Chapter Seven: A New Hope
"Our scars remind us that the past is real." Scars, Papa Roach
Sydney was curled up on one side of a big red couch, the baby sleeping in her arms. He brushed the hair back from her face, kneeling down beside her to whisper, "Syd, it's me."
Her eyelids fluttered softly until she sleepily opened her warm brown eyes.
"Vaughn," She said in a hushed tone. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. She wrapped her arms around him, the baby cuddled in her lap. She shut her eyes tightly, her fingers gently stroking his hair.
"I was so worried. But you're safe now."
He slowly pulled back to look into her eyes.
"But that baby's not." He answered sadly.
"You didn't catch Sark?"
He shook his head.
"He escaped, and the CRF agents we did capture were already dead."
She swallowed, processing the information.
"And Molly?" he took her hand, and looked down at the floor of the train station.
"Sark killed her. I'm so sorry, Sydney." He sat beside her on the sofa, a defeated sigh escaping him. She too stared at the tile, than at the baby. Then she looked back at him.
"She knew if Sark found her without the baby, he'd kill her. But she let me take her anyway." The pad of her thumb brushed the smooth cheek of the infant in her lap.
"She saved your life." She whispered to her.
"And now it's our turn to do that. After the fight, I talked to your father. We're being sent on a long-term mission to keep the baby away from Sark. Your dad will meet us here in an hour, with a rental car, keys to a safe house, and our mission files.
She nodded, not looking away from the baby girl, who she noticed had lost her bow.
"Syd, how did you escape? Sark had men all over that hospital building."
"Molly saved me too. I took the scrubs, but I couldn't go out in plain sight with the baby, so I hid her in a laundry bin. I wheeled her out through the back, and down a service elevator. Thank God Sark had no men down that hall. The alarms were so loud; it took awhile to calm her down after we got out. Then, she slept until she got hungry about an hour ago.
"What did you feed her?" he said, eyebrows raised. Reaching down, she grabbed an empty bottle and a partially drained container of formula from a red diaper bag.
"I ran out to the store." She answered flatly. She looked around the station, a savored memory flooding her head.
"Remember the last time we were here?" she gave him a shy smile, which he returned.
"Yea, back when we could be killed if we were seen together."
They sat for awhile, lost in the past, then, as Sydney once again studied the infant in her arms, she spoke softly.
"What do you think we would have named our baby, Vaughn?" she asked thoughtfully, their gaze meeting.
It didn't take him long to answer, the ideal name coming to him instantly.
"Christine. Or Thomas. I don't know, what about you?" she smiled at his name suggestions, both of which she would have chosen herself.
"I like those. And maybe Samuel for a boy."
Soft grins spread across their faces, and then her expression turned somber. She hesitated, then asked slowly, the words painful to utter.
"Did you and Lauren ever talk about having kids?"
He let out a long sigh, knowing she wanted a full and honest answer.
"Not directly. She was more subtle things, like 'oh, her name is Rachel, such a pretty name for a child' or 'five children! One or two is enough don't you think, Michael?'. But you'd think having a baby would seal the deal on our Happy Ending, wouldn't it?" he said sarcastically. Then he mentally slapped himself. That was the reason for Sydney's existence. 'Way to bring that up' he thought darkly.
"It doesn't matter." She muttered, correctly interpreting his silence. Then she met his eyes.
"I saw you with her. I hade made contact with Kendall, and I wanted to see you. He warned me about how long it had been, but I told him that you loved me, and nine months wouldn't mean a thing. I saw you together, and maybe that was enough, or maybe I realized I would just put you in danger, I don't know. That was about the time the baby was due. In a way, I'm glad I don't remember anything. The things Kendall described..." she paused for a moment, the words she was saying straining her.
"Then, I woke up in Hong Kong. I had a sliver of hope that our baby had survived my fight with Allison. But then I saw that scar." She broke off again grief at though of her child's early death choking her slightly.
"When you told I had been missing for two years, and that you had gotten married, I didn't want to believe that is was you."
Sydney
reached back, and felt the small tranquilizer dart embedded in her
shoulder, then slowly turned to face the shooter. It was Vaughn, gun
still raised. The sedative began to take effect on her, and she
collapsed to her knees. This seemed to alarm the man, who had lowered
the weapon and taken a step forward, looking to catch her before she
fell. "Don't." she gasped, desperately fighting the
chemicals in her blood stream. He would only care if she collapsed
if-No, Vaughn wouldn't-he would never- "Don't." she
pleaded again. Don't be Vaughn. Don't let it be true, please-the
drugs took control of her body, and she fell in to strong arms that
had held her so long ago.
Her body tensed, and she was unsure if she could continue. Always aware of how she felt, he brushed the smooth amber bangs from her face, whispering softly.
"It's alright. I need to hear it." She nodded.
"Trying to move on, was difficult, so I tried to convince myself that we hadn't really loved each other, that our relationship had just been about sex, and hadn't meant anything." She waited for the hardened expression on his face, and it came.
She knew he was about to speak, about to apologize for never telling her how much she meant to him, but she shook her head, telling him he didn't need to.
"I didn't believe it. I knew it wasn't like that. Not with you. Maybe with Simon."
"That bastard." Vaughn muttered. He recalled the burning sensation that had risen up inside of him as he listened to Simon Walker kiss and touch Sydney, and wondering if the other man had ever realized just how beautiful she was, inside and out, and if so, had he ever told her? He had seriously doubted it then, and now, almost two years later, his feelings remained the same.
"When I was on the end of that comm. link, I didn't know if I could take it." He was quiet before chuckling, "You stabbed me."
"Walker would've killed you. I was so afraid I was gonna lose you." She replied mournfully. At her words, Vaughn experienced a slight déjà vu, feeling as if he had had this conversation with her before. Then he recalled the dream he had experienced as he lay in a coma from the stab wound. He had told Sydney how much he missed her, and they had shared a treasured kiss, only for him to awake and realize that it had been no more than a feeble attempt on his brain's part to fill the emptiness inside of him.
"As hard as it was to see you everyday, I couldn't handle never seeing you again. That's why I decided against transferring to San Diego."
"You were going to leave?" he asked incredulously, this truth new to him. She didn't answer him immediately, as the baby in her arms had begun to stir.
"Shhhh…it's alright." Sydney said in a hushed, soothing tone. She rocked the small girl, wrapping the fuzzy pink blanket more tightly around her.
"Remember that time, when I woke up after trying that memory retrieval therapy, and I kissed you? That was the first time considered leaving. I wasn't sure if I could handle being with you, but not being with you. I hating not being able to wish you goodnight, or tell you when I've had a bad day, or a million other things. When I realized I hadn't been dreaming, and that I had actually kissed you, Vaughn, I can't even begin to describe how that moment felt.
Sydney
opened her eyes to see Vaughn sitting beside her bed. The sight of
him made her break into a large grin. She had forgotten the warm
feeling of waking up and knowing somebody cared about her.
"Vaughn." She said, relishing the sweet taste of his
surname, a term of endearment that she knew made him melt. In
response, he joined her on the bed and gave her a smile of his own
that caused her heart to pound. "Help me up." She held out
her hands to him, and he took them in his own, lifting her gently.
Her smile widened, and she pressed her lips against his warmly, a
familiar sensation running down her spine. Vaughn closed his eyes, a
mantra rising from somewhere deep inside of him, as if he were coming
to life again after two years of being in buried and waiting for her
to find him again. His soul began to sing a hidden song for her
alone. But still… he placed a hand on her bare shoulder, trying to
stifle this feeling of joy, breaking apart the kiss. "Syd."
He whispered his voice full of pain. But hers was light, carefree as
she answered him. "I can't help it, I just miss you…I do."
Her eyes mirrored the longing he felt, and her hand went to
his cheek, cherishing the rough stubble, tracing the dip in his
chin. "Syd, you know we can't do this." He prayed that
she couldn't see the goose bumps that had risen on his skin from
the tender contact. She laughed softly. "Gimme a break. This
is a dream; we can do whatever we want. At least, I can." He
wished her words were true, that they could exist in a realm all of
their own, where he could hold her in his arms, kiss her, and return
to the world of bliss they had lost. "No" he whispered,
but the sound barely made it past his lips, so he shook his head
slightly. That world was gone. Then the door opened, and Sydney's
hand fell. "Your vitals are normal; you're going to be
fine. I assume he just told you that." stated an emotionless Jack
Bristow. The door shut, jarring her to a cruel reality. "Vaughn."
Now the word left a bitter taste on her lips, as though the taste of
him was a scar she would forever carry. Feeling the sting of tears,
she turned away, her face a mask of shame. She had just poured your
heart out to the one man who could rip it to pieces, no matter how
unintentionally. 'He doesn't miss you; his heart doesn't
flinch every time your skin brushes his, he doesn't long for you in
the middle of the night, Syd. He's fine without you.' she
thought, her throat burning as she swallowed. "Syd, it's
okay." He said quietly, hating the lie. It was far from okay. This
wasn't they way things should be between them; awkward and
uncomfortable. But there was nothing he could say to change that, he
realized, and he stood up, leaving her with the tears that had become
her twisted lullaby.
"I hated the idea of pushing you away, but I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I was sick of smiling when I felt trapped in my own life, sick of the pain that followed every glance, every conversation. It killed me, the thought of being cruel to you, but I thought it might be easier if you hated me, then I'd be the only one in agony. I told myself you'd find someone else, someone who deserves you, who won't let you down. But when you told me about- about what happened with Will, I realized that even if we both had other people, we would still be haunted by the 'what ifs?', and those relationships wouldn't be one tenth of what we have. I remember thinking, when I married Lauren, 'this is how normal people fall in love. They don't have shootouts on their first dates; they don't kiss in the middle of the rubble from a fallen terrorist organization.' I fell in love with the predictability of my life." He bit his lip, ashamed of the words that he knew were all to true.
She stared at him,
knowing that as she said the next few words, they would rip him
apart. But they had to be said. "After what happened in North
Korea, I lost it Vaughn."
His pain was evident now, etched into
every line of his face. He was at a loss for words, knowing that
nothing could make up for what he had done.
"But I learned to
trust you again, love you again. So much happened between us, I
didn't know if the damage was repairable."
"Do you know now?
Because if you need time, anything, I'll do whatever it takes
Sydney, I vow to you that whatever you need to be happy, I'll do it
for you." The confession was pure, and honest, but it was clouded
by memories of the past.
"I am so sorry for how much I hurt you." He said aloud, the words sincere, but laden with sorrow.
"It's over now. Everything's said. Just one thing: Promise me, Vaughn that you won't give up again. Swear to me you'll always be here, that you'll always be in love."
He lifted her chin with his hand, bringing her face level to his. "I swear that I'll never leave again. I'll always be with you Sydney, forever. You and me."
He leaned forward and kissed her softly. There was no overshadowing of guilt anymore, just the dark, but pure honesty that once again defined their love. Sydney smiled at the man who held her past, present, and future, oblivious to the precious object concealed in his pocket, a hidden promise for her alone.
