SUEVIVOR: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! And thank god for on line translators! I owe them so much! Oh, and I got the number of the chapters all screwed up on the last chapter. I thought this should be chapter 6, but the chapter list says the last chapter was. So here's seven.

CHAPTER 7: THE DATING GAME

All the Mary Sues had left their ship and gone to see Mary. Mary was staying back at her house and was still depressed because of missing the last challenge.

"Poor Mary," Ally whispered. "I would kill myself if I lost this game!"

"Really?" Catalina said. "Well, then I'm sorry I caused your death because I'm gonna win!"

"Oh bite me."

"So, was being a cannibal fun?" Jade S. asked Ally for the millionth time.

"I told you it was awesome! I don't want to talk about it anymore!" Ally said through gritted teeth.

Mary sat in a big arm chair, wearing a bath robe and eating ice cream out of the container.
Liza was doing her hair to make her feel better and Jessa was watching soap operas with her.

"No, really, I'm glad you guys are doing well on the show. I just…just c-can't believe I lost!!!" Mary burst into tears.
This went on for about an hour before Jade H. said it was time to go.

"Yeah, it's too bad Mary's off the show," Jade H. said as she lead them back to their ship. "She never even got a chance to go out with Jack for her next challenge."

Everyone stopped. "….What?"

Jade H. smiled. "Yep. That's your next challenge! It's called The Dating Game. Each of you will go on a date with your fan fic boy friend and whoever has the most cliché, Sueish date wins immunity!"

All the Sues started screaming and ran into the ship to get ready.

XOXOXOXOXO

Jade H. was waiting for them on deck a while later. All the Mary Sues looked better then ever thanks to make up on their already flawless faces. Plus their clothes were really hot.

"Alright, when I call your name, I'll announce who your going out with and you'll go. First up: Jessa!" Jade H. said.

Jessa looked surprised. Catalina was supposed to go first!

Jessa nervously stepped forward. Jade H. smiled at her. "Congrates, you got Jack!"

"YAY!!!" Jessa screamed.

XOXOXOXOXO

"OK," Jade H. told Jessa and Jack. "Your scene is you telling Jack all about your travels as a stowaway. Ready? Go!"

Jessa was standing on the deck of the for some reason empty Black Pearl. She gazed up at the stars. She decided that was romantic enough, stars, moonlight, Jack, and her secret weapon.

Jack, this time having a script, came up with her.

"Hello, Jessa," he read.

"Hello, captain."

Jack grinned. "I like the sound of that. So, why did you say you were hiding in my ship?"

"Because I could not marry that horrible man. I escaped my abusive parents by hiding on a ship. Not this one at first, I have been on many."

"That's so tragic. It must suck to be so pretty that everyone falls in love with you," Jack read, frowning.

Jessa sighed. "It really does suck. I have traveled all over the world by being a stowaway,"

"Really? I bet that was fun."

"Yep. I learned tons of languages."

"Say something."

"Il cricco, l'amo. Lei è la luce nel mio buio. Ho bisogno di lei. Possiamo avere il sesso adesso?" Jessa said in Italian.

Jack gasped. It wasn't part of the script, but hearing her speak the language of love was almost to much for him to handle. "W-what did you say?"

"I said, 'Jack, I love you. You are the light in my dark. I need you. Can we have sex now?' "

The camera guy was conveniently holding a lap top and went to a translation web site to see if that was true. What she really said was: 'The cricco, the hook. She is the light in my darkness. I need of her. We can have the sex now'
The camera crew started laughing.

Then Jessa turned to Jack. "Ou ce mieux est ? Oui, le Cric, vous êtes vraiment incredable. Je vous aime avec tout mon coeur et ne veut rien plus alors pour nous être ensemble. S'il vous plaît pouvons-nous avoir le sexe?"

Jack leaned on the rail of the ship to keep from falling over. "What…what did you say there?" He gasped.

"That was French for, 'Or is this better? Yes, Jack, you are really incredible. I love you with all my heart and want nothing more then for us to be together. Please can we have sex?'

Again the camera guy translated what she really said: 'Or this more better is? Yes, the Jack, you are really incredible. I like you with all my heart and does not want nothing more then to be for us together. Please can have us the sex?'

"You got it, hotty!" Jack cried, jumping on her. Jessa smiled. French and Italian. Works every time.

"OK, guys, there are children watching! Well, they MIGHT be, but still stop that. Seriously, this is a family show!" Jade H. cried, banging Jack and Jessa's heads together till they stopped making out.

"Next up, Catalina!"

XOXOXOXOXO

//Catalina//

Catalina's scene was on where she and Jack got drunk on a beach. Jade H. stood by the camera crew and they waited till she said, "Action!" So there she was, laying on a beach late at night, next to a fire and pouring rum down her throat.
Jack was telling her all about his adventures at sea and was slurring his. "…And then they made me their chief," he was saying.

"¡Dios, yo soy atascado aquí con un borracho imbécil!" Catalina muttered.

"W-what's that now?" Jack asked.

"I said, ' God, I'm stuck here with a drunken moron!'" She told him. "I speak Spanish, you know."

The camera guy went to see what she really said and it wasn't that funny: God, I I am stalled here with a stupid drunk!

"Well, that's very interesting," Jack said. He went to drink more. Then he realized that the bottles were all empty.

"It would appear that we are out of rum," he slurred.

"It would, indeed," Catalina agreed.

"Then we shall have to find some other means of keeping ourselves…..entertained," Jack smiled suggestively.

"Sparrow, I don't think I've had enough rum for that!" Catalina said, getting up.

Jack caught her by the arm. "W-what if I told you that you were by far the most beautiful woman in the Caribbean?"

"Then I would say I know," Catalina said impatiently.

"OK, come on! You know you want it!" Jack said.

"Please," Catalina scoffed. "I've been with plenty of pirates. You just want some of this!" She started striking suggestive poses.

"Are you kidding?! Have you seen how many fics there are staring me and a Sue?! All I have to do is leave this fan fic and I'll get twenty of you!"

"You can't leave till my author says you-" Catalina started to say, but Jack jumped on her and started…well, it was almost like he was devouring her face. Yes, it was so romantic.

"Wow, that was good!" Jade H. said, walking up to them. "I like the fake argument. Good job, guys! Next up is Jade S. Yay!"

XOXOXOXOXO

//Jade S.//

Jade S. was laying in her hammock with her hat over her face. Jack came into her room.

"So, your this Captain Jade I keep hearing about," he said.

"Yep."

"So….pretty famous captain that mysteriously came out of nowhere, huh?" He asked.

"Yep."

"….strike fear into the hearts of everyone who hears your name, right?"

"Yep."

"…Pillage much?"

"You want something?"

"Do you like me more then Will?" Jack blurted out.

"Ahhh….Ya know…Kind of…Yeah," Jade S. finally said.

"Ha ha! Will owes me fifty bucks!" Jack jumped up.

"You guys bet on me? You care about so much that you would do that? Ohhhh! Come 'ere!" Jade S. pulled Jack onto the hammock with her.

"Cut! Good job, you two! OK, the next Sue up is Liza!"

XOXOXOXOXO

//Liza//

"Liza, your scene is when your telling Jack all about how your from the Twenty first century and all that. Ready? Action!" Jade H. said, backing away to the cameras.

Liza suddenly burst into tears. "Oh, Jack! I have such a dark secret!" She sobbed.

"What is it, love?" Jack asked, faking concern.

"I must confess. I AM a time traveler!" Liza buried her face in her hands and sobbed uncontrollably.

"Don't cry! I love despite the fact that you come from a highly advanced world and have seen all my movies so can probably tell me if I live or die and all that!" Jack said, patting her on the back.

"Oh Jack! Your so great! But I don't deserve you! I lied to you for so long!" Liza whispered.

"Oh, I always knew on some level. Your clothes are so much hotter then ours!" Jack said. "Please don't cry. I really do love you."

"Shhh," Liza whispered, putting her finger on his lips. "You had me at 'clothes.'"

"Aaaaand…Cut!" Jade H. said as they started kissing. "Great scene you guys! I was really moved! The next Sue is Ally!"

XOXOXOXOXO

//Ally//

Ally and Jack were standing in front of Jade H., who was giving them instructions to their challenge.

"Ally, your going to tell Jack all about your Oh So Tragic Past ™ and Jack will be swept away by your angst. Got it? OK, action!"

"Oh, Jack! I can not love you! The last time I loved someone, he tried to kill me six times and cheated on me with my evil twin!" Ally said, making huge tears form in her eyes. Before Jack could even open his mouth, she had turned away and started going into more detail.

"Yes, Jack, it's true. I was a streetwalker! I was young and poor and very pretty, unlike now when I'm so old! I fell in love with someone who came to see me, but then walked in on him with…//sob// Serena! I had been so happy, putting all my trust and love into this one obviously desperate dirt bag, and I got my heart broken! I was finally off the streets, and look what happened. Now I can never love again!"

Again, Jack went to say something, but she rambled on. "Of course, I didn't believe in love from the time I watched my parents die. When I grew up on the streets, I had to beg for food. Then a nice old guy showed me how to steal. Then he //sob// died! He was killed by a rouge chicken! I've never been able to love, trust, or eat chicken from my early childhood!"

One last time Jack tried to say something, but was interrupted. "Then I got caught stealing and was beaten half to death! I managed to escape and that's when I became a streetwalker. After my love broke my heart and tried to kill me, I was miserable and that's when you found me! I have never been so happy as I am when I'm with you!"

"Then why can't we be together?" Jack asked quickly before she could say anything.

"Oh, I forgot. Let's just skip to the Post Tragic Past Revealing Sex ™!" Ally said, hoping onto Jack's bed.

"Cut!" Jade H. said, wiping her eyes. "T-that was so tragic! You poor thing! OK, you can go back to the Sue Ship with the others and wait there until the voting ceremony."

XOXOXOXOXO

//voting ceremony//

All the Sues stood in front of Jade H., who held the pirate hat.

"Mary Sues, you all did really well today. Jessa, that was amazing what you did with the French and Italian there! You made Jack fall in love with you for real!" She said.

Jessa giggled. "Well, any proper Sue can do that!" The others glared at her.

"Uh huh. Liza, that was some good crying on cue we saw out there. How'd you learn that?" Jade H. asked.

"Oh, well, I've just been in so many fics where I have to cry. You sort of just learn," Liza explained.

"Great. Well, lets announce who won immunity. The winner this week is…."

TWENTY MINUTES LATER.

"…Ally."

"Yay!" Ally cried.

"Now, Ally, you can start the voting."

Ally skipped up to the hat and placed a name in the hat: "Sorry, Jade S."

After everyone had voted, Jade H. took up the hat again. She pulled out the first name. "First vote, Jessa. Next vote, Catalina. Liza. Jessa. And the next person voted out of POTC SUEvivor is….."

TWENTY MINUTES LATER.

"….Jessa."

"Nooo!!!" Jessa cried, falling to her knees.

"That's right, girl! You though you were so good! But I can speak languages as good as you can!" Catalina shouted at her. "You think only you're a 'proper Sue'? I can speak both Portuguese and Spanish!"

"Yeah, well I can do French, Italian, German, Chinese, Japanese, and every other language known to mankind and some that aren't!" Ally shouted back.

Catalina looked like she was going to explode. Then she took off her earrings and tackled Jessa to the ground.

"HEY!! GET OFF OF HER! OH, THAT'S GOTTA HURT! SECURITY! SECURITY!!!!" Jade H. screamed.

"Uh, OK, see you guys next week!" She cried and the remaining Sues ran off to their ship.

END OF CHALLENGE 7.

NEXT WEEK ON SUEvivor: The Mary Sues are forced to see what life without their Sueishness would be like when their next challenge involves getting a job.

A/N: I think the next challenge will be my favorite! Now, go on and review. It doesn't take much time to make me really happy, so just do it:D