Hack: Chapter Seven is up! And the story will get more involved, and there will be more super fun action that I will right! And Fox won't be appearing much until chapter 8 or 9… The story's more focused on the story in Mushroom Kingdom right now.

Enjoy!


Chapter 7: Koopas and Shy Guys, Oh My!

Luigi, Samus, Jigglypuff, and Captain Falcon stood on the top of the Shooting Star Summit, surrounded by seven star symbols imprinted on the ground. Around them is a small light circle. Luigi looked up at the skies with his eyes closed, putting his hands together. After five minutes...

"Ok, so what the hell are we supposed to do now?" Falcon asked as he playfully punched Luigi in the back.

Luigi opened his eyes, painfully rubbing his back. "What the hell? I told you not to interrupt me, Captain Falcon! I have to pray to the stars to open up the Star Way, geez… Be patient!"

The smashers waited further, as Luigi continued to pray to the stars. Suddenly, the seven symbols around them glowed. A beam of light shot out from the circle, and the four smashers were pushed upwards by an unseen force.

"What the…"

"Crap is happening?" Falcon finished for Samus.

"Yeah, that was exactly what I was thinking," replied Jigglypuff.

The smashers continued to float as an unknown city covered with stars appeared before them. They stood at the bright entrance of it as Luigi said, "Star Haven… Welcome to Star Haven, everyone."


Mario, Geno, Peach, Mallow, and Bowser sat in separate jail cells, with gloomy expressions on their faces. Clearly, they were all trapped in Cackletta's new flying castle. Bowser continuously shook on the bars, clawing them, believing that he can get out with his strength.

"Fuck! Fuck! I can't believe that fucking punk beat the shit out of all of us!" he yelled.

"He was never this powerful… Luigi and I totally crushed him years ago, I have no clue how he got so powerful…" said Mario.

"The star rod. Cackletta took it at Star Haven," Geno replied. "I witnessed it at the Star Haven..."

"WHAT?" everyone else yelled, including Bowser.

"We have to get it back!" cried Mallow.

Peach looked at him. "But how?" she asked. "We're all stuck inside here, with no way to get out. Cackletta used a muting spell on all of us when we were unconscious, so we can't cast any spells to get out. Any ideas?"

Bowser grumbled, thinking about a different topic. "Man, that fucking star rod… This is no joke."

"What?"

"If that bitch has that star rod, she's definitely not fucking playing around. That thing is really damn powerful…"

"Oh yeah," said Mario. "You had it before, and you were practically invincible!"

"Yeah, well… I doubt that witch knows how to fully tap into its power. If she did, she would've fucking killed us in a few seconds."

Everyone sat down again, pondering on what might happen to them.

"Then it is our duty to get back the star rod and bring it back to Star Haven," declared Geno.

"Sure… Think about that after we find a way to get out of here."


"Oh my god…" Jigglypuff gasped.

The four smashers looked at the remains of the Star Sanctuary, the place with the seven star spirits. The star spirits were nowhere to be seen, and all of the sky-blue pedestals were in ruins. All that remained standing was the center pedestal. Luigi walked up to the center, and started to pray again.

"This praying crap again?" Captain Falcon blurted out again.

"Shut the hell up!" everyone else yelled at him.

"I need to summon the star ship that will take us to Cackletta's castle. I need quiet, just be patient for a couple minutes!" said Luigi, obviously irritated.

The other three watched in silence, saying absolutely nothing. An upside-down blue hollow koopa shell with wings appeared, large enough to fit in all of the smashers.

"Oh yeah! Go Luigi!" said Falcon, shooting his fists into the air with confidence.

"Wait… There's already someone in it…" Samus pointed out. "It doesn't look like they're friends either."

Four koopas jumped out of the ship, each with a different colored shell (black, yellow, green, and red). All of them had ninja blindfolds, with eyeholes on them.

"Cackletta hired us to take care of some intruders that might try to get in her way, dude…" the green one said.

"Because we're the coolest of the cool!"

"Why is that? Because we're called…"

All four pointed at the smashers, yelling with confidence, "THE AWESOME NINJA KOOPA BROTHERS!"

The four smashers stared at the four koopas in silence.

"What… the… fuck…" was what Captain Falcon could say.

The red koopa pointed at Luigi. "You look an awful lot like Mario. That guy totally whooped us a long time ago, but we're stronger now! He ain't any stronger now, yo!"

"And we're definitely a lot cooler too!" said the black koopa.

"No, black, you're supposed to say, 'We 2 cool fo' u!' " the yellow koopa angrily replied. "U r such a noobster!"

"Sorry…"

There was silence. "No... Just... No," said Luigi. "Sorry, but you guys just killed it. I am never instant messaging anyone ever again, nor am I playing online games..."

The other smashers snickered.

"But anyways, our job is to get rid of you so Cackletta can finish her plans. We're being paid a lot for this job, you know…" explained Yellow.

Samus looked at Red. "So you think we're just going to sit back and let you stop us? Hell no." She shot a quick missile at Red's face. Red went inside his shell and spun out of the way, avoiding the missile.

Falcon acted next. He ran towards Green and threw his arm upwards at Green's chin, connecting. Green kicked off the wall after getting hit, and positioned himself above Falcon. He went inside his shell and fell at frightening speeds towards Falcon, who didn't notice Green.

Luckily, Luigi shot a quick fireball at Green, knocking him off course.

"This ain't our syle, yo…" said Yellow. "We gotta use our team attack, dog!" ("No, stop trying to act ghetto, you killed it..." Luigi murmured.) He quickly bent down on the ground. Black jumped on top of him, and bent down as well. Green followed suite, and Red finally stood on top of the tower of the Koopa Brothers. He pointed at the smashers, glaring at them.

"Let's go!" he cried. All four crawled into their shells and spun, still in tower formation. Their first target? Luigi, the one that hates their dialog.

"Shit! Get out of the way, damn it!" yelled Falcon as he kicked Luigi away from danger. The tower spun between the two, narrowly missing Luigi.

Samus quickly teleported to the wall and charged her plasma beam. She quickly released her shot at the Koopa Brothers, finally hitting them.

However, the spinning Koopas deflected the Plasma shot in a different direction and melted a portion of the wall! Yes, they are spinning that fast.

The tower of Koopas jumped up while still spinning and collided with Samus, sending her flying threw the wall and out of the Sanctuary. Strangely, they were still spinning! Jigglypuff acted quickly. She floated up to the spinning Koopa Brothers and released a powerful Mega Punch. The tower finally dispersed back into the four individal koopas. Funny enough, each koopa was lying on their backs, unable to get back up.

"Fuck, dude! This ain't cool, yo!"

"Now!" cried Luigi. He jumped into the air and used a quick butt stomp on Black's stomach, putting him out of commission. Captain Falcon jumped above Yellow and threw his legs down into his face, knocking him unconscious. Jigglypuff jumped on top of Green and sat on his stomach.

REST!

Green was immediately set on fire. Jigglypuff's rest attack blasted him through the wall and out of Star Haven, to who knows where.

"Holy shit! Overkill!" exclaimed Falcon.

Red finally got back on his legs, and poised a fighting stance. "This ain't cool, yo… You took out my teammates and I'm all alone now, yo. This time, I ain't playin'!" he yelled.

Like a stealthy ninja, he jumped to the wall, clinging on it. He took out ninja stars from the inside of his red shell and threw them at Jigglypuff, who crouched to avoid them. He jumped off the wall, dodged a few fireballs from Luigi, and reached Captain Falcon, who released a Raptor Booster at Red. Red blocked with his elbow, and quickly thrusted his knees into Falcon's groin. Very hard.

"SHIT!" Falcon screamed, sounding like a squirrel who inhaled helium. He held his crotch in constant pain, reeling back with the wind blown out of him.

This was all the time Red needed to finish off Falcon. He used an uppercut on Falcon to send him up in the air and jumped up to prepare a finishing move.

Jigglypuff appeared behind him and landed a long sex kick on top of Red's head, throwing him off balance. Luigi quickly spiked him down with a slow drill kick. Captain Falcon fell to the ground, still holding his crotch in pain.

"Oh my god, my balls… My manhood… ohhhhhhh shit it hurts…" he froaned.

Back to the battle. Jigglypuff executed a fast pound attack on Red, and Luigi karate chopped him afterwards. Red crashed into the wall, clearly in pain.

"Not bad, yo, but I already got two of you. Think you guys can handle me, dude?"

He launched an enormous fireball at Jigglypuff. Caught by surprise, Jigglypuff was finally burnt and fell down on her face, unconscious. Luigi wavedashed forward to close the distance between himself and Red instantly. Red used a roundhouse kick, but Luigi crouched to avoid the attack. He let out a crouching kick at the knees to trip Red and Luigi quickly punched him upwards into the air. Red crawled back into his shell and prepared a shelled-ground pound attack on Luigi, who was still recovering from his attack.

BOOM!

There was a loud bang and a loud cry of pain.

"OW! SHIT! MY EYES! DAMN IT!" Luigi certainly did not say.

Red was on the ground, holding his eyes. Blue Phazon flowed out from his eyes, burning off every inch of skin that it touched. He slowly wiped away the Phazon and stood up, trembling in pain.

Samus stood at the side, her arm cannon charged. She cried, "Sonic Boom!" The familiar charged blast struck Red cleanly with sound. All hints of sound were blocked off at that moment, and Red was blasted away out of Star Haven, never to be seen again.

"Teaches those bastards to blow me away…" Samus grumbled.

Luigi smiled. "Thanks, I almost lost my life there…" he said as he carried the unconscious Jigglypuff on his back.

"My balls… I think one of them popped…" Falcon cried from the pain he received in the crotch 15 minutes ago.

"Man, does it really hurt that much?" asked Samus. "I can't believe how weak guys can get because of their… yeah. I should write a mental note to shoot you there next time you piss me off."

"Samus, don't try it. It's way too much pain, even for Falcon." Luigi chuckled. "...Actually you can if he drives you overboard."

Samus shrugged. "Oh well. So this shell ship thingy will take us to Cackletta's fortress?"

"It should. Let's go, Falcon," Luigi beckoned to Falcon. He dragged Falcon by his arm as he and Samus climbed into the star ship (or shell).

"I really hope the star spirits are still alive…" he said.

"Star spirits?" said Samus.

"Yeah. They're like God in the Mushroom Kingdom, except not immortals." The flying koopa shell rose high above Star Haven, and sped off towards Cackletta's castle. He looked at the entrance that they approached. Don't worry, Mario… I'll be there soon to rescue you and everyone else. Just make sure you stay alive until I get there.


Cackletta looked out of the window from her castle, glaring at the approaching smashers. "Stupid Koopa Brothers… And I actually thought they had a chance against those smashers! Luigi and his friends prove themselves to be worthy of me… But I shall destroy them the moment they enter my castle!" She waved her wand and a white shy guy appeared before her.

"Yes, sir?" he asked.

"I told you to not call me sir again!" she shrieked.

"Yes, sir! I mean, yes ma'am!"

"Much better. I want you to place your troops in the main lobby, the biggest room. I want you to mobilize all of your troops and prepare for battle."

"Who are we fighting?"

"Four people. They are not pushovers so do not take them easily. Give it all you have. If you fail, General Guy, I shall exterminate you after killing those smashers."

"Bowser was a much better leader to follow orders… I don't see why we have to listen to you, ma'am."

"Mention that oversized turtle again and I will personally make sure that you wish you were never alive! Now go!"

"Yes, ma'am!" General Guy yelled as he ran out of Cackletta's throne room to mobilize his troops and prepare for battle. Cackletta smiled.

"Fawful, I want you to make sure that if the smashers defeat our shy guys, you give them a warm welcome to my castle."

"Yes, my nastiness! I shall give those fink-rats a warm welcome! I HAVE FURY!"

"Yeah, yeah, go now."

Fawful flew off out of the throne room as well, leaving the witch alone. "This will be an interesting battle… I have to make sure that I exterminate Mario after this," Cackletta murmured to herself.


The smashers immediately entered the entrance of Cackletta's castle. The room was practically empty, save for the large black chandelier hanging on the ceiling and the black fireplaces stuck in walls.

"Where that bitchy witch?" Falcon yelled in the hall.

"Shut the hell up!" Samus nudged him.

Jigglypuff tapped them both. "Uh… guys? I think they want to kill us…"

She pointed at the enormous army of shy guys pouring out from the door across the hall. Shy Guys walking on stilts, set on fire, dancing with strange bells and clothing on, floating on balloons with slingshots, every variety was in the army. A white shy guy stood at the very center as if he was very important, obviously the commander of them.

"Holy shit! There has to be at least a thousand of them!" Falcon whispered.

"Hey, I've dealt with more space pirates than these guys," Samus replied.

"Ten-hut!" General Guy commanded. All of the shy guys turned in the same direction in sync. "Cackletta has commanded us to eliminate you smashers, sir! I apologize for any inconvenience, as I highly prefer working under Bowser's command!"

The smashers looked at each other in confusion. Luigi spoke up. "I understand that Cackletta's forcing you to do what she wants, and I really don't want to fight, but we have no choice but to break through. I give my apologies as well."

"Ok, sir! Now… CHARGE!" General Guy commanded.

The four smashers got into a fighting stance, prepared for another tiring battle in the castle. "How much more fighting do we have to do?" asked Jigglypuff.

"Probably a lot more," the other three replied. Jigglypuff frowned.

The Pyro Guys, Shy Guys set on fire, were the fastest. A couple hundred quickly flew towards the smashers in an attempt to tackle them with fire.

"Leave them to me," said Samus. "You guys go take out the others."

Luigi, Falcon, and Jigglypuff nodded in agreement as they jumped over the Pyro Guys. Samus charged her beam shot, white particles gathering at the end of her cannon. She teleported farther back and cried, "Ice Spreader!" She shot a blast of ice into the middle of the Pyro Guys, and an enormous, lengthy sheet of ice lengthened out from the target, freezing every Pyro Guy.

Luigi jumped on top of one Shy Guy on stilts and kicked it off. He held a stilt in each hand and used his Luigi Tornado attack. This time, however, he held out his stilts, so his new stilts beat the crap out of all of the shy guys near him. All of them were sent flying into the wall, unconscious.

"We must not give up against them! Shy Stacks, Stack formation!" yelled General Guy.

Like the Koopa Brothers did, several shy guys formed towers, each made of four shy guys. Each grabbed a slingshot and shot a rock at Captain Falcon. Because there were so many towers, however, over 20 rocks flew their way at Falcon!

"Holy shit!" he yelled. Samus quickly shot several bits of Phazon, accurately destroying each rock in mid-air.

But there was no time for Falcon to give thanks to Samus. Other shy guys swarmed around Jigglypuff and Luigi, attempting to surround them and beat them. The Shy Stacks aimed their slingshots at Falcon again, ready to send a barrage of rocks.

"We're surrounded!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Shit!" Falcon yelled as he wavedashed several times to the side to avoid the oncoming rocks, but he was not fast enough. He was pelted by some of the rocks.

"There's too many of them!" Luigi angrily yelled. "We can't get past them!"

"Geno Whirl!" a voice cried out. A yellow energy disk flew through the army of shy guys, creating a wide path of dead shy guys in the middle of the army. Geno, Peach, Mallow, and Bowser appeared from another door on the side of the room, with Geno having his arm out.

"Geno!" Luigi cried. "It's great to see you, man!"

"Same here, but now is not the time to talk."

The Shy Guys were really getting their asses murdered now. Bowser was now breathing fire on hundreds of Shy Guys, Mallow was summoning snow and lightning to strike other Shy Guys, and Peach smacked away numerous shy guys with her frying pan.

"You guys go to Cackletta. You are all much more capable than us," said Geno.

"Where's Mario?"

"He went to battle Cackletta on his own. You should go help him, Luigi."

"All right. Everyone, let's go!"

"But what about the others?" Jigglypuff asked, looking at Peach, Bowser, Geno, and Mallow with worry.

"They're strong, they'll all be fine. You saw Peach and Bowser fight before, and Geno and Mallow are pretty strong themselves," assured Luigi. "Let's go."

The smashers ran through the path Geno created with his Geno Whirl attack towards the door that lead to the throne room, slapping away a shy guy or two that got in the way.

"Bring it on, mother-fuckers!" Bowser screamed. He snapped his claws and spires of rock struck out of the ground, impaling numerous Shy Guys.

"Snowy!" Mallow cried. A snowman appeared in the middle of the Shy Guys and immediately exploded, showering bits of snow everywhere and freezing Shy Guys.

General Guy shook his head. "This is not good… We'll have to bring out my trump card to take them out…" He took out a walkie-talkie, turned it on, and said, "Bring out my lightning vehicle!"


The smashers have been running through the main hall, passing by many black doors that lead to who knows where.

"How far… Is it, Luigi?" Jigglypuff panted, struggling to keep up her pace.

"Almost there… Can't you see it?"

"Hey! I see… A weird red-coated dude? What the fuck?" said Falcon.

Fawful hovered directly in front of the grand doorway that undoubtedly leads to Cackletta's room. "It's you fink-rats! I've dealt with your friends before, and deal with you I shall!" he cried with confidence.

"What an annoying brat… I just want to slap him away…" Samus grumbled under her breath.

"Behind this door is that brat Mario with Cackletta! That fink-rat will be no match for our wonder witch! If you want to help him, then defeat me you must! But that shall be impossible!"

"Luigi, you go help Mario with Cackletta," said Samus.

"Why me?"

"You've fought her before, so you know her. Mario will definitely need your help."

Luigi paused. Then he immediately nodded. "All right. I'll leave Fawful to you guys."

He ran past Fawful and grabbed the doorknob behind Fawful when Fawful said, "Who gave you fink-rats permission to get past me?" He turned to Luigi to launch a quick attack. Suddenly, a phazon beam shot flew past Fawful's face, forcing him to move away from Luigi.

"I did!" Samus yelled assertively. Luigi nodded and opened the door. He quickly ran through and closed it behind him.

"You fink-rats have no idea who you're dealing with! And defeat you I shall!"

"You're so damn weird, you know that?" said Falcon.

"Look who's talking..." muttered Samus.

"I don't think that you're joking either..." Jigglypuff replied to Samus.

Fawful ignored the smashers. "I HAVE FURY!" He cried, readying his weapons. Samus, Falcon, and Jigglypuff positioned themselves together, preparing for the fight against the really strange… flying fink-rat guy.


Luigi found himself in a bright, yet black room. Another chandelier was hung above, and a few windows were scattered on the walls. The most noticeable feature was the figure of Mario lying on the ground and the figure of Cackletta, cackling.

"So you finally come! Too bad, for I have already dealt with that pathetic brother of yours!" she yelled.

Luigi knelt down besides Mario, feeling him breath. He's still alive… That's great. I'll get her for you.

"Cackletta, you have caused too much trouble in Mushroom Kingdom. It is my duty to defeat you as the brother of Mario."

"You think you have a chance against me?" Cackletta cackled. "Fat chance!"

She wrapped up her arms, conjuring a powerful lightning spell. "Bolting!" she yelled. Several bolts of lightning surrounded Luigi, preventing him from dodging. An enormous bolt fell from the ceiling and zapped Luigi. Luigi stood there, face pitch black. Black smoke came out from his mouth as he coughed.

"My powers have increased twice as much than before! You don't have a chance!" Cackletta shrieked, firing another bolting spell.

Luigi, quickly recovering from the previous attack, prepared for the next bolting attack. "Really? If your powers have increased twofold over these years, then my powers have increased tenfold!"

He held out his arms and the surrounding bolts dispersed from him. They transformed into thunder arrows and shot towards Cackletta, zapping her with her own attacks.

Luigi held his open palm out with confidence. "If lightning is all you can use, then I've got this in the bag. You can shoot all the lightning you want, but I control it."

Cackletta staggered, climbing back on her broom. "This fight is just getting started! And it's getting quite interesting… Bring it, you stupid plumber!"