The wind whipped around me continuously. It was so cold and so refreshing, I would miss it earnestly. The wind and the moon were all two of my favorite things about this place. They added beauty to the grounds and almost made it seem like it was alive. Watching the wind through the tree of the forbidden forest, made it look they were reaching out to come and grab me, to keep me from doing this.
What was the point anymore? What was the point in surviving anymore? I'm just done with this place, not Hogwarts, but life. I am done with life and living this horrible life that I am living now. What was the point anymore? Why was it important for me to survive? No one cared. No one wanted the freak show around. No one wanted to be around the murderer's daughter, who even killed her mother. No one wanted to be around the youngest Death Eater, because she was already extremely dangerous. Look at what she did to her friends, to her family, to the only people around who even wanted to protect her. She was so much of a pureblood, that's why she hung out with Draco Malfoy.
I looked over the edge of the astronomy tower, my cloak whipping around me, almost trying to pull me back. It was a long way down, that I knew. I was honestly just hoping by the time I hit the ground I would already be unconscious, and that I wouldn't survive once I did hit the cold stone. If I did survive, I would hope some kind soul would be able to give me the sweet release of death, because that is no life to live, no matter what Madam Pomfrey does, or anyone at St. Mungos. I looked up at the sky again, watching the half moon shine brightly over the grounds, giving a white light to everything around me.
What are you doing?
I became startled as that eerily familiar voice sounded in my head. Looking around, I knew I wouldn't find anyone, but I also knew that if he saw my surroundings, he would know what I was about to do. He was the one who caused all of this, why couldn't he feel my pain? Why didn't he know that I wanted to end this?
Artemis, you will not jump.
What makes you think you can stop me? What's the point of me being here anymore?! What the fuck do you even care?! You're the one who has caused all of this, and yet you still feel nothing at my pain. I stood out, looking over the edge again, wondering what it would feel like to fly down to my end. To feel my friend the wind carry me softly down to my death, until allowing the ground to come up and meet me. You can't possibly know how I feel. You are nothing to me.
I climbed onto the side, feeling the air whip around me, giving me a sense of if someone was actually there, trying to hold me back from completing this. How was I supposed to be in this world? How was I supposed to function knowing that everyone I loved was now dead? My mother died when I was barely a year old. Voldemort had come into my parent's home and killed her to get to me, just so he could put this disgusting part of him into me. I lived with my godfather for most of my life, not knowing who my father was and how his life affected mine in such a way that I would forever be known as the murderer's daughter. I would be known as the girl who allowed her father to come into the castle to kill Harry. I was the girl that allowed for my friends to die in my place. I allowed for my innocent father to be killed by his sadistic cousin.
I was the one allowing all of this, because I couldn't stand in the way.
But what did it matter now? What did it matter if I lived or died? I was raped every night before going to bed, even if it was just in my head. Why did it matter how I died? As long as I was away from my friends so they didn't have to suffer from this horrible fate like I am. I don't want to see anyone around me become the person Voldemort has made me. I am done with this world.
I am a Gryffindor though. Aren't I supposed to face these challenges head on and not wavier from them? No matter how hard or challenging they are? Aren't I supposed to look at someone like Voldemort and laugh in his face, much like my dad did to Bellatrix, and show him that I am no longer afraid of his actions?
The trees moved in the breeze, and the cold ground was so close, it wouldn't be much for me to just fall forward would it? Would it honestly be that bad to fall forward and just end all of this before it can become worse? How many lives would I save by just flying through this night to the ground?
"ARTEMIS!" hands grabbed around my waist, pulling me off the edge. I kicked and screamed as the arm clasped even tighter around my midsection, trying to hold me in place. "What the- "
"Let me jump! Let me jump!" I screamed as the hands didn't let me go. My leg finally connected with a leg, and the person let out a grunt of pain, but they still didn't let me down. "Please, let me end it! Let me end all of this!" Finally the person let me down, and I ran back to the ledge.
An amazing feeling washed over me, a feeling of pure euphoria and elation. My worries were gone, and everything was so colorful and so much better. I felt no pain in my heart, and no pain in my body were the cruciartis was put on me. I fell into myself, into this euphoria until I could feel a smile on my face because of the lifting of all the pain. All the pain was gone, that is all I cared about.
It felt like it just arrived, and that it was gone. The feelings of cold, pain, sorrow, and fear all came back, and tears started rolling down my face. When I opened my eyes, I wasn't on the astronomy tower, but instead, I was in a room, sitting on a rather large couch, in front of a large fireplace, with a blanket wrapped around me. I have never been in this room before, where in the name of hell was I?
"Are you back?" Came a voice from behind me. I turned to see Severus standing there with two mugs in his hands, walking towards me, handing out for me. Grabbing the mug, I looked at him in some confusion as he sat down beside me, still giving me enough distance to keep my feet on the cushions. "Good, at least I know you won't fight me on the imperioius curse."
"Where am I?" my voice was cracked and raspy from all the screaming.
"My study, Thanks to Professor Slughorn so many years ago for thinking that he needed an extra room on the back of his living quarters, he actually ended up making this a pretty spacious space." He looked into the fire, as I looked around, soaking in the room. Books were all over the shelves, papers on the desk directly in front of me, but other than that, it was very organized and rather neat. "What were you doing tonight?"
"Fighting Death Eaters at the Ministry, like Dumbledore ordered me to." I said plainly, taking a sip of the hot tea. My throat was coated and immediately felt so much better, as the sweet taste of peppermint met my tongue.
"I meant up on the astronomy tower. What were you doing?" His onyx eyes met mine, pain and concern mingled there as he tried to understand.
"I-I don't remember,"
"Don't lie to me, Artemis. What was your great plan? Join your father in death? What did you think that was going to accomplish? Do you know the pain you would've caused to those around you?"
"I don't need a lecture from you," I stood up, setting the mug on a coffee table next to me, and pulling off the blanket, only to see nothing but my tank top and panties under me. I pulled the blanket closer around me, and glared at Severus as venomously as I thought possible. "Where are my clothes? And why are they not on me?"
"They were wet. Didn't you notice the storm? They were also covered in blood, so I had one of the house elves wash it," he said with an air of nonchalant.
"How dare you take my clothes off of me, without me knowing!"
"Oh, you knew. You even agreed to it," bile rose in the back of my throat. "Let's stop with the theatrics shall we? Not like I have never seen the human body before." He said it so calmly, it was very unlike him. I was so used to hearing that condescending edge in his voice, or at least a sarcastic remark. "What were you doing on the astronomy tower?"
"Isn't it obvious? You've already known. He haunts my dreams every night, and you do nothing to stop it. No one can. I wanted to jump, to end all this pain. I wanted one more chance to tell-to tell…" The pain came back into my heart, causing me to collapse back onto the couch. It all hurt, every time seeing my father's face as he fell into the veil, seeing Harry going through so much pain, seeing the pain on Remus's face as he tried to hold Harry back. "It's all my fault! If I would have ran away at the graveyard, and not have been hit by that flying curse, none of this would've happened."
I pulled my legs up close to me, and wiped my eyes as more and more tears streamed down them. I stared at the fire, wondering if it truly would've never happened if Voldemort wouldn't have done any of this if I had escaped the graveyard. What would've happened if I ran away? What would've happened to Harry? Cedric would've still been alive, wouldn't he? All of this didn't make sense. I should've died fifteen years ago. I never should've outlived my mother, my father should've never gone to jail because the filth of a friend was too much of a coward to come and face his own future.
An arm wrapped around me, pulling me closer to him, drowning me in warmth. I didn't notice how cold I truly felt, or why I was shivering again. I looked up to see him continuing to gaze at the fire, and I wasn't able to make out anything behind his eyes. I pulled the comforter closer around me as I curled up closer to him, feeding off of his warmth. I watched as the fire danced, knowing that I would never see my father's face in it again. I had become an orphan, much like Harry.
Oh god, Harry. Dad meant as much to him as he did to me, and in my self-pity I didn't even think about Harry. It was my job to take care of him, and what had I done all this year? Nothing, but spy on him for Dumbledore and Voldemort. I had abandoned my best friend, and my god brother. He was someone that I could always count on to be there for me, and I had left him on his own, not giving him anyone to turn to, since Dumbledore was gone most of this year. I left him to deal with that horrendous witch all on his own, except when I helped try to kill her, and ultimately failed because she had been found wandering around yelling about how the centaurs should be killed. I wiggled out of Severus's grasp and summoned my clothes, I had to find Harry, and apologize for everything that I had done to him this year.
"Where are you going?" He turned and a worried look crossed his face as he watched my actions.
"I have to find Harry," I said, bluntly, as I struggled to put on my damp pants, casting a drying spell to warm and dry them. "I have to tell him I'm sorry, for everything that I have done to him this year."
"Artemis, this can wait-"
"Until when? I waited long enough, and now someone we loved is dead, and he's dealing with all this on his own. I need to find him and-"
"He's with Dumbledore right now. There is nothing right now you can do for him, because much like you, he was going to a commit a suicide run, but instead, going after Bellatrix. Right now, you walking in there will do nothing, but strengthen his resolve."
My heart stopped. Harry was going to go after Bellatrix? He was planning on putting that psycho bitch down on his own? He couldn't do that, not because he wasn't capable, but because he simply wasn't a match for her. She would eat him and then spit him out for her "love" to deal with. I managed to put that fucking bitch in her place more than once tonight, but that doesn't mean I ever want to face her again. That fight was enough for me to end up on my ass.
"He can't. He can't fight anyone," I looked down at my feet and kept shaking my head. That couldn't happen. I couldn't lose Harry, including ways Bellatrix would kill him. "He is safe, isn't he?"
"For the moment, yes he is. The Headmaster is trying to calm him down and get him to see reason. Until then, you have to stay here."
Stay here? Why would I need to stay? Why would I need to stay down here in the dungeons? Was this another order from Dumbledore, or is Severus trying to keep me from jumping again? What is the plan here? Why does he care so much what I do?
"I want to go to my dorm, I want to talk to Hermione and Ron."
"No, you are to stay here until I am told otherwise. Please, don't make me do anything else to you." Anything else?
It was in an almost instant, but I felt groggy and couldn't stand up on my own. I didn't want to stand, I just wanted to go to bed. My whole body had just given up on me, and I was falling towards the floor, until I wasn't. I saw the floor, it was right under my nose, but I didn't hit it, because it didn't hurt. What the fuck was going on? There was a shadow over me, and it picked me up, and I didn't care because it was so soft and cuddly.
"The tea…you did something…to the ttteeeeeaaaa." I strung out the word, wondering my voice sounded so raspy and…weird. Why did my body feel weird, and why was I yelling about tea. I just wanted to go to bed. Where…what…I don't know what…
"The tea had a sleeping draught, let's…bed…you'll…so…tomorrow," Great, the shadow was talking, but only in broken sentences. This shadow is an asshole for not telling me the whole story. I would have to beat it up when I finally had the strength to again. "You will not beat me up."
"Oh yez I 'illl" Stupid voice, stupid shadow listening to my thoughts.
The next thing I knew, I was in the dark, and not even panic came. Usually panic took hold of me when I was in the dark by myself, but here, I just felt like sleeping. I just wanted to sleep, and no one could stop me.
"Don't you find it weird that the Black girl was fighting with Potter, instead of trying to kill him?" A man in all black walked towards a long hall, where a gathering was happening. His companion simply snickered.
"That doesn't matter Yaxley, what matters is now she's broken, and destroyed. Did you see what Bellatrix did to her father? You can bet that she will be doing that to the werewolf that that stupid girl loves, too." The other's coarse voice poured through his dark hood, walking alongside the man known as Yaxley. There were voices coming from behind the large wooden double doors, and they simply came in, and took their assigned places.
The voices, which had some hushed excitement, all quieted0 as a tall, pale figure came through the doors, stilling the entire hall. The feeling of dismay quickly silenced all of the ones in the hall. The figure made it's way up to the front, to the largest chair at the head of the table, right behind the fire place. Its red eyes glared at the surrounding faces, making a shiver pass through everyone around.
"Tonight was a dismal loss. We lost several, who ended up in Azkaban, and others who had suffered massive wounds trying to seize Potter. What I want to know is why all of you are so willing to celebrate?" The stillness in the air started to become stale. The figure at the front became even more agitated at the silence. "This will not happen again. I will not suffer such a humiliating defeat at the fate of a FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD BOY!" His voice rang through, making everyone bow their heads in disgrace. No one here knew the defeat like how he felt it. They felt it like a game where they won, simply because they were able to stretch their legs. How pathetic. "I have plans, but how it will play out is a different matter."
