Last chapter for this year guys. Thanks for all the reviews. oh yeah two things. About the party where Veronica was raped. I changed it a little. I never quit understood how the thing with Duncan worked. So I only have Veronica being raped by Beaver. Let's just pretend Duncan never stumbled in that room shall we. And second euhm, I'm not actually sure if the trip she's makign is making any sense. No idea if she's actually driving the right way. Or if maybe it's going to fast.
Happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Veronica drives again.
She doesn't really know how long she's been gone. Only that with each passing minute she feels liberated. Sure she still feels the pain. Sure she still feels dirty. But it gets better. She wonders if the people she passes can tell she's pregnant. She guesses it's still to early for that. Sometimes she finds herself scared. Scared and betrayed.
Sometimes she wonders if it will be a boy or a girl.
She wants to tell her father. But she's not ready for that. She's grateful that Jake wasn't told. He'd never held that information from her father. She actually expected Jake to show up at the hospital. He never had. She'd wondered why. But then she remembered. She remembered that he wasn't her father. He had no reason to come and see if she's alright.
Veronica has no idea how longs she's actually been gone.
She doesn't care either.
Then she finds herself in New york.
She'd always wanted to come here. She'd always wanted to see this city. Lilly had wanted to as well. They had actually made plans. They were going to go in the Christmas holidays. The holidays that never came for Lilly. Veronica found the tears pricking in her eyes, as she thought of her best friend. That bright and beautiful girl who would never do anything again. Who's dreams would forever be locked away.
Forgotten over time. Just like hers.
Still there was something about New York. A part of her – the part that's in pain. The one that wants to run away – wants to go. Keep driving. The other part - a part that speaks with a voice that is remarkable like Lilly's – is telling her to stay. They had made plans. And just because Lilly isn't here doesn't mean that she can't. She will do it because Lilly would want her to live.
That's what Lilly would have wanted. Veronica is at least sure about that.
She spends the weekend there.
She finds her camera somewhere in the bottom of her bag. She hadn't really realized she'd packed it. She supposes it's logical. She took that thing everywhere. It made Logan crazy. She'd snap pictures at the craziest times. He found it pretty funny when Dick was doing something crazy again. But she also had pictures of him doing something ridiculous. She supposes she could have used those this year.
But she wasn't like Logan. She wouldn't hurt him just to feel better.
She takes the camera. And for the first time since Lilly died she takes a picture. She's sure the pictures ruined because she cried and her hands shook. But it doesn't matter. Because she's doing it. She's living. And she's finding the things she has lost. She had always loved photography. And just because Lilly isn't here doesn't mean she can't find happiness in it. She ends up asking several people at different points to take a picture of her.
She'll send them to her father. Then at least he'll know she's alright.
Logan wishes he could turn time back.
Turn it back to that party. Maybe if he'd never kissed Yolanda. Maybe if he and Lilly had never broken up. Maybe she would have lived. And if she had lived then everything wouldn't have gotten so screwed up. It's not his fault. He hadn't killed Lilly. And Kei…Mr mars – he keeps calling him Keith. He's so used to it he can't stop – didn't have to accuse the Kane's. He hadn't make Veronica choose. She had don't this all to herself. She had chosen to stand by her father.
Lilly's voice resounds in his head.
Telling him that it is his fault. That Veronica didn't have to choose. That he is the one that decided there should have been a choice. What did it matter what Keith believed? He was only doing his job. And Veronica loved her father, he knew this. But it didn't mean they believed the same things. But he prefers to believe it is all Veronica's own fault.
That way he won't have to feel so guilty about what's he's done.
If only it worked that way.
Jake did go to the hospital.
He'd taken a plane together with Clarence. He had even gone inside the hospital. But she had been about to leave. One look at her and he saw the difference. She didn't look so lost anymore. She wasn't so broken anymore. She looked more like the girl he remembered. Like Lilly's best friend. More alive. He hesitated at the door. A part of him, perhaps the biggest part, wanted to go inside.
But something was stopping him.
He knew that if he would go inside he would break the spell He would force her to face what she didn't want to face. He would make her face the pain. He would make her face what he did to her. And he had hurt her so much already. He couldn't take away how good she felt now. So he just stood there. As she walked outside and drove away. He did tell Clarence to follow her. Without her knowing of course.
At leas that way there's always somebody there to protect her.
He goes back home.
Veronica smiles.
For the first time she truly smiles. She's happy. She wishes that Wallace was with her. He'd been a good friend. A great friend even. She thinks that Lilly might have liked him. She would have liked him only because Veronica did. But she thinks that Lilly might have liked him on his own as well. She wishes Lilly could give her some kind of sign she's going the right way.
The happiness doesn't last long.
She picks up her pictures from the store. And then it hits her. As she goes trough the pictures. She's all alone. There's nobody there. There's no dad smiling. No Logan by her side. There's no Duncan that loves her. No Lilly that takes up all the picture. There's just her. The pictures are empty somehow. There are so many things missing. Tears shine in her eyes.
This isn't how things were supposed to be.
She breaks down.
She sinks down next to the bed. And cries. Simply cries. There's the dry sobs of broken girl. She's crying and barely breathing. She doesn't know what to do. She's scared and alone. And she just wishes she could turn the clock around. Go back. Back and never go on. She feels sick suddenly. She had almost forgotten about the baby. She should really eat.
She's like a broken doll. Sad and alone.
She cries and screams. She climbs in her bed eventually. She pulls the covers over her. And she just wishes for sleep to come. Sleep and please god no nightmares. She can't sleep. She can't do anything. The tears won't stop coming. She reaches out for her phone and dials a number. She hears the familiar voice fill her ear.
'This is Lilly. Can't come to the phone because I'm out living my fabulous live. You know what to do. Love you al.'
She begins to sob again. 'Lilly. Please. I need you. I need you. Please Lilly. Come back. For me. Please.' She keeps crying.
Eventually the line goes dead
Again Happy New Year!!! And thanks for the reviews.
