Regrets Are Nothing New
Hannah: Blending In
Everyone thinks I'm a bit dim. But I'm really not. I just choose not to show my intelligence. I'm also very shy which makes it hard for me to speak up in class. But in no way am I as stupid as...let's say...Ernie MacMillan.
I know he's my boyfriend and I shouldn't bad mouth him, but he's a true Hufflepuff through and through. He's a little slow on the uptake, if you know what I mean.
He's no Crabbe or Goyle (the original goons) but he's in no way let's say...Harry Potter.
Harry Potter. Just the name gives me goose bumps. He is really quite good looking. Ernie, in his own way, is as well. But Ernie's stupidity makes him less desirable. To me, anyway. I like guys who are smart. Smarter than me is okay, but I'd rather they had the same IQ if not a bit below.
I like to look smart. So sometimes I just talk as if I'm smart even when I have no idea what I'm saying. It's all in the attitude.
I don't stand out at all. I'm not particularly beautiful (although I'm not Millicent Bulstrode either) and I'm not exceptionally smart. I'm a good person, but I don't stand out. Not many people notice I'm even there. I just blend in with the rest of the crowd. Just a face. A nameless face.
I wish I hadn't asked the Sorting Hat to put me in Hufflepuff. It said I'd be good in Ravenclaw and if I'd been put there I probably would get more respect. But I'd asked for Hufflepuff and it's all my fault people think my head is filled with air.
The only reason I asked for Hufflepuff is because that was the first one that popped into my brain. That, and the fact that Susan Bones said she'd probably be there as well as Ernie (who I had a crush on right from the start). Justin Finch-Fletchley also thought he'd be in Hufflepuff and I had been quite keen on him back then also.
Now we're just friends because he's dating that Granger Mudblood girl. The friend of Harry's. That girl is really smart, but also incredibly stupid.
I mean, I see the way Draco Malfoy (Slytherin bad boy) looks at her. Doesn't she see? Is she blind?
She may be the smartest witch in school, but in matters of the heart, she's a regular Vincent Crabbe.
I also can see that she likes Draco just as much as he likes her. Justin and I have talked about it. I'm trying to convince him to tell her about Draco's feelings. But he's afraid of loosing her, I think. She's the first girl he's ever had a crush on. Unfortunately.
I would break up with Ernie in a second if it meant I could have Justin Finch-Fletchley. He's such a cool guy. Very easy to talk to and very fun to be around. He's very good at Herbology, he has a good heart and he's so sincere. He's not bad to look at either. With a name like Finch-Fletchley, you kind of have to be a cool guy, otherwise it's a big let down. Justin's no let down.
I guess my crush hasn't diminished after all.
Susan's my best friend, but I know she talks about me behind my back. I know she told her Ravenclaw friend (Padma Patil) about my feelings towards Harry Potter. Luckily, Padma didn't tell her twin Parvati who would have told Harry. I would have been so humiliated.
People only like him because he's the famous boy who lived. But not me. I like him because he's kind, sincere, smart and down to earth. His green eyes sparkle when he laughs and his untidy jet black hair sometimes falls over his eyes just so. And I melt. Seriously. A guy has never done that to me before. I know it's not because he's famous. I know it's just because he is who he is.
I wish I had that easy confidence. Susan says he's not very confident, but I disagree. He really is, even if he won't admit it to himself. He's sure of himself and he likes himself. I envy that.
I'm not sure of myself. I don't really know who I am. Right now all I seem to be is Ernie's girlfriend. But that'll all change soon. I can't stay with him forever.
I know I'll never be Harry's girlfriend, but I can dream. In the meantime, I'll just wish he would notice me. I'll just keep wishing I suppose. And one day, when school's over, my wishing will be too. Because he'll go off and defeat You-Know-Who and be even more famous. And I'll just be another face in the crowd.
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Next up: Some of your favorite Slytherins, the rest of the Hufflepuffs and some well-loved Gryffindors.
Anybody know of any Ravenclaws in Harry's year? (Besides Padma Patil) If you do, please review and tell me. Or email me. Thanks.
