Part 7
The bar was easy to hide in, and sat at the far table Harper felt he was invisible to the other patrons as he took another gulp from the bottle, he then looked at Rommie. The android, his friend, his creation had been his constant companion since he had left the dive of a medical facility. The drift was nothing special, full of low life scum and dodgy deals, but Harper strangely felt safe being there, more so than anyplace else. He had convinced Rommie to let him have one beer, despite his medication and it was like finally something was making sense again, as he let the liquid flow down his still sore throat.
"Did it really all happen?" Harper then asked, in a reflective tone.
"You feel ready to talk?" Rommie checked, and Harper slowly nodded his head to signal that he was. It had been nearly two days since the harrowing events on the Andromeda and he knew that Rommie had been growing concerned by his continued silence on the subject, after leaving the medical facility. It was only now that he felt ready to talk about it, even though so little of it still made any sense.
"I guess it was a lesson in knowing what my friends really think of me, you know, if they didn't know me," Harper offered, his voice shaking and his eyes focused on the bottle. "They all wanted to kill me, and they didn't trust me, I was just a pest in their eyes, a worthless kludge with no value of note," he stated and took a gulp from his beer. "Some stupid kludge mudfoot that is nothing but annoying," he bitterly continued.
"Harper, what you heard and saw wasn't your friend's thoughts about you," Rommie insisted. "They were not thinking straight."
"I know," Harper sighed, and coughed for a moment, suffering the after effects of damage to his throat. "These bruises and scars will fade, the memories will be just that," he reeled off without emotion. "Good old Harper will bounce back as if nothing happened."
"That's not what I'm saying, Harper," Rommie insisted.
"Right now, the thought of going back," Harper was already shaking his head. "I just can't do it," he admitted with some difficulty, and began fiddling with the cast support that was aiding his fractured wrist. That very action reminded him of how he had fractured his wrist, and he remembered Beka's weight holding him down, securing his arms, and then sending bolts of electricity through him so his body violently bucked and twisted, and he couldn't do a thing to stop it. Harper shivered, as the memories taunted him, and he had to close his eyes to try and forget, to attempt to pretend it never happened, to forget seeing Beka's face as she laughed at his vulnerable position.
"You don't have to, not yet," Rommie assured him, breaking through his tortured thoughts. "Your work on the main systems before all this happened, let's just say they can cope without you for as long as you need, so take your time."
Harper took another swig from the bottle, and then smirked. "You know, that hadn't even occurred to me," he admitted with a touch of shame, knowing his thoughts were still consumed by the actions of Beka, Tyr and Dylan.
"I'm a warship, I can't help thinking like that," Rommie grinned, and then saw Harper smile in return, a genuine smile.
"You'll need to return soon though," Harper stated.
"I have enough battery power to last me a few more days, more if I can drain the slip fighter and then persuade the Maru to come and pick me up," Rommie responded, having already thought it through.
"You know what really bothers me?" Harper then announced, clearly wanting to talk now and Rommie was more than willing to listen.
"Tell me," Rommie requested.
"The apologies," Harper admitted with a sigh. "I mean assuming they weren't themselves and stuff," he smirked at the possibility. "But just the ordeal of having to hear them apologise, because I know they will," he stressed before frowning. "Well maybe not Tyr, but the other two," Harper looked past Rommie now, distantly. "I'll no doubt be forced to hear about their feelings, and they'll push to hear my own, when to be honest I'd just rather forget about it and move on."
"Is that what's stopping you returning?" Rommie questioned.
Harper sat back. "I don't know," he shrugged, with more honesty now. "Rom doll, I don't want to leave the Andromeda, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me," he smiled fondly, and Rommie knew he was speaking from the heart. "But I don't want to remember either, you know? The thought of going back, it's just too much to think about, it's still too fresh in my mind and I'm still covered in reminders," he gestured to the many marks and bandages that covered him, some hidden, some on show, but he still looked very much like a man who had just been in the wars despite medical treatment.
"I think I understand," Rommie considered.
Harper leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and lowered his voice. "But hey, don't worry, Rommie," Harper assured her looking as serious as she had ever seen him look, as he took her hand and covered it with his own beaten hand on the table top. "I experienced enough crap on Earth, stuff that far outweighs what happen on the Andromeda, and I've had to deal with stuff that made what happened the other day," Harper paused and tried to find the words to explain. "Not entirely acceptable, but it wasn't exactly new to me either," he offered sincerely, attempting to be clear but knowing he was failing.
"Ok, you're losing me again," Rommie admitted.
Harper smirked, but soon his smile was replaced with a frown. "I lived my life before I left Earth not trusting anyone, no one, not even family," he shrugged. "If I'm honest, at times especially not those closest to me," he explained and sighed, clearly finding it hard to admit to. "And I'd do things that if it meant I would eat that day whilst my best friend didn't, then so be it, I did what I had to do to survive. That was life and I'd even fight my own family for some crappy piece of bread or worst, so," Harper let his head drop a little, lost in his memories for a moment, as his hands now rubbed his face.
"You're use to people close to you turning on you, is that what you mean?" Rommie asked, trying to understand the words her engineer was speaking.
Harper could only shrug and briefly nod his head. "So, what happened, it just took me back and that was all, I freaked yes, but I feel nothing, not really," he tried to explain. "It wasn't something that really surprised me all that much," he admitted, but avoided Rommie's questioning stare now. "We never made a big deal of stuff like this, before on Earth, it was just accepted, shit happens and that's all I want now. No inquisitions, no apologies, just for us all to move on and forget about it, continue the good fight and so on and so forth."
"But you did trust your crew mates," Rommie considered. "You had learned to trust them, to feel safe around them and depend on them not to betray you."
"Maybe," Harper reluctantly agreed. "But maybe this was the wake up call I needed, just to show that you can take the boy out of Boston, but you can't take the Boston out the boy," he picked up his bottle and finished it's contents in one swift move.
"Harper," Rommie took his hand now. "I don't want you feeling that you can't trust anybody on the Andromeda."
"Well that is my problem right now, no one elses," Harper offered and saw Rommie looking back at him with concern. "All I'm saying is that it's nothing new to me, so no big deal," he shrugged. "Lived like that before, so I can do it again," he stated and gripped his empty beer bottle now, staring intently at the label and avoiding looking at Rommie for her reaction.
"No, Harper, that is not the solution here," Rommie stated firmly.
"Isn't it?" Harper questioned. "They need me, I need them, simple," Harper added, and showed a growing agitation that Rommie couldn't explain, he seemed to be trying to control his emotions.
"Harper, you have to remember that what happened was not real, it was not done because of you, but because of the influence of that gas, it was an accident but the consequences were unforgivable," Rommie insisted. "You can't pretend those things didn't happen and expect everything to return to normal."
"Not real?" Harper questioned abruptly once Rommie had finished and in a sudden shift in mood, getting to his feet. "I'll tell you what's freaking real, Rom doll, I have a dead arm and a dead leg, and add to that a whole host of weirdness for my already freaky imagination, that was all very real to me!" he snapped and pushed his way back through the crowd towards the exit.
"Harper!" Rommie got to her feet and pursued her friend. Pushing her way through the crowd, she reached the door and hurried through into the drifts night life outside. Scanning the crowds it took her a moment to spot Harper, but soon did as she saw him leaning back against a wall opposite her position.
Slowly she approached, trying to read the situation, and sensing her friend was troubled now. Harper looked upwards, not acknowledging her until she was stood beside him.
"Take me back," Harper simply requested.
"Harper, are you sure?" Rommie checked, seeing Harper was not looking at her and didn't sound convinced about his decision.
"I keep going over and over what happened, Rommie, and it won't leave my thoughts," Harper explained frantically. "I just need to get this over with, I need to just move on so things can go back to normal and I can stop seeing this shit in my head."
Rommie considered his words and finally nodded her head. "Ok, we can leave now, or in the morning."
Harper glanced up at the bar he had just left. "There's beer here," he figured.
"The morning it is then," Rommie smiled knowingly.
The command deck was silent, and it had been quiet like this for a couple of days since the incidents of the group delusion. The motivation that usually pushed them all was temporarily absent, and Dylan found it hard to give orders as no one wanted to work, they all wanted to consider their actions, and be alone with their thoughts as they tried to figure out what had happened onboard. They had been attacked, and as a group nearly destroyed and the most terrifying thing had been that they themselves had been their own worst enemy.
It was late, and Dylan continued to idly check the systems again finding that everything was working perfectly, another reminder of the guilt he felt in relation to Harper, but he couldn't sleep or find anything else to do. As captain he had failed, and felt that failure from the ship and from Trance who seemed to taunt him whenever they could about Harper's absence. They were not being malicious, simply passing on information but Dylan was still struggling to accept what he had done, and their words hurt, as they served to constantly remind him of their engineer's forced absence.
Beka wandered onto Command and without a word stood next to Dylan's console. She appeared troubled, and in need of sleep but Dylan knew not to order her to rest, he knew how she was feeling.
"Do you think he'll come back?" Beka quietly asked.
"Yes," Dylan responded with little emotion, knowing that she was talking of Harper.
"The longer he's gone, the more concerned I get," Beka admitted. "I want to just jump in the Maru and find him, find Rommie, drag them both back here so I can at least have a chance to explain, to just sort this mess out."
Dylan felt Beka's frustration, it matched his own. "We have to give him time."
"I know," Beka sighed. "Doesn't make it any easier, I can't stop replaying what I did, and over and over I see his terrified face, the look of betrayal in his eyes and I just want the chance to say I'm sorry, to attempt to rebuild what we had."
"We all do, in our own ways. You, me and Tyr really need to give Harper some kind of explanation even if it's not accepted, we need that chance," Dylan sighed heavily.
"Using that gas leak seems such a poor excuse, what we did went way beyond that," Beka frowned.
"I know, we all do," Dylan served to confirm Beka's fears, and comfort her that she was not alone. "Tyr refuses to acknowledge any hails, and remains in his room trying to deal with this, we're all suffering."
"Not as much as Harper," Beka was quick to remind him.
"Agreed," Dylan nodded his head. "But we're all suffering in our own ways, and we all need to pull through this together, it's the only way we can hope to build from this and not let it become our downfall."
Beka looked absently across to the view screens that showed an expanse of space beyond. "It took me a year, maybe two to gain Harper's trust totally and I did that by understanding his fears and needs but in ten minutes of mindless madness I could have destroyed the best friendship I've ever had."
"Harper is strong and he's not stupid, we have to believe he is capable of coming through this, and accepting what happened to be nothing more than a terrible unfortunate accident," Dylan stated.
"I believe he can do anything, he's seen enough crap in his time to be able to simply brush this off if he really wants to, trust me, Dylan, but I'm not sure I could ever forgive myself for what I did," Beka admitted. "And that might prevent us ever going back to how we were," she added solemnly.
"We have to try, Beka, for Harper," Dylan insisted and then his attention was caught by his console as it suddenly started beeping, and Dylan immediately responded, and looked up at Beka. "It's a message from Rommie," he stated and read the simple text transmission, and he smiled as he looked back to Beka. "Harper's coming home tomorrow."
"He is?" Beka checked with surprise, and she suddenly brightened.
"Says right here, he's ready to return," Dylan smiled.
Beka didn't hide her joy now and relief as she looked around command. "Thank the divine, I was seriously worried there, I really thought we might never get that chance to explain, that we had lost him," she flustered and Dylan moved from the console and embraced his first officer, and she readily accepted his hold, allowing her emotions to show.
"You should rest now, tomorrow could be a long day," he finally spoke.
Beka pulled away, with new fears now as she looked upwards. "Now, I just have to figure out what I can say to make things right again," she sighed.
"Harper knows that wasn't us," Dylan spoke with care. "And he's had Rommie with him to help him, and she's obviously done a good job."
"I still feel like I owe him so much," Beka frowned.
"We'll make it up to him," Dylan assured her. "I promise."
"I'll go get some rest," Beka gestured and walked away from Dylan, leaving him alone on command to prepare his own words to say to the engineer on his return.
Rommie looked across to Harper, who appeared lost in his thoughts as he watched the transports to and from the drift's port. Their hotel overlooked the port, and for the past hour they had been sitting in the viewing lounge observing the traffic. She couldn't understand why Harper wanted to remain in this spot, watching the ships but he seemed contented enough in his silence, though she suspected that his thoughts were more than occupying his troubled mind. Every so often Harper would reference the small pad he had in his hand, that was flashing up images from the port, as he idly observed which ships and shipments were coming in and out of port. Once a scavenger, always a scavenger, Rommie concluded.
"We used to do this a lot," Harper then spoke, as if guessing Rommie's confusion with his fascination in the port activities. "Helped us keep ahead of the game," he gestured to the pad in front of him.
"You're illegally scanning all the ships coming in and out of this drift," Rommie reminded him.
"They'll never find out, I've never been caught before and no harm done, not like I need to know these things now," Harper offered, his eyes fixed on the screen as the images changed.
"We have a long day tomorrow, you should get some rest," Rommie finally suggested and Harper seemed to be snapped out of his thoughts by her voice as he blinked his eyes, and put the pad away.
"Sure," Harper agreed without objection, and made to move, soon joining Rommie as they made the short walk back to their room.
"Are you ok?" Rommie asked.
"Tired," he simply answered.
"Worried about tomorrow?" she ventured.
"Kinda," Harper shrugged and then sighed. "I'm really not looking forward to listening to three times the apologies, I mean I've never heard an uber apologise, it sounds scary," he admitted with a brief smirk, hiding his true fear.
"I could ask them to back off, at least let you get settled in before they all come grovelling for your forgiveness?" Rommie suggested with a smile.
Harper appeared to brighten at that suggestion, but before he could respond he suddenly tensed up and appeared to hold his breath.
"Harper?" Rommie quickly spoke with concern, but could do nothing when without warning Harper collapsed to the floor and passed out. "Harper!" Rommie cried out, and looked up and down the corridor but they were all alone.
Harper was unresponsive, as Rommie checked his vitals finding them strong and stable. There was no explanation for his black out, and she could do nothing but hope her friend would regain consciousness soon, still unable to find a reason why he had passed out and unusually she was lost regarding what she should do.
"Harper?" She then spoke on seeing his body jerk, and seconds later Harper's eyes opened, and he immediately pushed himself up to a sitting position.
"What happened?" Harper asked with confusion.
"You passed out, no warning, and no reason I can find," Rommie answered.
Harper took some deep breaths, and then with Rommie's help he got to his feet and accessed his reactions. "That was freaky," he then admitted.
"Do you wish to go to the medical center?"
"You're asking me? You know my answer," Harper replied, shaking his head to suggest 'no'.
Rommie checked him again. "You seem ok, I see no reason to insist you go," she admitted.
"I'm fine, I guess I'm over tired, maybe I shouldn't have had that drink like you said, or maybe the thought of tomorrow is stressing me out more than I think," Harper hurriedly suggested and began to walk.
"Once we're back on the Andromeda we can have Trance do some tests," Rommie offered and Harper simply agreed with a quick nod of the head, as they reached the door to their suite.
Once they had stepped inside, Harper hesitated as he looked back at Rommie with a genuine concern in his expression. "Just maybe, if it's ok, just keep an eye on me tonight?" Harper then suggested awkwardly, unable to hide the fact his feinting spell had shook him up.
"You don't even have to ask, go get some rest, and I'll keep an eye on you I promise," Rommie confirmed and after a brief if awkward hug, Harper retired to bed leaving Rommie to show surprise that for the another night, Harper had failed to try a line on her, considering they were sharing a hotel room.
TBC
