isn't avoiding the topic of Beth. Their daughter will always be a part of them. More conversations about her are sure to come, but for right now? Making sure they are at peace with the decisions they made is all that matters.
"I will."
"How's your Dad?" Puck knows it's another sore topic, but these things need to be talked about if they want to be able to work together.
"He sends a check every month. That's about all I know."
"And are you okay with that?"
"I am, actually. It feels like whatever weight was on my shoulders is gone now. The house feels less suffocating and more like a home. Something it hasn't been since my sister moved out."
"That's understandable... How is Frannie anyways?"
"She's... She's okay."
"You don't sound too sure."
"I mean, I know she's doing okay. It's just that ever since she left and got married she hasn't exactly been a part of my life... Or me a part of hers." She adds the last part as an afterthought.
"Do you wish it was different?"
"Maybe, but for now, I'm good. She's coming home for Christmas, so hopefully we can actually revive our relationship." Quinn doesn't hate her sister for not being there for her. Had the roles been reversed, Quinn would have done the same exact thing. It's like the unspoken rule: once you're out of Lima, don't you dare look back. Frannie, on the other hand, was actually trying to now be a part of the family again.
"Cool then."
"Any other major life changing conversations we need to have?" Quinn asks jokingly. She's tired of talking about all this. It's draining, but she knows it has to be done.
"Nah, I think I covered the major bases." Puck says with a smirk. A thought crosses his mind and he speaks without thinking. "Why did you never tell me about being Lucy? I mean, when you lived at my place you said you had a tough childhood, but you never went into details." Quinn sighs. She knows she should have expected that question.
"I lived my whole life in my sister's shadow. I was never good enough, and when I finally became Quinn I buried Lucy deep inside me. I wasn't going back to that place. I thought I could just live like that, but I know now that I can't. I am Lucy and I am Quinn. Separating the two means nothing. At least, not anymore."
"Okay.. for what it's worth, I think you were a cutie."
"Shut up!" Quinn says with a shove and a laugh. "What was it you said once? Oh yeah I don't do fat chicks. And then you go and date Mercedes and Lauren. Classic Puck." The smile falls of Puck's face so fast it's scary. "Puck-
"I was an ass. But listen to me, Quinn. I want you. I don't want Mercedes, Lauren, or any of those other girls. I just want you." Puck says completely serious. Quinn stares at his gorgeous eyes before she answers.
"And I don't want Finn or Sam. I just want you."
"I really want to kiss you."
"What's stopping you?"
With that Puck leans in and presses his lips softly to Quinn's. It only lasts a second but it means everything to them both in that moment. As Quinn pulls back, she caresses his cheek with her hand.
"You are ten times the man your father is." Quinn remembers a conversation she and Puck had about him, about Puck wanting to prove he wasn't like him. How he desperately wanted it to be confirmed. Tears pool in Puck's eyes before he croaks out a broken thank you.
"You're welcomed. Now enough of all this serious talk. Go buy me another ice-cream. And a bottle of water." Puck laughs at that and it's enough to break the tension of the moment. He gets up and picks up Quinn like a princess as she squeals and giggles.
"Whatever you say, princess." Puck murmurs as he carries her over to the ice-cream shop. Things aren't perfect, but they both have learned that chasing perfection only leads to disappointment. For now, this moment, this happiness, is all that matters.
Two stools sit in the center. Santana sits on one as she begins singing the first verse.
Please speak softly, for they will hear us
And they'll find out why we don't trust them
Speak up dear cause I cannot hear you
I need to know why we don't trust them
Karofsky joins Santana on the chorus before taking over the second verse.
Explain to me this conspiracy against me
And tell me how I've lost my power
Were can I turn? Cause I need something more
Surrounded by uncertainty I'm so unsure of
Tell me why I feel so alone cuz I need to know to whom do I own
Explain to me this conspiracy against me
And tell me how I've lost my power
Just as the chorus ends they both sing the third and final verse. Santana faces Dave and holds his hand as they sing.
I thought that we'd make it
Because you said that we'd make it through
And when all security fails
we'd be there to help me through
Explain to me this conspiracy against me
And tell me how I've lost my power
I've lost my power
The lyrics hit home in a way that surprises both Santana and Dave. There are tears running down their cheeks before Dave just loses it.
"I'm sorry.. I'm so so sorry." He's crying as the rest of the Club is at a loss for what to do. And then Karofsky finally let's go of the one thing that he has been carrying on his shoulders for so long. He faces the Club as the words leave his lips. "I'm gay..and I'm just so sorry for everything I ever did." His sobs are loud and painful.
Santana gets up from her seat and envelopes him in a hug. Before Dave can even act the whole Glee Club is there hugging him back. He knows that just saying the words out loud was hard, but now he has to live with the consequences. He knows the Glee Club might not completely love him, but in this moment he feels their overwhelming support. Things will be hard, but Dave thinks that maybe he might be able to finally face his biggest fear: himself.
