Nineteen Ninety – Chapter 7
DISCLAIMER: Hetalia is not my flippin' property :(
Life is a quest and love a quarrel ...
- Edna St. Vincent Millay
Natalia was not happy - Toris was avoiding her. She'd woken up the morning after he spent the better part of the night in her room, only to find that him missing. The sheets on his side of the bed were mussed, and the pillow bore an indent that clearly told her he had been there.
It wasn't a dream…
Natalia went to breakfast, and saw that everybody else had already finished their food. The dishes were already done, the counters wiped, and the floor swept. There was a plate of blini, and a cup of tea set in front of her chair. A small handwritten note was stuck under her the edge of her cup – in a tidy scrawl it said one thing – "Natalia."
Ivan had already gone to work, and the Baltics, particularly Toris - had made themselves scarce. He was probably off in some reclusive corner of the house, dusting or polishing some god forsaken vase that didn't need to be cleaned.
Natalia went to find him. And when she did, he was indeed tucked in some little, quiet, unused part of the house - but he wasn't cleaning a vase. He was sweeping and washing the floor. She stood in the doorway, eyebrows raised, arms crossed. Natalia cleared her throat.
"Oh, labas rytas, Natalia!" Toris looked up to greet her, and then spun around to leave, broom and mop in hand.
"Toris, wait, I want to talk..." What's the matter with him? He's acting weird...
He didn't meet her eyes. "I can't, Natalia. I have to get all my chores done."
She watched him hurry down the hall, disappearing around a corner. The Belarusian narrowed her eyes.
Chores didn't stop you before.
She had no idea why Toris was acting so peculiar, but she was going to get to the bottom of it.
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
The two of them repeated a similar pattern over the next few days. Toris wouldn't stay in the same room with her for more than a minute, unless they were having a meal. But even then, he wouldn't look her in the eye.
Natalia got fed up, real fast. On the third morning after Toris stayed with her, she decided to corner him, and force him to talk to her. It was the perfect time to do it! Ivan was at another meeting, and wouldn't be back until that night. Eduard and Raivis were off doing generic errands in town - the kinds that you loathe to do, but which have to be done.
Anyway, it short, they'd be alone for a while.
Natalia found Toris in the living room. Ivan's silverware was spread out on the coffee table. The Lithuanian was sitting on the couch, polishing each piece. He looked bored. He keeps doing all these chores that don't need to be done!
"Toris." He froze mid-polish, looked up, and saw her. If he wanted to see me, he wouldn't be so nervous.
"Hey," She started walking over to the couch as he stood up.
"Hey," he answered back.
"Why have you been avoiding me?" She had gone straight to the point…again.
"Ką?"
"Don't play dumb with me - I know you've been doing it. The only thing I'm not sure of is why," Natalia tried not to let her hurt feelings come to the surface. I let him in – now he wants out?
These past few days had been odd, and not just because of Toris's behavior. The Belarusian wanted him. She had never wanted anyone like that before, not even her brother. Her desire for Ivan was a flickering candle compared to what she felt for Toris. But, this desire manifested itself differently.
The physical part of it was still there, but she also needed emotional attention as well. These feelings she felt now had started small. But they'd grown, until they consumed her completely. Natalia wanted Toris. She didn't care how, or why, or when. She just did.
"I..." he blushed. Natalia still stood in front of the Lithuanian, firmly blocking his exit path. She wasn't going to let him leave until she got an answer.
He sat, defeated, on the couch. Natalia joined him. She tucked her foot behind the other and folded her hands in her lap - very chaste. The opposite of how the Belarusian was feeling.
"I have been avoiding you," Toris admitted. "And I'm sorry."
Natalia believed his sincerity. He looked like a beaten puppy, shoulders slumped, head hung, and leaning forwards with his elbows on his knees...an attractive beaten puppy.
Wait, what? Slow down, Natalia, she told herself. She shook her head, to clear it.
Čamu? Why have you been doing it?
Toris blushed even more. She kind of liked this shy side of him – it seemed intimate, and more vulnerable than any of the other nations she'd met. He could be awkward, but strong at the same time.
He bit his lip. "Well...that night I stayed in your room..."
Natalia sat up straighter. "Dy?" Finally!
"I entered your room with absolutely no disrespectful intentions, I swear. But then, you invited me to sleep with you, and I had...thoughts of a certain nature. Ones that I was afraid weren't returned…" his entire face was aflame, and he looked like he just wanted to blink out of existence.
Natalia leaned forward, compelled to do so by her newly acknowledged attraction - she was very close to Toris. He still smelled like spring and fresh air.
How? Is it his shampoo, or something? I'll have to ask.
"You don't have to apologize," she assured him, laying a hand on his forearm. Toris stared at it. "We're all alone today…" Natalia continued. What am I saying! I mean, I want to, but...
"Natalia - are you suggesting what I think you are?" Toris's eyes were wide, his arm ridged beneath her fingers.
Does water freeze in cold weather? Natalia blinked slowly. No, wait – what am I doing? Spynić! STOP, STOP, STOP!
Toris stood up again, slowly backing out of the room. "We can't! I can't! It wouldn't be right."
Natalia frowned. "What do you mean? I wouldn't mind. We both want to, so what's the big deal?" I've got to stop – I'm gonna scare him away! But she couldn't, not now.
Toris shook his head, eyes squeezed shut, hands held up in a defensive position. "Ne - I won't."
And with those words, which sounded more like he was trying to convince himself of his virtuous resolve instead of her, he spun around and bolted up the stairs. The sound of his bedroom door slamming shut was audible from where Natalia was sitting.
Now I've done it…
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
Natalia was determined – she'd get Toris to pay attention to her.
Everyone was home for supper that evening. Ivan was seated at the head of the table, Natalia to his immediate left, and Toris to the right. Eduard was next to her, and Raivis was right at home by his oldest brother.
Natalia had barley even touched her food. Toris wasn't looking at her.
Lookatmelookatmelookatme!
Ivan was talking in her ear about the availability of necessary consumer products, while the two younger Baltics tittered quietly with each other, discussing the varied events of the day. She didn't hear them – she wasn't listening. Natalia slid her foot across the floor, until it hit Toris's.
This time, she was not touching him to show her support. She was doing it to show her intentions. The Lithuanian tensed, and began stirring his food around his plate. Natalia lifted her leg slightly, and brushed Toris's trousered calf with the tip of her shoe. He reddened, and drummed his fingers on the tabletop.
Too far? She wondered. But still, Natalia continued.
The others remained ensnared in their conversations (in Ivan's case, a quite one-sided conversation - not that he noticed or even cared), oblivious to the little scene being played out before their very eyes.
Natalia kept going, seeing how far she could actually -
Toris stood up. "Are you done, Raivis?" The poor little Latvian looked very confused. His meal wasn't even half finished.
"W-what?"
"Wonderful. Here, I'll take your plate," Toris picked up all the dishes and silverware on his side of the table so hastily Natalia was surprised that they didn't break. Then he dumped them, rather unceremoniously, into the sink, and swept out of the room.
Too far.
Raivis sat completely still. He still seemed to be stunned that practically his entire meal had been taken out from under him. Natalia, Eduard, and Ivan stared into the hallway, where Toris had disappeared to who-knows where.
Her brother sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Toris is eager to get back to work - good. You two," he gestured to Eduard and Raivis. "Follow Toris's example." Then Ivan turned back to his dinner, which had been spared from Toris's sudden exodus, along with his half full bottle of vodka.
After everyone was finished with the food, and after the table was cleared, Natalia got lucky.
Ivan was called up by his boss right after the last of the nightly cleaning duties had been completed. It turned out that her brother needed to attend a late meeting between the leaders of his people. It seemed that there was some growing unrest in the Union again.
She waited until ten minutes after he left, angry in his silent, faux happy way ("It sure would've caused me a lot less trouble if they'd called me earlier. Wouldn't it have, Natasha? If the idiot would just use force like everyone's telling him too, we'd all be in bed by now."), before heading up to Toris's room.
"Hey," she said, upon opening the other nation's door. "Why did you leave the dinner table like that?"
As if you didn't already know, idiot, the head voice said. Natalia ignored it, closing the door behind her.
Toris was sitting on his bed, face hidden by his long fingers and brunette hair. "Natalia," he asked, still concealed from her eyes. "Are you toying with me?"
Toying? What the Hell does he mean by that?
"Niama!" she exclaimed, angry that he would even think she could do such a horrible thing. Well, in retrospect...
"Really, you're sure?" Toris looked up, there was a note of sarcasm and hurt in his words that Natalia hadn't heard in them ever before. "Because I've liked you for centuries, Natalia, and you've never given any sign of liking me back! So now, after all these years, you've decided to suddenly take an interest?"
Natalia felt the need to defend herself – she'd been unprepared for this sudden criticism, and from Toris, no less. Why is he saying these things?
"I don't know why! I have no idea why I want you now! Do you think this is easy for me? I'm not sure what I want."
Toris continued, and began gesturing animatedly with his hands. "I...you can't just go and touch me like that! In the living room, you remember. And then tonight - your brother was right there! Don't you have any common sense? But it doesn't really matter anyway, does it? Because sooner or later you'll get board of me, and start chasing after Ivan again."
It was almost as if the room had frozen over. Natalia clenched her fists. He was treading in uncharted waters, what she felt for her brother. He didn't, no he couldn't know what that was like -feelings that sometimes Natalia herself didn't completely understand.
"Be quiet," she whispered.
Toris's looked hurt, his eyes were downcast, and his mouth was a frown. "You told me, Natalia. You told me that you were helping me and my brothers so you could have Mr. Braginski all to yourself. But now, I don't know what to think and –"
"QUIET!" she shouted, not caring if any electronic bugs picked up their argument. The whole thing would seem odd out of context, anyway.
Toris shook his head, holding up three fingers. "We have four days, Natalia - four days to make our escape! And then you're gone! Me, Raivis, and Eduard – we'll all have to stay in this apleistas Dievo place for who knows how long!"
Natalia clenched her teeth. She chewed her tongue before spitting out her response. Nie skazać, što heta, don't say it, don't say it!
"I don't care. You can all stay and rot here forever for all it matters to me!" The Belarusian regretted what she said in her fury almost immediately, but the words were already hanging in the air, unretract able.
Toris faltered, his expression of hurting and sadness deepening. "N-Natalia...do you really mean that?"
Of Course not!...But now Natalia was embarrassed, for both herself and for Toris. Her pride had taken a hit.
"Maybe," she said, head high, trying to keep her voice steady and even - cool sounding. "Did you mean what you said about me?"
Natalia didn't even wait for Toris to respond before spinning on her heel and stalking out of the room. She slammed the door behind her, grabbed her hair, and screamed.
Why? Why does everything have to be so God damn complicated!
Natalia opened her eyes. Raivis and Eduard were presses against the wall beside her, their faces those of a kid who'd just gotten caught doing something he wasn't supposed too. They'd been eavesdropping on the argument, obviously. Natalia and Toris hadn't been very quiet while discussing their frustrations.
"What?" she snarled, irritated and hurt, and angry with herself and with the world. "Go away!"
"Alright!" Eduard grabbed Raivis by the back of his shirt, and proceeded to rush his younger brother down the hall, away from the volatile Belarusian.
Natalia groaned, frustrated. Still clenching fistfuls of long, blonde hair in her fingers, she wandered aimlessly to the living room, where she plopped down on the couch. Government issued/monitored talk radio still echoed dimly from the ancient radio. Ivan had left it on in his absence.
Natalia closed her eyes, praying for the blessed numbness of sleep…it never came.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
Breakfast was a nightmare. And for once, it wasn't because of Ivan. He happened to be almost halfway around the world that morning – the meeting with his boss had turned into a meeting with a bunch of other nations and their bosses.
Natalia and Toris stared icily at each other over their food, only half aware if what was going on around themselves. And yet, when required to speak to each other, they managed to maintain a pleasant, polite tone that left Eduard and Raivis utterly confused.
They watched the two of them bicker quietly, disguising insults or accusations as double entendres. The two young Baltic nations' heads went back and forth, like they were watching a verbal tennis match. Ivan being out of town had allowed Natalia and Toris's argument to simmer in the background if everyone's daily lives.
Natalia wished it would end. The Belarusian deeply regretted what she said. Toris wanted to make amends too, she could tell. She wanted to make peace with the Lithuanian, but decided stubbornly that he should be the one to apologize first.
You're wrong Natalia, said head voice. Just accept it and move on – waiting for him is going to make things worse. You started it.
An apology from either side wasn't going to happen very soon, it appeared. Either one of them would leave a room should the other enter, and conversations consisted of just a few (overly sweet and/or sarcastic) words - but only when absolutely necessary. All other times it was almost as if they'd taken a pact of silence.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
Later, she whiled away the evening hours in her room until darkness fell – it was the only sure way to avoid the Lithuanian.
Natalia was perched in the sill of her open window - her back against one side, feet pressing on the other. No sense in falling out. The night was black, and it was considerably warmer than it had been earlier in the week.
She peered out at the surrounding landscape, watching the tips of the trees sway in the wind. Summer was coming, and when it did, it was going to stay. The last cold snap of the season had passed, earlier than usual.
That was one of the things unique to spring – its weather. You'd need a sweater one day, and shorts the next. But as the days inched ever closer to summer, it was gradually becoming warmer and warmer. The cold spells were less drastic, and the hot spots were getting sunnier and sunnier.
It is May already, after all. May…where did the time go? It was hard to believe that it was a little over a month ago that she and Toris had teamed up to work on their plan.
The moon was only half full, but it still cast enough light for her to be able to see the end of the gravel – and chronically underused - driveway. Why does he love me? She asked herself. Or, maybe now, why did he love me…Natalia desperately hoped that wasn't the case.
The only thing I've ever shown him was cruelty and rejection, sans these past few weeks. I guess, to Toris, it might seem like I've been teasing him.
And then she thought, but the more important question is, why am I falling for him?
Natalia heaved a sigh, and leaned her head back against the window frame. A warm breeze kissed her face, and she smiled.
Because he's warm, like summer - I felt safe when he held me.
Ivan - the enigma; she'd been convinced for centuries that her older brother was the one she wanted to be with. Why the change? He was still the same, in a way. Natalia remained privy to Ivan's good side and sympathies. She knew she always would be. But something had changed when she saw Toris's scars, heard his cries.
Ivan was strong in a heavy, big, noticeable way. He looked confident, successful. At first glance, Toris would seem small, weak, and mild mannered. But Natalia had found that the Lithuanian possessed a different kind of strength. The kind that was carried quietly and never faltered. Toris had strength of spirit.
That's what kept him sane, that's what held him together through the times when anyone else would be broken. Like the decades of abuse he endured. Natalia knew that the stability of her moods and mind were touch and go most of the time, but if someone treated her like Ivan did Toris, she'd go completely off the deep end. ...and never come back to the surface.
I wish I could possess that kind of strength…what did Toris feel when he held me? She wanted to know.
He is angry with me...the Belarusian wished that wasn't so. Natalia wanted to express to him what he made her feel, but years of getting her point across physically had left her with an inability to communicate her thoughts in a subtle, appropriate way.
I was angry with him...because she was getting touchy about he said about her and Ivan. Now, looking back on it, Natalia realized she wasn't angry because if what Toris had said about her feelings for Ivan, or about her sincerity of her pursuit of the Lithuanian.
She was angry at herself because she let him think that she still held sentiments like that for her brother. That and how she handled the whole thing with Toris, both in the living room and in the kitchen were what had fueled her anger.
It was all a massive screw up on my part.
I lashed out...Natalia wanted to be with him then, with Toris. She wanted him to hold her, say everything was going to be fine. She wanted Toris's warmth, his steadiness.
But how? He was still angry with her, for all Natalia knew. The Belarusian had said an awful thing about him and his brothers – who wouldn't be mad with someone who'd said they hoped they lived with an insane rapist for eternity?
She slid down off the windowsill, wincing as her feet hit the floor, uncomfortably hard. She threw one last glance at the night sky, each individual star visible from her little portal to the outside world. Then she slept - jeans, sweater and all, on the top of her embroidered quilts and blankets.
(A/N) Phew! This was a fun chapter to write. And yes! I have internet access at a lake, surprisingly…(but I am sooo happy because of it!). So, I'm spending some time up at the lake with family while my mom and dad house hunt (totally not envious). I will probably be posting in a week, depending on whether or not the extended stay place we rented has wyfy (pleasepleasepleaseplease).
I did not however, like writing their argument :( Liet seemed so…aggressive? I don't know the word for it – just that he kind of channeled "Battle of Grunwald Liet" or "Argumentative Liet" for a few days, there.
FYI – I went to a supermarket today, in the town closest to the lake. Well, obviously, it was a teeny-tiny town, and everything was log-cabin/camp/outdoors/moose themed (no joke). And over each isle of the store, before listing what was in the isle (like cereal, eggs, tofu, cat litter, etc., etc.) it had a lake name. One of 'em said Lake Norway :D . So I took a picture of it because it made me laugh.
DICTIONARY:
Labas rytas – good morning in Lithuanian
Ką – what
Apleistas Dievo – God forsaken
Ne - no
Čamu – why in Belarusian
Spynić – stop
Dy – yes
Niama – no
Nie skazać, što heta – don't say it
HISTORICAL/ OTHER NOTES:
I can't think of anything historical…can you? Well, we are steadily approaching May 11th, 1990 (Liet's Independence Day)…and things were getting hairy in the republics around that time – hence Russia's meeting with his boss.
Other than that, it was just rising action and complications, as my English teacher liked to say :P
Note to people who have this story in their alerts – I'm going to be editing and re-uploading some chapters soon, so I'm gonna be spamming your inboxes. Sorry – I've seen some grammar, spelling, vocab, and historical notes stuff that needed to be added/changed/fixed…you know. In the end, it'll enhance your reading experience XP
Lake Norway…Denmark has a cabin up there! XD XD XD!
Thanks! ~ V.o.t.s.
