Disclaimer: Ahahah. I don't own FMA.

Please...don't kill me. I know that it took way too long for me to update. I had some problems thinking of how an uberly gay Edward would be.
Also, please don't take any offense to this. I was not trying to insult gay men in any way, I promise.

Warning: They kiss (yaoi).

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Roy had grown to the point where he was confident that Edward's phases could not shock him.

He couldn't be more wrong; he nearly fell off his chair when Ed came into work with a flaming pink jacket on. Apparently, Edward had taken his famous red coat and dyed it pink. (A/N: Oh my goodness, Edward's an idiot in this one. O.o He dyed his FAMOUS red coat PINK. Ahhhhh. Okay, read on.)

Roy tried to play off like everything was normal: "So, uh, Fullmetal, how are you?"

However, Edward would not allow that. In a flamboyantly gay voice, he replied: "I'm super, thanks for asking!"

Roy froze up, lacking any and all words that he could use in such a moment.

"So, anyways, don't cha just love my rainbow shirt?" Edward pointed out a shirt that had failed to be noticed due to the pink coat. Roy choked on his coffee for a short bit.

"It's, uh...beautiful?" Roy said in a voice that told that he was unsure.

"I think it's fabulous!" Edward exclaimed.

"Why don't you just dye your hair rainbow?" Roy murmured under his breath. Unfortunately for him, Ed heard it.

"Oh my goodness, that would be fabulous too!!" He shrieked. Ed then ran off to buy some paints that he could use for hair coloring with his skill in alchemy.

"Oh dear god." Roy put his head in his hands.

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When Edward returned, Roy again choked, except this time it was on his own spit. Ed has a rainbow pattern in his hair and it looked almost ridiculous.

Roy needed to use the men's room, so he has Edward watch over his office.

Bad idea.

When Roy got back, Edward had managed to "paint" the couch and carpet in a rainbow pattern. The colors were so bright that they were practically glowing, it seemed.

"Fullmetal..." Roy said apprehensively. "This...is going a bit to far."

"Oh my goodness, how come? It looks super!" Edward exclaimed.

"I understand the need to be...proud. However, when my eyes burn from looking at the bright carpet, we have a problem." Roy took a seat in his chair.

"Oh, darling, you are exaggerating. Your eyes cannot be literally burning."

"True enough. However, the carpet is painful. I'll excuse the couch. I somewhat consider that your couch anyway..."

"You mean it?" Edward cut in. "That's honestly 'My Couch'?"

"Well, yeah. You sit there while I do my work..."

"OH ROY!" Edward squeaked and hopped into Roy's lap. "I love you, babe." Edward kissed Roy on the cheek, exactly as a young girl would do.

"Ohhh no. This isn't going to work. Edward, you are behaving like a woman. That's too extravagantly gay for me, and you are treading on the brink of being transsexual." Roy said.

"Oh, hun, I am not." Edward said, still in Roy's lap. He kissed Roy lightly on the cheek again.

"Goddamn it." Roy easily lifted Edward and placed him on his back on the desk. Then Roy roughly began to kiss him, not bothering at all to be gentle. Instinct kicked in, and Edward became rough too. Pulling away, Roy panted out: "That is how you kiss like a man."

"Fabulous." Edward said in the flamboyant voice and then pulled the colonel towards him again. They continued their rough kissing and absolutely no paper work got done.

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A/N: As a little P.S., I'd like to say that you can check out my other story if you want. I mean, it's full of angst, but it can be something to read while you wait for me to update this.

I'd like to add that I've been being incredibly rude. I really appreciate all the reviews everyone has been giving me and I'd like to thank you all. I'm sorry that thank you did not come earlier.