Chapter 7


He raced her to the car and they both got in… He noticed her shiver and got her a quilt from the backseat… He leaned over and kissed her… Heard her scream… Then his world went dark in a crash of metal and lightning… Her pale face lingered in his mind, when nothing else would…

Roger awoke with a start, breathing hard and sweating. He rolled over slowly onto his side, feeling like he hadn't slept at all; when in fact, he'd slept all night and was having the same nightmare again. Only this time, it had been a little different; why, he didn't know. Roger sat up slowly and rhythmically cuffed the side of his head with his fist.

"Get out of there," he murmured wearily.

He went out to the kitchen and over to the coffeemaker and turned it on. He put in a coffee filter and poured in the beans and began to brew it. When it was done, he went looking for a cup and came upon his AZT bottle. He stared long and hard at it, thinking. He hadn't been positive yet when he'd had a relationship with Andy; for that, he was eternally grateful. That was one less thing he'd hurt her with.

Then he'd met April after the accident and she'd caused him to contract HIV by sharing needles with him when they shot up together.

He'd been positive and clean for a year when he'd met Mimi and she'd gotten him out of the loft. Being both positive and fearful for their lives might end soon, they hadn't been hesitant at all in their relationship, except once when Roger had tried to get Mimi to clean up and get off the heroin and he had failed. Mimi's health had progressively deteriorated after her overdose on that Christmas Eve a year ago, and she'd gone down to Mexico to spend whatever time she had left with her family. Roger hadn't heard a word from her since, and now with Jaclyn, his memories and HIV was holding him back from having a relationship with her.

"Roger?" a voice said from behind him.

Roger jumped and whipped around, startled, accidentally slamming the cupboard shut. He winced. "Oh, hi, Jaclyn," he said, blushing with embarrassment. "How— how did you sleep?" He was rambling and he knew it, but she'd caught him off-guard.

"I slept fine, thanks," Jaclyn said. She looked up at him. "Are you OK? You seem… rattled."

"I… uh… no," Roger stammered. "You startled me, that's all."

"Oh," Jaclyn said, "sorry."

Roger shrugged. "I'll get over it," he reassured her, smiling. "Do you want coffee?"

"I actually don't like coffee," Jaclyn said. "But if you have tea or something, that'd be great."

"Nope, sorry," Roger said, grinning at her, "fresh out."

Jaclyn laughed. "OK, then water will do just fine," she said.

"That we do have," Roger said, laughing.

Roger went over to the sink and filled a glass with water for Jaclyn. She accepted it from him and they sat down at the table. Jaclyn looked up at him.

"Roger, you know you don't have to be embarrassed about your HIV around me," she said. "If you did, do you think I would have accepted you as easily as I do?"

Roger was silent. Jaclyn was right and he knew it. "No," he said, "you're right. I'm sorry, Jaclyn, it's just hard. I mean, I'm positive, you're not." He looked down at her. "I guess that's holding me back. I don't want to hurt you again."

"Roger, that happened a long time ago," Jaclyn said. "And you know the accident was not your fault. I'm sure you've been told that over and over."

Roger nodded. "I guess I have," he said evasively.

"So why are you dwelling on it?" Jaclyn asked. "I'm not. Sure, I miss her every day— her voice, her phone calls— but it's something we have to live with. What else is there to do?"

Roger shook his head. "OK, I'm sorry," he said. "It's just… oh, never mind."

There was a long pause. Then out of the blue, Jaclyn said curiously, "Roger, tell me about Mimi and Angel."

Roger looked up. "Mimi and Angel?" he asked, sure he'd misheard. Jaclyn nodded. "Why do you want to know about them?"

"Because they were part of you," Jaclyn said, "and I want to know all about you. Can I?"

"Well… yes… I suppose," Roger said. He began his story and increasingly gained confidence as he told it to her. "Mimi was 19 when I met her. She was beautiful; beautifully tragic, in a way. She came and asked me for a light, probably so she could cook up her heroin. She claimed her heat had been shut off. From there, we only saw each other a few times, but…

"But at the Life a few days later, we found out that we were both positive and… I fell in love with her that night. We spent the summer away from each other, though, because I got angry after she told me she'd had a thing with Benny and I left her. During our time apart, I saw her about to use once, and another time I saw her buying from her dealer, and I got angry and left her…" He paused for a moment, remembering. "That dealer used to be my dealer." He looked up at Jaclyn. "Anyway, after that, she dropped out of rehab and started using again. It got her fired from her job, and she was one of the best dancers there." Roger almost smiled, but then his face fell. "Shortly before Christmas that year, Maureen and Joanne found her on the streets, living in the park. They brought her back to the loft and she, uh…" He closed his eyes and looked down. "She sort of died, right there in my arms."

"Sort of?" Jaclyn asked.

Roger looked at her for any sign of disbelief or mockery, but there was none. "She died, but was sent back… by Angel, she said," he explained.

"Oh. I understand," Jaclyn said. "And after that, she went to Mexico?"

"Yeah," Roger said, "and we haven't heard a word from her since." He looked down again. "I'm kind of worried."

Jaclyn lifted his chin with her finger. "But she's with her family," she said. "She's in good hands, right?"

"Yeah, I think so," Roger said.

"Well, then, I guess I should tell you not to worry. They'll call you or send you a letter or something if there's any change, good or bad."

Roger nodded. "I suppose you're right," he said.

For now, Roger felt relieved. That night, he slept peacefully, with no nightmares of the accident.


A few weeks later, Jaclyn spent the night at the loft again with Roger, Mark, and the Bohemians. Although she was slightly intimidated by Maureen at first, especially when Maureen became drunk, she gradually warmed up to Maureen. She got along well with Joanne most of the time, and she was very comfortable around Collins, who was always warm and kind to her. Then of course, there were Mark and Roger, who were already becoming fast friends with her, especially Mark, who was the more stable of the two.

When Jaclyn awoke the next morning, she went out into the kitchen and saw she and Mark were the only ones up yet. She walked quietly into the kitchen and Mark put a finger to his lips when he saw her. He pointed to the couch, on which rested a large lump of blankets, which was breathing. Jaclyn stared at it for a moment before realizing it could only be Collins.

"Is he OK?" Jaclyn asked, looking at Mark.

"Psh, yeah," Mark said off-handedly, "just sleeping off a hangover. It wouldn't be wise to wake him up before noon." Mark grinned at her.

"OK, I'll try not to," Jaclyn said, smiling back at him. "Is Roger still sleeping, too?"

"Yep," Mark said. He glanced at the kitchen table, on which there was a letter. "He's got mail when he wakes up."

"Oh? Who from?" Jaclyn asked curiously, though she knew it was none of her business. Her face fell when Mark's did. "Mark?" she prodded.

"It's from Mrs. Marquez and her family," Mark said, looking at Jaclyn. "Mimi's mother."

Jaclyn, remembering what Roger had told her about Mimi, was smart enough to realize this wasn't a good thing, especially judging by Mark's face. "Did… did she die?" she asked.

"I don't know," Mark said, lowering his voice. "I can't bring myself to open it. It's addressed to 'Roger Davis and family.' That's all of us. I could open it, but I think he'd be pissed."

Jaclyn looked up at him. "Should we wait?" she asked.

Mark paused for a moment, thinking deeply. "Yeah," he said after a moment, "I think we should. Not just Roger will want to see this."

Jaclyn nodded. "You're right," she said. She put her hand on his shoulder. "But you know that, no matter what that letter holds, if it's bad, we'll get through it, right?"

Mark nodded, his hands shaking nervously. "Right," he said. He looked down at his hands. "Hold that focus steady…" he murmured to himself, willing his hands to stop shaking. But they wouldn't, because he was pretty sure he knew what was lying ahead for them.

There was a pause and then Mark seemed to remember his host manners. "Do you want coffee?" he asked. Then he seemed to remember. "Oh, wait, you don't drink coffee, right?"

"Right," Jaclyn said, smiling at him. He got her a glass of water and a cup of coffee for himself. "Thanks."

They talked quietly for a while, careful not to wake Collins up, but eventually, they fell into drinking their coffee in silence. They were both thinking about what Roger's reaction to the letter would be.

Jaclyn and Mark both looked around when they heard a door open. Roger stumbled into the kitchen.

"Morning, Roger," Mark said, as Roger staggered over to the coffee Mark had made.

"Morning, Mark, Jaclyn," Roger mumbled. He looked at Jaclyn. "Did you sleep OK?"

"Yeah, I slept fine," Jaclyn said.

"How do you sleep so well in that uncomfortable bed?" Roger asked her. "If ever one of us sleeps in that bed, we practically don't sleep at all."

"Well, if you're really that uncomfortable with it, then I must just be really tired, I guess," Jaclyn said.

Roger grinned. "That I wouldn't doubt," he said. "We've been keeping you up late a lot." Jaclyn nodded and smiled.

"You got mail, Rog," Mark said suddenly, and he tossed the envelope to Roger.

Roger slit open the envelope with his finger and pulled out the letter inside, without looking at the return address. "But I— I never get mail," he said nervously, giving Mark a worried look.

Mark shrugged. "Just read it," he said.

Roger's eyes scanned the letter and Mark and Jaclyn watched as he paled and his eyes widened, the farther he read. Suddenly, when he seemed to reach the end, tears welled up in his eyes.

"Roger?" Jaclyn asked, looking at him, concerned. "Roger, what is it?"

"It— it's Mimi," he stammered, and tears ran down his face. "She… she's dead."


Ooh, cliffhanger, dun dun dun. Wanna know what happens? Well, send some reviews this way and I'll try my best to post up the next chapter by the end of the weekend. I've already begun working on it; I'm trying to finish it as fast as possible. I realize it may not be wise to leave it at a cliffhanger, but I've decided that's best. We'll see.

Quick note to Rosablasifann08: I know yesterday you mentioned in your review, you wanting to know whether Roger told Jaclyn he loved her because he really does, or because of Andy. Well, at this point, it could go either way. But I'm thinking I'm leaning more toward it's just because of Andy, to be honest. You and I discussed this yesterday and all the possibilities I've got going for future chapters. I'll keep you posted.

And just to warn the rest of you, starting around the 16th (after second quarter ends), I'm going to be taking my ACT and everything, so updating may be slowly then, if I don't already have the story finished (and I don't plan to have it finished by then, with what I have in mind for the end.) Please be patient with me about slow updates; I simply am much too busy to update as often as I used to, what with college entrance everything and all that. I'm still writing, though, I promise. But after I finish this story, I think I'm going to take another much-needed hiatus to writing. We'll see. Writing fan fiction on this site has been a huge part of my life for 6 years now; I don't know how easily I'll be able to leave it.

Don't forget to review. I always appreciate feedback. And we authors need it sometimes to continue writing; it's our smack, in a way. Besides, it isn't all a free ride. :)

Until next time, lots of love,

Renthead07