Chapter Seven – The Boggart
"There's going to be a few partner changes today," Professor Potter announces after giving the morning's usual rundowns.
Both sides erupt in a clamor of excitement once Potter says this. Kane nearly jumps on my back and Winona envelopes me in a tight hug. "I didn't doubt you for a second, Vellie!" Kane says to me, completely ecstatic. "I knew you'd be able to come through for us!"
"Bullshit," I respond.
"You caught me," Kane shrugs, "but I almost never doubted that you getting us out of this mess might almost be a slight possibility."
"It's a wonder you're not a Hufflepuff, Kane," Winona muses. "With that loyalty? The Sorting Hat clearly made an error."
"Everyone, settle down!" Potter calls at us, clearly impatient. "I said, settle! Right, anyway, today for most of you will be very easy. We will be reviewing how to defend yourself against a boggart." I feel my feet start to sweat while some members of my class smile to themselves; most people could do this spell easily and this lesson probably wouldn't require much partner interaction. "Now," Professor Potter continues, "who can tell me the counter spell for a boggart?"
"Riddikulus," Ellis answers.
"Right, five points to Gryffindor. When you see the boggart, take the moment to compose yourself, visualize something to create laughter, and then, riddikulus." He waves his wand and a small box flies over to him. Potter tosses it down next to him. "Form two lines leading up to the box. Have your partners next to you in the other line. Slytherins will attempt the counter spell first with Gryffindors acting as seconds. I will only interfere if absolutely necessary."
"Sir," Dwight says. "Partner changes?" He shoots Kane a nasty glare, which Kane returns.
"Ah, right," Professor Potter says. "Ames and Charlotte, switch partners. Everyone else is staying the same." There is a tense silence and I feel at least twenty pairs of eyes on me. "What are you all doing? Get in your lines!"
My partner is Ames? Kane looks at me with a frank expression. "Well, I suppose I was a bit too loyal to you, Velma. You're right," he address Winona before falling into line, "I'm too Hufflepuff for my own good."
"Oh, shut it, Kane," Winona warns. She gives me a soft smile of encouragement before taking her place in line next to Holt.
Why am I being partnered up with Ames? I have to say that It'll be easier in class from now on, not hearing Lorelei arguing with Ames, but why me? I take the spot at the back of the line, not eager to face the boggart. Coincidentally, Lorelei is in front of me. Charlotte and I make brief eye contact, and in that moment we look at each other, I apologize for her situation. She acknowledges my act of acquaintance-ness with a curt nod. Silently, Ames takes his spot next to me.
As the boggart is released on Renata and Walt, I listen in on Lorelei's conversation with Charlotte. "What do you think happens to the boggart if it comes to a person who isn't afraid of anything?" Lorelei asks in her too loud, high pitched voice.
"I don't know," Charlotte answers.
"Because the last time I saw a boggart it turned into these horrid beetles," Lorelei says. I keep listening, but see that a huge werewolf has appeared for Renata. Lorelei continues, "But a muggle friend of mine got some beetles for a science experiment over the summer, and I saw them all time, so now I'm not frightened in the least."
"I think everyone is afraid of something."
"Well, hypothetically speaking then."
"I don't know, Lorelei."
"Maybe then I'll be the first person ever to be really truly fearless. Wouldn't that be something? Then I'd be the person to show the world a boggart's true form!" Lorelei continues to ramble on.
"She doesn't stop talking does she?"
He says it so quietly I almost miss it. I look up at Ames slowly; he might be smiling, but I can't be sure. I keep an eye on him suspiciously. "I've dormed with her since we were First Years," I respond hesitantly. "You don't know the half of it." Ames, who still I can't tell if he's smiling, nods a little.
Class continues and I take note of some of the fears the Slytherins have. One person sees a snake, which I think is a little ironic for a Slytherin to see. Another sees their parents crying over her own grave. One boy's boggart makes him think he's on a high ledge, and Dwight sees the opposite, and thinks he is buried alive. Charlotte sees many small grey and black rats. She, with ease, she switches the rats into chinchillas.
"Charlotte, that was good," Potter says to her. Potter always uses our names when he talks to us. Personally, I appreciate it. Our last teacher didn't really talk to us like individuals. Before that there was Carrow, and Carrow was, you know, Carrow. Ames steps up to the box, and stares at it, content. Potter continues, "Ames, you ready?" Potter asks.
Ames gives him a curt nod and runs his fingers through his hair. "Seems like I am," he says nonchalantly. I roll my eyes at him. Potter nods back at Ames and opens the box.
In front of Ames and me appears a large black gravestone that reads: HERE LIES AMES TITUS FREMONT. Ames's breathing goes shallow for a moment, but he waves his wand and says, "Riddikulus." The letters swirl around on the gravestone until they are rearranged to read EASTER FISHERMEN MOTEL SUIT. I don't understand how that could make anyone laugh, but then the letters float off the grave in a flourish of different colors, followed by different silly too high or too low voices singing, "EASTER! FISHERMEN! MOTEL! SUIT!" The corner of Ames's mouth turns up slightly and he lets out a breathy laugh.
"Nice job, Ames," Professor Potter says as he signals us to go to the back of the line. "Alright! Good work, Slytherins! I didn't have to interfere once, so 10 points to Slytherin. Gryffindors, let's see how well you all do."
One by one, the Gryffindors ahead of me step up to the boggart's box. Walt is shown flames all around him. Winona sees a large crowd laughing at her. Sharon sees a dark magical creature that I don't quite recognize killing her little sister. I was so bad at Care for Magical Creatures; Sharon on the other hand is kind of amazing when it comes to dealing with animals. Kane, oddly, is shown this thing filled with tiny holes. While the holes make me uncomfortable as well, I'm not as freaked out by them as Kane is.
Kane finishes his boggart by filling the holes with some kind of dessert. I try to make eye contact with him as he walks by, but he only stares at the ground, red faced. "Hey," I call out to Kane. "Long, what's with the holes?"
Kane glares at me and takes a few steps toward me, looking agitated. "It's a real thing. It's called trypophobia. I hate it. Don't make fun of me, Vel." He stomps down to the back of the line.
"Why'd you call him long?" Ames asks.
His voice surprises me. "Um…" I hesitate. "Kane's last name is Long?"
"Oh," Ames answers awkwardly. "I thought you guys were… Um. Never mind. But isn't Kane Chinese?"
"He's half," I respond. I'm not sure which annoys me more: the fact that Ames didn't know Kane's last name after six years or how he's pretending to care about him at all. I glance at Ames from the corner of my eye. He looks at me like he expects me to continue on the conversation. After a pointed glare, he looks away.
More and more of my classmates finish the assignments with ease. They can do it, so can I. I'll be able to do this. Just prep as Lorelei does hers. Regrettably instead of being one-hundred percent focused, part of me wonders if Lorelei will actually do what she wants. Even I have to admit I'm curious. Maybe a boggart would just cease to exist if it met someone who had no fears. That's what I would bet on, but for Lorelei, who I know is definitely not fearless, I bet would have a boggart of her with a bad haircut. It wouldn't surprise me if she were that shallow.
The boggart flies out at her and I lose my bet.
We all stand there in confusion as the boggart takes on the form of Walt.
"W-What?" Lorelei stutters, her cheeks turning as red as her hair. "I, um, I-I think it's made a mistake." She turns around and glances at Walt, who is right behind me. I turn my head to look at him; though he's kept his composure well, his eyebrows stay furrowed and a bit of color rises up from his neck.
Lorelei continues to stand there, dumbfounded. Step one: regain composure, has been unsuccessful. "Lorelei," the boggart-Walt says with a disapproving tone. "Who do you think you're kidding?"
"I'm… what? I'm not-" she trips over her words. "Ri-ridd-"
"You'll never be enough."
"I-I don't know what you're talking about!" Lorelei shouts, her voice beginning to shake.
"I'll never love you," the boggart-Walt says. The voice, while undoubtedly Walt's, speaks in a cold, hateful tone that no one would ever hear Walt use. The room falls silent, and Lorelei stands there paralyzed. "No one will ever love you," it says, "No matter what you do or how hard you try or how much you wish, I will never love you." Lorelei stumbles back a little, her face pale.
Charlotte nudges Lorelei a little forward, giving her a soft nod. I pity Lorelei, not sure how I would turn this comedic myself. I glance over my shoulder again at Walt himself. He looks unfathomably uncomfortable and embarrassed, whether it's for himself or for Lorelei, I'm not sure. I see him look away from Lorelei to say something to Winona, who is a few people behind him, but she evades eye contact with him.
Before the boggart-Walt can say anything else, Charlotte pushes Lorelei out of its direct contact. The boggart, seeing Charlotte, gets confused and attempts to mesh the two's fears; this results in an odd version of Walt with rat teeth and beady eyes. Charlotte grimaces at the sight of the rat, but merely nudges Lorelei forward.
"Riddikulus!" she shouts at it. The frightening boggart-rat-Walt suddenly loses its ugly nature and grows large Mickey Mouse ears. The almost cute boggart-Mickey Mouse-Walt lets out Mickey Mouse's high pitched, 'ha-ha!' laugh, and Lorelei lets out a small laugh as well. A few other people in the room chuckle and this is enough to send the boggart flying back into the box.
Lorelei spins around, her face completely red, only to accidentally make eye contact with Walt. Her face manages to turn an even deeper shade of red, and I wonder if the rest of her body is getting the proper blood circulation it needs.
"Prof- Professor…" she sputters. "Can- May I be excused to the bathroom?" Professor Potter nods at her, and she runs out of the room without looking back.
"Um," I start after a few beats of uncomfortable silence. "Is it my turn…?"
"Sorry, yeah!" Professor Potter says, snapping out of his daze. "Velma, go ahead. This should be easy for you."
I smile halfheartedly at him as I take the few steps forward up to the boggart's box. He's right: it should be easy for me. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Composure. Visualize. Spell. Composure. Visualize. Spell. "That time she dropped that cake," I whisper to myself. I rock back and forth on me feet, feeling sweat form between my toes. "That time she dropped that cake," I repeat again. Composure. Visualize. Spell.
Professor Potter releases the boggart from the box, and I watch helplessly as it twists and forms into my greatest fear.
A little bit taller than me. Gray-blue eyes and short dark hair that falls in waves.
"Hey, Vel," the boggart-Marissa says to me.
I feel my stomach twist up into a knot. Composure. Visualize. Spell. Composure. Visualize. Spell. Composure. Visualize. Spell. I take a deep breath, but find myself unable to exhale it. Composure. I blink a few times and exhale. Exhale. Inhale. My fingers go tingly and I feel dizzy for a moment.
"You broke your promise," boggart-Marissa says. I shake my head at her, feeling tears gather up in my eyes. Marissa frowns at me, "You're the reason I'm dead."
Composure. Visualize. Spell. I stare up at her, feeling my lip quiver. From the corner of my eye I see Professor Potter stand up. "That's not true…" I whisper.
"I wouldn't have been out there if it weren't for you," Marissa hisses at me. "You made me go out there. It's your fault."
Professor Potter speaks to me. "Velma-"
"You're the reason Leigh is so messed up."
"Velma, get away from it."
"You're the reason Dad can't leave the house."
"Marissa…"
"You're the reason you can't seem to form any stable relationships."
Ames touches my arm, but I step away from him.
"It should've been you that night. It would've been easier for everyone if it were you."
Professor Potter's voice suddenly registers in my head. "Velma, let me handle this one!" he shouts at me, coming towards me.
I think about house points and all those smug Slytherin faces and Renata having the audacity to even say Marissa's name. "It's such an easy spell," I think to myself. "Isn't Gryffindor all about courage? What would I be if I prove myself to be a coward now?"
I can't find the words to speak. I can't find the words to tell Professor Potter that I should handle this myself, but I can't.
My head tells me that I shouldn't push myself in a way that'll hurt me like this.
My heart tells me that I shouldn't let myself or my house down.
But neither part of me is reacting.
Professor Potter is suddenly by my side, wand out, ready to face the boggart, but Ames puts a hand on Potter's shoulder.
"Don't," he says calmly to Professor Potter. What is he doing? "It's Velma. She can do this," he says determined. Professor Potter hesitates for a moment, looking between myself and Ames, but steps aside.
"I hope you know," Marissa says to me, "for the rest of your life that I died blaming you."
Ames stands at my side. "C'mon, Velma," he whispers into my ear. "It's a boggart. You know it's not true. You can do this. You know how to get rid of it." Composure. Visualize. Spell. "That's not your sister."
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. The boggart is saying something to me, but I don't focus on it. There was a time when I was about ten and Marissa was about thirteen. We were making a cake for Leigh's seventh birthday by ourselves since Dad had been busy that day. We made a funfetti cake with chocolate icing on top. We tried carrying it down to Leigh's room before he woke up to surprise him, but going down the hall, I slipped on the carpet. The cake toppled onto Marissa and covered her in frosting. I couldn't help myself and started laughing, and I thought she was going to be so mad, but she started laughing, and then Leigh rushed out of his room and starting laughing too.
"Riddikulus!" I shout at the boggart, waving my wand at it. A cake appears the boggart and lands right on top of the boggart's head. I laugh uncertainly, and something breaks in my chest when I see Marissa laughing too. Professor Potter summons the boggart back into its box, and the image of my sister is taken away from me. I stumble back, out from the front of the classroom.
"Well," Professor Potter says as he takes my spot in the front of the room. "Close call there, but no interference from me. Ten points to Gryffindor was well." The bell in the tower rings. Professor Potter smiles, "Right on time. Have a nice evening, all. I'll see everyone tomorrow."
I stand in place for a moment, listening to my heart still not slowing down. Tears hold in my eyes, and I remain on the verge of crying. Someone pats me on the shoulder. I look to my side and see Professor Potter.
"Velma, I'm sorry," he says gently to me. "I didn't think it'd be something like that. I thought it'd be easier for you. You can stay to chat if you want. You can come talk to me anytime about her, or anything at all-"
"Thank you, sir," I interrupt, finally finding my voice. "But… but I think- I think I'm fine." I walk away from him towards the door.
Both houses clear out of the class. I get caught up in the crowd and begin to stumble along with them. Everyone is talking and laughing, but all in my head I manage to think is composure. Visualize. Spell. Composure. Visualize. Spell. That's not Marissa; that is a boggart. That is a boggart. Listen to Ames; my sister would never say that. Ames.
"Velma!" a voice calls out to me. I spin around in just enough time to see Winona and Kane hurrying over to me. They both stare at me with concerned eyes.
"Vel, are you okay?" Kane asks me, concerned.
"No, what psychopath would be 'okay' after that?" I think to myself. I nod at Kane, "I'm fine."
"That's a hard thing to have to see," Winona says gently to me. "I know as your best friend I'm supposed to agree with you, but Kane is right. You should talk to us about this."
"Pass," I scoff as I head toward the staircase.
"Velma…" Winona says to me gently. She puts her hand gently on my arm, but I brush her off me. I shake my head at her. "I just want to be alone," I say somberly. I head up the stairs and my friends stop following me.
Composure, Visualize. Spell. That wasn't Marissa. That wasn't Marissa. That was not Marissa. I make it to the seventh floor and stand in front of the Fat Lady. She smiles at me, "Coming in, dearie?"
I think about Winona and Kane, probably heading up here soon, and of Lorelei, probably in there still embarrassed from class. I think of Leigh, who may or may not notice anything is wrong; I don't know which would be worse. I shake my head at the Fat Lady. "No. No, I'm not," I mutter before awkwardly walking away.
I walk around the hall muttering to myself, which I know is the first sign of insanity. "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. What would Marissa do? I just need to think. I need to- to- to-" My voice slowly trails off. I blink quickly as I see a door slowly forming out of the wall next to me. My mind slows its pace. "Oh, yeah…" I say to myself in a hushed voice. "Room of Requirement…"
I glance left and right over my shoulders. My head tries to tell me go and talk it out with Leigh; if anyone knows what you're going through, it's Leigh.
My heart tells me in a much louder voice to hide for a little while and think about it myself.
Looking up at the doors, I take a deep breath and step inside. The last time I was in the Room of Requirement must've been my fourth year. The night of the Battle of Hogwarts. The Battle of Hogwarts was the night- Um.
Right.
God, how does everything manage to tie back to that night?
I walk around the large room, hearing my steps echo off the walls. It looks like it's been used since I've last been in here for one reason or another. I do a spin as I walk, just because no one's here to judge me for it.
"I miss my sister," I say. Then again, louder, "I miss my sister!" Echoes resound, like they're confirming that I do indeed miss my sister. I wander about and press my back against the wall. I sink to the floor and pull my knees into my chest. "If I talk to myself here," I say, "at least no one can judge me for it." The silence is calming and a refreshing taste from what I'm used to; here at Hogwarts you're rarely ever alone like this. I settle myself in, ready to have a good cry.
A low rumble suddenly fills the room.
My head snaps back up toward the front of the room, and I see that the door has started to reform itself. A bit panicked, I look around the room for a place to hide. The door begins to creak open. I hurry over behind one of the arches, my loud steps still echoing in the room.
The person steps into the room just as I quiet down. I look around the corner and get a glimpse of neatly swept blonde hair.
Ames. What is it about him? Is it the choices we made that made our lives so intertwined? Or is it destiny who's deciding to pull us together?
"What are you doing here?" I ask him as I step out from my hiding spot.
Standing there in front of me is not Ames. It is in fact a Ravenclaw, Payton. Payton is a girl, a year below me, who is blonde and has a well pulled off pixie cut. She stares at me, more confused than anything else. "Um, hey, Velma," she says. "Sorry, no one's usually in here during this hour."
"No, don't be sorry," I say quickly. "I just… I thought you were someone else." I look around the Room of Requirement and think how nice it would be to have a hideaway, an oasis from my loud and intrusive, but well-meaning friends. "Is there…" I hesitate. "Do you know if there's anyone else in the room after you're done?"
"Um…" Payton says, thinking. "Not sure. Once I ran into Ames Fremont in the hall as I was leaving."
Goddamn it, I knew it. I knew it.
"What do people do in here?" I ask. "Like, you and Ames? What do you guys use the Room for?"
Payton sets down her bag and grabs a book out of it. "Don't tell?" she asks back. I shrug. She grins at me, "Animagus stuff. Um, I'm quite sure McGonagall knows what I'm doing, but I think she's been letting me slide, but, um, I don't really know what other people do in here. Like I said, I don't know if Ames really uses the room? But, you know all the rumors people've been saying about him. If he does use the Room of Requirement, he's probably doing something dark."
Oka mentioned even Slytherins being wary of Ames once. "When are you done using the room?" I ask, trying my hardest to sound indifferent.
"Usually I'm only in here for the hour," Payton says.
I nod, thank Payton, and quickly leave the room. I jog back to the common room, feeling determined.
Ames is hiding something, and I'll catch him. I know I will.
