Wizarding Blind Date
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing all rights and accolades belong to J K Rowling, she is only letting me borrow these wonderful characters, neither do I own the characters of Labyrinth as it belongs to Jim Henson or David Bowie which is a shame because I would love a Snape/Jareth sandwich.
A/N: This chapter has given me a fair few headaches while writing it, I just couldn't get it to flow the way I wanted it to, hopefully I managed to make it work and you like this chapter. on the plus side the plot bunnies have given me ideas for two extra chapters that I hadn't planned on writing.
Please read and review and many thanks to all of you wonderful readers who have kept up with my story.
Previously: Draco butted in "Mione stop worrying! what will be will be, look it's still early why don't you go back to the castle get changed and meet us at the Three Broomsticks in about an hour for Brunch, our treat and then we can get to work on your three questions and yes we promise to keep quiet about everything."
Hermione stood up, smiled at her two favorite boys and wrapped them in a big bear hug "thank you both for being the bestest friends a neurotic transfiguration teacher could ever hope to have" turning promptly she flooed back to the castle.
Chapter 7: Plan of Attack
The Trio are sat in the Three Broomsticks discussing strategy over a late brunch.
"Right, so you've finally figured out that even though you've fantasized over all three men, Severus Snape my Godfather is the one you want to be with" Draco said getting straight to the point as usual before pausing to taking a bite of his extra crispy bacon.
Hermione nodded "How could I of been so blind, I mean his image overtook David Bowie's as Jareth the Goblin King in my Labyrinth dream and David Bowie is just a sex god in that film."
Harry nodded in agreement "I know exactly what you mean Mione, those pants must have been sprayed on and then when he says Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave it just gives me the shivers just thinking about it".
"What on earth are you two talking about?, who the bloody hell is David Bowie?, what is the Labyrinth? and here's the most important question, what does it all have to do with my Godfather?" demanded Draco.
Hermione and Harry exchanged looks and laughed "Oh Harry what have you been doing to this poor pure blooded wizard?, how could you not of shown him the pure sexual delight that is David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King, shame on you!" she teased.
"Right Draco, the Labyrinth is a muggle film from the 80's, but I will introduce you to the delights of Jareth the uber sexy Goblin King another time, to cut a long story short I had my first crush watching that film, I absolutely fell in love with Jareth with his tight pants and leather boots. So one evening back in our sixth year after a particularly heavy order meeting where Sev was being an absolute arse as he was prone to be back then," both men smiled at this comment. " He had really pissed me off, so to relax I went to my room and put the film on my TV/VHS combi box that I'd brought from home to put in my room at Grimwald place. Any way I ended up falling asleep about 30 mins into the film and I started to dream about the Labyrinth, but instead of seeing David Bowie dressed as Jareth it was Snape and even though my dream seemed to follow the film all I wanted to do was throw Snape/Jareth down and do him right there on the castle floor".
Draco opened his mouth as if to speak but Hermione spoke over him "Now before you say this sounds like a standard hormonal teenagers dream it's not, because it's been a good eight years since I first had it and I still have it at least once a month, well at least I know why now, it was my subconscious telling me that I'm in love with Sev. But the thing is that after I wake up from having the dream I'm really fucking aroused, for instance after writing about my dream for the show last night I dreamed of him and then this morning as soon I saw him striding into the great hall, robes billowing like they used to .."
Harry smirked "It would seem old habits die hard my dear".
This seemingly innocuous statement earned him a fierce glare, the sender continued with her monologue "All I could think about was ripping his clothes off and having him then and there on the high table" she groaned "There's no hope for me, truly there isn't I'm only talking about him and I'm getting horny".
Draco took one of her hands in his and patted it "Don't you worry sweetie, we are going to help you bag that most elusive of prey the Hogwarts Potions Master aka The Greasy Bat of the dungeons" Hermione and Harry giggled at Draco who carried on "Now then mes amis, a good hunter knows his prey better than he knows his self and uses their strength and weaknesses against them. You get to ask three questions Mione, so you need to word them so that when one of them answers it you can tell who it is just by how they reply. For example you could say when I was at school my favorite lesson was potions because I had a huge crush on the teacher, what was your favorite and why? Then when the following answers came back Potions, Defense against the Dark Arts and Flying who would you say said which?".
Hermione snorted "that's pretty obvious Draco but they won't answer like that will they?".
"No but you've known Severus for the last 14 yrs and Remus and Sirius for the eleven. Most of these years you've lived in close proximity with at least two of them if not three. Harry you can back me up here, since the end of the war they've become really good mates but they still like to try and out do each other especially where witches are involved" he turned to Harry to confirm this fact.
"He's right you know sweetie" Harry told her "And you can bet your last galleon on the fact that at least one of them will of worked out that the witch on the show must at least fancy each of them a little bit, which I can guarantee will make them very competitive and would want the witch in question namely you to know who they are by any means necessary".
Hermione sat chewing a piece of bacon as she thought over what the guys had told her.
When Harry interrupted her musings "Come on Mione you can do this, you're the brightest witch of our age for Merlin's sake."
She smiled evilly at both of them "You're absolutely right, I can do this and the one, the only Severus Snape Potions Master extraordinaire had better watch out as I, Hermione Granger am hunting him down, and have him dead in my sights" she had said this a little too loudly and the other customers had turned in their seats to look at the trio, at which point she blushed and shrank back in her seat.
Harry and Draco applauded her little outburst and Harry asked her "So I presume you have a plan of action in that enormous brain of yours, I haven't seen you look this excited and sneaky since that whole SPEW episode back in school."
"Oh yes Harry, indeed I do" she grinned.
"Well spit it out woman, I'm not getting any younger you know" Draco butted in impatiently giving her a quick prod to prove his point.
She retaliated by sticking her tongue out at him "I think I've got the perfect first question, are you ready?" both men raised matching eyebrows as if to say get on with it woman. "Okay here goes, question number one I'm a big animal lover and my favorite species are cats, especially big jungle cats." Hermione's animagus form was a beautiful Bengal tiger named Durga after the Hindu goddess. "If you were a animal what would you be and why?".
"That's brilliant Mione, just the sort of thing we are on about" enthused Harry "Have you had any thoughts about numbers two and three?"
Draco piped up "I have, as you both know that all pure blood children are taught to dance as soon as they can walk and the fact that those three horn dogs love to strut their stuff on a Saturday night" all of them shuddered involuntarily as they remembered when the men question had pretended to be John Travolta on a 70's theme night in the Three Broomsticks a few months earlier.
"Sweet Merlin I wished I'd been obliviated that night so I wouldn't be able to remember it" Harry confided to his friends who readily agreed.
"Any way we digress" reminded Draco "As I was saying all three men like to dance and are proud of their dancing skills so I think that your next question should be this, I love to dance and like nothing more than getting hot and sweaty on the dance floor with a great dance partner because in my experience a great dance partner makes a great lover and after all dancing is just publicly sanctioned foreplay. If you could describe yourself as a dance what would it be and why?, well what do you think Mione?," he waved his hand in front of her face and clicked his fingers, "Hello earth to Mione".
She blinked and her eyes refocused on Draco's concerned face in front of her "Sorry love I was daydreaming about tangoing with Sev and damn it was HOT!" she fanned herself to emphasize her point,
Harry chuckled as Draco paled at that particular thought, "Mione, no offense but as much as I love you both and think that you'd make a great couple I really have no desire to hear about your sex life together" he informed her with his trademark smirk on his face.
Harry drained the last of his coffee and pushed his empty plate away "Okay Kiddo's, that's two questions down and one to go, but lets get a move shall we as I have the afternoon shift with Sirius today."
Hermione looked down at her watch and it read 11:50am "Oh shit! I promised Minerva that I'd meet her at 12 today regarding that ruddy Alumni Dinner and dance evening she insists on holding every year. I'll owl you with the final question tonight sweeties" then she stood up put her coat on, gave them both a hug and apparated back to Hogwarts for her meeting with the headmistress.
A/N: Okay my lovely readers, I have posted a poll on my profile regarding the name of Neville's band please pop along and have a vote, also I'm struggling to think of a third question so if you have any ideas please put it in a review or send it in a pm and the one I like the best will find it's way into the story.
Both Harry and Draco have asked me to remind you to please send a review as they make me write faster and the next chapter mostly involves them, snogging and sneakiness.
Many thanks for reading, XX
