Chapter 7: The Duet
Aronpuma: FWI from last week. After the chapter was posted, I realized that I prolly should confirm that between Ari and myself, there is only one Y-Chromosome. Both was meant to imply the other male Hetalia writer on the site.
His name is Jeff.
Kawaii-Samurai-Ari: -Sighs- Unintentionally called me male, wow. -Tosses sparkles around- See! See how girlish I am! Female! Very much it!
Aronpuma: ….you realize you sound like you need to prove that?
Kawaii-Samurai-Ari: -Blows sparkles in your face- I need to prove that, obviously... I do NOT want to be called Ari-kun again - 3 -
Aronpuma: Yeah, and besides:
We all know there are no male Hetalia writers
...Jeff is a figment of my imagination...
Kawaii-Samurai-Ari: ... What the hell Aron? -Sighs- Next time, I'll be putting you in an insane asylum.
Aronpuma: They don't actually have those anymore in the US, nor do they have orphanages.
Soft steps shuffled down the hall, soft as to not cover the sound from the sweet sonata filling his ears. Lawrence could hardly focus on his reading, and to do that would mean shutting out the sound. Taking a break seemed to be quite reasonable as he again made his way to the doorway of the music room and quietly listened in.
The Austrian stood proudly in the center of the room, his eyes closed and his focus on nothing but the sweet song he was playing. His movements were swift and graceful, he put so much of his effort into playing.
Lawrence found his eyes closing as well. It was so nice to hear the music from a front row, really more the stage, and as the song came to a close, Lawrence found himself giving a not so soft applause.
Roderich put his violin down for a moment, looking to the door. "Lawrence?" He called softly, tilting his head slightly in curiosity.
"Oh um... hi," Lawrence said, straightening up as a blush crept over his cheeks.
Roderich only smiled at him. "Did you enjoy my song? Because it seems you were listening so very closely," he said with a light chuckle, going to sit down on the couch he had next to his piano against the wall.
"I loved it," he said, leaning against the door frame as he watched him sit, the blush not leaving him.
"I'd hope so," the Austrian said in a soft tone; his music had its effects. "I'm quite happy I can play for you."
His blush grew. "Don't play for me, I think you've done that enough for one lifetime."
"Oh? But I like playing my music for you." Roderich stared at him a moment, his gaze then shifting to the violin he had placed back in its stand. "I love playing my music for you," he corrected, the soft smile never leaving his face.
"Um… why me?" mumbled Lawrence, looking down in a poor attempt to remove the color from his face.
"Because... Well..." Roderich started but trailed off. Why can't I say it? he thought to himself, a sudden blush appearing on his cheeks as well.
Lawrence did not ask him for an answer, too busy trying to cure his own blush in the ensuing silence. After the longest silence, he finally said "I should probably stop disturbing you and go back to my room…"
The Austrian looked up at him. "N-No... It's fine. You aren't disturbing me, Lawrence." He stood up, wandering over to him. His blush slightly noticeable. Lawrence, however, was much too afraid to point it out, lest he 'reveal' his own.
"Ok, alright then…" he said, clearing his throat and standing a bit awkwardly in the doorway.
"You can listen to my music, you will never disturb me. I'm comfortable with you listening," Roderich said much too softly, his arms crossed slightly as he fidgets with his glasses.
"Well then… I'll just um… stand here then, to listen," he nodded, his eyes darting around the room to look at anything but him.
Roderich gave a small nod, going to pick up his violin again. He then resumed his playing, the blush still on his cheeks as he tried to focus on his playing
Lawrence leaned against the door frame again, shifting a bit in discomfort as he continued to experience his playing. The aura of awkward was all encompassing.
He suddenly struck a sour note, his blush darkening tenfold. "U-Um...Uh..." Roderich mumbled, trying to form a sentence, but only mumbling incoherent things.
"It was just a mistake I'm sure," Lawrence said, walking over to him rather quickly.
He looks to him, his hands were shaking lightly from his nervousness. "I-I never made a mistake like that..." he finally stuttered out, not at all caring if he was showing him his dark blush.
"That's ok, I mean like… I used to make mistakes all the time didn't I?" asked Lawrence, frowning at his hands.
He nods slightly and clasps his hands together, willing them to stop shaking. "You used to... Yes." Roderich mumbled.
"I hit that E just fine," muttered Lawrence, crossing his arms as Mr. Karpusi went to deal with cellos, who had done much worse in the rehearsal.
Roderich simply watched from his seat, sending a curious gaze towards Lawrence. He held his violin a tad bit closer before speaking clearly. "I think you just need a bit of help," he cracked a small smile.
Lawrence turned his head. "Help? Why? It's the freshmen that fucked it up," he said.
"With a bit of help, you could be great at it." Roderich smiled a bit more, loosening his grip on his violin.
"I think I'll be fine," said Lawrence a tad stubbornly. "I'm certainly good enough."
"There's a difference between good enough and great... I never want to be good enough, I want to be great," Roderich explained. "You could be too. If you tried."
"I don't have the time, it's enough to ace this class, so I choose to be content with it," said Lawrence. "Not everyone is going to practice as much as you must."
"You don't have to practice as much as I do... Maybe... Convey your emotions through it. It changes the sound, it affects the music." Roderich tilted his head a bit to the side, placing his violin on the ground carefully.
Lawrence rolled his eyes, "Thank you Nick at Nite, but this, is not emotion. This is a chamber that amplifies sound from vibrating strings. The quality of sound comes from that vibration. Emotion has little to do with it."
"I convey my emotions through my music, they do have their place in music. Not in the instrument, but the player of the instrument," he said softly as his gaze drifted to the floor.
"Well, whatever your secret is," Lawrence shrugged. "Though seriously, how much practice do you need to play it perfect every goddamn time?"
"Two hours," Roderich lied, he pulled more all-nighters with his practicing than any other of the students in the room would. "But whenever I practice, I convey my emotions through the music."
"But no one does the two hours." said Lawrence. Karpusi had a policy that all students must practice two hours a week. Lawrence? He could get away with one.
"Two hours a day." Roderich spoke as he crossed his arms. "And I think it should be just that around here..."
"No time," stated Lawrence bluntly. "I have scholarships that I need to get, and to get those I need to be good enough to excel in every class."
"I prefer my music over all that..." he said in a monotone, looking down at his violin with a sigh.
"But the real world is just around the corner," said Lawrence. "And not many can survive on music alone."
"I think I can... music is my life, I want a career in it. I want to be a well known violinist..." Another soft sigh left the violinist's lips.
"Well… good luck, you'll need it," Lawrence wished, looking at his viola. "But I'm not going to trust luck."
"I won't need luck... just my music and my talents." Roderich mumbled under his breath, picking his violin back up from where he had laid it.
"Oh well good for you," sighed Lawrence, looking out in the distance, seeming somewhat perturbed.
Roderich decided to go back to his silence, he didn't know what he was expecting to come out of that... He sighs, going back to messing with his violin.
After a long silence filled with the sound of Karpusi trying to get the Cellos to work. "Sorry," he murmured. "I'm just… I'm being forced to rely on luck at the moment. My talent doesn't have my life made."
He looks at him, "I wasn't at all good when I started violin... I worked at it, I'm working to where my talent will actually be great... Where I will be remembered for it."
Lawrence sighed. "I'm waiting to see how much money Emerson is going to give me. I don't have much control over whether I'm going to be able to afford a job that will lead to a comfortable life, let alone be remembered."
"I feel I will have a great life... It's just a feeling though." Roderich said in a mumble, giving him a bit of a stare.
"Lucky you," said Lawrence glancing back at him, about to comment at the stare before the room suddenly rushed silent.
"Alright- measure 28, again," said Karpusi as he walked up to the room. Lawrence and Roderich got up their instruments and readied their bows to go for the note as the Grecian began to count them in:
"Ena, dyo, tria, tessera..."
The note was pretty shaky as Lawrence drew the bow over the viola Roderich had in his music room. The American smirked to himself. "Not bad for a five year sabbatical."
Roderich gave him a soft smile. "Quite good in my opinion-" He then pointed a finger, "-But it could use some work." He gave a bit of a chuckle.
Lawrence blushed a bit. "Yeah, some work," he said, "It could use a better player, that's what this viola needs."
"You're a wonderful player... Don't degrade yourself like that." Roderich spoke in a soft and elegant voice as he approached him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You did wonderful."
"Oh I'm sure, I better join you in your next concert at this rate," Lawrence blushed, sinking further into the couch.
"You know... I actually would like that." A wide smile graced the Austrian's features, giving him a light pat on the shoulder. "With the right amount of practice... You could be great."
Lawrence glanced down at the viola. "Yeah no, I don't know if I have the talent or ambition to really play on stage with you. I mean it's fun but… I'm not sure I'd ever really be fully up to putting in what it takes to play on par with you."
"I think you could..." Roderich mumbles softly under his breath, pulling his hand back from his shoulder. His gaze shifting away.
"I mean I guess I could," said Lawrence, urging his eyes to return with his. "I just… that's not what I am trying to do with my life."
"Then... What are you trying to do with it..?" Roderich turns his head a bit, his eyes meeting his gaze.
Lawrence sat back a bit, blushing "Don't laugh," he murmured.
"I'm not going to laugh. I'm not that kind of person." He blinks his eyes a bit, lavender eyes holding a bit of his ever growing need for sleep.
"A Librarian," said Lawrence, blushing a bit, though he did his best to not look away. "At like, Boston Public or something."
"That sounds wonderful, it's a fitting job for you." Roderich smiles wider at him, his eyes shining a bit.
Lawrence sighed. "Yeah, maybe… I just don't have the right degree and I can't just go get my masters."
"Then what will you do?" Roderich asks him with a stare, his own blush becoming noticeable once again.
Lawrence gave a small smile, shrugging "Hold down a job, make enough money to go to school, get a masters, then get a job that could easily die in the digital world."
"I could help..." Roderich mumbles a bit too softly, almost inaudible to Lawrence's ears. "I can."
Lawrence looked at him, his expression falling blank. After a long moment of deliberation, he shook his head.
"Why not?" He questioned, not really surprised by his answer. Just curious about it.
"Because you're giving me too much already," said Lawrence. "And… I appreciate it all but I don't like being indebted to people."
"You won't owe me anything..." He said quietly, leaning back into his side of the couch.
"I'll feel like I will, I already do," he sighed, frowning a bit.
"You don't owe me anything..." Roderich's gaze went down to the floor, reaching one of his hands to fix his glasses.
"I know," he sighed, slumping more. "I just… it feels hypocritical to me."
You will never owe me a thing... "Yeah... Sorry..." Roderich apologized and turned his head slightly in the opposite direction of him.
"Why are you sorry?" Lawrence murmured, reaching out to him and putting a hand on his shoulder.
Roderich blushed lightly at the touch, looking at him. "For many things... Some I can't explain... Some I can..."
Lawrence frowned. "You've done nothing needing apology that I know of," said Lawrence. "If anything you're the nicest person to enter my life in a while."
"Am I really that nice?" The Austrian shifts his gaze away, sighing a bit. "And I feel I do have a reason to be sorry."
"Yeah," the American sighed, looking at his lap. "You're giving a free vacation to a random unemployed American."
"I'm taking care of an old friend. You are not a random American," Roderich mumbled, not yet lifting his gaze to meet his.
"That's a matter of luck, which I wish would be this good more often but well, it isn't," shrugged Lawrence.
Not luck, but fate. "I don't think it a matter of luck." Roderich sighed, looking at him now. "There isn't much to luck. Meeting me, wasn't luck."
"Not luck?" Lawrence looked back at him, his eyes heavy as he leaned forward towards him.
Roderich closed his eyes and sucked in a breath. "You'll laugh at me... If I told you." He said under his breath, blushing darker.
Lawrence softly shook his head. "No, I'm not going to laugh at you."
"I think it was...-" Roderich stopped for a moment, taking in a shaky breath. "-...Fate." He looked away almost immediately, unable to hold back his burning blush.
Lawrence exhaled, leaning his hand in his chin, waiting for him to return to his eyes.
It wasn't long before Roderich looked back to him, his cheeks a noticeable shade of crimson. Lawrence's face was much more sobered, drooping a bit, but still looking at him intently. "Ok," he said lightly.
Roderich shifts his gaze several times, reaching a shaky hand to adjust his glasses slightly. "I'm silly to think that..."
"I don't know," Lawrence said, his voice doing it's best to control its unease.
He was practically shaking from his nervousness, suddenly staring up and into his eyes, "Do you not think me silly for thinking that?"
"No. I don't know." Lawrence repeated, placing his hand on his shoulder, his voice betraying his nerves as well.
Roderich leaned a bit closer to him, shaking his head slightly to try and rid himself of his blush. "I'm still... sorry."
"Don't be," he said, rubbing his shoulder, trying to calm him. "Please don't be."
"I-I won't..." Roderich seemed to shake less, still slightly nervous. "I can't help some of the things that make me feel sorry... And be sorry."
"Can you at least articulate them?" sighed Lawrence.
"I can't seem to speak the words... When I have them so clear in my head... They become stuck in my throat." Roderich said ever so elegantly, though his voice was still shaky.
"...can you say your fears?" murmured Lawrence, his hand gently massaging.
"My fears?" You not feeling the same way. He had the words so clear in his head, but they never were heard, they couldn't be.
He nodded "Your fears… why it just… can't come." Lawrence said.
"That's it... I'm afraid to tell you." Roderich stares so deeply into his eyes, he couldn't look away now. He was drawn in.
Lawrence stared back, biting his lip. "I get it," he murmured. "I fucked up."
Roderich shook his head, his blush only deepening in its crimson red color. "You didn't... I'm just a complete coward..."
"No," he said, looking down. "You're trying to be nice, but I don't need any more of your sympathy, and I don't need to validate any more of your misconceptions. I fucked up." he said. "I don't have a job. I'm not going to get a job. I worked for a bit as a clerk at this bookstore, it went out of business. I don't have any business being here. The only income I can get at this point is by begging my old boss for minimum wage beach concessions, and I only got that job because my mother slept with him. If the world is fated, then failure is pretty much mapped out for me, so why are you trying to elevate my life!?"
"Because... I..." He bites his lip, daring to try. "I-I like you, verdammit!" Roderich says suddenly, his eyes closed tightly as he awaited Lawrence's reaction.
Lawrence blinked out a tear, his eyes already welling up, he drew back a bit but kept his hand on his shoulder. "Roderich?" he said.
His eyes opened slightly, looking up at him. "Lawrence..?" He says with a questioning tone, finding that he was tearing up a bit. He was scared, nervous.
"Don't cry," he murmured, leaning in and hugging him, trying to breath slowly.
Roderich blushes more, hugging back almost immediately. "I felt this way for the longest time... I don't just like you... I love you." He admits, "I was scared... To tell you... It was my fear."
Lawrence blinked, but nodded, blushing as well as he held him tighter. "Don't cry." he murmured again weakly, seeming near tears himself.
"I won't cry... Just don't you go crying on me..." Roderich lays his head on his shoulder, one of his hands rubbing his back. He wasn't afraid anymore.
"I'm sorry." he murmured, closing his eyes and sniffling.
Roderich places a sudden kiss on his cheek. "Don't be sorry, Lawrence." He whispered quietly to him, now trying to calm him.
Lawrence's cheeks flushed, as his hand went to his cheek slowly. His breathing and heartbeat jumped.
"I love you." Roderich repeated his words, his blush dark and his eyes blinking a bit. He needed to let some of his own tears free.
Lawrence blinked out some of his tears, breathing heavily against his chest. After a few breaths he eventually managed an "ok."
Several of his own tears slip down his cheeks, he tried not to let them free. He couldn't hold them back. Roderich suddenly buries his face in his shoulder, hiding his tear stained cheeks. Lawrence began to run his hands through his hair, crying softly above his head.
Roderich was lost in his own tears, but his crying softened when he felt his hands in his hair. Leaning into his touch, his eyes closed.
They stayed still in this way for the longest time, each softly communing tears to the other within their embrace. Finally, after several more moments, Roderich lifted his head. Rubbing the last of the tears from his eyes and sniffling. Lawrence drew back his hand slowly, pulling back slightly. "You should get back to your practicing or get to bed," he murmured.
"Maybe... Not yet though." Roderich moves, his lips pressed to his in that moment, conveying his emotions through his kiss. His arms gently wrap around his neck, keeping him close. The action took Lawrence by some surprise, though tentatively, he returned the kiss, letting it last until Roderich pulled away. "I just... Had to." Roderich breathes, one of his hands coming up and touching his own lips. He loved that moment, as short as it may have been.
Lawrence slowly pulled back, "I'm going to bed." he murmured softly.
Roderich gave him a small nod, pulling back as well. He stood up, letting a smile grace his features. "I'll be going to bed too."
"Ok," Lawrence murmured, standing up slowly "goodnight." he said, not quite smiling.
"Night." Roderich then left his music room, going to his bedroom. He was happy, happy that he finally confessed. He was no longer a coward. He may not have been a coward anymore, but he was still many things that were just as bad.
Lawrence trailed him, going on the same path to get to his room. He was many things at this moment, but happy, no.
Aronpuma: ^v^
Again, feel free to review or fav or follow or whatevs ^-^
