How Sirius ended on the couch

Rodolphus Lestrange sighed as the firewhisky left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. Alcohol always helped him when his thoughts got the better of him. He poured himself another drink while his mind went back to the magazine he had discovered in his husband's drawer. The words flashed in his mind.

Young Black Heir saves children during rogue attack.

But what had taken his breath away was the cover picture – Sirius Black, bloodied and dirty, dueling three wizards while sheltering two young children and a small house-elf behind him. Rodolphus had never seen his husband so determined, so mature, so… noble!

"Are you fine?"

Rodolphus turned and saw Sirius looking at him. His eyes raked over his impossibly boyish charm but he could see the glimpse of the hero in those concerned grey eyes.

"Rodolph?"

"Yes, I'm fine," he finally answered before taking another sip from the crystalline tumbler, "It's just that I saw the magazine where you were on the cover picture. It was, you know, the one which you had hidden."

Sirius' eyes widened. "How… It's not like what you're thinking. I didn't even want to have that picture. These guys came to me in Diagon Alley and I told them to leave, repeatedly! But Prongs was with me and one thing led to another. It wasn't my fault, believe me. I just-"

Rodolphus grabbed his husband's collar and kissed him on the lips. Frankly, Sirius talked too much. He couldn't even understand why was making such a fuss.

"So," Sirius frowned as they broke contact, "You aren't angry?"

Rodolphus snorted. He knew that they clashed over his immature tendencies but he believed that this was different. "No, not at all. I just wish that you could have at least mentioned me in the article. It could have been something like 'to my dearest and most handsome husband'."

"But I didn't even know you then!" Sirius pouted as he drew him in his arms.

"That's funny because I feel like I don't know you even now," Rodolphus' voice gained a husky tone as he traced a line along the strong jaws, "I never knew you could be so… different. I always thought that you were just a stupid Gryffindor, one with no brain at all," he smirked.

"That's a little harsh, isn't it?" The grin on Sirius' lips told him that he was taking it as lightly as himself. "We are after all the House where the ones brave at heart dwell."

"Hmm, yes, I must admit it was very brave of you."

"Oh, that's nothing. It was the least I could do for what others had given me," Sirius shrugged in faux-modesty, "It seemed like the thing to do at that time. Besides, I had my friends with me and it barely took a few minutes." Rodolphus rolled his eyes. He could see the haughtiness shining in those grey eyes. 'Smug git!' he thought fondly.

"Yes, but still, such courage needs to be rewarded. I was thinking that maybe I could agree to that thing you suggested the other night," the Lestrange heir chuckled as his husband's eyes widened comically, "I mean, if you are up to it. I didn't-"

Rodolphus felt a pair of lips slam against his. The tumbler in his hand went crashing down but neither paid any attention to the broken glass. Hands roamed over the bodies, pulling at the obstructing clothes. The blonde-haired moaned wantonly as a tongue traced a path along his neck.

"I never knew you were such a pervert," Sirius grinned as he unbuttoned his red robe, "If I had known that gracing the cover of PlayWitch could get such a reaction, believe me, I would have told you a long time."

Rodolphus frowned. "Wait, you were on the cover of PlayWitch?"

"Yes. What else were you talking about?"

"About the time you saved those children from rogue wizards."

Sirius blanched. "Bloody hell," was all he could utter.

"So you were on the cover on PlayWitch?" The sultry atmosphere which reigned a few moments ago faded in a blink.

"It's not… I… How…"

"And what was it that you said? Oh yes," he snarled, "'it was the least I could do for what others had given me'!"

"No, no, I didn't mean that! It's not- Ah!" Sirius ducked to avoid the bottle of firewhisky as it went flying above his head, "Be careful. I- Damn!" This time, he rolled to avoid a flying vase.

"You stripped yourself and 'it seemed like the thing to do at that time'," Rodolphus practically growled as he aimed another vase at his husband. "Well, you know what? You can sleep on the couch because it seems like the thing to do this time!"


Written for: Weekly Elimination Weird Prompt Thing Competition

Mandatory Prompt:

[character] posed for Playwitch/Playwizard magazine. Years later, [character]'s current significant other finds out that [character] had posed for the dirty magazine.

At least two years must have passed between the time your chosen character posed for the magazine and when their partner finds out. Your character must have been of legal age when they did the photoshoot.

(It can be Playgirl/Playboy instead of the wizard equivalent if one or both members of your pairing are muggles.)

Semi-Optional Prompts:

- Sirius as one half of your pairing.

- Rodolphus as one half of your pairing.

Bonus Prompts:

- "It seemed like the thing to do at the time." (2 pts)

- broken glass (1 pt)

- someone throwing objects in anger (2 pts)

- red (1 pt)

- "I never knew you were such a pervert." (2 pts)

- "That's a little harsh, isn't it?" (3 pts)

- "I didn't even know you then!" / "That's funny, because I feel like I don't know you even now!" (4 pts)

- crystalline (5 pts)

- house elf (2 pts)