AN: I'm really sorry for the long wait everyone. Things haven't been great.
Disclaimer: I own nothing in relation to Divergent or Veronica Roth's characters. The only thing I do own is a copy of her trilogy and an unhealthy imagination.
~.~.~
Chapter 7 (Hypocritical Contradictions)
Colm couldn't help but whine as the initiates all headed to lunch. His arms ached from holding the gun up for a solid three hours and he knew they still had fight training to go. Colm didn't even notice the other initiates at the table as he sat down in his usual spot with a loud, "thank god!"
Tris smiled, "Tired?"
"You have no idea," he groaned. "Why is that?" He questioned with a pensive look.
"What do you mean?" Asked Tris picking up the new love of her life. Cake.
"I mean how well you seem to be adjusting. If I didn't know better I would have thought you were Dauntless-born," he paused. "Of course that's crazy though. You are from Abnegation," he remembered. "Strange."
Tobias sat down next to the silent Tris. She didn't know how to explain and she was afraid of furthering his suspicions and so she said nothing.
Christina and the previously crying Ex-Candor sat down on the other side of Tobias. "So Four, how'd you get that nasty bruise?" Christina asked, pointing rudely to the hand shaped print on his face. Will, on the other side gave the girl a large quick and she let out a large gasp of breath in pain. She glared at the boy, but softened at his innocent expression.
Four said nothing. He just turned, facing Christina and glared straight into her eyes. She took a gulp before turning back very interestedly to her lunch. Will rolled his eyes at her bluntness, if she kept this up she was going to be killed.
Tris zoned out from the proximity to Tobias. She could see by the way his body was tensed that he was still angry, but so was she. She honestly had no idea how to breach the wall that seemed to have build between them. She both regretted and was pleased with their argument. Yes, they were angry at each other, but that anger they held had to be released at some point. It was best to get it out of the way.
"Skylar," demanded Christina down the table, bringing Tris out of her thoughts. "I asked if you remembered me from math class," she stated. "I mean, I remember you because you always sat in the back row at the corner desk. Kinda like now," she added, looking over at Tris who was sitting in the corner seat at the back of the room. "I mean, I remember you. You always had longer hair than the rest of the Abnegation and then there was that giant scandal around you and your friend a few years ago," she said carelessly. 'How thick is this girl? You don't just go blurting stuff out like this, even if you are Candor!'
Tris couldn't help but let her eyes flicker over to Tobias, before averting them once more. Only Colm and Lauren caught the movement, but said nothing.
"I don't remember you," replied Tris honestly. She only just held herself back from giving the girl a tongue lashing.
Christina shrugged. "It's not that surprising with you. I mean, you were practically a robot half your life, but you're here now!" She grinned broadly. The smile disappeared from her face as Tris stood up and stormed away.
"What did I say?" The question drifted after Tris, just spurring her on faster.
"Damn, you are insensitive," spoke Tobias for the first time since arriving at the table. "Do you even know the meaning of tact?" Standing up, he left without another word, following through the doors Tris exited.
~.~.~
Tris punched the bag with renewed force as she imagined Christina's face. 'What right does she have to say those things? It's not any of her business!' Tris thought to herself.
'Its true though. Did you really think no one would notice or remember?' Another voice seemed to argue back.
'Of course not!' Tris snapped in her mind. The bag swung precariously through the air once more. 'But she has no reason to bring it up.'
'She's a Candor at heart," the voice explained simply. 'Lord knows why she choose Dauntless.'
Tris paused, her closed fist hovering in front of the beaten bag. 'You know most people would be considered crazy to be talking to themselves.'
'First off, you're not talking. And second, you are considered crazy as it is, there's no 'would be' about it.'
Tris thought for a moment, shrugged, 'fair enough,' and continued to beat the shit out of Christina's face.
She did not pause as she felt a presence hover around the doorway. "What are you doing here, Four?" She called out confidently.
"Well," he drawled. "Considering this the training room and I'm the trainer, I have every right to be here. You, on the other hand, are still an initiate and do not have access to this area." Tobias stepped out of the door way and casually lent on a wall, studying Tris. "I seem to always catch you in here," he muttered as an after thought.
"I wasn't aware the definition of always was 'twice' now, but I'll take your word for it," she replied testily.
Tris watched the lazy smirk that twitched on the corners of his mouth. "I think I know you pretty well. I have no doubt I'll be meeting you here again in the future when you need to relieve some stress."
"Do you though?" Asked Tris regarding his first statement. "I don't even know myself, let alone you," she muttered angrily. She hadn't meant to say it, but it was open on the air now.
A deep sigh released itself from Tobias' lips. "That's because you won't open up. You hide from the things that hurt you."
"Hypocrite," she immediately snarled.
He tilted his head slightly in agreement. "While I might not follow my own advice, it's still useful nonetheless." Tobias tore his eyes away from Tris, staring up at the darkness of the ceiling. "What happened Tris? What happened that day?" He asked suddenly.
Tris said nothing. Only the sound of her flesh hitting leather permeated the empty room. "I died," she answered abruptly.
The words seemed to hang around them like a shroud, anointing them. Tris had stilled her movements and was staring down at her bruised knuckles with an unreadable expression.
Tobias watched her with half lidded eyes, his eyelashes concealing the storm that raged behind them. "And how is it that you are here today?" He asked around the lump in his throat.
She turned to stare into his eyes. Her own stone eyes seemed unflinching against his churning emotions. "You misinterpret me," she stated calmly. "I didn't die in my body, but I died in my soul."
Tobias felt as is he were the one being stabbed that day. Her words pierced him to a level he didn't know he possessed.
Tris continued on, undeterred by his silence. "My physical body remained, but something in me snapped and something was released. I'm both emotionless and passionate. A contradiction. What am I Tobias?" She asked desperately, her calm being shattered with her last question.
"Human Tris," he murmured taking a step forward and brushing his hand against her cheek. "You are human, everyone breaks eventually. We just have to pick up the pieces."
She shook her head in his hand. "Not me, I don't break, I can't afford to break or be broken."
"Tris," he whispered to himself like a prayer. He pulled her close to his body, wrapping his arms around her lithe frame. He noticed the way her body stiffened against him, but he never let go.
Tris could feel the warmth of Tobias' body as it seeped through her clothing into the her pores. For the first time she felt the cool of the night and she shivered, burrowing into the hot, human water bottle.
"Tris," he whispered again into her hair. "You're so Dauntless and yet not at the same time..." He trailed off. Both unconsciously looked over each others shoulder to make sure no one was eavesdropping. "Tris, what did you get on your aptitude test?"
"Dauntless of course," she answered with no hesitation. She was used to lying.
"Of course," he muttered, disbelief evident in his voice. "Tris, you trusted me once, you can trust me again."
Tris allowed silence to rein for a few moments before answering, "Tris never stopped trusting you. You never did anything to break her trust, but Tris is dead. She died that day with her father and you need to accept that." She pulled away abruptly, her hair shielding her anguished face.
"You know I can't believe that," He replied, his arms dropping limply to his sides. His eyes remained focused on hers. Tobias could almost believe he saw emotion churning behind her smooth, granite orbs. He honestly didn't know what else to say. She had changed. It was impossible to stop change, but deep down, hidden behind her fractured facadè, was the Tris he once knew.
"You can believe whatever you like, it's your choice."
"It's your choice too!" Tobias demanded making Tris look back up at him sharply. "Your father's gone. My father's gone. So, what's the problem?" He looked around as if searching for an answer. To his chagrin none popped up in the relatively empty room.
"Gone?" Tris let out a sharp bark of laughter that sounded distressed more than humorous. "They are never going to be gone," she spat. "Our fathers are faction leaders. Every ceremony, they will be there. Every inspection, they will be there. Hell, they don't even need a fucking reason. One word from their mouths and they. Are. There." Tris felt the urge to stop her foot in pure frustration, and only barely squashed the movement.
"I think you're exaggerating their power just a tad," Tobias scoffed.
Tris sneered in return. "And I think you are underestimating their power. Abnegation rules the factions."
"For now," Tobias huffed under his breath.
Tris raised an enquiring brow, but Tobias didn't reply. If Tris was going to hide information from him, he would simply return the curtesy.
"Whatever," said Tris with a sense of finality. "I'm outta here."
With that she stormed away, leaving Tobias alone once again.
~.~.~
No ten minutes later Tris stood watching Tobias as he demonstrated the moves the initiates would need to memorise. She was annoyed, hungry and missed out on cake. All in all, her day had turned out like shit. No change there then.
The chalk board hung ominously on the far wall, proclaiming the names of all the initiates. The spaces beside the names currently remained empty, but only furthered everyone's stress levels knowing they only had a short amount of time to change their positions.
"So I recommend you pay attention," instruct Tobias with a pointed glance at a couple of day dreamers including Tris. "The fast learners are the ones that will succeed," his voice trails off for a second before he snaps back to reality.
Tris can't help but begrudgingly admit Tobias is an amazing instructor. He obviously had a through knowledge of his subject and held the fine line between strict and easy going. The basic punching techniques being taught were nothing new, but she was enraptured by Tobias. She was like a lost wanderer in the desert and he was the first signs of water in weeks. Her eyes thirstily drank up his teachings, allowing his deep voice to wash over her.
Tris' knuckles ached by the end of the punching section and she knew she shins weren't going to be much better. She knew her kicks were her weakness and she was determined to have mastered it by the end of the lesson. To any other initiate it would have been an un achievable goal, but Tris' body still remembered how to move and stand even if she had forgotten.
Tobias wanders among the crowd, testing and correcting the initiates as he goes. A slight twitch at the corner of her lips is all that is given away by Tris as Tobias chastises Peter on his technique and stance. Peter scowls, but follows his advice nonetheless.
Colm who had been silently training beside Tris let our a groan of pain as his bruised flesh struck the unyielding leather once more.
"Colm," Tris hissed out the corner of her mouth. "Stop tucking your thumb in, you'll break it."
"But it feels awkward otherwise, Sky," he whined.
Tris watched as his bottom lip pouted out adorably... Not that she would ever admit to thinking such a thing. "Well, it will feel even more awkward when you break your thumb trying to throw a punch, now change your grip," she admonished.
Colm looked over at Tris with wide eyes, slightly watering at the edges. How brown, doe eyes seemed to quiver in their sockets.
Tris panicked. She didn't know what to do. The only person she had ever consoled was Tobias, but that was... before. She hadn't thought she was being too hard on Colm, she was just worried for him and now...
A sharp burst of laughter broke her panic induced haze. All the desperation and helplessness had fled from his eyes only to be replaced with barely concealed amusement.
"Oh Sky, you're hilarious. You looked like you were about to have a panic attack when I started 'crying'," he threw her a lop sided grin, while changing his hand position.
Tris' own eyes widened before glaring at the red headed boy. "You were acting, you sneaky, little bugger!" She accused. Not allowing time for him to respond, she slapped him up the backside of the head.
"Damn woman! That hurt," he complained, messing up his hair as he rubbed the offending area. "Now I'm definitely sure that you're the one that slapped Four," he joked.
The smile slipped from his face when Tris didn't reply. "Sky-" he started.
"Hey!" Called out Four from down the line. "You two, this is not social time. Get to work!"
The authoritative tone struck something in Tris and she responded with, "yes Sir!" Going full throttle at the bag once more. Her energy was already spent and her legs were weak with exhaustion, but she felt none of it. Her instincts were screaming at her that if she didn't do what she was told, she would be hurt.
The bag swung precariously throughout the rest of the session. The usual banter that would fill the room had dispersed abruptly, leaving an empty feeling. Not that that mattered to the trainers. So long as everyone was behaving and learning as they should, there was no reason for them to interrupt or attempt to break the tension.
"Sky... Sky!" A voice shocked Tris out of her trance. Looking around she noticed that almost all the students had left and only Colm was left standing in front of her. "It's time to go to dinner. Training's over," Colm let out a nervous laugh. "Wow, you really worked yourself out to the edge," his eyes swept over her equipment. "Your punching bag's literally splitting at the seams."
With the knowledge that Tris had for filled her duties, all her previous energy fled and her legs began to collapse beneath her.
"Woah, Sky!" Exclaimed Colm, dropping down to his knees as he caught her limp body. "Um, Sky?"
Tris barely managed to force her head up to see his strained face. "Mmm? In a minute," she murmured sleepily in his arms.
"Uh," started Colm. "Not that I mind you sleeping on me or anything, but," his stomach suddenly rumbled, interrupting the peace.
"As my stomach so adeptly put it. I'm hungry and I'm sure you are too. You can sleep straight after," he promised. Colm struggled up only then to be pulled back down by her weight.
"Nooooo," Tris whined pitifully. "Stay, no moving," she curled up against his half sitting, half kneeling position.
"I didn't want to have to do this," Colm whispered to her, "but it's the only way you ever seem to respond..." He trailed off.
Tris continued to nap quite happily in his lap.
"Initiate Skylar!" Colm demanded in voice that no one would ever believe he possessed. "You were to report at dinner at 0800 hours! It is currently 0805, what do you plan to do about this?"
Tris' body shot up like a rocket. A strange part of her mind took over and her body moved of its own accord. For a second she was almost grateful for her bodies natural response. She knew there was no other way she would have gotten up until her energy had been refilled, otherwise.
"Yes Sir!" She said firmly, but drowsily. Standing up straight she rushed from the room, leaving Colm worried about how she responded without a thought.
~.~.~
"Well, I want to get a tattoo. If we are going to be Dauntless, we may as well look the part," proclaimed Al from the middle of the table.
Tris personally thought it to be a stupid reason. You didn't stain your skin for others and to act the part. Tattoos were permanent, forever. At least with the current technology as it is. To mark your body in such a way should not be a spur of the moment decision. It should be thought out, purposeful. But then again, she thought to herself, I have a tattoo on my chest I don't even remember getting applied.
"It's stupid if you think a tattoo with give you the courage to fit in with the Dauntless," Tris spoke up suddenly. Taking a sip from her cup, she took a moment to think. "Besides, if you're going to cry yourself to sleep each night, there is no doubt you'll pull out before getting the tattoo. Save yourself the embarrassment and just dye your hair or get a small piercing instead."
Al looked down at the table, ashamed, while Christina stood up beside him, "and what about you, Loose Stiff? You're the one covered in mindless tattoos, how are they purposeful? And bunch of random geometric lines and designs," she huffed, her fringe flying up for a second before falling back to its usual position.
Tris let out a sharp bark of laughter, "Oh, they are purposeful alright." Just not from my own intentions, she finished in her mind.
Colm looked over at Tris, "What are they talking about Sky?"
Tris raised an eyebrow as Christina sneered from down the table, "you haven't heard? No wonder you're hanging out with her. The rebel Stiff that hides silver tattoos all over her body. It's pitiful the way you betrayed your father."
"Betrayed?" Tris asked. "I merely followed Faction practice. I received a Dauntless aptitude, therefore I switched, same as you. I would think my father would be proud of me for following the unspoken guidelines," She lied.
"Why do you hide them anyway?" Interrupted Peter from another table, clearly overhearing the heated argument. "I mean, you're in Dauntless now. There's no need to hide them," he shot her a deep smirk.
He knows, Tris though, or at least he suspects.
"And there's no need to show them," Tris sneered in return. "Tattoos are personal, and I have no intent on ever getting to know you on such a level."
"Well your friend Colm didn't even know about them," pointed out Christina.
Tris let out a noise of frustration. "Do none of you realise we have barely been here twenty four hours and you are already prying into people's private lies? Go back to Candor if you want answers to such blunt questions!"
"Guys," spoke up Will. "She has a point. We are all still practically strangers..."
"Whatever, let's go," spoke up Christina. Despite her small frame she managed to pull Al out of the room, Will dragging his feet as he slowly ambled behind.
Colm looked over a Tris as the motley crew vanished. "I know we haven't known each other long," he started. "But I feel like I can trust you and I hope you can feel the same. If you ever want to talk... I'm here Sky."
Tris glanced up at Colm with a small, but genuine smile. She found herself doing that a lot lately. "Thanks mate, I'll be sure to remember that in the future."
~.~.~
"Why are we here?" Complained Tris. Her arms felt like pure lead as she followed Colm aimlessly down the narrow passage. "I thought we agreed this was a stupid idea."
Rolling his eyes, Colm reached back and yanked the tired girl into a room. "No, I'm taking your advice. I'm not game enough to get a tattoo at this point, so I'm going to get a piercing."
Tris watched in shock at his blazon candor and confidence. The idea of the innocent, red headed boy with a pierced face like Eric's made her shudder. Colm must have picked up on her thoughts and he abruptly came to a halt in front of a sign advertising their wares.
He shook his head. "Nothing like Eric of course. I was originally going to get streaks or something in my hair, but the red clashes, so I've decided to go with a simple lip ring," he explained calmly. The slight shake in his hands was the only give away of his apprehension.
His words hung in the air as Tris hesitated to respond. She knew he was concerned about the procedure, but she didn't want to undermine his confidence by pointing that fact out.
"Ok, if that's what you want to do," Tris said slowly. "But, just know that you don't have to prove yourself to be in Dauntless. At least not like this."
With a nod of his head, Colm took a deep breath. "I know." The brave boy then proceed into the piercing room with his head held high.
As the door fell shut, she finally took in her surroundings. The room was the same as she remembered. A burst of colour in the bleakness of Dauntless. Every inch of the wall from floor to ceiling was filled with a myriad of sketches and designs for tattoos and piercings. The uneven, obsidian walls acted as a blank canvas for the artists that inhabited the faction, displaying their multitudes of talent for a price.
A small bird tattoo caught Tris' attention. It was a simple design compared to the sketched that surrounded it. Compared to the tattoo that marred her own body. It was a symbol of freedom, the bird taking flight.
But Tris did not feel that she was free. She was on the road to freedom, no doubt about that, but true freedom? That she had not yet achieved.
In another world she could see herself getting the coloured in tattoo, a marking of each of the loving family members she left behind. They would trail down from her collarbone to her heart, which would be free of ink.
Family, she scoffed inwardly to herself. She had no family. An abusive father? Sure. An egotistical brother? Definitely. A mother? Well, Tris wasn't sure what happened to her. One day she was there, the next she was gone. Without warnings, she left her only daughter to die.
"See something you like?" Asked a voice from the doorway. There Tori stood, tattoo machine in hand.
An older Dauntless man scooted around her with a thanks, clutching his bandaged forearm.
Tris looked back at the sketch. "Actually, yes. Could I get this bird with a small modification?"
"Sure, what do you need?"
~.~.~
A small smile slipped onto Tris' face in the silence of the room. Not even Al was crying himself to sleep tonight.
The small bird outline seemed to glow against the skin on her neck, just above her collarbone. It was progress. One day, when she was truly free, she would complete the tattoo.
Her smile broadened as she looked towards the unknown future.
AN: I just want to give a large thanks to those who have been reviewing and PMing me. I have had quite a few interesting and enlightening conversations.
Please leave a review/favourite if you liked the chapter. Even if you didn't, leave a review about why and I'll see what I can do!
I'll try not to be so long with the next chapter, but because of some family issues going on atm, updates may be slow (about every 2 - 3 weeks, give or take a week)
~ Mercy
P.s just realised we are 200 people off of 10000 views! Wow, I couldn't have done it without you guys. Thanks 3
