A/N: So most of you guys agreed with me in the last chapter. (Which was a huge relief.) Thanks for sticking with me and I love you all and your support \(^-^\

Disclaimer: Me no own Durarara. Me just wished I did.


None of them came after their last visit.

I already saw that coming. I knew they would yell. I just knew it.

I didn't think they would cry though. I've never seen them cry ever over anything.

Not even the deaths of Grandma and Grandpa. They were like emotionless robots during their funerals without crying and just stood there like statues until the end.

I didn't mean to upset Mairu or Kururi. It's not their fault that mom and dad stopped caring, they just got all the love I wanted.

I still played with them and took care of them when I had to but never could succeed in becoming a role model for them. I mean I told them to always eat their vegetables and to do their homework but I wanted to become more than that. I wanted them to trust me and come to me first before anybody. I wanted them to look up to me and become what I'm not; a good person.

I told the truth, but just twisted it with lies. I was trustworthy, until you betrayed me. I was lovable, but no one wanted to love me.

So I tried to shine my way through the darkness and become something I wasn't.

I stole, I messed with people's emotion just to see their reactions, I harmed people, I broke other people's properties; cellphones, lunches, pencils, homework, anything to get them upset. To let them feel my pain.

One of the other reasons why I messed with Shizuo. He not only was like me, but he hated me. So I messed with him as much as possible so he can see how I felt throughout most of my life.

Kids messed with me when I was young. Now I mess with everyone.

Payback. Revenge. Karma. A taste of their own medicine. Whatever you want to call it. It was their turn to go through everything that I went through.

Even if meant making Shizuo hate me.

I just want someone to know how I feel and make me feel better.

I want to wake up with the love of my life next to me. I want to wake up and think that I'm not a failure. I want to wake up and be proud that I'm alive.

I want, I want, I want. I don't mean to sound greedy but why is love so hard to get? And people spit that word out all the time.

'Aw! I love that song!,' 'I love this band,' 'I love chocolate,' 'I love your outfit,' 'I love you.'

Do they really know how to use it correctly? Do they know how many want love? To know what love is like? No, they don't because they throw that word out so much, it sometimes loses its meaning.

Love. The word that seems to hate me the most.


Since I've been a 'good patient' lately, they let me have the freedom of walking around the building but a doctor has to be with me! What freedom! I don't really want a doctor next to me when I want to be alone so I just stay in my room with my lovely companion; the buckle. Yep, they still keep my ankles strapped down for 'safety reasons.'

I just really wish there was some music to listen too. What kind of cruel person takes away a teenager's right of no music? Blasphemy, is what I say! Every teenager has to listen to music at least once a day, it's like a ritual.

But they take a lot of your freedom here. Like they won't let you go anywhere alone (but I have my sneaky ways) and they demand you to be in bed at a certain time. They won't let you near sharp objects (the reason why they don't even have plastic forks or knives) and they won't let anyone outside (but I will try my best to do so)

Even if I'm crazy, suicidal, trivial and whatnot, I'm not gonna sit back and be poked and prodded on.

I'm not gonna let them take away the last of my sanity.


I really want to see the sunset.

I miss it so badly, I even made a plan to escape just to go see it. My plan is that when everyone heads to dinner, I unbuckle my ankle and go to the roof to go see it. If I get caught, I'll try a different time.

I'll do anything. Anything to get me out of these plain white walls that keep me trapped in here.

Just getting to see the sunset is something that helps me calm down and just relax. Like I can take a huge deep breath and exhale without having anything around bother me.

It's almost dinner time. (I can tell because of the direction I hear people walking is towards the cafeteria)

Hopefully my plan works.


Once I heard no more footsteps out in the hallway, I open the door and let my raven hair poke out of the door, turning to see if anyone's out there.

Luckily no one was, not even desk lady, and I quickly tip toe barefoot towards the stairs that are used for fire escapes. Well this wasn't a fire but damn did I need to escape.

I check back to see if no one is following when I close the door and nearly trip on the way as I run up the stairs to my freedom.

They are so many flights of stairs and I run out of breath, taking a few breaks to catch my breath. But I don't care because my mind is focused on one thing; the roof. I push myself off the wall once I get my breath and continue running.

I let out a laugh and a smile once I see the door in front of me and run into the door, pushing it wide open. Warm sunlight shines on my face and I spread my arms open and take a huge deep breath of fresh air.

I run towards the edge, leaning over it to see cars in traffic, honking at one another. I push myself back and twirl around on the rooftop, laughing in happiness.

I wonder if anyone saw me what would they be thinking. 'Oh my god! tThere's a sick patient on the rooftop of a psych ward, twirling and laughing like a maniac.' Yep, that's me.

And there to the west lies the sunset. It's marvelous. So beautiful, you simply can't look away. There is more orange than anything but I don't mind, it's gorgeous.

I stare in awe and watch as the sun sets.

I fall and lay on my back and rest one of my arms behind my head as I lay and lift up my left arm. The scars stare at me in mock but I sigh and tell myself I won't let this ruin my joy.

I turn back to look at the sunset over all the buildings across from here, the warmth shines on my face and I close my eyes as I use it for comfort.

It's been forever since I last saw it. I'm glad I used this time to escape and for once enjoy myself. To forget about everything. Mom, Dad... Shizuo. He still hasn't come back to visit me after we kissed. I had a feeling he wasn't coming back to visit any time soon.

I get up from lying on the floor and head back over the edge.

I peer down to see a bunch of city lights below and cars still stuck from traffic, honking and flipping others off. I see people yapping away on their cellphones and couples holding hands as they walk across the street. Oh how I wish that was me.

Wind passes through and makes me shiver in my hospital gown. I wrap my arms around each other for warmth and look out to see the sun almost setting completely and stars beginning to appear. The moon was already out but didn't shine as brightly as it did at night.

Taking one last glance of my freedom, I go back inside and after running down all the flights of stairs, I get to my room, no one suspecting a thing.

I laid down innocently in my bed, pretending to be asleep, as Nurse Kokoro does one last check and shuts off the lights, darkness consuming the whole room.

And for once, I fell asleep happy.


A/N: I know this is a filler and also a boring chapter. It's just relatively important for future chapters...
And remember the choices for my Rated M story? Well the first choice (implied rape) is the winner! I don't know when I'll post it but I will soon! :D
See you in Chapter 8~