Monday, 24th October 2016

10.42

I had planned to catch Isak before morning classes but I missed him at the beginning of the day. He tends to get in early and I am not about that life.

I haven't exactly mapped out what I am going to do or say when we meet. I like the idea of wordlessly dragging him to the bike shed to kiss the fuck out of him. Then I would relish in his reaction before feeding him some cheesy line like,

"Let's skip school. I'm willing to go over my 10% if it means hooking up with a 10 out of 10."

It's mid-morning and the bell rings for break time. I file out of my Spanish class with a couple of classmates, Erik and Ismail. They have been friends with each other since first year. I have gotten to know them through English and Spanish classes since we do them together. We clicked pretty much immediately and they have welcomed me into their social circle with open arms.

I am starting to consider them as friends.

"Hey, have you guys heard that some second year chicks are throwing a Halloween party on Friday?" Erik says. "They've invited all the second years and a select group of first and third years."

I ripped my invitation from my locker door this morning and stuffed it in my bag without a second glance.

"Yes." Ismail grins. "They're hot y'all. I'm in. You?"

"Definitely." Erik says.

"Did you say all the second years are invited?" I ask, as a plan forms in my mind.

"Yep." Ismail says. "Why?"

"No reason."

If I go now, there is a good chance I'll find Isak by his locker.

"Smoke?" Erik asks. "We have 10 minutes before English."

"Hell yeah!" Ismail replies.

"I'm good." I say. "You guys go ahead. I need to look over something before class starts so I'm going to head straight there."

"You can't get better than a 6, mate." Ismail says. "Stop making the rest of us look bad."

"You don't need my help to do that." I retort jokingly.

He acts as if he's been shot. "Ouch."

I laugh. "See you later."

I start heading down the stairs that lead to the corridor that houses the second year lockers.

"Mate, that's not the way to English!" Ismail calls after me.

"Yeah. I need to go to the toilet first." I say over my shoulder.

"That's not the way to the toilet either." Erik shouts from the banister.

Ismail tuts, "You're not going to class. You're being shady, Even! Are you off to see some side-chick? Or side-dude? Some second year hottie? You are, aren't you? Ten minutes of fun before hitting the books again?"

If only.

"Guilty." I say because I know that they'll pass it off as a joke.

"Dirty dog!" Erik replies.

I laugh and toss my middle finger behind me at them.

When I get to the lockers, I find Isak without his friends. Thank goodness. He'll actually look at me and talk to me.

He is rocking my second favourite look- Isak without a baseball cap on. It is only bettered by Isak with a back-to-front baseball cap on.

He is losing an epic battle with his locker. His face is frazzled, the picture of frustration, because he can't access his text books. Judging by his numerous failed attempts it looks like a door jam.

As master of 'Breaking & Entering' I can definitely help him.

Easy.

But first things first. I need to set my plan in motion before time's up on our break.

"Hey." I say once I reach him.

He seems startled by my presence. He timidly looks at me, "Hi."

Step 1. Find a way to get Isak alone.

My thoughts are to invite him to a pre-game for two before the Halloween party; the perfect excuse to be alone with him again and see where things go.

I point at an invitation taped onto one of the lockers. "Are you going to the Halloween thing?"

"Um. No. Or. Maybe. I don't know." He's cheeks go pink as he looks at me. Why is he so fucking adorable? "Are you going?"

Would it really be that bad if I kissed him now? Answer- Yes, it would. This place is teeming with students. Someone will see us and rumours will spread and reach Emma's ears... or Mari's little sister's. Which means that Sonja will find out and I would then have to look forward to seeing my pickled dick and balls in a jar.

That would be bad. I value my dick and balls.

Besides, I have a plan to do this right. I mustn't deviate.

"Come along." I say to Isak. "Should be good."

"Okay." Isak says immediately.

He does take direction so well.

Come outside and smoke a blunt with me so I can get you to have me on your radar.

Come home with me to 'get my ID' so that we can get to know each other better.

Come to a party with me so I can try to make you mine.

"Yeah?"

He nods. "Yeah."

I take a step closer to him. Don't touch him. "Okay. We should pregame together."

It is more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah."

My ability to get into locked units is about to be used for good and not evil. One of my former mates from Elvebakken had a similar locker problem. Normally, simultaneously pushing in towards the hinge, upwards and into the locker, releases the jam. A well placed thump can also release it, which looks much cooler. But if I don't hit the right spot I'll look like an absolute dick.

Oh well. Here goes.

I thump it with confidence and it swings open.

I act cool as I walk away but inside I am dancing the Macarena.

Step 1 is set up.

Tuesday, 25th October 2016

17.00

Looks like I have the apartment to myself when I get in from school. Sweet.

I plan to do fuck all this evening. Maybe watch some Seinfeld. Wank off to visions of Isak. Sleep. That kind of thing. I send him a text because I'm thinking of him.

Me: Don't worry about drinks on Friday. I'll sort it.

Isak: *Praise Emoji*

Me: *Smirking face emoji*

Me: *Seinfeld meme of a drunk Kramer which is captioned

'imagine you can walk around drunk all day'*

Isak: Hehehe

Isak: Random

Me: Random is awesome

Isak: Yes!

Isak: Friday will be awesome too. *Smiley face*

Isak: Let's fix plans.

I want to go over to his place and pounce on him but I know I mustn't. First I need to get started on Step 2.

Step 2. Break up with Sonja.

She is working today so I won't see her tonight.

I send her a text message:

Me: Hey. I need to talk. Call me whenever.

I need to see her before Friday. That way I will have closed one chapter before starting a new one. I do not get a reply straight away- she must be in the middle of something with a client- so I make myself a coffee and sit in the living room to watch TV. I binge watch nearly three episodes of Seinfeld when there is an unexpected knock on the door.

It's Sonja. Her eyes are bloodshot and her mascara is running down her cheeks.

Shit.

She pushes past me and rushes toward my room.

"What's going on?" I ask as I follow her.

"This is the worst day ever!" She bawls uncontrollably. She throws herself at me and I pull her into a comforting hug.

Shit.

"What happened?"

"Trond happened!" She shouts in anger and dismay about her boss. "He fired me!"

"Why?"

"Doesn't matter. He was a pig and I am sick and tired of it!"

A fresh wave of tears starts.

"Did he do something inappropriate?"

"He didn't touch me but you should have seen the way he looked at us girls and the things he said."

"You should report him."

"I am not fighting that battle. And on top of that I am failing my uni course!"

Fuck.

"It'll be okay." I whisper soothingly as I press her head to my chest and pet her hair.

"No it won't." She whimpers.

"I promise. Things may be shit now but they'll get better. Trust me. Look at me." I give her a small reassuring smile. "You'll get a new job. Your grades will pick up."

"Yeah, like it's that easy. Some of us aren't naturally smart like you and I can't rely on my parents for my living expenses like you can, Even!"

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I don't understand why this is happening to me! I am trying so hard." She hiccups. "It feels like everything is falling to pieces."

Oh fuck.

She squeezes me tight and looks up at me with watery eyes. "I am so glad that at least I have you."

Wednesday, 26th October 2016

00.32

I get up when I think Sonja has finally cried herself to sleep. I go to the bathroom and look at my reflection in the mirror. What I see is a man trapped in a cage. I take a deep breath but it doesn't help. I want to scream in frustration but what point is there in that.

I can't dump Sonja right now. It would break her and it would make me the biggest fucker ever.

I numbly turn on the hot tap. I keep my teeth clenched then put my hand under the boiling running water.

The pain is a relief to me.

When I get back to my room it is pitch black, just as I left it, with the exception of a small bright light coming from my bed.

I climb onto it and see that Sonja is awake and holding my phone.

"I woke up because you kept getting messages." She says evenly. Her face glows in the stark white light of my mobile. She does not look happy. "They're from Isak."

My heart stops. My incoming messages pop up on my screen saver. Sonja will have read them. "What does he want?"

"Why is he texting you at this hour?"

"How should I know?"

She sits up and throws the phone at me with more force than necessary. I trap it with my hand as it hits my chest with a hard thud.

"He wants to know about your plans to meet up this Friday."

I check the messages:

Isak: Just realised that we haven't set a time or place to meet.

Isak: Since you're bringing drinks I'll make snacks.

Isak: Cheese toasties with Cardamom?!

Isak: It'll be fun *smiley face*

Sonja is waiting for an explanation. My mouth opens and words spill out before I can stop and think.

"... Just a pregame..."

"...Silly school Halloween party on Friday…"

"...Didn't think you'd be interested..."

"... it wasn't just going to be Isak and me…!"

"So is Emma going?" Sonja asks. She is fully mistrustful of me right now.

"Yeah. I mean. I am sure she is. I'm not sure whether Isak has got round to asking her yet or whatever."

"Then we should do a double date. I'll call Emma tomorrow and sort it. Maybe Isak can host us."

I force myself to say. "Sounds like a plan."

MY plan is well and truly fucked. I suppose the only silver lining is that I am the only one who's disappointed by this turn of events. I doubt Isak expected this Friday to be a pregame for just the two of us.

I will just need to be patient. If this is meant to be then it can wait a little longer.