Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Just sexy lead guitarist Jasper and cheating book worm Bella.

Warning: Rated M.


Chapter Seven
Losing You

I hate feeling like this,
I'm so tired of trying to fight this.
I'm asleep and all I dream of is waking to you.
Tell me that you will listen,
You're touch is what I'm missing.
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you.
- Skillet

Six Months Later

The light around us was so bright that all I could see what her face, her beautiful deep brown eyes looking into mine. She was enough. I didn't need anything besides her expressive eyes to make me a happy man.

"Jasper, where did you go?" She pleaded almost desperately for answers.

"I'm so sorry, darlin', I'm here now." I stroked her dark hair from her face so I could see her better.

"Don't leave me again?" Her eyes filled with sadness as she asked me not to leave. Like I ever fucking would.

"Never. I promise." I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to my chest.

It felt so warm here with Bella. So inviting and comfortable. I didn't want to leave.

"Welcome home, gentleman. It is about six thirty-five pm here in Texas, with some nice warm weather awaiting you outside the airport. Your personal luggage will be at baggage claim number six and everything else will be taken care of and sent to the studio I've been informing."

Huh? What the hell is-

Oh.

I opened my eyes when I realized we had finally arrived back to Texas, United Stated of America... Home.

It had been a long ass flight from Sydney, Australia with one short stop over to refuel at LAX. At least we had our own personal plane though, which made the trip a little more comfortable.

"We hope you had a pleasant flight and enjoy the rest of your evening." Our pilot said as we pulled up on the landing strip.

I stretched out and looked around at my band members, managers, and assistants. They were all happy to finally be home again. It always felt nice coming home after having toured in other countries.

But I didn't it this time, like I did every other time. I didn't feel it like I knew everyone else was feeling it.

I finally got my ass up and went to get my bags, saying goodbye to everyone before making my way to the car that was waiting for me. The drive to my mother's place wasn't too long. I stared out the window and in no time I was home.

Mom and Mark greeted me with a nice home cooked meal and I excused myself as soon as I was finished. I was no in the mood for company. I was stressed and depressed and... pathetic. I guess Mom noticed because she kept asking what was wrong.

How could I tell her I was love sick?

I couldn't. And didn't want to for that matter.

I told her it was nothing, just jet lag. It was a lie of course, considering I didn't even get jet lag anymore. I was used to turning my sleep schedule around easily now from all the years of touring I'd done.

She finally left me alone, giving me a chance to shower up and go into my old room before she could ask anything else. I locked the door and pretended to be asleep.

I dropped down on the bed, trying to relax. The last six months had been extremely long and stressful. A different city every night, a different country every week. I needed rest, but just couldn't seem to get any.

I knew I would have been happy to be home if I wasn't so goddam confused and worried about Bella.

Six months ago, I took her to the airport...

Holding hands, we stood before the security where we had to say our goodbyes.

"I'll miss you," I sighed.

She turned to me and nodded, tears in her eyes. "You too," she whispered.

I didn't want to let go, knowing it would be such a long time before I could hold her again.

"Don't forget to call," she reminded.

I stroked her silky hair and nodded, "Don't worry, darlin', I'll be callin' you every chance I get. Promise." I gave her a nod as my heart broke, right here in the middle of the fucking airport.

"Okay," she took a deep breath before I leaned down to give her our final kiss. Her lips were soft and sweet, so addicting. How was I meant to live without having them?

"I love you," I spoke against her lips.

She pressed her lips harder against mine, kissing me hard and holding on around my shoulders for dear life.

"I love you," she sobbed lightly and pulled away.

Then, she walked away and went back to New York City. Back to Edward.

The band and I toured the United Kingdom first, then France, Spain, Italy, Poland, Sweden, Norway, Greece and from there, Australia. The majority of our fans were from the United Kingdom and Australia, so we stayed a little longer there than the others.

Quite honestly, every night was the same as the other was, or the next would be. It was easy to get lonely when you were away from home and somewhere new every night. Home was where Bella was. Bella was not with me. I was never home anymore. Even now, right here in my mother's home.

"Oh, Jasper," her chest pressed into mine as she arched her back, moaning my name.

"Bella," I hid my face into her neck. It was pitch black and all I could hear was our heavy breathing, whimpers, and whispers. All I could feel was her small, gentle body under mine, wrapped in my arms as we made slow love.

"I love you,"

My eyes shot open, sounds of my heavy breathing filled the room. I sighed and calmed my breathing as I realized it was only a sweet, sweet dream. If only I could dream forever. We'd always be together.

Bella and I talked on the phone as we normally did while I toured. We told each other we missed each other and we loved each other every chance we got.

And then, out of nowhere, about two months in, she stopped taking my calls. I left voice mail after voice mail, text after text. By the third day I was beyond worried. I remembered that day very well.

I got so drunk in my hotel room that I couldn't do the concert that night. I felt so bad that I disappointed my fellow band members. Needless to say, I'd never do that to them again. It was a rough day.

Only weeks later, her phone was disconnected. I tried to get in contact with Amy, but Trey never got her number. What the hell good was he?! You fuck a girl, you get her number! I learned that lesson the hard way first time around.

Every single moment over these last four months, the longest four months of my life, I spent worrying about her. Was she okay? What happen to her? Did Edward find out? Did he hurt her? Was she just trying to get rid of me, of us, and didn't know how to actually break it to me, so she just cut off all contact?

Would she really do that too me?

I remembered the last time we talked. I thought about it more than I thought about anything else.

"Hello," her sweet voice answered, but she sounded a little upset, as well as distant.

Yes, all those things from just a simple 'hello'. I knew her voice well enough to know what emotion was behind it. She was confused and scared.

"Hey, darlin'. You okay?" Concern filled my own voice.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry, I really can't talk." She told me, a little on the cold si

de.

Maybe someone was around. I didn't know, but she wouldn't say it for no reason.

"I'll call you later, then,"

"Okay."

"I love you, baby."

"I love you too." Her breath hitched.

"Bye." She told me right before the line went dead.

I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't live without her. I had to get to her, I had to tell her that she was my everything. We'd work this out. This life was nothing without her. I had to get to her, I had to find her again.

I didn't even know where to begin. I had no idea where she actually lived in New York. The only possible thing I could think of was going to her hometown Forks and finding her father. It wouldn't be hard to do, considering he was chief of police. But, what would he think? I was some crazy guy, after his daughter, and I wasn't Edward. I wasn't her boyfriend. He would probably lock me up and think I was truly insane.

I had to do it though. There was nothing else I could do.

I called my assistant and told him I was sorry for making him work so late, but I needed a flight out to Washington and a rental car as soon as I arrived. I needed all this as soon as possible.

He had an early flight and a car booked for me within the next two hours. I'd have to give him a real big raise to thank him.

That night, I couldn't sleep, again. Bella's face played over and over in my thoughts, and every time I drifted off to sleep, I saw something more horrible than I wished to think about.

The sun was so bright I had to squint to see the name on the tombstone.

Isabella Marie Swan.

I sucked in a deep breath and forced myself to wake up from my nightmare. I didn't want to dream anymore. Everything sucked without her. Food had no taste. Flowers didn't smell sweet. Life didn't feel like it was worth living. She wouldn't just not call me back. What if something really bad happened? How could I live without her?

It was simple... I couldn't.

The time came and I finally packed a bag and drove over to the airport. I told Mom I was going to see Bella. She told me to be safe. I was twenty-eight for fuck sake, I didn't have to explain myself. Thankfully, Mom knew that, and there was no fight before I left.

Bella had to be okay. She just had to.

I hardly even remembered the four hour flight or anything that happened at the airports. It was all a nightmare of bad thoughts. My head hurt, my eyes hurt, my body hurt, my soul hurt. My heart hurt.

Would I receive bad news today? Could I go on living with whatever the reason she didn't call was?

The flight landed and it took a few minutes to get my car rental and find where I was going, but I was finally on my way to the small town of Forks, Washington.

I didn't see anything but the road and signs I was following to get to her, or at least a step closer to her. I was a man on a mission.

Was I breathing? When was the last time I ate or drank something? I remembered nothing, but her face.

I finally made it into town and drove around, looking for the police station. The town was small and it didn't take too long to find. I parked the car and made my way into the station. A young blonde man greeted me at the front desk. His badge read 'M. Newton.'

"Can I help you?" He asked with a slight smile.

"Yeah, I'm looking for Chief Swan. Is it possible I see him?" I asked, hopeful he'd see me and I'd get some answers. At least to know Bella was safe and okay.

"I'm sorry, he's not in today." He told me.

"When will he be in?" I asked with a sigh.

"Well, his kid is getting married today. He took the next couple of days off to relax after the wedding." He informed me, casually.

WHAT!?

His kid?

He only had one kid. His kid was Bella. She had no siblings. She was an only child, just like I was. I knew this very well.

I was officially freaking out!

"He's in New York?" I questioned. I could hear my own panic through my voice as I spoke.

The young officer gave me a strange look, "No, he's at the church just down town. The wedding is going on right now," he continued to look a me strangely.

I needed to calm down and at least act normal. I needed to get to her. She couldn't marry him.

At least she wasn't hurt. At least now I knew she was still alive and well.

"Thanks. I'll stop by to see him later." I excused myself and walked out calmly.

As soon as I was outside, I rushed to the car and drove down the road. It was easy, most main roads took you into town. I quickly found the church with all the cars and white limos waiting in front. I parked the car when I found a free spot and quickly stepped out of it, then stopped dead in my tracks.

What now? Run in and stop the wedding? Ruin her life? If she was marrying him, then that meant she wanted to. She loved Edward. She wouldn't do this if she didn't love him.

How the fuck do you know that!?

I wasn't sure I knew her at all right now. In this moment, everything was so confusing. She didn't answer my calls or return any of my messages because she chose Edward. She changed her goddamn number to stop me from calling her. Couldn't I just take the fucking hint and leave her alone?

Should I?

I was about to go back to the car, but the cheerful voices coming from the now open church doors froze me in place.

I prepared myself as best I could. Ready to see Bella's smiling face in her white wedding dress with Edward by her side.

I was slowly and painfully dying. This was it. My life was over.

The pretty young woman in the white wedding dress walked out of the doors, smiling... and... She wasn't Bella. She was tall and blonde with a very built, dark, Native American man by her side, all smiles as well. They kissed and laughed as everyone cheered for them while they took some photos, then made their way to their white limo.

What the hell is going on?

I was so confused. Wasn't that meant to be Bella and Edward? I was pretty sure her father didn't have a blonde daughter or a Native American son.

People slowly began to leave the church, and when the scene cleared a little, I saw her... I saw Bella.

She stepped out of the church doors in a blue dress. She was looking down to the ground as she made her way down the stairs, her long, dark brown hair covering her face a little.

I watched her place her hand over her... swollen belly?

Was she?.... Oh, god.

Yes, she was pregnant.

What? Pregnant?

What the fuck?!

My chest hurt, everything hurt as I watched her.

She stood at the foot of the stairs and held her stomach with both hands, looking down again. The dress wrapped around below her breasts and flattered her pregnant form. She was still small, the only difference now was the growing baby bump at her midsection.

Was it mine?

I definitely wasn't breathing right now. My chest continued to hurt. The world was spinning.

I continued to watch her as a middle aged man made his way over to her and placed his hand on her back. I guessed it was her father Charlie. I had never seen him before. She looked a lot like him actually, but I was too busy watching her and her stomach to notice. She seemed a little sad.

The fact that she looked sad made my heart ache even more. I wanted to run over and comfort her.

They began to talk as I watched her nod her head at him with a small smile. She was so beautiful. She looked like an angel, stepping out of that church just moments ago. It felt like a life time.

Suddenly, I was angry.

Was this kid mine?

Was she keeping this from me?

Was Edward taking claim of what was mine?

Were they trying to have a baby?

Was that why she wasn't on the goddamn fucking pill?

This kid could be mine. We weren't that safe all those times we didn't use a condom. It could very well be mine and I wasn't about to let Edward take my child or my love away.

How did she know he was the father? This could have been my doing. Didn't I deserve to at least know what was going on?

She and the man I assumed was her father started walking toward the other limo. Her eyes met mine and she stopped. I knew those eyes, I saw them in my dreams every night. She was scared, shocked and hurt.

The man seemed to be asking her what was wrong and then he looked over at me too.

I forced my legs to work and crossed the street.

"Bells, who is this?" He asked as I joined them.

"Can you just give me a minute, Dad... Please?" She begged him and looked down, avoiding my eyes again. I already saw her though. There would be no more avoiding me now.

"Bella... Are you sure?" He gave me a cold, hard look and then looked back to Bella softly.

"Please, Dad? I'll be fine." She nodded.

He looked at me with... anger? then he kissed her cheek while rubbing her upper back. "Sue and I will be waiting for you right by the limo, Bells," Charlie told her.

I watched him walk over to a pretty, middle aged, Native American woman who was already by the limo.

"Bella. Look at me." This was beyond crazy.

How could she keep this from me?

How could she just decide to give my baby to Edward?

How was she sure he was the father?

I had so many questions. I needed answers!

She looked up at me as tears filled her eyes then fell down her face. She looked so broken, so tiny and fragile. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and make her feel safe.

No, I want answers!

"I..." She took in a shaky breath and shook her head as she cried a little harder, bringing her hands to her face and wiping her tears away.

I looked down to her small, round belly.

Was I going to be a father?

Was she going to keep this from me?

Was she that selfish?

"How could you keep this from me? How could you just decide that this... this child, is his? This could be my baby and you were just going to hand it over to him?" I tried my hardest to not raise my voice.

She looked really scared now. Her sad eyes were overflowing and her pink cheeks were covered in tears.

Tell me, Bella... Please... Tell me?