The phone rang a number of times before Callie's automated answering service picked up…"you've reached Callie Torres, I'm on a temporary vacation so leave a message."
A vacation, I wonder where, and why? Callie hadn't mentioned any vacation, but our communication lately had not been the best. Maybe Webber was still around, I'll just drop by his office and check.
I took one look in the mirror at the blasted outfit, tossed my hair a bit and thought; whatever, let people think what they want, I'm Dr. Erica Hahn 'heart-god' after all.
-- -- --
"Richard, do you have a moment?"
The man was sitting at his desk reviewing that days OR activities. The hospital was Webber's heart and soul along with all those who worked here.
"Of course Dr. Hahn…What can I do for you?"
"I was wondering if you knew where Dr. Torres was?"
"Yes,"
"And…"
"She took a short leave…something more of my surgeons should do…take some time, so they can continue to perform up to expectations."
"I was wondering if…"
"I can't tell you anymore Erica; What ever Dr. Torres reasons for needing a leave are hers, and hers alone, just let it be."
My heart plummeted, my face fell, I was on the verge of a breakdown; one I wasn't sure I wanted to share.
"Erica, is there something else…I should know?"
"Sir…I…Dr. Torres…We…I don't know."
"Erica, Callie appeared to be totally healthy and fine when she came into my office to ask for her leave; she looked a little confused…like life had been a little rough on her, she said she needed some sun…I believe she headed south…I'll say no more about this…I think that you are a very capable, intelligent, woman…you'll get this all figured out."
I left Webber's office, exited the hospital with as much dignity as I could muster and made a beeline for Joe's. My brain had indeed deduced where Callie had gone, I just didn't know why…or what I was going to tell Mark.
"Dr. Hahn…you look…wow, just wow! Is it all for me or were you expecting someone else?"
"Shove it Sloan…Not a good day."
"Okay, fine… did you um…ya know?"
"Can we please just talk about this like adults, and not pre-adolescent junior high girls?"
"Sure…so where is she."
"South." I didn't really want to tell Mark anything, but if Richard could play this game so could I.
"South, huh…you didn't actually talk to her did you?"
"No…I asked Webber, but I did call her and leave a message. And all Webber would give me was South, and that she had taken a short leave, and that I should drop it."
"Well, what should two consenting adults do, when they find they have all sorts of extra time on their hands?"
"Mark!"
"It never hurt to ask."
"Next time it might…" I said under my breath.
-- -- --
I figured I would give Callie some time, but if I hadn't heard from her in a few days I would give her another call.
There was a horrible tension that existed in my life. I knew that part of it was that I hadn't talked to Callie since that kiss…that amazing night that had flipped my world upside down, and caused me to feel things I had shoved to the back of my heart, because one does not get to the top of any field without sacrifice.
The days drug by…I taught Yang a lot…more than I would have thought I wanted to, but we had become companions of a sort. At least she understood hearts like I did.
I broke down once and dialed Callie's number, but hung up when the answering service picked up. I hoped where ever she was, she had gotten herself worked out because I needed all the help I could get.
Every time I closed my eyes all I saw was her…her arms extended toward me…her body welcoming mine like no one before…I didn't know what to feel; or what to do, all I knew was that Callie had opened a door, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't close it.
"Dr. Hahn."
"Sloan."
"So this is where you hide out when you don't want to be found."
We were in a recovery room down at the end of some slightly forgotten hallway; I had my charts strewn about…there was some shelves, a wheeled stool, and a bed in the room.
"What do you want?"My mind was too consumed for games.
"How are you holding up?"
"I should ask you the same."
"No really…come on Erica…New leaf."
"Honestly?"
"Honestly…"
"I don't know how I'm still standing. I don' know exactly where Callie is; I'm confused, I hurt all over, I feel…I just feel."
Mark opened his arms and, somehow, I found myself in them…and blast it all to hell…I was crying…no, sobbing on his shoulder.
"Shhh…Shhh…It'll work itself out…shhhhhh."
I looked up at him with my tear stained cheeks "New leaf, huh?"
"It sucks sometimes being the good guy, but I sleep better at night."
I laughed a little…
"Sometimes it helps to talk things through, just like with a surgery—sometimes you have to talk your way through it before actually doing it."
I climbed up on the bed…and Mark wheeled the stool over and sat.
"I don't even know where to start."
"Well the beginning usually works best."
"I don't know where it began, but I do know when it began to matter…"
"When did it begin to matter?"
"I know you remember the day I kissed her in the elevator…"
"Yeah, very vivid memory."
"Well, at the time, it really was just a joke, I really just wanted you to shut up with the threesome thing, because it's just gross…and…and I can only handle one person anyway…"
"Okay…but what changed?"
"I did…we all did…you started you new leaf…no one would talk to me…I had all of these thoughts and feelings running around my system. The more I tried to make a joke out of that night, the less of a joke it became…I'm not one of those people who can just kiss someone; I knew that, but I did it anyway…I don't know why…And then she had to go and kiss me the other night…and now…I've never felt this way before…like a part of me is missing…"
"Erica…"
I looked at him; I hadn't been able to while I was speaking. He had his head down, and his arms on his knees…he wasn't looking at me…he appeared to be trying to figure out the right way to say something.
"Erica…do you love her?"
"What?"
"Do you love her? Do you wake up every morning needing to see her face? Does your heart long to have hear near when she's away? Is she the last thing you think of before your head hits the pillow? Can you continue to live your life if she never comes back?"
"Mark…"
"I'm serious Erica…look I may not know exactly how you feel, but I have been in love before…"
"Do you miss her?"
"Callie?"
"No…Addison?"
