A/N: Thank you so much for your kind reviews last chapter—they mean a lot! I was excited to add the Sean Petrucci wrinkle to this storyline and am so glad that others are interested as well. So, with that said, here's the next chapter. I had wanted to post it yesterday, but a rough bout of food poisoning compromised those plans. Anyway, better late than never! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!
Her world is imploding.
Vivian may never be her brilliant self again. That alone is world-crushing enough. But now she has a potential lawsuit on her hands. Not to mention, her marriage is more unstable than a teenage girl in her first pair of high heels.
She wants to cry. She had planned to bawl her eyes out in private, but Sean Petrucci interrupted her before she had the chance … and, of course, added more fuel to the fire.
She's so lost in her thoughts, she doesn't hear Dr. Bailey approach her, and she nearly jumps a foot in the air when Bailey's voice cuts into her thoughts.
"Dr. Shepherd?"
Addison turns in surprise. "Dr. Bailey," she says, regaining her composure and doing her best to give the resident a convincing smile. "What can I do for you?"
"Nothing, actually. I'm here to update you."
Addison looks at Bailey in confusion. "Update me?"
"I'm the resident assigned to Vivian Carlsmith's case. And Dr. Shepherd … the other Dr. Shepherd asked me to give you an update."
"Oh," Addison nods. Her heart is suddenly racing; she doesn't know whether to be hopeful or worried. "Has Vivian woken up yet?"
Bailey shakes her head. "She hasn't." She looks at Addison apologetically. "I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd."
"Oh," Addison says quietly. She looks at Bailey in confusion. "So, Derek asked you to tell me that there hasn't been any progress?"
"Dr. Shepherd, I think you and I are both smart enough to see what's really going on here," Bailey says frankly. "He's worried about you and wants to make sure you're okay." She looks at Addison closely. "Are you?"
"My mentor is dying, Dr. Bailey."
Bailey swallows thickly. "I know," she says sympathetically. "I'm really sorry."
Addison nods mutely. "Derek thinks when Vivian wakes up she'll be herself again," Addison admits vulnerably. "But I … I don't know."
"Well, I haven't known Dr. Shepherd very long, but I wouldn't bet against him. Not when it comes to his medical specialty, at least," Bailey amends. She meets Addison's eyes. "Can I be blunt with you?"
"Are you ever not blunt?"
"Fair enough," Bailey concedes before growing serious. "I've never trusted your husband. Something about him always struck me as disingenuous. I chalked it up to the whole McDreamy persona that the hospital thrust upon him."
Addison's jaw tightens, and she forces herself to keep her face neutral at the mention of her husband's ridiculous and admittedly childish nickname around this place.
"I never bought it, though," Bailey continues. "Even though he embraced it, his whole persona seemed fake to me. Like a mediocre acting performance. And I can't say I liked Derek McDreamy Shepherd. Don't get me wrong; he's a brilliant doctor. That much I could acknowledge. But as a person, I wasn't impressed." She pauses. "But these past few days, he's been different. More genuine … more real. And still a brilliant doctor. But I like this version of Derek Shepherd better."
Addison smiles slightly. She's not entirely sure what to do with Bailey's comment. She just knows she appreciates it.
"So, with that said," Bailey continues. "I'm still assigned to your husband's service. And against my better judgment, I agreed to play messenger between the two of you." She meets Addison's eyes. "What would you like me to tell him?"
Addison runs a hand through her hair. "Is he still with Vivian?"
"Hasn't left her side."
Addison smiles. "Are you going back there now?"
"I am."
"I'll go with you."
"Okay," Bailey shrugs. And they start walking. "Suit yourself."
"Wait," Addison says, stopping abruptly. "He hasn't eaten anything."
"I wouldn't know that," Bailey says. "Dr. Shepherd's dietary habits really aren't any of my concern."
Addison shakes her head. "No, I wasn't asking if you knew whether he ate something. I'm stating a fact."
They make a quick stop at the coffee cart (much to Bailey's displeasure), and before long, they're walking into Vivian's hospital room.
Vivian is laying there, eyes closed, unmoving. If Addison didn't know any better, she'd say her mentor looked peaceful.
And just as Bailey had said, Derek is sitting at Vivian's side, focused on her intently.
"Still no progress?" Addison asks, disrupting the heavy silence.
Derek looks up in surprise and shakes his head sadly. "Not yet."
She sits down next to him and sighs. "I think Vivian has more color than before," she says after a moment. She turns to her husband. "Do you think she has more color?"
"I …" Derek hesitates. He looks at his wife, eyes soft.
"She doesn't, does she?" Addison asks glumly.
"No, wait," Derek says, as his hand involuntarily falls to his wife's thigh. "I think she might. Dr. Bailey, what do you think?"
"I think this conversation is about to become non-medical very fast," Bailey says, glancing at Derek's hand which is still on Addison's thigh. "And I want no part in that. Let me know if you need me," she continues as she heads toward the door. "For medical purposes," she clarifies. "And, yes," she adds, turning back to look at Addison and Derek, "I do think Dr. Carlsmith has a little more color."
Derek watches Bailey's retreating form and chuckles. He turns to Addison. "She's starting to grow on me."
"Really?" Addison raises an eyebrow. "She just said the same thing about you."
He shakes his head. "Yeah, well …" He suspects a big part of why Bailey has always been lukewarm about him has a lot to do with his relationship with Meredith Grey. But he decides against sharing this with Addison.
He looks at his wife closely. "How are you holding up?"
"Honestly?"
"I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to know the truth."
"I'm devastated," she admits. "I can't bear seeing Vivian like this. And on top of that, I'm probably going to get sued."
"Sued?" Derek's eyebrows dart up in surprise. "By who?"
"I operated on a baby in utero five years ago. The baby wouldn't have had a chance if I hadn't agreed to operate." Addison sighs heavily. "Anyway, the baby was born with Spina Bifida, and now the mother is threatening to sue me for wrongful birth."
"But that's not your fault," Derek insists. He immediately feels a surge of anger—defensiveness, even—pulsate through his body. And he can't quite explain it. "Addison, if it hadn't been for you, that baby never would have survived."
"Exactly," Addison nods. "I did exactly what the mother wanted, and she's still suing me." She runs a hand through her hair in frustration. "I remember that case so clearly. Sean was so insistent about doing whatever it took to save her daughter. And now …"
"We went to the bar after that surgery," Derek cuts in. His voice is reminiscent and confident all at once.
She looks at him skeptically. Derek, who forgot birthdays and anniversaries, is somehow able to remember details from an obscure surgery.
"Lucky guess."
"No," he insists. "I remember that night. I remember that surgery."
How could he not?
~ Sometimes you picture me ~
There are no two ways about it, his wife is brilliant. And he is beaming with pride.
He's sitting in the gallery, alongside fellow attendings, residents, interns, and even the chief of surgery. They're all watching intently as Addison performs a surgery that very few surgeons have the courage to take on or the talent to pull off.
Sean Petrucci is the expectant mother on Addison's operating table. He and Addison have discussed the case so much at home he knows the details of it almost as well as she does. For example, he knows that Sean went to eight other surgeons—all of whom insisted her baby wasn't savable—before she finally came to Addison. He also knows that his wife has practiced this surgery so many times she could probably operate with her eyes shut.
It's a difficult surgery, and she's down there making it look easy.
"This surgery's so cool," an intern marvels, ripping Derek from his thoughts.
"Yeah," another intern agrees. "And Shepherd's pretty easy on the eyes too."
"Shhh," a third intern warns. "Her husband's sitting right over there. He might hear you."
Derek shakes his head. Normally, this type of talk would irritate him. And it kind of does. But he's not going to make a big deal about it. Because this is Addison's big moment, and he doesn't want to do anything to take it away from it.
He knows everyone else in the gallery is focused on Addison's technique—her undeniable precision. But he's not. He already knows she's a deft surgeon.
He's focused on what a good teacher she is.
She didn't have to let a resident scrub in on the surgery. In fact, most surgeons probably wouldn't. But Addison had insisted. She said it was a good learning experience. And while she's a surgeon first, she's also a teacher who has a responsibility to mold the next wave of surgeons. And she takes that responsibility seriously.
And as he continues to watch her, he can't help marveling at her patience … the way she takes the time to explain things to the resident. It's what makes an excellent teacher.
It's what makes an excellent mother.
He can't help the smile that forms on his face at the thought. He and Addison want kids—they always have. It's just lately he's finding himself thinking about it more and more. They've reached a point both personally and professionally where he thinks they could handle kids.
And he wants kids with Addison.
He knows this for certain. But he also knows they have all the time in the world. So, he sits back and appreciates his wife's brilliance.
~ I'm walking too far ahead ~
He remembers the surgery in vivid detail. And he kind of wishes he didn't.
Because of all the things it brings up.
He wanted kids with Addison. He can't remember a time when he didn't. And now … well, that's a can of worms he can't afford to open right now.
"Do you think things would have been different if we'd had kids?"
Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and he realizes he accidentally asked the question out loud.
He blushes brightly. "I, uh, I meant, um …"
"I always wanted kids with you, Derek," she admits vulnerably.
He swallows thickly. He knows this.
He runs a hand through his hair nervously and meets her eyes. "Why didn't we?" he asks softly. "We both wanted to. Why didn't we?"
Her eyes widen, and he wishes he could take his words back. Her world is crashing down on her; and while some of it may be her own doing, some of it isn't. She has enough on her plate, and he didn't need to heap onto it with a question like that.
But to his surprise, Addison isn't focused on him.
Vivian is waking up.
"Vivian," he prods gently. "Vivian, do you know where you are?"
He watches as Vivian's eyes move from him to Addison. And even though she doesn't say a word, he detects recognition in her eyes.
"It's okay," Addison tells her mentor warmly when she sees Vivian struggling. "Take your time."
A wide smile spread across Vivian's face, and Derek instantly feels lighter.
"I hope you two weren't here this whole time waiting for me to wake up," Vivian yawns.
Addison and Derek exchange a smile. Vivian's voice sounds exhausted, but she's comprehensible. In fact, she's downright witty.
"How are you feeling?" Derek asks.
"Okay, I guess. Tired."
"How's the pain?" Addison asks.
"Manageable."
Derek nods. "Just tell us if it's not. We can increase the pain medication. Well, technically, Addison can't. But I can. Are you feeling dizzy?" he asks, growing serious.
"Nope."
"Lightheaded?"
"No."
"Good," Derek smiles. And he and Addison breathe sighs of relief—breathing in unison.
"Are you two okay?" Vivian asks, raising an eyebrow. "You both seem a little flustered."
"We're okay," Addison smiles. "We're glad to see you awake."
Derek glances at his wife. He knows her choice of wording was deliberate. She purposefully didn't say 'We're glad you're okay' or 'We're glad you pulled through.' These things have yet to be determined.
"What have you been doing while you've been sitting here waiting for me to wake up?"
At that, Addison and Derek exchange an uncomfortable look.
Do you think things would have been different if we'd had kids?
"Just talking about the past," Addison says with an overly cheerful smile.
"And medicine," Derek adds. "We were reminiscing."
"The past and medicine," Vivian approves. "Two of the very best things."
Derek's not sure about that. But you don't argue with Vivian Carlsmith—you just don't.
So, he gives her a warm smile … and a little white lie. "Vivian, I couldn't have said it better."
