A/N: Crack and drama alert! Not to be taken too seriously, just laughed at and enjoyed.
Chapter 6
BEFORE THE CALL
Saturday 2:16 PM
The boys stop over at the nearest liquor store before going to the chapel and Austin almost cries as he watches Razor go to town with a roll of duct tape, putting long streaks of it where the door should be. Once they're ready to get back on the road, Razor stops, gazing at a homeless man begging for change. He's filthy and has no pants on yet he's wearing a rather expensive-looking dove gray jacket and a white oxford.
"Um, guys," Razor scratches his beard, "doesn't that guy's outfit look familiar to you?"
"Ray, get in the fucking car."
"Jeez, okay, okay." Razor shakes the feeling, ducks and slams the working door after him.
The Infinity Wedding Chapel is a quaint little place between a Laundromat and a pawnshop. The outside is painted a sickening, bubblegum pink and the sign is missing letters. Austin's duct tape mobile is the only car in the lot, which isn't exactly surprising. The inside of the chapel is small, just as pink and just as tacky. Plastic plants make up the décor along with white plastic chairs instead of pews. Basically it's ugly as fuck.
"We can't waste any time," Nicky says nervously as they walk down the long center aisle. "Let's just hope they keep records of who—"
"AAAYYY!"
The guys jump, startled by a sound from the back, resembling the noise those blue freaks in Avatar would make as they rode around on the dragon things. Turning around, they find a busty brunette in a tight zebra-print dress and a cowboy hat atop her caramel curls. She has makeup caked on and long, fake eyelashes. She sucks on a lollypop as she approaches them with arms flung open. The nametag that bobs up and down her cleavage reads: Bambi.
"Boys, you're back!" The woman swings her hips as she walks up to them, giving each of the men a hug. By their confused expressions, the Sigmas have zero memory of her, but just let her hug them anyways. Razor even fully embraces the woman as if she was his own mother. He has always loved hugs.
"Came to pick up the wedding photos, huh?" she asks. "Now, I can get that right for yah. Sorry Sawyer ain't in right now. He went out to get us some lunch."
"Um, Sawyer?" Nicky asks weakly.
"Um, Sawyer," the woman mimics him and laughs, pinching Nicky's cheek. "Oh, Nicky, as if you'd forget the man who married you and the little Mrs., now would you? Okay! Now, I was just looking at the wedding pictures. They came out beautifully. Make yourselves at home! As if you didn't already last night."
The woman winks at them before she walks to the back, swinging those hips. Staring after her, Razor murmurs, "I think I love her."
Ignoring Razor, they each pull up a plastic chair and wait patiently for Bambi to return. "Oww, now, it being Vegas, we get a lot of crazies in here on the daily, but you two were such a lovely couple! Hand to God, I've never seen two young people more in love!" Bambi hands Nicky a folder and the groomsmen crowd around. He takes a deep breath and flips it open.
They're typical wedding shots except they aren't. It seems to be Star Wars themed with appropriate costumes, plastic light sabers and backdrops of deep space and the Death Star. As shitty of a situation as this is, having no memory of the night before, looking at these pictures and seeing how incredibly happy (and incredibly drunk) they are is hysterical.
The only one who doesn't grin or laugh is Nicky who's pale as death.
"Shit, Nicky, you married Satan."
In the center of every photo is Nicky dressed like Han Solo with the white shirt, open at the neck, the brown vest, black skinny jeans, the utility belt and pistol. He has his arm around Kelly Parker whose face is almost as red as Nicky's, looking like she's having a blast in her white gown and her hair up in Princess Leia-esque buns.
"Holy. Fuck." Austin taps his finger on the photo. "I WAS YOUR BEST MAN! HAZAH!"
Indeed, at Nicky's side, Austin is smirking, wearing a furry Chewbacca suit, the head tucked under his arm and him holding the Darth Vader ring out to show the camera. Faith is to Kelly's left and now it makes sense that she wasn't a show-girl-slash-sex-slave, but was wearing Princess Leia's slave costume. Max and Damon are standing next to her and dressed like storm troopers. Then there's Razor dressed like C-3P0, his arm slung around a short, curvy blonde dressed like R2D2.
"Wait, the blonde, but…what…how…?" Nicky looks extremely confused. "Huh?"
"YES!" Austin excitedly pumps his fist in the air. Dreams really do come true! "Can this get any better? Man, I wish we could be as awesome as we were last night all the time! HA! See, Max, even your negative energy couldn't defeat love!"
"SHIT!" Max shouts. "Kelly Parker is wearing my grandma's ring! Maeve's ring!"
"Damn shame, but hey, look how happy we all are!" Austin says. Clearly he's ignoring the fact that every other photo someone is falling to the ground in drunken laughter or chugging something. Austin flips the page to the next set of photos. "Razor, man, control yourself. You're totally making out with Hot Blonde during the nuptials."
"Who is that blonde hottie attached to my lips!" Razor practically screams.
"But she," Nicky stabs at the photo album with his finger, "was in my bed!"
"Nicky, shhh. It's okay," Austin says soothingly. "Either A) you and KP had a hot threesome with Hot Blonde, B) you and Razor had a…crowded threesome with Hot Blonde or C) foursome. Nice. From where I'm sitting none of those options are too bad." He nudges Nicky and winks. "I'll pray for option A just for you, buddy."
"Oh God. What if she's dead?" Max asks. "What if Kelly caught you two screwing after the wedding and killed her and got us to hide the body and then she left us to take the fall and is halfway to Mexico!"
Nicky groans with his face in his hands. "How do we not remember any of this?"
"I don't know, but by the look of these here pictures she was with me last night so if a vulture isn't pickin' her eye out in the middle of the desert then I call dibs," Razor says, clearly concerned that she was in Nicky's bed at one point last night. "Bambi, who is the lovely bachelorette #1?"
Bambi shrugs. "Beats me. You called her Babe and she called you Boo…when you were making sense that is. You two were so sweet too. We almost pulled a double wedding but Max's American Express maxed out and you were dead set the Visa was for emergencies and the surprise for later that night, whatever that means."
The man with the MoMul goes pales. "M—Maxed out…?"
"Oh honey," Bambi coos. "What happened to your sexy British accent?"
Max blinks. "My what…?"
"Hey Nicky! Look! Yoda married you!" Razor says enthusiastically. The photo shows them at the alter and a midget—presumably Sawyer—stands on a stool, green face paint, ears and all, holding what appears to be a Bible. "Man, this is like a fanboy's fairytale wedding."
"Yep," Bambi agrees. "We were going to call it that, but it ended up being the Deluxe Star Wars Package instead. And I must say I've never seen a wedding party get so into it before! At one point y'all were acting out scenes from the movie." Bambi puts her hand on Max's arm and smiles. "You're such a sweet cousin, paying for all this."
"Wait, I paid for your wedding and gave you grandma's ring, but you still chose Austin?"
"In your face! Ha! Empire scum!" Austin shouts in his face. He almost topples over in his chair from the way he's rocking from side to side with such excitement.
"Bambi," Max says tersely. "Refresh my memory. How much did this wedding cost?"
"Our standard rate," she answers. "7 grand."
Now Max looks like he's going to be sick.
"Look at it this way," Razor clasps Max's shoulder sympathetically, "at least in these wedding pictures your hair was still normal."
That's so obviously unhelpful no one even bothers pointing it out.
"Oh dear. If it makes a difference, Maxi, you wanted to choose something more traditional, but Austin insisted, said there was something about Kelly's hair being up like that and the lil' nugget, Faith, damn persuasive," she continues. "Okay, while you boys keep looking I'll go get the rest of your order."
Nicky, super pale, looks up so quickly he gets lightheaded. "There's more?"
Bambi just pinches his cheek again, laughs and walks away.
"This isn't happening!" Nicky yells. He shoves the book away from him and Razor gladly takes it for a closer look at the blonde bombshell that was apparently his wedding date. Looking ready to curl up in the fetal position, Nicky chants, "No. No. No. No. No."
"This is awesome!" Austin just can't help himself. He isn't even doing it to be annoying. He really thinks this is the best thing that's happened in a long time.
With the look on his face, Nicky plainly disagrees. "Shut up, Austin."
Tapping his chin and sighing, Austin responds, "If my memory serves me right once upon a time you were desperate for KP to marry you. Well you got your wish, Brother Russo. Now we really have something to celebrate here!"
"Except for the fact that we broke up six years ago," Nicky bitterly mentions.
"Then after ignoring each other for three years, you started up your friends with benefits things again, obviously couldn't stay away, ignored each other another two and now you're married! Not exactly a fairytale, but, hey, that's Nickelly!" Austin is damn proud he coined their couple name. "Plus, at least it's someone you know and not a hooker like we thought. And Damon was with us at the time and there's a chance Kelly knows what's up. Faith is with her now. We'll find em'. This is a good thing, Nicky. Jeez. You are just as negative as Max."
Before they can start putting things together, Bambi comes out with a stack of cardboard boxes on a dolly. "Here's the rest of the package!" She flips open the flaps of the first box. "Two dozen commuter mugs. Four different poses."
Reaching inside, Bambi pulls out a mug and hands it over to Razor who's closest to her. Razor holds it out and models it for the brothers. The mug has a photo of Nicky and Kelly emblazoned on it. On one they're back to back, posing with laser guns, another they're holding each other in their arms, the third shows Nicky carrying her bridal style and the last is them fighting with light sabers.
"That is so great," Austin laughs. "You can start every morning with coffee and memories of memories we don't have."
"A hundred DVDs of the ceremony," Bambi continues.
"Aww, for you and Kelly to watch on the anniversary," Razor teases. "Just make sure you keep it out of the reach of the little ones until they're of age."
Nicky clenches his jaw in a very 'I fucking hate you' way. Razor and Austin reach out and tap knuckles behind Nicky's back.
"And last but not least," Bambi says dramatically and the boys start slapping their hands on the arms of the chairs in a drum roll. She then pulls out a four foot bronze shield with bas-relief of Nicky and Kelly making out on it. She waves her hand in front of it and the boarder starts to light up with flashing white lights and plays the Star Wars theme.
"Holy Awesome Balls!" Razor shouts.
"Nicky!" Austin shakes the newly married man by the shoulders. "You have a SHIELD!"
"I want a shield!" Razor yells enthusiastically.
"Me too!" Austin says. "Bambs, can Razor and I get shields too?"
"No. No more spending my money on crap!" Max shakes his head hard. As calmly as he can possibly be, he asks, "Bambi, you don't happen to have any sort of return policy, do you?"
"Sure," she answers, "if you know another couple that looks exactly like Nicky and Kelly. Otherwise, you're shit out of luck, sweetheart."
Max sulks and suddenly his cell phone rings. He pulls it out of his pocket and angrily answers it without stopping to check the caller ID. "What!"
They all can hear the screaming coming from the other end and Max fearfully leans away when he realizes it's the girlfriend. And Max is constantly calling Kelly the devil?
"Maeve, baby," Max says, getting to his feet. He starts to walk to the back of the chapel while the others continue to pour over the wedding pictures and the memorabilia. "Sorry I didn't check in sooner. Things have been a little…hectic."
"Yeah. Kaylie has been trying to call Damon all day, but no answer. She's really starting to freak out," Maeve says and Max winces. "So I was being a good bride's bestie and took her to lunch to try to get her to calm down. Guess what happened then…"
"She called down?"
"No! When I went to pay they declined my card, said it was maxed out! I had to use my own account!" Maeve screams. She is not happy about this. "Max, what the fuck is going on?"
"Maeve, I can explain—"
"Max! Dude!" He looks to the front of the chapel and sees Austin waving. His Aushole senses tingle and Austin can't help, but make a bad situation worse. "You have to see this one picture! You're literally making it rain twenty dollar bills!"
"Max!" Razor shouts. "You bought them a wedding cake shaped like Jar Jar Binks' head!"
"Max," Maeve hisses, clearly hearing his idiotic friends screaming in the background. "Raining twenties? Wedding cake? Bought who a wedding cake? What is going on?"
"May, it's nothing!" he says frenetically. "The guys are just being jerks."
"Hey Max!" Both Austin and Razor shout this time and when the angry man with the MoMul flips them off, the two other groomsmen share a high-five, victorious.
"May, listen," Max says as calmly as he possibly can, "I'll call the credit card company and straighten things out as soon as I can, alright? Promise. You don't have to worry. Not at all."
"Okay. Good," she says. "Where are you guys anyways?"
"Um, honestly, I don't know. I was never good with directions. All I know is we're in the middle of the desert but I'd much rather be home with you," he says smoothly. Max likes to think he's gotten good at telling her what she wants to hear.
"Aww, babe…I'm sorry if I was snapping. It's just that Kaylie's nerves are starting to get to me and you know how I get over wedding related things," she confesses and sounds really sincere about it. "I can't wait to see you. Love you, Max."
"I love you too."
By the time Max hangs up, the others have already said their goodbyes to Bambi and are walking towards him. Both Austin and Razor have their arms full while Nicky trails behind them with a blank stare. They get to the SUV parked out front and load all of the wedding stuff into the trunk.
"Look at the bright side, Nicky," Razor says, trying to lift his friend's spirits. "We always said we'd be at each other's weddings and we were all at yours. Damon included. And if the timestamp is right then he was with us up until 11. That's another hour accounted for."
"And there's a DVD so we can all relive the memories if we so choose," Austin reminds them as they pile back into his SUV. "And will."
"Joy."
"What's your problem?" Austin asks him straight out. "You love Kelly. Always have. You were in love with her when you were casually sleeping together, when you finally started dating and now even if you won't admit it. Be stoked."
"No. I'm not stoked, Austin, and I bet Kelly isn't either," Nicky shakes his head, "Kelly and I are done. In the last two years we haven't talked once. I can't be married! Damon is supposed to be getting married and he's nowhere to be found and now I need to deal with this awkward mess—"
"Nicholas, have you ever considered that maybe neither of you are as 'over it' as you think?" Austin argues. "They say things we do when we're drunk are what we secretly want sober."
"I would never secretly want to give away my girlfriend's engagement ring!" Max intervenes.
"But maybe you do," Austin says. "Maybe after dating Maeve for a million years you just don't have the balls to leave her and giving away her ring was drunk-Max's only way to ensure that you wouldn't ask her to marry you. And, Nicky, face it, Kelly Parker is a manipulative little she-devil but she's the only one who does it for yah."
"And what about you, Austin?" Nicky asks. "Your secret desire is to wear women's underwear and do some weird, probably kinky shit involving bruises on your ass?"
Austin shrugs. "Always said I'm up for anything. I guess anything means anything. I will admit it would be more of a comfort if I could remember the weird and probably kinky shit I did."
"But that's the thing," Nicky says. "We don't remember. All the more reason to freak out."
"Listen, you're my best friend, Russo, and I'm obviously your best friend because you did choose me as your Best Man," Austin winks at Max and Razor, "but it's like when you two broke up, you lost your sexy. Kelly Parker brings out your inner, deeply, deeply hidden sexy. This marriage is not, I repeat, NOT a bad thing. Now, I'll text Faith and see where they're at so you two can talk and we can see what she knows. Everything is going to be—"
SMASH!
The guys jump in their seats when metal bats hit the windshield, making cracks spiral out.
"What the hell!"
Holding the bats are two giant Samoan men in ugly ass Hawaiian print shirts that remind them too much of theme-parties at the frat. They're gigantic, both vertically and horizontally, with mean sneers and tattoos. The boys are petrified. When someone finally makes a move it's Razor, leaning forward to press the button that locks the doors. Like that does any good when one door is made of duct tape.
"Gentlemen," Austin says with his most charming smile. It's a miracle he can even try to be charming when he looks and feels like crap and is undoubtedly scared shitless. "I think there's some sort of mix up here. We—"
"Need a reintroduction, frat boy?" one of the men asks. "I'm Mr. Shut the Fuck Up and this is my business partner Mr. Smash Your Face in if You Don't Get Out the Car."
Max cowers behind Austin's seat. "They're lying. Those so aren't their real names."
"Max, shut up," Nicky hisses.
"Guys, calm down," Razor says. "This must be a misunderstanding. They're just joking. Look. They're from Hawaii. Hawaiians are peaceful. They like surfing and coconut bras. How can they not be nice men?"
The baseball bat slams against the windshield again. "We're from Guam, bitch!"
Both men start beating the shit out of the SUV and Austin actually whimper like he can feel the pain his car is in. After a good thirteen seconds, Austin angrily yells, "Whoa, Mr. STFU, Mr. Smash, can you not hear my car fucking crying!"
"Razor, get the hell out of the car!" Mr. Smash growls. They all look at Razor who innocently puts his hands up in utter confusion.
"That's it." Austin revs the engine and floors it out of there, reversing out of the parking lot and zooming down the street.
"Why did you do that?" Max asks when they've safely left the crazy men behind.
"Really?" Austin says incredulously.
"Maybe they just want to talk?" Max suggests. "Or they know where Damon is?"
"Do you think?" Razor asks. He groans and repeatedly slams his forehead against the back of Nicky's seat. "Why is the mafia chasing us? Where is Damon? I am such a bad Best Man!"
"Ray, cut it out," Austin snaps. "We just need to find Damon and get back to LA. Who cares what happened with those guys? If we get distracted then we're never going to get out of here. We talk to KP. We find Damon. We leave and never come back for a good ten years."
"Or ever," Nicky says.
Austin's phone beeps and he's almost afraid to look incase its Payson returning his call. One hand on the wheel, the other digging through his pocket, Austin finds his phone and checks the screen. "Sweet! Faye is with KP. They're at the Monte Carlo. Hang on and don't lean against the duct tape door!"
Austin takes a hard left turn and Razor holds on to whatever he can to keep from falling out.
-XX-
Flashback
8 YEARS BEFORE THE CALL
"Kelly, I don't see what the big deal is."
"The big deal is people talk and it's annoying," she declares as they walk through the grocery store. Kelly has the list and Nicky pushes the metal cart, his shoulders slumped and his forearms resting against the handles. Kelly won't look at him and Nicky finds that annoying.
"So I called you my girlfriend in public," Nicky says. It didn't feel like a big deal at the time. It felt natural. "They're my brothers who pretty much figured it out with you, oh, practically living with us. I tell them you're officially my girlfriend and now you're pissed?"
"Exactly," Kelly says. "They told their bitchy sorority girlfriends and suddenly I'm getting weird looks from the Zeta Beta Bimbos."
"They're jealous."
"Yeah, because up until now they thought since Austin and Max are big whores that you are too. Now that you announced our relationship status to the world they think, oh, he is capable of commitment. They get it in their heads that they actually have a shot with you and the next thing you know there's some random skank in your bed! Then, of course, you won't be able to resist, you cheat on me and I kill you."
Nicky walks up behind Kelly and hugs her. "You need to explain it to me because it makes no sense how you make paranoid so appealing."
"I'm not paranoid," she says. "If anything I'm predicting the future."
"Not a chance," Nicky assures her. "Kelly Parker, you're the only skank I want in my bed."
Nicky smiles sweetly. With a quick "Fuck you. I'll get the cups" Kelly turns and stalks off. There's a party happening at the Sigma House tonight and to get out of cleaning that pigsty, Nicky volunteered to pick up cups and stuff and dragged Kelly along with him.
"Nicky Russo?"
Nicky snaps free from the spell Kelly's hips always seem to put him under and turns around to find a friend of his father's, the head of the Biology department at the university.
"Professor Moore," Nicky says. "Good to see you."
"You too, son," the man says. He holds out his hand and Nicky gives it a good, firm shake. Professor Moore is very tall and very thin. He has patches of white hair atop his head and an impressive beard. "How's your father?"
"Good. I just went to visit him in Denver a week ago. Working hard as usual."
"Sounds like him," the man laughs. "And how is school going?"
"Tough, but good," Nicky explains. Classes aren't that bad seeing as Nicky actually attends, studies and does his assignments on time. What's hard is trying to keep his lazy, careless brothers from completely flunking out.
"Good," the professor says. "Study hard and keep your nose clean. I wouldn't want to have to rat on you to your dad when we play golf next week."
Nicky laughs. "You have nothing to worry about, sir. I have everything figured out."
"That's good to hear."
Nick has become a master at these types of conversations. With all the different parties he's been dragged to over the years, warned not to embarrass his father, Nicky could probably make small talk in his sleep. Now is the part where they exchange goodbyes, but then there's an unforeseen force at work here. Something happens that really isn't supposed to.
"Hey Nick! Screw Austin's list. I want something sweet that goes great with orgasms."
Nicky inwardly groans. Just act normal, Nicky tells himself. He ignores Kelly's voice, hoping Professor Moore will think it's another Nick. It is a pretty common name. Forcing a smile and trying his damndest not to blush, Nicky says, "It was nice running into you. I'll…see you later."
But what his mind is really screaming is go away!
"Hey!" Kelly shouts cheerily. Nicky feels her presence next to him and hears that hint of evil excitement. She's definitely being embarrassing just to spite him. "I thought we should stock up. It's like you said, I'm the only skank you want in your bed."
Knowing he won't like what he sees, Nicky glances her way. A giant box of condoms. Lovely.
"And," Kelly holds up the can of whipped cream, "desert would be fun don't you think?" Then, as if he isn't already dying inside, Kelly shoves a magazine in his face and goes in for the kill, "Oh, and there's this entire article on this new position that you are going to love."
It's official. Nicky wishes a meteor would come out of nowhere and crash into the store and save him. Gulping, Nicky already knows his entire face is red as he looks back at his father's friend. With her back to Professor Moore, Kelly gives Nicky one of her smirks before she turns around to face the man with fake embarrassment on her face.
"Oh, hi," Kelly says with an innocent, nervous laugh.
Professor Moore smirks. "Well, hello."
"I'm Kelly," she says. "Nick, hold your things," Kelly shoves the condoms, the whipped cream and the magazine into his arms before holding her hand out. "I'm Nick's girlfriend."
"Ronald Moore," he shakes Kelly's hand, "I'm a friend of Nicky's father."
"Of course you are," Kelly says. "Dr. Russo has always had good taste in people."
"Oh, so you've met the doc?"
Kelly's smile falters a little as she answers, "Many times, actually."
Professor Moore looks surprised. "Oh."
"Well, this is nice, but, um, Professor, we have other things to get and…yeah. Goodbye!" Nicky grabs Kelly by the arm and starts pulling her away. Once they're safely three aisles away, Nicky lets out the breath he'd been holding. "Did you really just do that?"
He's in agony and her giggling isn't helping.
"Aww, Nick, your face is so red." Kelly laughs and presses her hand to his heated cheek. She's wearing the biggest smile and Nicky gives her the deadliest glare.
"Not cool, Kel," he says. Nicky drops the embarrassing as hell items onto a nearby stack of soda boxes and sighs loudly, trying to calm down.
"Aww, lighten up, Nick. Have a little fun," Kelly says. "And btw, I'm uncool? Did you hear what he said to me and how he said it? Like it's unheard of that I've met your dad. Please. He loves me. He thought you were gay before he met me."
"Well, it's usually unheard of to bring fuck buddies home to meet the family."
Kelly's face drops. She tries to act like she doesn't care, but Nicky knows she does, especially when it comes to their relationship. Staring up, Nicky tries to get his hot face to turn back to a normal shade.
"Let's just go," Nicky says as he starts to walk away. "We still need to get—"
"Fuck buddies?" Kelly is pissed. "Nick, I just told that old man I'm your girlfriend!"
"My what?"
"Your—"
Kelly stops herself when Nicky smiles. She catches on and isn't happy. Without taking her eyes off him, Kelly grabs the whipped cream, starts peeling off the cap and shaking it.
"Kelly," Nicky says tentatively. "We didn't pay for that…"
She doesn't seem to care, ripping off the cap and starting towards him. Nicky is convinced she's bluffing but backs up just incase. When Kelly attacks, Nicky fights back, but not before there's whipped cream all in his hair, on his face and hands. It's all over the floor and the passing people quickly walk away when they see what's happening. Both laughing, Nicky finally backs her up into the stack of soda boxes and wrestles the can away.
"Nick, don't you dare!" Kelly shrieks, her hands on his chest trying to push him away from her. Nicky laughs, holding the can, feeling powerful. He touches Kelly's cheek with his sticky fingers, rubbing it into her skin. "I hate you."
Nicky grins. "You love me."
When Nicky goes to kiss her Kelly doesn't stop him. She pulls him closer and he drops the can of whipped cream, hooking his hands around the back of her legs and effortlessly lifts her to sit atop the soda boxes. They're making out like two horny teens, blind to the appalled looks they're getting from the other grocery store patrons—soccer moms with young children, a group of nuns, Professor Moore.
When they finally part, Kelly breathlessly murmurs, "I want you. Right here."
"I don't doubt that. I'd even go with it if it didn't mean getting arrested." Nicky laughs huskily. Kelly balls her hands in his t-shirt and Nicky shifts, stand between her knees. "So whipped cream, condoms and new sex positions? You might as well have gone all out, grabbed a spiked dog collar and chocolate syrup too."
Kelly giggles. "What? It wasn't like I was trying to embarrass you."
"How sweet. My girlfriend is such a liar."
"Yeah, well, your girlfriend can't help it sometimes," she quietly says. "If you haven't noticed, she's kind of a bitch and when she's a bitch she knows it makes you upset or whatever and she feels sort of bad…even if it's really, really fun most times."
"Okay, Parks, you need to stop talking about yourself in the third person. It's almost as bad as Austin referring to himself as Tuck the Great." Nicky laughs again. "Seriously though, you're my girlfriend now? Outside of my bedroom?"
"Well, yeah. Since Professor Moore and your brothers are spreading it around it's only a matter of time until everyone does too. What gossiping bastards," Kelly jokes and it makes Nicky grin as he kisses her again. Moments like this remind him why he's so in love with Kelly Parker and okay with the fact that she does pretty much own him.
Abruptly, they hear a throat being cleared. Nicky reluctantly pulls his lips away from Kelly's and finds a store employee who doesn't look very happy with the mess.
"Hey man," Nicky says giddily. He then nods to Kelly. "This is my girlfriend."
Kelly tries to hide her smile by pressing her face into his neck. The whipped cream from her face transfers to his Sigma shirt, but Nicky doesn't seem to care, wearing that grin with pride.
"That's good for you," the man says. He obviously doesn't care, but they don't care what he thinks either so it balances out. "You two need to leave now."
"Okay. We're going," Nicky says. He helps Kelly hop down and heads for the door. "Damn it. This is the closest grocery store to campus and we're probably officially banned, which sucks because I don't trust either Max or Razor with my money and Austin just…no."
Kelly beams up at him. "At least we got banned with style."
"Yes, we're never in short supply of that," Nicky wraps his arm around Kelly's waist. "Why do you think people hate us everywhere we go?"
"Because we're hot and happy and they're all haters," Kelly replies matter-of-factly.
Nicky wears a thoughtful expression for a moment and nods. "Yeah, sounds about right."
Later, Austin blows up both their phones with texts and voicemails, pissed that they're trying to have a party and it's a little hard to drink when there's no plastic cups to put the booze in. Nicky and Kelly don't really care because, one, it's just Austin and, two, when they're parked at some lookout, making out on the trunk of his car, Nicky says he loves her for about the millionth time ever and it's the first time Kelly says it back.
A/N: If you stalk us (like the cool kids do) you know LCTD proposed a Max/KP drunken marriage, but I couldn't. They don't deserve a Star Wars wedding. It's sacred shiz! Btw I'd pimp LCTD's latest, but I feel everyone already read it once convinced the alert wasn't just a hangover-induced mirage (I know I did). It's crazy good. You know you're legit when you have haters drowning in a sea of reviews calling yo shit beautiful. In all, guh, J set the bar. Now I gotsta step up my game!
Secondly, thanks for the grad wishes! What do I do with this free time? All I know is for this week I'm only leaving my bed if there's a fire or a hot pizza delivery boy at the door.
Thirdly, I, like, had this random crack-clouded mental play of future Nickelly having a daughter and Faith and Austin "babysitting" but secretly entering her in those scary child beauty pageants with Faith expertly coaching her 'course and Aus with the t-shirt with her face on it. Then KP finds out and is PISSED, traumatic Momager memories and all. LOL Yes, covet my brain. I blame P-N-F for all the Toddlers and Tiaras talk. ;)
Fourthly, thoughts on the story? Thoughts on my thoughts? Review. Please.
xoxo
