Holy fuck. I feel like it's been forever since I updated this, and I am so sorry. -_-"
Anywho! Special people who deserve glomps and digital cookies: TheDyingStory, kiwistickers, and julixjui. Y'all motherfuckers just step right up to claim your prize. CX
Karkat's POV
I grumble unhappily to the lanky clown of a troll with me. Gog knows why, but once again, I had allowed him to persuade me to come to another one of these get together things that John threw every year. Every year, I'd only really know a handful of people, and the rest would be John's friends or John's friend's friends or Eridan. Every year, I would return home entirely exhausted by a catastrophic day of endless misery and bickering amongst ourselves. And every fucking year, John's "best bro", Dave Strider, would be there.
The fact that he shows up every gogdamn year baffles me considering the fact that he claims that he's too cool for Egbert all the time. I only ever really run into the guy at these little reunions John insists on. He says he's really into "sick beats and irony", but he's proved on multiple occasions that he doesn't have a single fucking clue what irony even is, and his music sucks ass regardless of what he says.
He is your typical douchebag through and through. His very presence is absolutely infuriating to me, but I think the worst part about the dickwad is that he forces me to like him- and not just a little bit either. I have to force myself to get angry with him just to remind myself that this guy is a fucking asshole and would only screw me over even if we got together.
So, here I am at a park on a chilly fall day with my best friend and moirail, Gamzee, waiting for the others to show up. The others come in twos and threes mostly: Rose and Kanaya; John and Dave; Terezi and Vriska; Aradia, Sollux, and Feferi. Don't misunderstand- plenty of other people are arriving. I just don't give enough fucks to actually list them all. What's important is that within half an hour of our arrival, the park was filled with sixteen obnoxious teenagers.
The prying eyes of parents are clearly waiting for us to vandalize something so they can call the cops. One or two look entirely willing to call the cops without us actually doing anything wrong. I see one younger parent staring at me in particular. I flip them the bird and stand a little ways away from the crowd. Maybe this way I won't be associated with these morons.
As I watch them have all have their obnoxious reunions, something or someone sharply jabs me in the back. I whirl around, reaching to the sickles I keep with me at all times, entirely ready to cut a bitch. Of course, it's just Strider being an insufferable douchebag as per norm.
"What the fuck are you doing, you incompetent piece of shit?" I snarl out, still half tempted to cut a bitch.
"I am challenging you to a completely ironic, all out battle to the death." He says with his usual masquerade of stoicism. Now that he's got my attention, I see he's holding a long, semi-sturdy stick the way people in the movies hold swords. He's gotta be kidding me.
"Shall you meet my challenge?" He raises a single eyebrow. He must have practiced that in the mirror for hours, because there's just no fucking way he could do that otherwise.
Even though I wanted to kill the fucker a couple of minutes, I find myself hesitating now. John says this guy's older brother is a fucking ninja, and that he's training Dave. Of course that could be John trying to get one over me. For that matter, it could be that Strider was bull shitting the kid. None the less, I'm kinda nervous to fight the guy.
"You chicken, Karkles?" he teases, smirking.
I speak without thinking. "Fuck no. Give me a stick; I'll whip your ass with it until you're crying for your mommy!"
"My mommy is dead." He deadpans, casually. He tosses me a stick fairly similar to the one he's got.
I brandish it with ease, trying to bait away the thoughts of how much of a disgusting piece of shit I am for saying that. I fucking knew his parents were dead. Why the fuck did I say that? Gog, I am such a gogawful, moronic-
"Yo, dude. We gonna fight or what? Cuz if you're too afraid of this amazing Strider skill I'd understand... that you're a fucking pussy."
His voice brings me out of my self-hatred so I can breathe. I glare at him, and lunge with the stick, feeling like a two-sweep old idiot.
I very quickly learn that the hype around his fighting skills is pure bull shit. He's always on the offense, not seeming to understand the fact that sometimes it's best to give a little ground and go on defense. All of his blows are extremely predictable. His feigns are obvious. His stance is too narrow. He holds his stick in an awkward way that makes it difficult for him to ever accomplish much more than a poke with it.
He shows no signs of upset. I, on the other hand, am actually kind of embarrassed for him. It's easy to see he's struggling, and that's with me going relatively easy on him. If his brother actually is a ninja, he's obviously not helping Dave at all. This guy wouldn't stand a chance against John for crying out loud!
I put him out of his misery, "killing" him with a swift stab to the stomach. He drops to the ground in the most fake, goofy show I've ever seen. He spins around, falls on his ass, and clutches his "wound". I cross my arms and roll my eyes, doing my best to resist the urge to laugh at his antics.
Seriously, he's barely on even ground with a fucking wriggler. Someday, this guy's gonna get raped and killed in an allie all alone. The fucker wouldn't stand a chance. With this in mind, I find myself demanding that he get up so that I can show him a little about fighting.
I go over my mental check list of shit he was doing wrong before beginning my tirade. "So first things first: spread your legs some. You can't-"
"Ooh sounds kinky." he interrupts me, smirking. Clearly, he's proud of himself.
"Strider, kindly shut the fuck up before I make you." I'm not going to lose my patience with this asswipe right now. This is fucking serious and he needs to get this shit straight or he's gonna end up in a ditch somewhere, dead.
He moves his feet apart some, though I can tell he wants to say something to that. I don't let him make whatever smartass remark he has in mind, immediately launching back into fixing his technique a little bit. "Your arms too; they don't need to be so close together."
He moves them apart, but he does it too much, leaving his torso entirely undefended. I make a snap decision that we're not going to play that whole game where he goes from one extreme to the other to piss me off. I step right up to him and put his arms in a fairly reasonable position.
I look up into his eyes- scratch that, his glasses. I fucking hate those things. Suddenly, I get an extreme urge to take them off. It's not the first time I've wanted to do something like that, but this is the first time that I wanted to take them off gently rather than slap them off his face. I fight down the temptation to steal his glasses, glancing away.
Instead of doing something as relatively reasonable as taking off his glasses, I find myself doing something way more hazardous. I kiss him. I stop as soon as I realize how much of an idiot I'm being. "Fuckfuckfuck I'm so sorry. That was so fucking stupid. I don't even know what I was doing. Fu-"
Before I can apologize again, his lips are on mine, and we're kissing. I hear some hollering and whistling from our gogawful group of dumbasses. I start to pull away because of them, but Dave holds me in place. Gog knows I'm blushing like a fire truck by the time he removes his lips from mine.
I always wanted to hide the truth about my feelings for this asshole, but maybe, just maybe, that's not necessary anymore.
