"Where is she?" Santana stormed through the doors and looked every which way trying to find someone who looked like they knew. When her eyes landed on someone who looked important she rushed over and grabbed their arm "Hey you, where can I get information about my friend?"
"Santana!" Rachel's voice was heard in the distance and Santana turned in the direction it came from. She saw her friend rushing over to her with the tell tale signs that she had been crying. Her face was red, her eyes puffy, and her nose sore from tissues. Santana let the stranger she had manhandled go and rushed over to meet her.
"I'm so glad you're here" Rachel whispered as the two girls embraced in the middle of the hallway. They held her other for a few long moments, Rachel squeezing tightly to her friend, not wanting to let her go.
"What happened?" Santana asked just as softly as she allowed Rachel to hold her. She must have been so terrified by herself so she understood why she was clinging to her now.
"I'm not sure" Rachel shook her head and slowly started to release her grip. When she pulled back from the hug, her eyes lifted to meet Santana's, and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying again. "All they said was she was in an accident and it was critical."
Santana felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach. Her entire body went cold. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. That was such a general thing to say when you didn't know the extent of the injuries.
Just then a doctor came up to Rachel and interrupted politely "Excuse me, you are the one that came in for Ms. Fabray, is that correct?"
Rachel nodded quickly and gripped Santana's arm so tightly her fingers starting to go numb.
He offered a gentle smile then looked to his chart "It looks like there is a lot of bleeding, but we think we have found the source. We need to rush her into surgery to stop the bleeding. Do you know her blood type?"
"Well I'd guess A-positive" Rachel said with a nod. "She's a triplet, so I would assume they all have the same type."
"Only if they are identical. If they all came from a different egg they could all be different. Is there someone you can call that might know?"
"They're identical" Santana said firmly. "It's A-positive. I remember we did that project in junior year Biology where we got to send out a kit to find our blood types."
"Good" The doctor wrote something down then looked to Santana. "And who are you?"
"A...friend" Santana said with a shrug. "A good friend. Someone who has known her since middle school, okay? Now can you just let us see her?"
"Not yet" The doctor tucked away his pen then folded his hands around his clip board. "Like I said, we are taking her to surgery to fix the bleeding. We will keep you updated but she can't wait."
"No, you have to let us see her" Santana puffed up a little, getting into full fighting form, just in case. "What if she...doesn't make it?"
"I can assure you the surgery is very common."
"Yeah, well, so is living but people die every day for no reason. Please just let us say goodbye or good luck or something?"
"She's already sedated, I'm sorry. I will come update you but I really must go."
"Let me see her!" Santana said more firmly, starting to lunge after the man but with Rachel's grip on her arm, she didn't get very far.
"If you don't calm down I will have you removed." The doctor said with a calm nod.
Santana tried to lunge again, but Rachel tugged her back now. She grabbed Santana's face and pulled it until her eyes met her own. "San, come on. It's no use. Let's just go wait. Nothing we can say or do now will help. All we can hope for is good news. I'm sure it will be fine. This is one of the best hospitals in the world."
Santana's face fell immediately. She had been determined to march in and get answers and now that Rachel was telling her there was nothing she could do, she felt helpless. She felt guilty. She hated the thought of what might happen. "What if..." She choked out in a whisper, trying to stay strong but rapidly failing.
"Shhh" Rachel slid her arm around her and pulled her into another hug. Her eyes closed and she let Santana's head fall to her shoulder. As she heard Santana's quiet crying begin, she drew in a deep breath to keep herself strong. "It's gonna be okay, San."
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
The sun was already peeking through the crack in the curtains but Santana was not ready to get up yet so she pulled the pillow over her head with a groan. There were only two weeks left before Senior year started and she wanted to make the most of them. By make the most of them she totally meant sleeping in every day until she physically could not sleep any more. But the sun wasn't helping with that at all.
After tossing around for about a half hour, Santana sighed and tossed her pillow to the floor. She lifted her head, looked at her clock, and grunted. "It's not even noon yet" She mumbled and rolled over to her back. She stared at her ceiling and let out a heavy sigh. This is not how she had pictured the summer before her Senior year. She had wanted it to be filled with days hanging by the pool with Charlie and going on nature hikes with Charlie. Okay so she had wanted it to be filled with Charlie but that hadn't been the case.
They had broken up their Junior year and Santana had been miserable ever since. She had tried to be friends with her but it just sucked too bad to be around her, so she had pretty much avoided any unneeded time with her. She saw her daily on the ride to and from school and in sixth period Biology but that was it. She had hoped they would have made up before summer but that hadn't been the case. Charlie seemed to be putting forth just as much of an effort to avoid her as she had been putting up so the two of them didn't even speak. It sucked. Santana missed Charlie. If only Charlie would say she was sorry and make this all go away.
Santana heard a tiny thunk against her window and shot up like a rocket in bed. Her eyes narrowed in the direction of the sound and she stayed still to see if she would hear it again. When another little thud came, she pulled the blankets off herself and made her way to the window. She peeked through the slit in the curtains and when she didn't immediately see anything she thought maybe it was just a branch.
Then she saw legs. She let out a scream, the legs having taken her by surprise, and stumbled backwards. She tripped over some shoes that had been laying on the floor behind her and fell smack onto her ass. "Fuck" She grunted and reached for her cheeks, rubbing them as she slowly got back to her feet. Good thing no one saw that. She marched back to her curtains and pulled them open, ready to unleash a string of obscenities on whoever owned the legs that were creeping around her window.
When she pulled back the curtains, her words were cut off by yet another surprise. The owner of the legs was now crouched down in front of Santana's basement level window and a hopeful looking face greeted her with a smile.
"Charlie?" Santana looked at her for a moment through the glass then quickly worked to unlatch the lock on her window and slide it open. "What the Hell? You scared the shit out of me."
"Sorry" Charlie frowned. "I tried kicking a few rocks at your window to see if you were up. When you didn't come look out the window I decided to just go to your door. Then I saw the curtains flicker open so I thought maybe you were up after all."
"Yeah, I'm up" Santana folded her arms across her chest. She just now realized that she was in boy shorts and a really tiny tank top and suddenly felt really naked.
"Can I come in?" Charlie asked softly, almost afraid to say the words in case Santana said no.
"What are you doing here?" Santana eyed her up and down. "You haven't said two words to me since you dumped me."
"I'm sorry" Charlie reached into the window now, gripped the wall, and sat on the dirt to put her legs now inside the room.
"Here" Santana reached out and offered Charlie a hand. She helped ease her into her room, something they had done a thousand times before. Once Charlie was on her feet and brushing dirt off her shorts, Santana reached behind her and slid her window shut. She turned once it was closed and folded her arms again as she eyed her visitor up and down again. "Okay, now why are you here?"
"I've been thinking" Charlie said with a shrug as she slid the bag she had on her back off her shoulders and placed it on Santana's bed. "This summer sucked and I don't want to start Senior year without you."
"I still go to the same school. You won't be without me." Santana mumbled and moved around her room now, picking up discarded clothing. She didn't know why she felt the sudden urge to straighten up. She knew that Charlie was well aware of her pigsty room but for some reason she didn't want her to see it like that now.
"I meant without you in the sense of you and me together again." Charlie sat on the bed now, her hands folding into her lap, her eyes on Santana.
"You can't just climb into my window and tell me you want me back" Santana sighed, tossing the clothes she had gathered into her closet. "You dropped me for, like, no reason at all and now after months of barely speaking you just think a romantic gesture like seducing me at my window will make me melt and forgive you?"
"I said I was sorry about that" Charlie sighed. She reached for her bag and started unzipping it. "I know what I did sucked but I didn't do anything wrong."
"You dumped me out of nowhere with no explanation." Santana said blandly.
"I know" Charlie frowned and pulled out the leather portfolio that she carried all of her photography in. "I had a reason. It wasn't a good reason and I figured if I didn't tell you, that you would hate me, and it would make it easier for me."
"What about me?" Santana shrugged before pulling a tshirt on over her little tank top. There, she felt less naked.
"I know" Charlie nodded. "It wasn't fair to you. You were left hanging and for that I apologize but when you hear my reason you are going to understand and forgive me." She looked up at Santana and smiled widely, trying to look all cute and easy to forgive.
Santana rolled her eyes and shook her head "You really think I'm just going to look at you and everything will be alright again?"
"No" Charlie smiled and patted the bed next to herself "You are going to come look at this and you are going to understand."
Santana eyed her carefully. She was determined not to give in but her curiosity was just too much and finally she sighed and went over to the bed. She plopped down next to Charlie then gave a shrug "Okay, you have my attention."
Charlie smiled and looked down at her portfolio. Now she was nervous. She had kind of expected Santana to kick her out. She kind of would have preferred that because now she wasn't sure she was ready for this. But she knew she had to show Santana what she had. So she took a breath, unwound the string that held the leather closed, and flipped it open.
The leather revealed what it had been hiding. There on Charlie's lap was a collage, a summary almost, of Charlie's high school experience thus far. It was easy to see the progression from Freshman year to Junior. The first pictures were of plants, bugs, trees, and books. There were a few early ones of her and Rachel together, a few of Rachel posing with trees, and ticket stubs to movies or museums that they had gone to together.
As it progressed into Sophomore year, less of the pictures were solo and more contained the group. A few of Charlie and her sisters, a few of the entire group obviously shot from the front seat of the Fabray SUV on the way to or from school, and some of just Rachel, Brittany, and Santana. Charlie smiled at one picture in particular. It was the three girls not named Fabray, all hunched together with ice cream in their hands. Santana looked genuinely happy. It was the first time Charlie thought that just maybe Santana didn't hate hanging out with the girls in the group that weren't cheerleaders.
"What is this?" Santana asked softly. The pictures were stunning. Charlie was an amazing photographer, there was no doubt about that. But she wasn't really sure what this was or why Charlie thought this would work to help Santana understand why she had dumped her.
"It's my photography project. I got an A on it" Charlie nodded. "But more than that, it's me. It's who I am, who I was, and who I have become. Everything on here is where my heart lies. Look" She unfolded to card stock display she had the collage on and the second half literally made Santana's breath catch.
"It's all me" Santana whispered, looking at the newly revealed side of the collage. There were what looked like hundreds of pictures of her. Some of them were with the other girls but most of them were of just her. Most of them were ones that she hadn't even been aware that Charlie had taken. It was her in her own backyard practicing cheers when she thought no one was around. It was her tucked under a blanket when she was sick with the flu. There was one of her leaning against McKinley high, looking upward at something with the sun beaming down on her in a way that almost made her look angelic.
Santana swallowed hard and shook her head as she looked up at Charlie. "I..."
Charlie reached out and took Santana's hand. She moved it to one picture in the corner and tapped it before letting her hand go "That picture was taken the day I broke up with you."
"Why would you do that?" Santana let out a shaky whisper.
"I hadn't actually planned to. But I saw you later that day, before we went home, and you just looked so..." Charlie shrugged and let out a sigh "vulnerable. You looked natural. I think it might be one of the most honest moments in your life captured on film. I couldn't resist."
"Charlie" Santana looked at her again, fighting back tears. "I don't get it. I mean, I kind of understand. I meant a lot to you so you put me on your life of high school collage or whatever, but this doesn't explain anything."
Charlie just smiled softly. She tapped the collage again and motioned with her head. "Just look at it for a little longer, okay?"
Santana's brows knitted in confusion but she gave in and looked down again. She was looking for something, anything, that might explain what Charlie was going for but all she saw was herself. She saw her in so many different ways. She saw herself laughing with Brittany. She saw herself grumpy and trying to tell Charlie to put the damn camera away. She saw herself sleeping, eating, yawning, and sweating. She even saw herself crying.
She saw the way she looked at Charlie. There was a picture that caught her attention and her eyes studied it now. It wasn't a photo that Charlie had taken herself but a strip of black and white photos from the photo booth in the mall. They made goofy faces in the first frame, which lead to them both laughing hysterically in the second frame. In the third frame they had stopped laughing but they were both still smiling. They were looking right into each others eyes with subtle, loving smiles curled on both their lips.
Santana's heart fluttered. She could see the way she felt about Charlie just by the look on her face. She remembered that day so well. She remembered exactly what she was feeling when she looked at Charlie. It was written in big bold letters all over her face. That was the way she always looked at her, like she was the most amazing girl in the world. Anyone looking at the picture could see just how much Santana had loved Charlie.
Then Santana looked at Charlie and her heart twisted. It was like looking into a mirror. If it hadn't been for their contrasting colors of hair it would almost look like one girl looking into the mirror. Their faces were the same. Their eyes, the little smile, and the big bold letters flashing the message of what they felt inside. Charlie was in love with Santana.
When Santana looked away from the pictures and up to Charlie, Charlie was biting at her bottom lip gently. Her eyes held that look that it had in the picture Santana had just been looking at. That look that said it all, the look that bared her soul. Suddenly, Santana understood.
"Why?" Santana shook her head gently. "I don't get it. Why would you break up with me if you felt like this?" She pointed at the black and white picture on the collage.
"It's because I felt like that" Charlie whispered and glanced down to the pictures. Her hand slid slowly over the length of photos spread out on her lap and she let out a sigh. "I was terrified of what I was feeling for you. You became my everything" She tapped the half of the collage that was all Santana then glanced up to her with a shrug "It was terrifying. I couldn't handle the thought of you being my everything. I was scared I would get hurt."
"I wouldn't-"
"I know that now" Charlie looked away and closed her eyes. "But when human beings get scared they do weird things to preserve themselves. I thought if I pushed you away that I could assure my heart's safety."
Santana nodded and looked back to the pictures again. She breathed in and out a few times slowly to keep herself from losing the battle to her emotions before finally she looked back up to Charlie. "I would never do anything to hurt you. Not on purpose. You have to know that. You have to stop being afraid of being hurt. It's only causing you pain you don't need to have. And it's causing me pain, too."
"Santana" Charlie reached out to take her hand. Her eyes stared now into Santana's so fiercely that it sent a shiver up her own spine. She bit her bottom lip firmly and tried to will herself forward. She tried to push herself to admit out loud what she had been afraid of for so long. She knew once she admitted it, there was no turning back. She drew in a breath and let out a sigh before her trembling voice finally came out "I love you and it scares the crap out of me but being without you scares me more."
Santana smiled slowly until a soft laugh escaped and she blinked a tear free from her eye. She leaned forward and touched a soft kiss to Charlie's lips before pulling back enough to rest her forehead against Charlie's "You are such an idiot."
Charlie laughed through her own tears and nodded "I know. But that really wasn't the response I was expecting."
Another half laugh, half cry escaped Santana and she rolled her eyes "That's why you're an idiot. You'd have to be blind to think I didn't love you, too."
Charlie's smile widened, her hands reached up to cup at Santana's cheeks, and she held her there, gazing into her eyes deeply "Are you sure?"
Santana's face twitched into an amused glare then softened quickly "Of course I'm sure. I've known it for months. I just didn't want to freak you out."
"So I went and dumped you because I was afraid of how I felt and was afraid you didn't feel the same?" Charlie rolled her eyes and let out a soft laugh "I really am an idiot."
"Yeah you are" Santana reached out and wiped a tear off Charlie's cheek "But you're an idiot who I love."
Charlie nodded against Santana's hand and let out a happy sigh "Don't ever let me dump you again, okay? It was a really stupid idea."
"Deal" Santana laughed before tilting her chin and and capturing Charlie's lips again. That was the moment she had made herself a silent promise to never give up on Charlie no matter how stupid she was acting. There was probably a good reason behind it.
A beep from one of the monitors pulled Santana out of her daydream. Her eyes shifted around the room to find the source of the sound. She stood up from where she had been sitting next to the bed and leaned close to the monitor to read it. It seemed to be giving off normal numbers so she sat down again and let out a sigh. Her eyes focused on Charlie again and her hand reached through the rail of the bed and took Charlie's limp hand in hers.
Santana had been there all night. The surgery had ran over visiting hours and everyone had been denied the chance to see her once she was put into recovery. Santana had used her natural sleuthing skills and gotten her way through the doors and into Charlie's room. It helped that she was wearing blue scrubs and looked like she belonged in the hospital.
After Charlie had left their lunch, Santana had needed to unwind. The one thing that seemed to always help clear her mind was the cadaver lab. Being a second year surgery student, she was required to spend a certain amount of hours in the lab dissecting dead bodies and practicing stitching and cutting skills. She spent most of her hours there on Saturdays anyway so she had planned to head there after lunch with Charlie. She had been looking forward to cutting that afternoon more than usual because of what had happened at lunch.
She had made way to the building almost as soon as Charlie had left and after changing into the required lab uniform which consisted of blue scrubs, a face and nose mask, and safety goggles, she had checked in and went to work. She had been there only about a half hour or so when she heard her phone going off. She looked up at the man sitting in the booth supervising the few students that were there that day then turned to where her phone sat on the tools table. She had forgotten to toss it in her locker in the changing room and was sure she was going to get a warning for bringing her phone into the lab when she wasn't supposed to. When she saw it was Rachel that had been calling she considered ignoring it but something told her not to. She was glad she hadn't.
She heard another beep and stood up again. She had a basic concept of what all the numbers meant and could read most of the monitors without too much trouble. So each time any of them made a noise she was up, investigating, wanting to be there at the first sign of trouble.
She was leaned over Charlie, reading one of the numbers, when Charlie's eyes slowly blinked open. All she saw was a body in blue scrubs and she figured it was a nurse. Her vision was a bit blurry so she had to blink a few times to make it a little more clear. She wasn't sure where she was but her eyes focused and she saw machines all around her. She was in a hospital and that explained the nurse leaning over her.
"What happened?" Charlie grumbled. The pain was starting to hit her now that the anesthesia was wearing off. She moaned and closed her eyes again.
Santana's heart jumped when she heard Charlie's voice. She immediately moved to now sit back by her side, both hands cupping at Charlie's motionless one, and her face leaned in close to her now. "Charlie? It's me, Santana. I'm here."
Charlie blinked at the sound of Santana's voice. Her head turned slowly and when she saw that Santana was right there beside her, she offered a weak smile. "Santana?"
"Yeah" Santana nodded quickly. "Don't try to move too much. You are coming off the anesthesia so you're going to feel tired and weak for a little bit."
Charlie nodded and closed her eyes again. That was an understatement. She was tired, weak, and sore. She didn't want to move at all. She licked at her dry lips and asked again softly "What happened?"
Santana took in a deep breath and looked at where her hands were wrapped around Charlie's. Her thumb traced over her pale knuckles and let out a sigh "According to what a witness told the ambulance that picked you up, you were hit by a car. Apparently you had stepped off the curb just enough to hail a cab. A car that was going too fast hit some ice, slid out of control, and hit you. You tried to jump out of the way, but the car ended up pinning your leg between it and another car."
Charlie's face crunched into a frown. She remembered it. It was a little cloudy and a little blurry but it definitely sounded familiar.
"You had a broken femur, which caused a lot of blood loss, but they found it in time and fixed it so you should be able to walk still without any problems." Santana stared at Charlie with a sullen look on her face. She hated that she was in pain. She hated just how much rehab she had ahead of her if she wanted to heal fully. Charlie didn't deserve this.
"Why does my stomach hurt?" Charlie mumbled after a few moments of silence.
"You also lacerated your spleen. They had to take it out. It's okay, though. It's one of those organs you can live without."
"Perfect" Charlie mumbled softly and opened her eyes again. She turned her head to look at Santana and slowly made a motion that looked like a shake of her head. "Why are you here?"
"Are you joking?" Santana said softly. "You could have died. You did, in fact. You coded on the table but they got you back." She drew in a deep breath and looked away when she thought about the fact that Charlie had actually died. Her heart had actually stopped beating. She had to swallow the lump in her throat at the thought. She shook her head and looked back up at Charlie, tears in her eyes now "You died, Charlie. You fucking died on me."
"I didn't mean to" Charlie mumbled and tried to laugh. She didn't want to see Santana upset. She wanted to do anything she could to stop her from crying.
"It's not funny!" Santana wailed and looked away again. She closed her eyes and a few tears slid down her cheeks. She drew in a deep breath and blinked away a few more tears before looking back to Charlie. "All I could think about is how fucking awful I would feel if the last conversation we ever had was today at lunch. Charlie, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay" Charlie shook her head against her pillow. "Santana, I don't blame you for what you said. I was stupid to think I wouldn't have to earn your trust back."
Santana reached out and put her hand on Charlie's cheek. She slowly slid her thumb back and forth, her eyes gazing on her softly, as if looking at her too hard would break her. "You died."
"I've heard" Charlie whispered.
"You fucking died" Santana licked at her lips and swallowed hard. "For an entire minute you were gone. I would never see you again, I would never get to hear your stupid laugh again, and I would never get to see you holding your camera again." She drew in another long breath, trying to push away the tears but again failing. "I lost you, Charlie. There was an entire minute where you didn't exist anymore and I didn't like the way that felt."
Charlie closed her eyes and turned her head into Santana's hand. Tears were now leaking from her eyes. She hated the pure pain in Santana's voice. The look in her eyes every time that she told her she died. She couldn't take it. Her heart was breaking at the sight of Santana dealing with losing her right in front of her eyes.
"I can't live without you" Santana choked out. She was now leaning so far into the bed that the rail was digging into her shoulder but she didn't care. She needed to be close to her. "We've been through Hell together. But there is one thing that has always been true and that is you. You have always been a part of my life, even when you weren't in my life. And hearing that for an entire minute you were gone?" Her head shook and she tried to breathe because her words were coming out in squeaks over her tears. "Charlie I can't live without you, okay? Do you hear me? I'd rather fight with you for the rest of my life, go back and forth with you forever, then lose you again."
Charlie's eyes opened and she looked at Santana again. Her eyes were blurry with tears but she could still see her clearly. She had that face memorized. "Don't say something you aren't going to mean tomorrow."
"I mean it" Santana cried out, moving her hand back down to grip Charlie's arm now tightly. "I hate you so much sometimes but I know that it doesn't even begin to match the amount of love I have for you. I need you. Whatever that means, I don't know, except that I don't want to exist in a world without you."
Charlie swallowed and her eyes closed again. Her mouth was dry from the drugs that had been used on her for the surgery and she used that as an excuse for not saying anything. She wasn't really sure what to say. Santana had pulled an entire one-eighty on her in the last few hours and she couldn't help but think the suddenness of her injury was response and not any real logic on Santana's behalf.
Santana leaned in and gently kissed Charlie's cheek. She let out a sigh and set her chin on the rail of the bed, her eyes trained on Charlie. They sat there in silence together for a few long minutes, Santana constantly watching her chest to make sure she was breathing. The rhythmic sound of Charlie's lungs filling and emptying with each breath she took almost put Santana to sleep. It wasn't until Charlie cleared her throat that she sat up and reached for her hand again "Can I get you anything?"
"I think I need to sleep" Charlie mumbled, her eyes closed as she spoke. She wanted to forget what was going on for just a few minutes, at least. Her mind was swimming. She had been hit by a car and suddenly Santana couldn't live without her. She wasn't sure how to deal with it. The last thing she wanted to do was believe it then have Santana change her mind when she was healed.
"Okay" Santana said with a nod. "I'll be here when you wake up."
"Please" Charlie whispered and shook her head into her pillow. "Go home and get some rest. Eat something. Don't worry about me, I'm in good hands."
"Charlie, I don't mind."
"I do" Charlie said as firmly as she could with how exhausted she was. "Please, go home. You've been here long enough."
Santana wanted to argue but she knew Charlie wasn't going to hear her. She couldn't even imagine what she must be feeling. So she just nodded and let her hand go "Alright. Sleep well." She stood up and headed to the door. She paused and looked back. She didn't care how much Charlie pushed this time, she wouldn't let her go. Not when she needed her now more than ever.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Charlie's eyes opened after a time frame she had no idea of and her head rolled to the side. She saw Santana by her bed again and she let out a sigh. At least she was wearing different clothes which meant she had gone home. Charlie let out a sigh and closed her eyes again. Maybe if she didn't say anything Santana would give up and go home for good.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
The next time Charlie's eyes opened it was dark outside her window. It must have been the middle of the night. She wondered if it was the same day or days later. There was really no way to tell. She felt hot, though. Like the blanket was pulled too tightly around her. She tried to move her arm and it was pinned. That's when she realized something was laying on her. Her head rolled to the side and she saw Santana's head on her chest. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. God damn it, Santana. This was not what she had wanted. She didn't want Santana babysitting her. She was in a hospital for God's sake, she didn't need Santana.
So she laid there and stared at the ceiling. She could hear a soft mix of beeps from her machines and Santana's breathing. She wanted to sleep but she was a little too irritated to at the moment so she gave into just laying there since she couldn't move with Santana on top of on top of half of her but whatever. So she gave in and just laid in bed and felt the pain that coursed through her every now and then as her pain medicines wore off then were automatically pumped into her I.V. by one of the machines beeping around her.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Charlie's eyes opened again and she was a bit confused. She didn't remember falling to sleep. It must have been between doses of pain medications. This time she could move her arm though so she knew Santana wasn't in bed with her anymore. She rolled her head to the side and when she didn't see anyone else in the room she smiled. Finally she had left her alone. Then she felt a little sad. Santana had actually left.
"Hey" Santana popped her head into the door and gave her a smile. "You're up" She moved back over to the bed and sat down on the chair that was now probably molded to the shape of her butt. "I just went to get some coffee" She lifted the cup to show her then took a sip. "How are you feeling?"
"I told you to go home" Charlie let out a sigh.
"I did" Santana shrugged. "I showered and changed then I came back." She took another sip then kicked back in the chair. She put her feet on the edge of the bed and looked at Charlie with a grin. "I'm not going to leave you alone. So you can stop pushing me away."
Charlie rolled her eyes and shook her head a little bit "What are you talking about? I am trying to do what you wanted. I am giving you space so we can work at being friends."
"Mhm" Santana hummed over the rim of her cup. She gave another gentle smile and dropped her feet so she could lean forward. She reached out and grabbed Charlie's hand, giving it a squeeze "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I told you, I don't like the idea of you not being in my life. You are going to have to deal with that."
"You are only saying that because I almost died. Death does a weird thing to people."
Santana frowned and gave Charlie's hand another squeeze "I don't get you, Charlie. Not too long ago you were disappointed I wasn't just taking you back and now you won't even let me entertain the idea of wanting to be with you again."
"It's because it's not what you want. You were scared and feeling lost and you panicked. So you think that a big life change to do the right thing will make you feel better about what happened to me. You think it was some way of the universe telling you to use it or lose it, so to speak."
"Why are you being so cruel?" Santana shook her head slightly.
"Because what you're feeling is going to fade and you are going to regret being with me."
"No" Santana frowned again. "I won't.
"You say that now but at three in the morning when I wake up needing the pain medicine I am sure I will need for months to come, you will think twice. When I am cranky because I'm in rehab and can't walk like I used to yet you will second guess it. When I get pissed that I am in a wheelchair instead of on crutches you will hate yourself for putting yourself in the position of having to be there for me because you felt bad about what happened to me."
"Do you really think I'm that selfish? Do you think I'm an idiot who doesn't know what is coming? I am very much aware of the recovery that is coming for you, Charlie. If anyone in the world knows, it's me. And I want to be there" Santana stood now and leaned over her so she could stare into her eyes and not look away. "You are going to need someone to be there for you when you have been cruel to everyone else trying to help you. You are going to need someone who actually wants to be around you, good days and bad. And if you think for one moment you can do this alone, you are crazy."
"I don't need you" Charlie huffed and closed her eyes so she didn't have to look at Santana who was hovering above her.
"Yes you do" Santana grunted and pushed off the bed. She straightened up and threw her hands in the air in frustration. She paced around the room a little bit before pausing and looking back at Charlie in bed "Do you remember when you came to me before Senior year, told me you were in love with me, and made me promise not to let you dump me for something stupid again?"
"What does that have to do with this?"
"I've let you down, Chuck. I let you dump me in Vegas because I told you I wasn't sure if I wanted to get married. I spent years not talking to you because you hurt me when I should have stopped to notice just how much pain you were in and made you stop. I should have had the conversation we had in Lima years ago. I've lost so much time when it comes to keeping my promise to you. And when I wasn't sure if you were going to live or die, I knew if I got the chance I would stop wasting time and be there for you because I promised you I would."
"You don't owe me anything, Santana."
"Considering all we've been through, you might be right." Santana shook her head and took a seat in the chair next to the bed again. "But in my mind this is my chance to make right on that promise. If I let you push me away each time you need me the most then I am failing and I have. I have let you push me and I've given up because I thought that would be best. But not this time. So push all you want, Charlie. Be cruel, bitch me out, and tell me to leave. I am not going anywhere."
Charlie just shook her head. There was nothing she could say to change Santana's mind so she just closed her eyes. It had worked before so she tried the whole faking to sleep again.
Santana let out a frustrated growl and reached out to push at Charlie's arm "You can't fucking fake sleeping again. I'm still not leaving. So deal with it."
Charlie frowned and opened a single eye to look at Santana. "I have a headache. Honestly. Can you at least shut up until I fall asleep?"
Santana nodded and sat back in the chair again. "Fair enough. But when you wake up I am going to have the doctor go over your charts with you so you know how long to expect to be in here."
Charlie let out an annoyed sigh that was louder than it needed to be then closed her eye. "Fine" She mumbled and turned her head to the side. "Just be quiet."
"Fine" Santana folded her arms across her chest. She stared at Charlie until she was sure she was asleep. Then she let out a sigh and relaxed. She hoped Charlie wasn't right. She hoped she didn't feel the overwhelming need to be with her and take care of her just because she felt bad about her accident. She supposed that only time would tell.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
